tra$h qveen

The hunger feels like progress.

I have ruined relationships for fear of ruining those relationships.

Nothing is ever going to compare to the feeling opiates give you. Trust me. I’ve tried everything. Uppers, downers, alcohol, so much fucking alcohol. But to not feel anything, mentally or physically, and I mean to be completely numb, that’s something you’re only ever going to get from opiates. And to be honest, I miss being a full blown junkie. I loved it. Almost more than life, maybe that’s why it took over so much. But fuck I miss it. I never felt a god damn thing. And you just can’t compete with that.

Nothing is as close as my teeth are to my tongue and even they bite. If the sun shines all the time, it’ll make a dessert. I’m mostly alone, because it’s better than bad company. I try to make sure that I always stand up more than I fall. I’ve always been the jealous type, but deep inside I’ve always known that jealousy is nothing more than fear of abandonment. I try to keep my mind open to everything, but at the same time attached to nothing. I look at life as a ladder and for each step we take, the view gets better. I’ve learned that pain and happiness is temporary, so after every sunshine I’m preparing myself for the rain. I know that there is people in this world who always have it worse, so I’m thankful that I at least have it better and even if it rains, we all get rained on together. I try to do my best to live simply, so others can simply live

“Wait-” I hesitated before continuing. “I don’t think you know” your eyes stared at mine full of curiousity as I slowly began to speak. “I don’t think you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. Imagine this: my mind is like the sky, it’s filled with clouds and it’s raining most of the time. Everything changed when the sun arrived. The sun eased my mind and filled my entire body with warmth” I carefully took your hand and placed it on my heart. “But most of all, you fill my heart with warmth. You are my sun, and I love you so so much, please don’t ever forget that.”

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

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When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things are. Human beings, in the final analysis, have to survive on their own.