eenland

Tendou keeps his promise: You can see that he is dying to ask you what happened, but he remembers his promise and does not ask you anything about Yamagata’s frat party.

And you’re glad, because the sober version of you has already felt like that while remembering all the shameless things you’ve told Semi to do.

It’s even worse because it looks like Semi has the intention of being friends with you; he actually gives you a smile when you pass by each other during changing lecture halls, or when he finds you sitting with your friends at campus while he’s going back to his dorm.

The one time he caught you on your own by your locker, he had come to say hello to you, and you dropped your 589-page textbook onto your foot, almost coughed up your lung, and then blasted away to the library, too embarrassed to even respond back.

No wonder Satori looks so worried each time he looks at me… It looks like Semi hasn’t told him anything, and he is worried sick about finding out what was wrong with me.

It’s a good thing the week that followed was so jam-packed. You had 3 assignments back to back, and working on it during every minute besides your lecture hours meant that the week passed by in absolutely no time.

It’s a Saturday evening, and your usual Saturday evenings were ordering in food with Tendou, and the mad crazy adrenaline you two synergized together forcing you two to have sex - and these were the best kind, because it was during occasions like those when Tendou was his roughest - impatient and slamming into you with all his might so that he can fill you up before you’re food arrived.

Today, you’re laying in the middle of the bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to a little funk and soul while you wait for your meal to arrive.

It’s a bit sad to eat your food on your own, so you watch old re-runs of your favourite show while you eat.

Halfway into the second episode, you’re interrupted by a call - from a number you don’t even recognize.

Usually, you would ignore unidentified numbers, but you remember that you one of your lecturers would call to - very annoyingly - give unnecessary feedback on everyone’s reports.

“Hello?”

“Oh, thank God. I’d have killed Satori if he gave me the wrong number.”

It’s weird because it’s crazy how Semi could recognize your voice instantly when all you said was a simple hello.

And It’s even weirder that you recognize Semi’s voice, too - Not when most of the speaking he did was in a very groggy, whiny drunk voice.

Hearing him now, his voice is much deeper than you recalled it to be, and your hands start to shake.

“Semi?!”

“That’s me. I asked for your number. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

It’s a bit odd that he would choose you out of everyone he knows and is acquainted with, so when you ask what you can do for him, you can hear a loud sigh from his side of the line.

“Not over the phone, though. Do you know my dorm number?”

Semi Eita is hot. You aren’t going to deny that. You remember everything he’d done and how good his tongue felt as he fingered you as if his life depended on it. The thoughts are embarrassing and it never leaves your head while you finish up the rest of your food, not forgetting to brush your teeth and put your hair up into a bun before you take out your keys and head outside.

Shiratorizawa Academy houses it’s university branch students in dorms divided into two wings of the building. The girls reside in the right wing, and the boys in the left. The academy is actually quite lax about rules, despite this separation; the only rule is that the students were not allowed in the rooms of opposite gender students after dinner at 9 pm.

The gays and lesbians win, for that rule . You think to yourself, finding it a little humorous while you take the lift for the fifth floor. Semi had sent you a text with his dorm room number, and you walk into the hallway, passing by the doors and finally coming across room 514.

Semi opens the door when you give a knock, and he welcomes you in while he gives a little hesitant smile.

No words are exchanged while you enter the room that looks like an exact replica of yours. Honestly, there isn’t much one can do to make their room that much different from another person’s. Because all of the rooms house only one student, the rooms are just big enough to fit a bed, a small cupboard, and a study desk. There’s only so much one can do to decorate.

The bedspreads are neat, and his desk is filled with various textbooks and notebooks, but otherwise, the cramped room is quite clean, for a guy’s place. You glance at Semi, feeling a little awkward all of a sudden, remembering how you avoided him so hard for the week, but you’ve come instantly when he asked for a favour.

“So? What did you wanna ask?”

Semi takes a moment to look at you while he closes the door. The way he takes a step closer to you makes you flinch, eyes going wide and taking a step back instinctively.

“What-”

“Why do you keep avoiding me?”

“Semi, what-”

Your sentence is interrupted when he takes two more steps towards you, and your move back till your back hits the door with a loud smack.

“I’m… not…”

“I didn’t make you go home that night so that you’d avoid me. I just didn’t want to do anything to you while you couldn’t even tell my face from someone else’s.”

“I wasn’t that drunk…” You fib instantly.

“Did you not like it?”

Your jaw drops open. For a moment his upset expression shifts to a little sad one, and it makes your heart race because that was the complete opposite of what your mind was reeling about.

“No! I liked it!” You end up blurting out. “God, I’ve been thinking about you literally every night since.”

While you want to smash your face against the wall in embarrassment, Semi responds with a little blink, tilting his head to the side.

“Then act like it.”

Those are the last words you hear before you feel his body against you, and Semi kisses you in an urgency that makes you moan as soon as you feel his tongue on your lips.

“The way you act in public and the way you do when I touch you are worlds apart.” Semi states in between kisses, his fingers rubbing circles on your skin from underneath your shirt.You’ve never felt so cornered and so embarrassed, your face heating up already because even the way Semi kisses is you insane, like he wishes you to devour you while he has you pinned against the wall.

“Please…”

“Lock the door.” He says, moving away, and as fast as you open your eyes, they shut right away when he begins to kiss your neck. Your entire body is shaking by now, legs feeling so wobbly as you try to keep your little whimpering sounds as quiet as possible and reach a hand out towards the door. Your hands are shaking like crazy while you lock the door, and Semi does not waste a single second, taking a step away from your neck - which instantly makes you frown - and asks you to strip.

You take a few seconds to get over the high.

“What?!”

“I’ve been really, really patient for long enough.” He says, taking your hand and leading you to the bed where you sit down, legs still feeling way too wobbly to keep standing. “So strip.”

The way he runs a hand through his hair is so hot, and you’ve always known that he was really, really good-looking, but it’s the first time you’re actually attracted to him, so your hands are shaking a lot while you unbutton your shirt, undoing your bra and standing up to take off your pants. Semi cups your face, kissing your lips once again and you lose focus a bit while you try to take off your panties.

“Please, please, please. ”

Semi softly makes you sit down, still not breaking the kiss and you can hear him unbuckling his belt, the sound of his jeans dropping down making you feel wetter than you already are. You slowly open your eyes, watching the way his eyes look a little hazy and half closed, biting at his bottom lip while he peels off your panties and throws them away.

He leans in, and you move back, lips meeting once again feeling his tongue once again in your mouth while he gets on the bed, slowly leading you to the head. When you rest your head on one of your pillows, you aren’t able to open your eyes because you can feel two fingers sliding inside you without warning.

That makes you gasp, the sound of his fingers going in and out of your cunt so loud that you find yourself turning red in embarrassment. You open your eyes, barely able to see the way Semi watches your every move, and eyes going a little wide when you grab hold of chunks of his hair from the pleasure.

Instead of adding more fingers, Semi bends down, tongue slowly swirling around your clit and making you arch your back.

You could swear your brain short-circuited for a moment when he softly sucks on your clit right as he inserts two fingers inside your cunt, curling them inside and making your legs come closer together at how different it feels, like he knew your body so well to be curling in right at the place that makes you see white.

When you pull at his hair and moan once again with shaky legs, Semi rubs his lips on your clit, and you’ve never ever felt this way, so much that you come right away, all over Semi’s fingers.

Your head reels, and you open your eyes, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but Semi...

Semi is surprisingly, agonizingly slow in his actions - much more so than Tendou.

And not just that, but Semi is mad stubborn.

You learn this from the way he glances at you with his face smeared with your juices - and then plunges another two fingers inside you again.

“S-Semi!”

“You finally called my name.”

“S-Semi, don’t-”

“What? I thought someone like you would want another orgasm right away?”

Your eyes go wide at what he said, and before you could say another word, he licks inside your cunt again, his agonizing rubs on your clit making your stomach form yet another knot right away, your legs shaking much, much more than it did the first time.

You feel so good, but you’re so embarrassed that you try to close your legs, calling his name - But Semi holds both your legs tight and apart, tongue never leaving your clit for a single second, pressing kisses and sucking so softly that your legs shake like crazy.

You don't realize just how much he had you under his control, until you come all over his face yet again, your entire body shaking while you have your eyes shut tight at the electrical feeling you’re experiencing.

“[Name]. How do you feel?”

You finally open your eyes while you try to catch your breath, and Semi is hovering over you now, pecking your lips softly before he slowly lies beside you. You extend an arm to the side, and Semi raises an eyebrow, saying nothing but coming closer to you, burying his face into your chest.

“I will never get enough of that, oh my God.” You mumble, wrapping your arm around Semi’s neck, feeling his hot breath on your chest. You think you hear him chuckle, you think you even heard the rustling of clothes, and you think you also heard the door close, but you can’t recall anything while you slip from the little line between consciousness and sleep.

“I don’t mind not getting a reply, because I know you like me too, Noonim.” He replies, when there’s no reply from your side. His ears have gone so red that even when Jungkook gets up from on top of you and walks towards the computer chair he still has a hand covering the bottom half of his face in embarrassment.

You feel like you snap out of your daze when you sit up, wondering just how far things would have gone between you and Jungkook if he didn’t get up himself and you had let him go on with whatever it was in his head that was now making the male flush red, not daring to even look back to meet eyes with you.

You wouldn’t have stopped him since you’re such a horny b-

Minji really needs to shut up.

“Noonim, you’ll be going to Busan too on your library trip tomorrow, right?” Jungkook asks, out of the blue.

“We’re going to a lot of places. The seniors have requested a lot of paperbacks we don’t have, so we need to collect them from the other branches.” You say, standing up when you see Jungkook doing the same and making his way out of the room. You wonder if Jungkook is upset about earlier, but he has a smile on his face as he heads out to where his bike is parked outside the building.

“You’ll need to get enough sleep if you have to wake up early to head out, [Name]-noonim!” Jungkook has to say, patting on the back seat of his bike. “I’ll take you home!”

The home date that Jungkook has been gushing over so much feels like it got cut off so abruptly, and you feel so guilty thinking it is your fault, while you hold on to him as you cycle back home without much to say.

You still make sure to give Jungkook a kiss on his cheek, his face flushing red when you lean back and give him a wave.

“Let’s go to the beach when you come back, Noonim! Also, if you get the time, you should drop by my Dad’s restaurant for a meal!”

You give him a thumbs up, letting him know that you definitely will, and watch as he gets on his bike and cycles off.

Why does it feel like something between us got cut off just now? Jungkook was smiling, but he has never been the one to end the date, it’s always been me…

So, what gives?

---

“Kim [Name]. Do you have a moment to spare?” Namjoon asks the next day, standing by the doorway of your room.

“Come on in, Joonie. What’s up?” You ask while you fold up some clothes to take for your weekend trip… Even though calling it a trip doesn’t feel right since it’s something you and Taehyung are doing for extra-credit, not for fun.

Maybe if this trip was with Jungkook, it would be a fun trip-

You shake your head to take away Minji’s - your subconscious self’s- mind away from the gutter for one god-forsaken minute.

“I have to catch a bus in a few minutes, so I don’t have a lot of time to wait to chat… I should have talked about this earlier but..”

You look up from your duffel bag, suddenly getting a little worried why Namjoon sounded so serious out of nowhere.

“Joonie, you sound a bit scary right now. What’s going on?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

Namjoon laughs, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on your bed. “It’s not something like that, don’t worry. I just wanted to talk to you before you left on a trip with Taehyungie.” He explains. You nod, motioning for him to go on.

“I know you’ve started something with Kookie and everything, but… And it’s not that I’m against it, since you’re an adult and everything.. But it’s just that sometimes, I think you and Taehyung have this bond that just crosses over to a line a little more than just friends.”

Your lips part open at his sudden words, and Namjoon looks like he does not plan to stop talking any time soon.

“It may be just me - but I highly doubt this. You two have this bond that makes me feel like you’re soulmates, and I don’t know but… I think you’re very very cautious in front of Jungkook which I never see you behave like in front of Taehyung. You two have this behavior of taking care of each other, and I sometimes notice it in the way you two look at each other… It’s like the way Jungkook looks at you, but the way you look at him isn’t the same.”

“Joon-”

“And I don’t know if it’s just things I’ve picked up or am looking into too much because I’m taking my philosophy and psychology lessons way too seriously, but as someone who has seen you from the day you were born up until now… That’s how I feel.”

You take a deep sigh as you process his words, picking up a sweater and stuffing it into the bag.

“I’m not telling you to act on it, I’m only saying that it’s something that crossed my mind and I wondered if you were able to notice it or you just stayed and smiled your way through and let things flow the way it just goes on without taking a proper decision on your part.”

“Joonie, you’ve made my trip with Taehyung turn so weird.” You say. You don’t think you can admit it to Namjoon, that it wasn’t just him, that you always felt an odd feeling when it was around Taehyung. You had, though, never considered that those feeling and him staying in your head about every little thing could be because you had actual feelings for Taehyung… It sounds almost impossible in your head, if anything.

And you had a boyfriend, an adorable one, at that!

“I’m sorry. But I just wanted to say something so you can be cautious… And not hurt Taehyung’s feelings if something ever happened.” Namjoon stands up, kissing your forehead and patting your hair a little before he gives you a wave.

“Wait, what do you mean-”

“Oh, by the way, Taehyung’s already downstairs waiting for you, so hurry up, okay? Have a good trip, [Name]-ah!” He says quickly before he makes his exit right away.

Ugh… Now you knew you would think about Namjoon’s words the entire trip. Great.

---

“So, will today be a random mix on Spotify kind of day, or may I give you the honor of listening to my amateur instrumentals playlist?” Taehyung greets, as soon as you two climb onto Namjoon’s car to set out for the library expedition.

You’ve packed some kimbap rolls and juice to have on the way to Busan which will be your first stop, and the bags of clothes you two have packed and stuffed at the back of the car for a simple two-day trip is no joke. But then again, getting to travel to multiple cities during college days in difficult after all, and you were determined to take pictures and pretend you’d gone on multiple trips and not just one, thanks to this opportunity.

Maybe that would help take away your mind from all the stuff Namjoon said earlier.

Dammit, Kim Namjoon.

“Show me what you’ve got.” You say, and watch while Taehyung flashes a beautiful smile at you and connects his phone to the speaker system of the car.

“These ones have some mad-crazy piano work, I learned some thanks to Yoongi-hyung.” He starts, the first few chords of the instrumental making you look up at Taehyung in awe.

The music is so mellow and soft that you can’t help but ask him a question that always comes to your head whenever you hear what he works on.

“Taehyung-ah… Have you ever had your heart broken?”

The sudden question makes him look away from the road and at you, blinking a couple times before he lowers the volume of the music.

“Why… Why do you ask?”

“Your music always has some kind of nostalgic, melancholic essence to it.” You reply, watching the way his eyes go back to the road. “It’s like you’ve gone through some form of grief or heartbreak, always.”

“I’ll be kind enough to open a literary discussion with you today, [Name]-ah.” Taehyung says. “When do you think is the best time for someone to be heart-broken, if they had to?”

“That’s an odd question. I don’t think there’s any time someone would want to be heart-broken.” You respond, realizing Taehyung has smartly decided to change the focus of the topic from himself. Perhaps he didn’t want to answer your question for some reason and you could understand him, to some extent.

“I think it’s so much better to have your heart broken when you’re younger, instead of having it broken at an older age, you know?”

You take a moment to ponder about his statement, then nod.

“I mean… Think about it. I’d rather have met someone horrible when I’m fifteen, instead of having the same thing happen when I’m like, twenty-five.” Taehyung goes on.

“Because when I’m fifteen, there’s so much more of my life ahead of me. I’d meet more people. I’d learn to be cautious about the people around me. I’d know how to mold myself to be a better person. That won’t happen if I don’t get my heartbroken before twenty-five when all my values are built up. It would be a shock to me, and that would simply make me lose all faith in humanity.”

The respect you have for Taehyung grows a little, his voice also causing your heart to ache a little. It’s something new you feel, and Namjoon’s words float around in your mind a little, making you look away from Taehyung and out from the window.

“Because the more time flows… The deeper it gets.” You mumble.

“Exactly.”

---

The book collection goes well, the first stop being Gwangju. You two had to hurry, though, and were barely able to reach Daegu before night fell.

Taehyung had explained that, since the libraries would be closed by now, it would be best to head there first thing next morning and to go over to his house and get some sleep.

Taehyung’s parents are home, and his mother is a spitting image of Taehyung himself, bright and sunny and welcoming you and making sure you ate a lot and had everything you needed as she lead you to one of Taehyung’s sibling’s rooms.

“My sister is at college,” he explains, watching you put your duffel bag down on the floor and giving him a nod. “We-”

Taehyung gets interrupted by your phone ringing, and you see that it is Jungkook calling.

“Hello?”

“Noonim, hi! What will you be at tomorrow evening?” Jungkook wants to know.

“I’ll be at Busan, Jungkookie. What’s wrong?”

“Great! Can you spare me around 2 hours near sunset? There’s this beach I really want to take you to, at Busan, I used to go there all the time when I was little!”

The excitement in Jungkook’s voice is contagious. You glance at Taehyung who  had walked over to look at one of the posters on the wall.

“Taehyung-ah. Jungkook wants me to spare 2 hours tomorrow in the evening. We’ll be done at Busan by then, right?”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow, taking a moment before he slowly nods and then turns back to face the poster.

“We could do that, yeah.”

“Great! See you then, Noonim!”

After you hang up the phone, Taehyung puts his hands in his jeans pockets, heading towards the door.

“The switch to the heater can be a little confusing but the button is at the back and you have to manually set it, but I think you can get the hang of it,” He says, “If you need anything, give me a call. Make sure you lock the door before you sleep.”

Before you can wish him a good night, Taehyung closes the door of the room, making you sigh.

You could almost hear Namjoon trying to come up with a new theory, and to be honest, you can’t even blame him because, as you lay on the bed and tried to go to sleep, your mind would not let you forget about Taehyung for a single second.

Damn it again, Kim Namjoon.

---

Taehyung is noticeably quieter than he was the previous day, only speaking when it was time to decide what to eat, and asking you to help him with organizing the books. The hours till evening time passed by slowly because of this, so you’re actually glad when Jungkook texts you an address.

Taehyung drives you to the beach, letting you know he’ll be around and will come back in exactly two hours to pick you up to drive back to Seoul.

Jungkook is dressed in a white t-shirt and blue skinny jeans - boldly remaining you of you two’s very first date dressed exactly alike.

“Kookie, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I told my mom you were coming here for a trip and stuff and she asked me to come for the weekend too!” He says cheerfully, taking your hand and helping you walk through the rough rocky trail leading down to the sandy beach.

Despite your mind screaming out a loud ‘Holy SHIT Jungkook talks to his mom about meeeeeeee!’, the water is so, so blue and the clouds are splattered in multiple hues of reds and oranges. The entire scene is so beautiful and peaceful that you can only stare in awe, taking your shoes off and grabbing them by hand while you walk closer towards the ocean.

“Let’s sit here.” Jungkook suggests a spot, and the two of you sit down, watching waves crashing and producing such beautiful sounds.

“This is healing for my soul.”

“Right?”

“Did you ask me to come over here for a reason, Jungoo?” You ask, glancing at Jungkook who has his shoes placed right beside yours. He has a little smile on his face while he nods, not looking at you and instead making little circles with his fingers.

“Jungkook?”

“[Name]-noona.” He says softly, finally looking up into your eyes.

Awww!!!

“Where are we going, Hyungwonnie?” You ask, taking your wallet and bag before you follow him out to the hallway.

“This will be our first date, so we have to go somewhere nice, right?”

You can’t hide the big goofy smile on your face, and it looks like Hyungwon is really proud of himself.

“I didn’t know you were so romantic.”

“Like I said, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He has to say, reaching for the back pocket of his jeans and handing you a single white rose.

A grin forms on your face while you accept the flower look at him, dumbfounded. “Where on Earth did you get the time to plan this?!”

“[Name]-ah, the flower shop near the restaurant next door doesn’t close until 10, did you think I would come to our first date empty handed?”

“I swear, I’m at a loss for words.” You have to say, watching him give a thumbs up and hurry to grab your hand. You hadn’t had a chance to imagine what Hyungwon would be like when he was dating someone, so every little thing he was doing came out as a pleasant surprise for you.

It’s nice to walk freely in the Seoul streets at this time of the night when there are only a few people around and you can wear masks. Hyungwon seems to be at ease as well, and you’re not surprised when he takes you to your favorite cafe a few blocks from the building.

“I think I found another reason to love this cafe even more,” he has to say, as you two enter one of the private booths. “I always loved this place because I can eat in peace here, but now I can come here often on dates with you.”

“You’re so cheesy, Are you really the Chae Hyungwon that hugged me just a few hours ago?”

This makes Hyungwon’s cheeks flush a little - you’re so glad he lowered his mask! - and you have an idea of why, even before he speaks next.

“Well, are you really the [First Name] [Last Name] that... kissed me a few hours ago?”

It’s adorable, the way he said it in a pouty way but hesitated a little in embarrassment. It makes you wonder if things between you and Hyungwon will continue to be like this.

You take a few minutes to decide what to order, and the food arrives in a little while.

Because Hyungwon had already eaten so well at the barbeque during the shooting, he simply had a drink. This meant that his focus was on you and just you. And for the first time, you become a little self-conscious because you’ve caught Hyungwon staring at you multiple times before, but this is the first time he watches you after you knew he had feelings for you.

“Why do you keep looking at me like I’m some kind of seafood pancake?”

Hyungwon chuckles, stirring the ice in his Iced Americano. “I have something I’m curious about.”

“Yes?”

“When did you start to like me?”

The sudden question makes you almost choke on your strawberry drink. Well, you had expected this question - And you were going to ask this from him as well, but jeez, Hyungwon really wastes no time. 

“I’m asking because you started crying when you found out I liked you.”

You suddenly want to dig a hole and crawl inside and never come out again, and for some reason, this feels so much more like old times when you two had wholesome conversations till Hyungwon’s manager calls him.

There were a few occasions when he stayed past the scheduled time, even though he had to pay a lot of his money for the late fine rule Monsta X has.

The sudden thought makes you giggle.

“What, what?”

“Nothing, nothing! And you’re right! I did like you before too, but I didn’t realize it until you were going to confess to me, and that scared me so much because of Dawon, and also because… I’m just a writer for the company, that’s all..” You look up from your plate of food and you see that Hyungwon is looking at you, eyebrows a little furrowed.

“But when I went back home to Incheon, my mom said this was all happening because I was being a whiny baby and I should just let you forget me if I was going to keep on crying and not doing anything about it.”

Hyungwon bursts out laughing, and he actually chokes on his drink. You have to get up from your seat and pat his back multiple times before he is able to drink some water.

“That wasn’t something I wanted to show you during our first date…” He mumbles, shaking his head. “So, I have your mom to thank for this, huh? Was she the one who also asked you to ki-”

“Nope, that was Minhyuk’s idea.”

Hyungwon’s eyes go wide again, ears going red once again.

“What?! How does Minhyuk know?”

“Because,” you start, “He knew we liked each other and he was trying to get us together, not get in between us like you thought and blamed me for!”

This makes Hyungwon put his face on the table, like he was really regretting his actions. You hear a whiny ‘Uggggggh I’m so stupid!’ before he lifts his head up and sighs.

“About what you said earlier,” he starts instead, “When have I ever treated you like you’re just some staff member? You should have known that I wasn’t treating you with simple polite smiles and greets like I do with the other staff. You’re the only person I go for meals with, and the only person I buy strawberries for when you do a good job with work. So don’t ever say something like you being ‘just a staff member’. I’ll get mad.”

His words sound so sincere, like he is genuinely baffled that you would remain oblivious to his feelings.

“Fine, I won’t. I promise. Now tell me when you started liking me?” You smile, eating some food while Hyungwon seems to ponder about your query for a moment.

“Do you remember that time we shared the same schedule in Inkigayo with Shinee-sunbaenim?”

This makes you gape, looking at him in utter disbelief.

“What-”

“When Minhyuk gave you the signed copy of 1 of 1, you looked so pretty when you smiled.” Hyungwon grins, hand rubbing on the nape of his neck. “You smiled so brightly, and I wished I was the one that earned such a pretty smile from you. I knew I liked you since then.”

“But Hyungwon-ah, that was… That wasn’t even long since I started working for you guys!”

This earns a big grin from Hyungwon, nodding as he speaks. “I’m good at keeping secrets.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been four years…”

“I liked you since then, and I can’t keep my eyes off from you… But because I’m a celebrity…”

This makes you mumble a little ‘Ah..’ giving a nod. You’re not sure what he is implying by saying that, but the fact that he’s here with you right now, looking at you with so much love in his eyes… It really doesn’t matter.

“I really wanted to be sure what kind of feelings I had for you. I just know that whenever you play with Jooheon or Minhyuk I get mad jealous. I guess you never noticed that I always take you for breakfast the next day after you do that, so that I can get you to look at me.”

You never noticed that that happened as a pattern, so your mouth is hung agape while Hyungwon bursts out laughing.

“That’s why I know you like me. You’ve been giving me happier smiles after I started to sing for you.”

“Because you sound so dumb!” You two burst out laughing together in unison.

“That really made me think you liked me too, so I got the confidence to ask you out.”

“But I’m just surprised you like me, out of everyone…”

“You’re not going to start saying something like you not being pretty enough for me, like the girls in dramas do, right?”

He completely read your mind!

“It’s true, though, you have to admit I look mediocre compared to you.”

“Shut up. I just told you I fell in love with you because you looked so pretty when you smiled.” He says, which in turn makes you clench your hands at the butterflies forming in your stomach; It’s the first time he said he loves you, not just that he likes you!!!

“I don’t believe in liking someone just by looks, even if I just said that. My heart just grew to like you more and more everyday after I got the chance to easily hang out with you often. It’s not just the looks, you should know this well, [Name]-ah. You’ve seen my face for years but you didn’t feel a thing for me until recently, right?”

“Heheee,” you find yourself nodding, which makes Hyungwon smile back at you.

You can’t help but to look at Hyungwon so fondly. You two barely made it, if anything, and you can’t stop smiling at how happy and how normal it feels, to look at Hyungwon and have your heart racing.

“Yah. Stop staring, you don’t even look at me that much when I’m shooting something.”

“True, I’m always looking at Joo because he’s so cute!”

“Hey!!!”

 ---

 Hyungwon is an absolute gentleman.

The first time you learned this was when he dropped you at your door after your first date, a gentle hand at the small of your back until you reached the company; after which he maintained a little distance.

Because he has different schedules every day, you don’t get to go out to eat with Hyungwon as often as you would like. You still find him hanging by the lounge having lunch with random members occasionally.

The lunch thing becomes a little too frequent as the days pass by, and Hyungwon lets you know that he told the rest of the members beside Minhyuk, and they had decided to help him out, getting out with him with lunch as the excuse.

Today it’s Kihyun and Minhyuk seated in front of you while Hyungwon seats by your side.

“Until how long do you two plan to hide from the company that you’re dating?” Kihyun wants to know, out of nowhere, dipping some fish into the soy sauce.

Both you and Hyungwon hiss, eyes widening that the topic of you two dating is even brought up.

“Heh, you think no one will notice where Hyungwonnie always disappears as soon as his schedule is over every night?” Minhyuk adds more fuel to the fire. “Or not even notice Hyungwonnie entering [Name]-ah’s room every ni-”

“Shut up, you’re gonna give everyone the wrong idea if you say stuff like that!” You hiss, shaking your head. Hyungwon doesn’t say anything, looking very embarrassed and avoiding eye contact with you. His action makes you feel flustered, recalling all the nights he stopped by your room before he went to sleep, just to laze on your bed and kiss you till he’s too sleepy to continue - or gets a call from a manager.

Both of your reactions make the matter only worse, making Kihyun’s eyes go really wide, turning to Minhyuk who has a knowing smirk on his face. That little idiot. He knows nothing and always acts like a snake.

But then again, he adds that spice to variety shows that you, as a writer, always get pleasantly surprised at. So you can’t say you hate it.

“You two are adults and all, but-”

“Ah, please stop!” Hyungwon begs, tapping his chopsticks on the table and creating a little ruckus to interrupt whatever Kihyun was trying to say.

“Kihyunie may be stupid but he has a point this time, kids.” Minhyuk says.

“Who are you calling stupid?!”

“Who are you calling kid?!”

 ---

 It’s a couple nights since then, and Hyungwon finished his practice ‘early’, so he pops into your room at 01:39 am.

It’s actually quite an ungodly hour of the night; you would have been sleeping at this hour if you hadn’t started dating Hyungwon. But even if he pops by for only five minutes, it is worth every second and the amount of coffee you’d have to drink the next morning while you doze off.

“Finished everything?” You ask, smiling up at Hyungwon who is wearing a sky blue sweater, and gray sweats. His hair is still a little damp in some places, like he had used his hair-dryer in a crazed frenzy.

The male nods, closing the door behind him and tightly locking the door. You hurry towards him, and you’re able to see the way he breaks into a smile right before he embraces you.

“I was drained out last night, that’s why I couldn’t drop by to see you.” Hyungwon lets you know, his nimble fingers carding through the locks of your hair softly.

“You must be so tired.” You give a little pout, patting his hair. The male glances at you, smiling at the cute action and giving a little nod.

“I have a really early schedule tomorrow morning, but I’ll have the rest of the day off. Can I come to you then?”

You nod, standing on your tippy-toes, and then pulling on the collar of Hyungwon’s shirt - he’s that tall, yes - and pressing your lips to his.

It’s so gentle; from the way he kisses you, the way his lips graze on your bottom lip, the way he softly licks your bottom lip and has both his arms around your waist. You can feel the heat from his body and every warm breath of his, and you end up sighing into the kiss which makes Hyungwon move a little for air and look at you.

It’s a little embarrassing so your cheeks are flushed but Hyungwon breaks into a grin, pulling you for a hug this time.

“I’ll meet you for lunch tomorrow.”

You give him a wave, watching him pull down his hoodie as best as he can and running across the hallway to his room.

The next day, there is a downpour. You get a text from Kihyun that the boys are in the recording studio for their schedule and you’re thankful that he didn’t have to go somewhere far away and would be unable to come back in time for lunch.

Since you and Shownu share a similar diet plan, you’re having lunch with the male when Hyungwon finishes up his schedule and finally sits down beside you. He looks like he had a long day, as he does not talk much while he eats black bean noodles in a jiffy.

“Good luck!” Shownu gives you a suspicious thumbs up, which makes you very confused while Hyungwon hurries to lead you back to your room. You still had some pages of work left to write up, so you find yourself sitting by the headboard of your bed while the male reads some manhwa from his phone.

This is actually quite a common occurrence recently; doing your own thing but with each other’s company. You like the way you would snuggle beside Hyungwon and kiss his cheek while he’s reading some documents, and he would give in and pull you to his lap so he can kiss you better.

And the other days are like today, where Hyungwon is the one who comes up to you, peeking at your laptop, playing with your hair, and trying to distract you with soft kisses.

If anything, it is working, and you can’t ignore the way he mumbles your name and looks at you like a little child waiting for playtime.

“You’re a grown-up, yet, you act like a kid.” You comment, putting away your laptop for the day and opening your arms. Hyungwon smiles, watching you lie on the bed, facing him.

“I have some good news, [Name]-ah.”

“What is it?”

“One of the songs I wrote is going to be on the upcoming album!” He says, hugging you tightly. Your eyes go wide in surprise, and thinking about all the times he had been complaining about how much revisions he had to do feels worthwhile. You grin, giving him a kiss on his forehead.

“I can’t wait for it, Hyungwon-ah.”

“I just recorded it earlier today.” He lets you know, “I can’t wait for you to hear it.”

“I’m so proud of you.” You let him know, genuinely. You smile at him fondly, and it looks like he could see your sincerity in your eyes, before he pulls you to him and pecks your lips.

Minutes change to hours, and it’s already evening when you two wake up from a nap you didn’t even realize you two had drifted off to. Hyungwon stirs in his sleep, one eye opening when you pull his arm off from you and get up to drink some water. When he realizes he was still in your room, he sits up, pointing at the water bottle now in your hand. You bring the bottle to him, watching him take a couple of sips.

It is while he hands you the bottle that the rough fabric of your sweater rubs against your nipple, and you drop the bottle to the floor at the sensitive feeling.

“What? What’s wrong?” Hyungwon looks at you, alarmed, when he sees you bending down to pick the bottle up in a hurry. “Are you okay?”

You give a nod, taking a step back.

“Why are you acting weird out of nowhere?”

How do I tell him that this is a totally normal thing for girls when we don’t wear a bra? You look at him panickedly, taking a step back when he gets off from the bed and comes towards you. The action makes you flinch again, and you can’t help letting out a little ‘ow’.

“Yah. What’s going on? Are you hurt?” He asks, grabbing your wrists before you can flee with the excuse of getting snacks or something. By now, your face is all sweaty and completely red from embarrassment, and you can’t help but pray that Hyungwon does not notice.

“I’m fine!” You say, and your words and actions are probably not matching because Hyungwon furrows his eyebrows at you, while you feel your eyes getting a little teary from the embarrassment.

“You… Why are you crying?”

God damn it, Hyungwon sure is persistent.

“I told you, nothing is wrong-”

“Yah. You obviously do not look fine. We already had such a big misunderstanding because we couldn’t say what we wanted to, so I don’t want something like that to happen again. We barely made it to this point now, so if you don’t tell me why you’re crying right now, I’m going to get very angry.”

You appreciate that he is thinking about your benefit, but you can tell there is no way he would let go of your wrist unless you tell him the truth.

And that is why you smack your face to his chest, and just take a deep sigh while Hyungwon wraps his free hand around your waist, almost out of habit.

“It’s just a random girl thing and this does not mean I’m horny or anything, okay?! But my… nipples… are hard so it’s ...sensitive.”

There is no response, and you wonder if Hyungwon even heard what you said. Your face feels like it’s on fire as you continue to talk, if only to break the silence.

“It’s just something that happens to girls when we’re not wearing a bra, that’s all… That’s why I kept saying I’m fine…”

Still, silence.

You’re very embarrassed, especially because Hyungwon had instinctively pulled you closer to him, so your chest was already pressed against his. When you move a step away and look up at Hyungwon, you’re absolutely startled to see that his face is completely flushed red, eyes unblinking and just looking at you while you take another step away - and yet, he does not let go of your wrist.

“Yah, what are you saying!” He finally reacts, letting go of your wrist and looking away from you. “Y-You didn’t have to tell me all that!”

“You made me say it though????”

Hyungwon moves another step away, eyes on the floor, mumbling something inaudible under his breath.

“Yah, just ignore what I said, let me just go and change, then it’ll be f-” Your sentence is interrupted when Hyungwon grabs your wrist once again, shaking his head.

“What-”

“I-I’ve wanted you for ages, and now that I finally have you, you… you should stop saying things that make it impossible for me to h-hold in what I feel for you,” he mumbles so quietly that you barely hear him, “Because it’s really, really hard for me.”

Despite how startled you are at his confession, the look in his eyes is so vulnerable, his ears and cheeks still so bright red while he lets go of your wrist, this time in favor of intertwining your fingers with his.

“If you…” His voice trails down, taking a step back and pulling you along, up till he is seated on the bed. He does not look away from you for a single second, then pats his lap, looking at your every action. You feel flustered but do as he instructed, seating yourself on top of his lap and watching as he leans against the headboard before he wraps his long slender arms around your back.

Hyungwon’s lips meet with yours, and this is the first time since the very first kiss, where all the gentleness is gone and he is kissing you like he might go crazy if he didn’t. You gasp when he lightly bites on your bottom lip, using the opportunity to slide his tongue in your mouth.

Your heart is racing like crazy, and it does not help that he has his hands under the fabric of your sweater, warm fingers gripping your hips and back as he kisses you deeper. Your lips are trembling when he pecks your lips softly once before he moves away and looks at you, wordlessly. You wonder if you should say something, but as soon as he glances at you, he pulls one hand up to clutch your cheek, face moving towards your neck and pressing his warm lips on your collarbone.

The new action makes your eyes wide, pressing your lips tight together as he kisses your neck, peppering soft pecks on both sides of your neck, his tongue and lips working together and softly sucking at the skin enough to leave a bruise.

This earns a gasp on your side, and Hyungwon looks back up at you, and you’re even more startled when you see that his eyes have darkened a little, watching you with hooded eyes that feel almost too sinful to look at.

“Hyungwon-ah…”

“I won’t stop unless you ask me to.” He says, and you don’t have time to respond - to even say you don’t want him to stop - before his lips meet with your neck once again, another peck on your collarbone until Hyungwon runs out of your exposed skin.

“Take it off.” He orders, pulling at the hem of your sweater. Your thoughts are traveling a mile a minute up till then, going blank when he says that and looks at you, light tugs of your sweater continuously reminding you of his request. You look at Hyungwon with wide eyes, the embarrassment from before replaced by the one due to his order. You lower your hands from around his neck, hesitating a little in embarrassment.

“Do you want to stop here?” He asks when you pause, a little smile forming on his face when you shake your head in response. “Then, are you embarrassed?”

When you nod your head, Hyungwon pulls his hands away from the bare skin of your back, before he begins unbuttoning his own shirt.

With every button that comes undone you become more impatient, watching him discard the shirt, looking at you with longing in his eyes while you slowly run a hand over his bare skin. You feel a little relieved that his skin is just as warm as your felt, and you lean in a little to kiss his lips.

Hyungwon holds your arms while you have your clutches on his cheeks, kisses becoming more and more desperate until he moves you away and takes a deep breath.

You reach for the hem of your sweater again, this time pulling it over your head and throwing it away. You can’t get yourself to meet eyes with him just yet, still feeling embarrassed about showing your bare body to Hyungwon for the very first time. When there is no reaction from his side, you finally glance back up at his face, and find him looking at your newly exposed skin with lustful eyes. He reaches a hand out to grab one of your breasts, giving it a squeeze that makes you gasp. Hyungwon tilts his head up to kiss you once more, both hands grabbing your mounds and thumb rubbing against your nipples. You bite your bottom lip as he presses a soft kiss on one of your breasts, and when he licks your nipple, you let out the first moan.

This makes Hyungwon jolt up his head in surprise, watching your face as your chest heaves up and down. You think there’s a smirk on his face when he kisses the other nipple, softly sucking in such sinfulness that makes you tilt your head back, clutching a chunk of his hair in failed attempts to hide your moans. You can feel your core getting wetter with every little action of his lips over your sensitive buds.

“Hyungwon-ah, please…” Your voice trails off and he finally lifts his head up, looking at you with hazy eyes, and when he leans in to kiss your lips again do you notice Hyungwon’s hard on pressing from where you are seated on his lap. You mumble his name again impatiently, watching as he softly wraps both arms around your back once again, kissing your lips as he leans forward, making you slowly fall back down onto the bed with a little ‘oh!’.

It’s a different kind of feeling when Hyungwon gets on top of you, hands pulling down your sweatpants to expose your bare legs and panties that are getting wetter with every one of his ministrations. You’ve started to get used to Hyungwon staring at you in general, but this is the first time he looks at you with his lips parted slightly, eyes dark from lust as he kisses your thigh, another hand raking his nails on your skin and not even letting you catch your breath.

“Hyungwon-ah.” You mumble, watching him lift his figure from over you in favor of unbuttoning his trousers, and god damn. You thought you might end right then and there; watching the way his eyes never leave yours while he throws the clothing and presses the visible bulge in his boxers against you.

It’s so, so close, and your moan comes out as a whine as he bucks his hips against you once again. A faint smile forms on his face, affectionately kissing your cheek while he presses his chest against yours.

“[Name]-ah.”

You hum, eyes still closed at how painfully agonizing it feels as he grinds against you. You can barely hold yourself, and it seems like Hyungwon felt the same way, lifting the side of your panties and sliding a finger inside your wet cunt.

Your eyes fly wide open at that, a loud gasp leaving from your mouth. Hyungwon’s face is so close to you, his warm hot breath on your face as he watches your every action. While one hand holds his weight over you, the other pulls your panties down enough so he can easily rub his long, nimble fingers over your clit.

When you let out a moan and close your eyes, Hyungwon softly calls your name once again. You open your eyes, chest rising up and down like crazy now that he has inserted another finger and is rubbing on your clit so maddeningly slowly.

“Hyungwon-ah, please.”

“[Name]-ah.” He presses a kiss on your neck, two fingers knuckle-deep inside you while his thumb roughly rubs on your nub. Your legs have started shaking a bit, especially now that he bends his fingers inside your cunt, as if trying to find something - and he does, such a sweet spot that has your moans increasing in frequency and has Hyungwon watching eyes full of lust and confidence that he is the only one who can see you melt under his touches.

You actually have tears in your eyes when he removes his fingers, coated heavily with your warm fluids. Hyungwon uses his thumb to part your lips, putting his fingers in your mouth and watching you suck all of the juices clean. The bulge in his boxers become more prominent, and you can tell he is holding himself as best as he can before he settles between your legs.

You don’t have a moment to even sigh, before he wraps his arms around your thighs, opening up your pussy up for him to stick his wet tongue inside.

“Oh, Hyungwon-ah.” You moan out his name, once again making him lift his head up and look at you in utter bafflement and thirst. 

“You will drive me crazy before I can.” He lets you know, sighing before he licks your clit, tongue rolling circles around the sensitive little spot and making you moan nastily once again. Hyungwon moves his tongue inside your warmth, licking off all your juices and holding your thighs tight apart when you make the slightest hint of closing your legs.

As if his tongue isn’t sinful enough, he lets go of one of your thighs to scissor his fingers inside your heat. You feel a foreign ache in your abdomen, one that knots harder and harder each time Hyungwon sucks on your clit, rubbing his tongue over and over until you’re moaning his name so loud that he has to warn you to be quiet or he would stop.

So you try your best to do as he said, grabbing two handfuls of Hyungwon’s hair and mumbling his name, arching your back in pleasure at how warm his tongue is.

It’s when Hyungwon starts to curl his fingers deep inside you with a simultaneous harsh suck on your clit that you come undone, all over his face, electricity surging through your veins like crazy. Despite your embarrassment, he licks you off clean, sitting up and using the back of his palm to wipe off your juices that had dribbled down his chin.

The entire scene is so scandalous and so seductive that you sigh, sitting up to meet eyes with Hyungwon before pulling him close to kiss him.

“Hyungwon-ah.”

“Okay.” He nods, and you’re not sure how he exactly read your mind, but you’re relieved when he gets off from the bed, pulling down his boxer pants. His erection is hard, and pulsing, and when he makes his way to the bed, you stop him, getting off from the bed yourself and dropping on your knees in front of his length.

Your sudden action, paired with the way you wrap your fingers around his length makes Hyungwon gasp, eyes widened when you look up at him. The tip of his length is already oozing from desire, and you lick off the juices, the sweet sound of his first moan of the night almost driving you insane. You need to hear that again.

And again.

And again, you run your tongue on his length, and you can already tell that he is impatient, in the way he has grabbed a chunk of your hair and guides your mouth to his tip.

You grab the end of his length, palming it gently as you take him inside your mouth, the sound of your saliva rubbing over his length earning a guttural groan from Hyungwon. You take him in as much as you can,  bobbing your head back and forth and sighing at the way the base of his cock reaches your throat. This earns yet another groan from Hyungwon, his grip on your hair tighter as he bucks his hips in motion with your sinful mouth taking his length in. 

“[Name]-ah.” He mumbles in a moan when you rub your tongue on his tip, much like the way he had been ravishing your clit just minutes ago. The thought makes you moan while you take his length in again, eyes going up to see Hyungwon’s face redder than you had ever seen it before, his entire body trembling as he clutches your hair tight and fucks your mouth like he was going insane.

And that’s exactly the way he felt, and you could tell in the way you can feel his cock throb in your hands, each time his length goes deep inside you while you rub the base.

“[Name]-ah, you’re so-” His words halt when you take his entire length inside slowly, and it takes all of his willpower to not tremble and buck inside you, a loud moan escaping through his beautiful lips and you can’t help keep your eyes locked with his. And he tries his best to watch you, but with every time your tongue rubs at the bottom of his cock each time you take him in, his eyes shut tight, a mixture of groans and moans filling the entire room until he lets go; coming undone all over your mouth.

“[Name]-ah.” He sighs, catching his breath as he watches the way you open your mouth to take in the liquid the oozes out of his tip, licking everything off his tip and rubbing your tongue over your lips to lick off the remains. Hyungwon watches you in what feels like a daze, eyes filled with lust while he gives you a hand and pulls you up.

You think he was about to say something before you press your lips to his, bodies in contact and tasting each other’s fluid in each other’s mouth. The thought itself is enough to drive you crazy, and the way his hands slowly grabs your ass and you feel his length rubbing dangerously close to your wetness makes you moan into his neck.

It felt like Hyungwon thought the same, his kisses so desperate as he leads you towards the bed, making you sit down and lean back as he kisses you till you’re laying on the bed again,

“You’re still not asking me to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop, Hyungwon-ah.” You say, spreading your legs enough just to feel his tip rubbing on you once again.

Hyungwon looks at you, lips parted a little before he sinks a finger inside you, as if to check just how wet you were. Satisfied with the warm wetness pooled in your core, he gets off from you and reaches for his earlier discarded trouser pocket. You are absolutely baffled when he pulls out a wallet and takes a square-shaped packet before he makes his way on top of you again.

“You had planned this long ago, didn’t you?” You can’t help but ask, and Hyungwon shakes his head, chuckling and kissing your cheek.

“No, I really didn’t expect this to happen today, but since we’re guys, we get a big stock of these and we’re always asked to carry one wherever we go.” He laughs, pecking your lips. “I only did this starting from when we were going out, because I wanted you so bad and I didn’t know for how long I could keep my cool.”

You smile, hands on his cheeks and pulling him into a kiss. “You don’t need to anymore. I want you too, Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyungwon sighs into the kiss, and when you rub your tongue on his lips, he pulls himself up from you and you whine at the loss of contact. You watch as he grins at your action, trying his best to take the condom out and sheath his hard, throbbing cock before he looks at you once again.

You open up your arms, and watch as the male comes to you, pressing a kiss onto your lips before he rubs his tip on you once again. You let out another impatient whine, looking at Hyungwon who has his eyes on you as he very slowly inserts his member into your wetness.

You both gasp at the foreign feeling, and Hyungwon intertwines your fingers, resting your hands on the bed as he presses his entire body on yours and leans in to kiss you again.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and his voice is so gentle that the little tears forming in your eyes from his length - god is he big, you didn’t realize until he got inside you - streams down from the corners of your eyes.

“I love you.”

The worry in Hyungwon’s eyes goes away when you tell him that. It’s the first time you had told him that, in response to what he said on your first date and told you he was in love with you.

Such a beautiful smile forms on his face, eyes so full of affection that he loosens one hand free to press it on your cheek, pecking your lips again.

“Hyungwon-ah.” You call softly, and he nods, making him prop one arm on the bed while the other pins your wrist down. Lifting his weight up, he removes his length from inside you, only to buck into your hips and have his tip reaching all the way to the hilt so fast that it has you moaning instantly.

“I love you too. So much.” He says, eyes never leaving you, even for a second as he plunges his length in and out of you. He groans in content at the way your warmth feels, even through the sheath of the condom he has on.

You wrap your free hand around his neck, pulling him even closer. Hyungwon sighs at the contact, a hand reaching to clutch on your breast, and you let out a little cry at the way his squeezes match each of his thrusts. You unconsciously find yourself clenching your walls, the new tightness making a throaty groan escape from Hyungwon’s lips. When you open your eyes, you see Hyungwon biting his bottom lip as bucks his hips and pushes his length inside you, head tilted a little to the back in pleasure while you continue to clench around his member.

You two’s moans fill the room, the sound of sweaty skin slapping together making you wetter and Hyungwon to push inside you with hooded eyes, so you sink your nails into his back; earning another groan from Hyungwon.

“On all fours.” Comes his second order of the night, and you’re whining a little when he pulls his length out of you. You sit up, turning around, hands and knees on the bed. The excitement you feel at not seeing what Hyungwon is up to is insane, and when he presses on your back and pushes his length inside you again, you can’t help but mewl a little.

“Hyungwon-ah!” You cry out, feeling embarrassed when he holds your hips with one hand and uses the other to rub at your clit. The pleasure you feel at being so, so filled up like this makes you unable to control your moans, and you can feel Hyungwon lean in a little, pressing his body closer to you as he thrusts his cock in and out of you. The way he flicks roughly against your sensitive nub has your moans increasing in frequency, his length mercilessly pushing through your folds so much that you press your face to the bed to tone down your voice.

“[Name]-ah.”

You can barely hum in response, legs feeling like it might give out any second. When you don’t respond properly, Hyungwon takes out the fingers inside you, and you lift your head up, whining a little.

“I want to see you.” He whispers into your ear, removing himself from you again, one hand resting on your ass. “Come on top of me.”

The tone of his voice is a little impatient but also stern, and it makes more heat pool at your wetness. You didn’t even realize you liked this kind of thing until today, and you nod, hurrying to get on top of the male who is breathing heavily and waiting for you. His erection is hard and you wrap your arms around it, guiding it inside you while Hyungwon has his eyes shut tight. You take a moment to sigh at how good it feels, and Hyungwon begins to thrust in and out of you again.

Your eyes shut tight, leaning on the bed for support. When you open your eyes, Hyungwon is watching the way your breasts go up and down with every thrust of his. Suddenly, you feel embarrassed, so you lean in to kiss his lips, closing your eyes and sighing when he wraps his arms around your body. He feels so warm, and he tightens his grip on you, his thrusts increasing in pressure and frequency.

You sigh out loud on his neck, kissing and sucking on his warm skin, and Hyungwon lets out a little groan when you clench on his length once again.

“I won’t last long if you keep doing that.” He mumbles into your ear. You give a deaf eat to what he said, because you liked feeling so filled up while he continues to fuck you and hold you so tightly. Despite what he said, you’re the one that doesn’t last long, the knots in your abdomen coming undone as you come while Hyungwon continues to pump his length inside you desperately. His thrusts become slower and sloppier, and from the loud groan he lets out while he sinks his nails into your ass, you can tell that he has reached his high as well. You lift your ass up and down to help him ride out his orgasm, until he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to the side, still connected.

There is silence save for the two of you gasping and catching your breath. His grip on your body is still tight and you can feel his warm breath on your head as he rubs one hand over your bare back. The electricity you felt a little while ago dies down, and you finally lift your head up to face Hyungwon, who is watching you and smiles when you meet eyes.

“Wait a bit.” He says, kissing your cheek and then getting up. You feel a little hollow when he gets off from you, tying up and discarding the used condom into the wastebasket. When he climbs onto the bed, Hyungwon notices the way your juices have oozed out of your wetness, and you put your hands over your face in embarrassment as he continues to just stare at your womanhood without a word.

“Yah, stop staring!”

Hyungwon doesn’t say anything, but instead leans down, tongue licking off all of your wetness and making you gasp in surprise. You blink at him in surprise when he finishes off, then comes back to hold you in his arms. The way he holds you tightly and runs his fingers through your hair softly makes you think back to everything that just happened out of nowhere, something you had barely even thought of even though you two have been dating a while.

"I'm gonna have a hard time covering this up tomorrow, huh?" He says, rubbing a hand on the spot on his neck you sucked earlier, which has now turned into a little bruise. He then leans in and notices the hickeys he left on your neck and chest, and gives a content grin.

The way he’s smiling at you with nothing but love and affection makes you wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your face to his warm, bare chest.

“This is the first time I’ll ask, so please. Stay with me for tonight.”

You wonder if he will get upset at you for saying this, but Hyungwon only chuckles, grip on your body getting a little tighter and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Mmhmm. I won’t leave you.”

“If you say things like that I’m not gonna be able to let you go even tomorrow.” You say, the two of you laughing together.

Even when words are not being exchanged, the warmth you two shared as you cuddled together under the duvet of your bed makes your heart feel safe and cozy. You almost drift off into sleep once again, but you can hear Hyungwon mumbling a little as he begins to doze off.

“I love you, [Name]-ah. I’ve always loved you.” He mumbles, and you smile, thinking back to how much you two cried in mutual pining.

Really, there really is no way to express that you love someone without saying it first.

And as Hyungwon continues to mumble as he falls asleep, he looks so beautiful and you fondly smile, feeling so glad you finally got the courage to tell him how you felt.

“I love you too, Hyungwon-ah.”

The person Taehyung likes?

You suddenly think about the time when you had come home and Namjoon was doing some revisions on a song Taehyung had written, about a girl. Back then, you thought he might have had too much strawberry milk and gotten emo enough to write some good shit for his assignment.

But hearing his words, you realize that he was genuine about what he was saying back then, and it makes your heart hurt a bit.

Who did Taehyung like?

Your heart hurts more as you listen to your brother’s sad little ‘oh’ in response.

Clearly, Namjoon isn’t the one you should be going to for advice.

Taehyung, for one, doesn’t seem to care.

“Like, what if Jin-hyung started dating a friend of yours? You would be sad, right, Hyung?”

“Well…. Yes, I would.”

“And if you find out that it’s someone close to you, that’s going to be even sadder, right?”

There is a moment of silence and you start to feel guilty about eavesdropping, so you decide to go downstairs to create some kind of ruckus so the two would know you were home and close the door, at the very least.

Before you’re able to go downstairs, you can hear Namjoon asking the very question bubbling in your head.

“The person you like is dating someone close to you?”

You’re not sure why, but you’re glad you didn’t wait to hear what he had to say.

---

“So. I need to survive another day with you, huh?”

Taehyung greets you the next day, and his words and actions don’t match at all, because he's holding out a cup of iced coffee for you as he takes his seat behind the library counter.

“I’m trying to finish the assignment we have due on Friday.”

“Oh? You still have a whole week for it, though.”

You open up a new tab on Google, trying to find more sites for citing purposes. “If it’s okay with you, I want to go collect the books on Friday after classes. We finish early on Fridays, remember?”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow, and it’s probably the gray shirt he has on that makes him look really, really attractively confused.

What in heckles is that even.

How does someone look attractive while they’re confused?

Library duty is kinda scary, it makes you find out more stuff about the male that you need to make points for the essay you’ll be collaborating with Seokjin; about all the other-worldly features of Kim Taehyung.

It’s either the shirt, or Minji is just extra horny today.

You decide that the former is a better option, so you go back to your laptop.

“We can go on Friday. We have to go to Daegu, Gwangju, and Busan too, right? We obviously can’t finish the entire trip in a day, so we have to stay the night-”

“Daegu.”

“Huh?”

“We’ll stay at Daegu. At my house.”

That’s kinda weird of him to say that out of nowhere, but you decide that he might just want the excuse to hang out with his family.

You give him an ok sign, and you find yourself smiling a little when you find him pulling out the same assignment sheet you’re working on, from his backpack, and then starting his own work as well.

A little before the borrowing time ends, students line up to take the books they are interested in, so you and Taehyung get a little busy. When the announcement for the end of the borrowing time is announced (in Taehyung’s ridiculously deep voice), you two decide to stay back at the library to finish your assignment before going home.

In fact, you are actually so immersed in finishing your task, that you don’t notice the time until someone taps your shoulder and you find Namjoon, a smiling Jungkook standing beside him.

“Hi, Noonim!”

Jungkook actually does try hard not to call you that when the others are around, but habits are habits, and you’re glad Namjoon and Taehyung don’t make a big deal out of it anymore.

“We’re all going out to eat, Hoseokie-hyung is giving a treat because it’s his birthday! We gotta eat as much meat as we can!” Jungkook announces happily, looking at you with a big grin. You give him a smile, glancing at Taehyung who has closed the lid of his laptop as soon as the two arrived.

“I think we’ve done a lot of work for one day, right? Let’s go?”

“What do you mean, for one day? I’ve finished my assignment.”

You stare at Taehyung in disbelief.

“The fuck?”

“Oh shit.” Namjoon says, making you glare at him. Only when you see Jungkook’s slightly bewildered face, do you realise you’ve probably cursed for the first time in front of the younger boy, and it makes your face heat up while you turn back to face Taehyung.

“How did you finish it so fast? And why are you staying here if you’re already done?”

“I’m an amazing guy, [Name]-ah. You need to give me a fuckton more of credit.” He has to say, cooly picking up his belongings and throwing them all into one big salad bowl (aka his hugeass backpack). “You weren’t done, so I was waiting for you.”

What?

While Namjoon and Jungkook head outside and Taehyung follows you after you pack your belongings, you ask him how long it has been since he’s finished his work.

“I think, 2 hours, maybe?”

“Why the fuck,” you hiss, “Did you not go home?!”

Taehyung looks a bit annoyed right about now, and you want to yell because how dare he have the audacity to look annoyed?!!!

“Like I said, I was waiting for you!” He yells, this time making Namjoon and Jungkook who are walking ahead of you also, to turn around to look at Taehyung. When he sees the two looking at him, Taehyung takes a deep breath and glances at you.

“Leave me alone and go with your little boyfriend.”

Then, he storms off, and Jungkook looks as blank as you feel like, and you don’t know how long you’d have stayed, watching Taehyung walk through the length of the hallway and disappear if Namjoon did not snap you out of your trance and asked you to hurry up.

Who pulled Kim Taehyung’s panties into a wad today?

---

Taehyung colors his hair black for the next day.

It’s so out of the blue, and the incessant way everyone makes a big deal out of it seems a bit understandable.

It really isn’t fair, how good the guy looks.

Yoongi hasn’t even finished that song he says he’s writing about a really stupidly attractive man, yet, and it isn’t fair because you really could use a listen to that song right about now.

Even while Jungkook - a really hot kid - sits right beside you, you can’t help but just stare in awe because honestly, there is nothing - human or extra-terrestrial creature included - that could beat the beauty and attractiveness that is Kim Taehyung.

Minji is shaking her head because a) How dare you say two words like  ‘hot kid’ that should never be even put together in the first place, b) Because Jungkook and you are dating, right? Or is it pre-dating? Does that exist? Wait a second-

“Noonim, I’m going with Jimin-hyung and Taetae-hyung to the arcade after classes are over,” he says, “Can we go on that date I mentioned tomorrow, instead?”

“What date?” Seokjin butts in out of nowhere, in the middle of taking a bite out of his grapefruit tart. “Is this why you asked me to stay out of the house until late at night tomorrow?!”

Seokjin, obviously, is a meathead, and a really dumb one, at that.

Multiple things happen at once.

The first one is Jungkook standing up from his seat so fast that he almost spills the bean sprout broth bowl on his tray.

The second one is all eyes turning to Seokjin, which in turn, makes the elder male’s ears turn bright red and him starting to mumble nonsense to himself like a lunatic.

The third one is Jungkook getting off from the bench and dragging Seokjin away from the lunch table, all while Hoseok, Hani, and Hyojin seem to be enjoying the entire ruckus.

Only when you glance at Namjoon do you remember that Jungkook had mentioned he has a roommate… and that roommate was Seokjin, himself.

“You’ve started doing what with Jungkookie now?”

“Shut up! He just asked me to go see his animations and paintings, what are you talking about, Namjoonie?!” You protest, eyes turning to Taehyung, who runs a hand through his hair, takes a final sip of his cola, and then heads out of the cafeteria - a pastel pink-haired Jimin running after him.

Namjoon blinks, and then continues to eat his food, much like Yoongi who sees and hears nothing because of the radio show he’s busily listening to while he gobbles up his lunch.

If only everyone was like Min Yoongi.

It’s ten minutes later when both Seokjin and Jungkook return, the younger one apologizing to you like crazy, even when Jimin comes back a while later, saying Taehyung had some assignment to complete beforehand.

“I don’t know about you guys, but didn’t I bet these two will get it on within a month?”

Apparently, Seokjin doesn’t know when to shut up, and you’re very glad Namjoon has already left by then and that Hoseok does the honor of punching the elder male in the back for spewing nonsense - which he claims is the truth.

This is going to be a long day.

---

You’re driving to college the next day with Namjoon only, for the first time in what feels like ages.

You’d been dreading questions about Jungkook that he might have, but it isn’t about the date you’ll be going on after classes today that worries Namjoon, but something else, entirely.

“My precious sister. We did promise that we would share our secrets with each other, did we not?”

“We did, my precious brother.” You play along, watching the little koala keychain hanging from the mirror inside the car.

“I am not going to question you about why or what you’re going to do with Jungkookie, that’s none of my business,” he starts. You shake your head, mouthing ‘It is, Namjoonie’, which makes your brother smile a little.

“Thank you. I’m not going to question it, because I know my sister well and I trust my little sister. What I’m only going to question is one thing. Are you sure of the choices you’ve made, till now?”

“What do you mean, Joonie?”

You watch as he scratches his head a little, not saying anything for a while as he steers along a few curves and stops at a red light.

“I’ve noticed that your thoughts have been wandering a lot recently.” He points out.

“I don’t get what you mean.”

“What I mean is, your mind seems like it’s always somewhere else, and that has not been the case when you first started going out with Jungkook.”

Has Namjoon been watching over you enough to notice that your mind always wanders all around the place, eventually landing on some stupid thought of Taehyung, in the end?

“It seems to me like you’re not really in love with Jungkookie, but someone else.”

You could swear you felt chills run down your spine because of the absolute bingo he had managed to make; Namjoon had a high IQ for a reason, that you realize then.

You manage to chuckle, shaking your head and waving it off. “That’s ridiculous, Joon-ah, I had a crush on Jungkook ever since we got introduced to each other by Jiminie.”

Namjoon doesn’t say anything, as if he doesn’t believe you - but this was the truth, even if your fraying thoughts only began much much later after that.

Perhaps it’s because you’ve arrived at the parking lot at college, that Namjoon decides to drop the subject, giving you a nod in response.

“Well. It turns out Kookie also liked you since back then. You’re my sister and I just want you to be happy, with whoever.”

It moves you, hearing that. You know that it must have been hard on Namjoon who not only finds out things easily, but over analyzes things he finds as well. It makes you smile, going around to Namjoon’s side of the car when he gets out after parking, and then giving him a big hug, right in the middle of the parking lot.

“Yah, Kim [Name]-ah, what are you doing?!”

“You don’t have to worry about Jinnie wondering if there’s something between us, he knows we’re siblings now!” You say, giving him a wave and running inside the campus before he can say anything else.

---

“And that’s the project I’m working on right now, Noonim!”

You can’t help but to give a big grin to the boy who looks very pleased with your positive reaction after he showed his animation work. Jungkook really wasn’t called the Golden Maknae for no reason, his animations were realistic and flawless, at least from your - a complete amateur’s - point of view. After you say this, Jungkook laughs, thanking you and saying that that is a very lovely compliment to receive considering most of the people who would consume whatever he produces would also be amateurs too, in the end.

His literal statement makes you laugh, and you enjoy the time with the male, your mind definitely not wandering as much as it did on your previous date. You’re glad it doesn’t, and you enjoy eating chocolate pudding and having the banana milk Jungkook prepared for you, while you go through all the lovely paintings and digital art the male had created.

“By the way, Noonim, can you take a seat over there?” He asks, pointing at the center of his bed. Minji has started to strip out of nowhere, and when you glance at Jungkook with wide eyes, you’re very surprised to see that he has taken a digital camera.

So he wants to take a picture of me sitting on the bed, not to start-

Okay, Minji, you need to get a toy or something because you’re being way too horny and there’s no other way we can calm you down.

You find yourself awkwardly waddling and taking a seat at the center of Jungkook’s bed - and gosh does it smell like a very boyish citrus over here - allowing the male to take a few pictures of you which he wanted.

“Okay, I got them. I can’t wait to start drawing you!!” He says, much like a little kid, and it makes your heart swell, holding your hand out towards him and watching him raise a surprised eyebrow, doe eyes wide while he slowly walks up to you. You can tell he is nervous by the way his ears have become a little red, and the fact that he had dimmed the lights and turned on a warm light for your picture does not help.

“Y-Yes?”

You give a smile, watching him place his camera on the side table carefully before he walks back, slowly intertwining your fingers. His nervousness shows in the way he looks down at your hands every three seconds, unable to keep eye contact for long. It’s so adorable that your heart becomes warm, mumbling a little ‘Jungoo?’ barely enough for him to hear.

“Yes, N-Noona?”

“Why did you ask Seokjinnie to not come for a while?”

Now, Jungkook refuses to look you in the eyes even for a second, his cheeks turning beet red.

“Jungoo?”

“I… I never get to hold your hand like this unless we’re on a date…”

You can’t help but to smile up at him, tugging at his hand so that he bends down a little, coming to face-level with you. Even before you put a hand on his face, you could tell that his cheeks were burning, and it makes your heart race because you simply can’t get over how adorable he is.

Jungkook closes his eyes and you kiss him on the nose, gently, and that makes him open his eyes a little startled.

When you end up bursting into a smile, despite the serious look on Jungkook’s face, it seems to make the boy less nervous, chuckling a little before he sits down beside you on the bed.

“What did you expect, Jungoo?”

“You enjoy teasing me a lot, don’t you, Noonim?”

“That’s what you get for calling me Noona.”

Jungkook bursts out laughing, shaking his head. “I shall not make that kind of mistake again.”

You find yourself smiling, and your heart has stopped racing, now feeling more comfortable around Jungkook. Even when he smiles and leans in to kiss you, you close your eyes, kissing him back, so, so comfortable that you don’t even notice until Jungkook leans away, that one of your legs have gone over his thigh and he is looking at you with wide eyes.

Holy shit . You’d always know Jungkook was a muscle-y kid because his jeans always fit him in all the right places, but it’s a different thing when you can actually physically feel that under your own thigh-

“You did lock the door, right?”

Jungkook looks baffled at your question, his jaw dropping open, but he still nods in response.

“No one else will come, right?”

The male closes his mouth, still very startled but nods again.

“Then we could do this a bit more, right?” You ask, and his response is faster this time, nodding once again, a hand going behind your neck and pulling your face to his. You can feel his tongue on your lips, and you part and let him in, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable sitting with one leg over his. It felt like Jungkook felt the same way - and this is where you learn about the mighty strength he has - when he wraps an arm around your waist, completely pulling you onto his lap.

Not only has Minji finished stripping by now, but she has also put on her finest lingerie now.

You’re actually very, VERY startled by this action, so much that you break away from the kiss, looking at Jungkook with wide eyes.

Suddenly feeling embarrassed, you look away from his eyes, a down at his neck. There is a sheen of sweat forming on his neck, and his white shirt has stuck to his skin a little by now.

Oh God save me.

“Noonim…”

“Mmm?”

“Should I let you go?”

The way he says that, the way he words it, sounds so, so sad and you wonder how you can tell him that you were simply embarrassed, nothing else.

And you can’t think of anything to say, so you close your eyes, grabbing his face and kissing him on the lips, heart racing at how brave you were feeling out of nowhere. Was it because this was Jungkook’s room, because you knew no one else would be around?

Or is it because it was Jungkook, both his hands hugging your back, pulling your body so close to his that it’s almost too embarrassing to bear, kissing you like this might be his last chance to do so?

Whatever it is, you find yourself opening your eyes, slowly pushing him back and watching the way his eyes go wide when he falls back down on his bed, pulling you along with him.

For a minute, neither of you do anything, and it looks like Jungkook took a minute to get over his initial surprise, because he wraps his arms - which are already around you - much tightly, rolling over so that he’s the one looking down at you while you look up at him.

And this is so much more embarrassing, because now you don’t even have anywhere else to look, because Jungkook is just so, so, so damn close, and you find yourself closing your eyes, not knowing what else to do.

“Noonim.”

“Mmhmm?”

“Look at me for a bit.” Jungkook whispers softly,  and you open your eyes, to see his face a little further away, eyes closed while he takes in deep breaths.

You hate it.

You hate it so much, because you don’t even need an alarm anymore to wake up everyday at 8 am... and then you spend the next half an hour crying your eyes out while you miss Chae Hyungwon so damn much.

It’s even more painful than before, because earlier, when you’re with the group and they’re doing their photoshoots or shooting an event, Hyungwon would look towards you through the crowd and give you smiles - such beautiful smiles that you miss so much because now, when your heart is aching so much, Hyungwon does everything in his power to avoid you as best as he could.

The other day when you were going up to the producer’s office and you bumped into Hyungwon and Kihyun also…

It broke your heart, the way Hyungwon quietly apologizes in formal language, and goes ahead - all while Kihyun looks in wonder at the taller male, then at you, before he goes to catch up with his friend.

You realized that he was starting to treat you the same way he treated most of the staff members - simply out of respect.

With him behaving that way after you cried in front of him, you really understood for the first time, that he really was treating you differently; with much more affection and care, just like Minhyuk had claimed he does so. Seeing Hyungwon not acting that way makes you realize it, makes you wonder if there was any way you could approach him and tell him that he shouldn’t feel so burdened; not when all you want is to just be hugged by Hyungwon.

Your roommate had requested to work for another group, and left your dorm room, so feel even more guilty and lonely ever since she left your dorm room and refused to speak with you.

You’ve been watching a lot of variety shows Monsta X had been on earlier, and you tried your best to write good shows, working as much as possible not to let the way you felt affect your work. In this way, one of your shows gets picked up by the producer, and a few days later, Monsta X is fixed to head off for a vacation show in two days.

Usually, Hyungwon would congratulate you when one of your works gets selected to be produced, but this time, he does not say a word, even after he reads the itinerary along with his members during the staff meeting.

Minhyuk, though, comes up to you after the meeting is done, and lets you know that he would like you to buy him lunch on occasion of your work getting picked for the show.

Seeing him smile at you brightly and not having changed a single bit makes you feel a little emotional, and you hurry to call Minhyuk’s favorite restaurant and order some food right away.

The food arrives an hour later, the noodles you and Minhyuk enjoy a lot steaming in front of you while the male takes out the wrappers of his favorite kimchi.

“It’s been a while since we had a set meal like this, right?”

“It’s been months, I think.”

Minhyuk usually never runs out of things to talk about, so you’re watching his every action carefully as he silently unpacks the food and hands you your chopsticks.

“Eat.” He says, picking a large piece of meat and putting it on top of your rice bowl.

“Thank you, Minhyukkie-oppa.”

Minhyuk smiles instantly, constantly mumbling “eat more, eat some more of this”, and more, as the lunch progresses.

When most of the food is gone and only the soups remain, Minhyuk finally puts his chopsticks and spoon down, before he takes a glance around the lounge. There were some other staff members and some members from Cravity, eating some food but the people seated near you two earlier had long gone by now.

“I’ve been a good friend to you for many years. I’ve been a good friend to Hyungwon for even longer. My question is, ‘Why?’ Why do you guys not share anything with me? Do you not trust me to keep a secret? Or are you telling someone else instead of me because-”

“Minhyukkie, I.. I don’t know about Hyungwon, but I know I haven’t found anyone I can talk to about how I feel.”

“I’m sitting right here,” Minhyuk says, taking a sip of his drink, “Just wanting nothing but for you to open up. To tell me something, because there is no way you would not have known by now how much I worry about you.”

“I do know. I do, and I am appreciative of that. And that is why I have a lot of affection for you, not just as an idol I am a fan of, but also as a person that I cherish a lot. But I don’t know what to say because my heart is hurting and I don’t know how I can face Hyungwon this way.”

Minhyuk, who’s face had softened after your words at first, then squints his eyes at you, and you take a spoonful of soup, just to look away because... 

Minhyuk’s eyes are a bit scary, especially when he sits like this in front of you and looks at you with an almost angry expression.

“I’m so tired of this. You’re hurting each other when there’s no reason to, seriously. Hyungwon has feelings for you, and you do too, but you don’t know how to accept that, and my precious brother has no idea how to accept the fact that you just ‘don’t’ know how to deal with stuff.”

You knew Minhyuk was right, but that doesn’t stop you from getting teary-eyed. In fact, maybe that was the reason why, and Minhyuk’s eyes go wide when he sees tears streaming down your face.

You watch the male take a tissue from the dispenser and hand you one, and you try your best to control yourself, wiping your face as much as you can and then picking up the remaining broth from your soup.

“I’m sorry. I just. Neither of you seem to want any help from me or anyone else, so you should just talk with him. Please do say something to him before today ends. I’d hate it if he has to go to shoot a fun show when he looks so heartbroken all the time.”

And you hated it too, because Hyungwon looks the most handsome when he’s laughing and smiling so brightly.

“If you talk to him, I’ll let you listen to two lines from my OST song!”

You give Minhyuk a smile, the two of you picking up the bags and cups you had your meals with and you feel a little at ease when you see the familar, friendly smile of his again.

“I ate well, thank you [Name]-ah! Don’t miss me too much even if you’re not coming along with us for the show!”

“I’ll make sure I don’t!”

Minhyuk waves goodbye before he goes off to his dorm and you decide to take some days off and go back to your hometown for a little; maybe that could cheer you up when you have your mom cooking your favorite meals and being able to play with the little kids back at home.

You’re feeling a bit better as you go back to your dorm room, and everything feels fine until you reach your floor, only to find Hyungwon leaning against the wall next to your room, a piece of paper in his clutches. When he hears you, he glances at you, turning to look at you with a face devoid of expression.

“W-What-”

“Why does this say you’re not going with us?”

Huh?

You take a hesitant step forward, close enough to see that the paper Hyungwon had in his clutches was the itinerary from earlier.

So he didn’t read it fully until now…?

“Because I’m not.”

“Why not?” Hyungwon’s voice gets a little louder, eyebrows furrowed as he looks down at you with a frown on his face.

“Why aren’t you going with us.”

“Just…”

“Why? Answer me honestly. You wrote this show. You’re supposed to go. Don’t lie to me, [Name]-ah.”

You didn’t think you could answer him honestly, that you gave up the opportunity to go because Hyungwon avoiding you here at the company was worse enough on its own.

“Yah. Why?”

“I’m going to go home… For a few days.” You fib, almost too scared when you look at Hyungwon’s angry expression fade, eyes going wide instead.

“What did you say?!”

“I’m going home.”

What you didn’t expect was the way Hyungwon crumples up the paper in his hand, a little scoff escaping from his mouth as he looks at you as if he felt speechless.

“Why do you do this to me?” He wants to know. “Please don’t make me feel more pathetic and sadder than I already am about this. If you have to quit your job because of me….”

“Wait, that’s not-’

“If you feel so sad when you know what I feel… But you still don’t find any problems with eating together with Minhyuk… That pains my heart, [Name]-ah. I know you two are just friends but it makes me so sad. Please don’t make me feel more pathetic than I already feel every day. Please.”

“Hyungwon-ah, that’s not it!” You say, but Hyungwon doesn’t look like he believes you, and your heart hurts too much to explain, not when he hands you the crumpled paper to you and then storms off.

Oh God, what have I done?

---

Your leave for five days gets approved easily, and you didn’t even have the willpower to let anyone besides Minhyuk know. He wishes you a safe trip, and you wish the same for him as well.

On your way out and when you stop by the cafe to grab a drink, your heart feels even colder than the latte in your hand, when you see Hyungwon at the front entrance of the company.

He looks like he’s wearing a coat over his sleepwear, and it’s understandable because you wanted to leave before the group went off on their own trip as well.

But here Hyungwon was, doing nothing but to look at the way you drag your suitcase and approach where he is stood at, facing you at the doorway of the front entrance.

What should I do? Should I greet him? Does he look angry? What should I do?????

“Hello-”

Before you can finish your greet, Hyungwon turns around, ignoring you completely and storming back inside the building. When you turn back in surprise, it’s so, so sad to see that Hyungwon does not turn around to look at you even once; getting on the lift right away, and then he goes on.

Is liking someone supposed to be this hard?

---

The staff who had gone along with Monsta X keeps you updated about how the show shooting is going on, so while you spend some quality time back at home with your family, you’re glad to hear that the boys are enjoying their vacation shoot in Mojeong village.

While you do enjoy the company and affection only family can provide you with, the warmth you felt with Hyungwon never left your mind. 

When you tell your mom about what was going on, she actually flicks your forehead, mumbling ‘tsk-tsk’ continuously.

“So you two are going to be equally stubborn about this, huh?” She says, picking up one of her storage containers packed with kimchi. “For Hyungwon, he has a right to be! He doesn’t know how you feel, but you? You know how he feels! What the heck are you doing here at home instead of at Mojeong Village?!”

“Mooooooom! I wanted to talk to him, I told you I even tried to greet him but he just left!”

Your mom sighs, shaking her head while she cuts up bits of kimchi and transfers them to a smaller container to pack some for you.

“You shouldn’t forget this. Hyungwon is a celebrity.”

“I know that, but…”

“He’s a celebrity so he is going to have some more morals and ideals he’s going to have to follow. If he had the courage to say - well, at least start saying, until a certain girl started crying in the middle-”

“Mom!”

“He had the courage but if he’s shot down, then he doesn’t have a choice but to pretend nothing ever happened. Perhaps, treating you like any other staff and distancing himself from you is the easiest way he can move on from you and heal his heart.”

“I don’t… want him to… move on…”

Your mom packs up the container, putting it inside a bag and then placing them in the fridge.

“Then tell him that.”

“He doesn’t talk to me…”

“Then make him listen.”

You look at the way she looks at you, as if waiting for you to realize something on your own. The way she waits for you to get up from your seat at the counter and the way she smiles when you run upstairs to pack your belongings…

You’ll never forget that expression from your mom, ever.

---

This is such a bad idea!!!!!!!!

Your mind continuously chants in your head, the voice even more louder when you reach the cottage house Monsta X is staying at and seeing the staff members even before you see the house itself.

While you’re faced with surprised greetings and questions about your duffel bag and suitcase - yes, you came straight here from home - you try to reach where the cameramen are and finally find the producer, seated by one of the tables.

“Oh, there you are! Weren’t you supposed to come two days later?”

“I wanted to stop by for a bit…” You let him know, “I have something to discuss with Hyungwon, so…”

“Go ahead! Kihyun, Jooheon and Changkyun are cooking right now, so the other three are just lazing around.”

“Perfect. Thank you, Producer-nim!”

Because you’ve been here even before the show was produced for research, you are able to easily find your way inside the house from the back entrance.

“Hello.” You greet, popping your head into the living room. Shownu is eating some potato chips, and both Minhyuk and Hyungwon are laying on their mattresses, looking very comfortable with their blankets on and playing with their phones.

“Oh? [Name]-ah, you came already?” Minhyuk jumps up to greet you, and Hyungwon only registers your presence when his friend says your name. This makes Hyungwon sit up with a jolt in surprise, then look at you while Minhyuk raises a hand for you to give him a high five.

“When did you come, [Name]-ah?”

“A few minutes ago, Hyunwoo-oppa!” You respond, your heart feeling like it’s on fire. Your hands feel sweaty when you enter the room a little, then glance at Hyungwon.

“Can I talk to you for a bit?”

Hyungwon’s eyes go a little wider, pointing a finger at himself. When you give a little nod, he gets up right away, and you catch Minhyuk’s surprised smile and thumbs up before you turn around to head out in utter embarrassment.

From your venture to the village earlier, you had found that there is a little staircase that leads up to the first floor, which also serves as an attic of sorts. When you climb upstairs, you don’t find any cameras set up - and for once, you’re glad you didn’t include this area in your script. It’s nerve-wracking, the fact that with every step you take to climb up the stairs, reach the floor, and take a few steps inside, you can hear and feel Hyungwon’s footsteps and presence right behind you. He silently follows you and you’re actually a bit surprised that he came without hesitation or questions about your sudden appearance and request.

When you finally take a few steps inside the floor and turn to face Hyungwon, your heart aches a little. He looks so, so charming, so handsome with his bare face - like he used only toner and a serum on his face, nothing else, so his face shines a little thanks to the little window at the end of the room and the bit of light from the staircase leading down.

As you look up at his face, you realize something important: how you were crazy determined to “talk” to Hyungwon, to get him to listen to you and now that he stands in front of you, ready to do so, you have no idea what you can say to him.

Oh God, what now?

Looking straight in his eyes feels a little too overwhelming, so you find yourself fumbling with your fingers a little, looking at his shirt, his hair, and even his shoes while you try to collect yourself.

And this is where you understand more and more about how patient and sweet Chae Hyungwon is, because it must have been a lot of awkward minutes that passed by while you wondered what you can say to him, and he does nothing to interrupt you; simply looking at you and waiting for you to speak.

“Hyungwon-ah…” You start, forcing yourself to look at him and not his shoes, for a change. “I’m so sorry.”

Hyungwon lets out a little exhale, and you think there’s some disappointment in his eyes when he presses his lips together and gives a nod.

“On that day… I’m sorry that I made you feel bad… I really don’t know better and I think I might mess up what I’m trying to say even now, too.”

“It’s fine.” He says, this time averting his gaze from you instead.

“Honestly,” you say, feeling a little down because his responses are so cold and your heart won’t stop racing like crazy, “I really cried a lot the day you sang Newton for me.”

Hyungwon looks at you when you say this.

“And probably everyday since.”

“Then I should be the one who is sorry…”

Hyungwon’s eyes look so sad now, and you were right, just like you said; this was not going the way you planned, and you’re messing this way too much now.

Your hands are shaking like crazy when you think about what Minhyuk had suggested you do, during that day you had lunch with him.

Lee Minhyuk, you’re going to be the death of me, I swear. You think to yourself, taking a step closer to Hyungwon.

“What-”

Your face feels like it’s on fire when you grab his cheeks, pulling his face down so you can press your lips on his.

His lips feel so soft, and the taste of his peach chapstick contrasts with the fragrance of his musky cologne; so much that you feel like you’re going insane.

Your head feels like it’ll explode, and your heart starts racing even more when you feel him slowly wrap his arms around your waist, pulling your body to his and making you move away to catch your breath.

When you open your eyes, still feeling a little hazy, your heart fills with so much warmth because Hyungwon looks just as much in a daze as you felt, the corners of his mouth going up till he breaks into a smile.

“That was too short.” He complains in a low voice, and you smile back at him, feeling so warm when he pulls you even closer to him, one arm around your waist and the other on your back. Hyungwon rests his chin on your shoulder, embracing you so tightly and you do the same, arms wrapping around his back while you close your eyes.

“This is why you singing Newton for me made me so sad. Because I wanted you to hold me like this since then.”

Hyungwon moves away, hands grabbing yours and the smile on his face never leaving, even for a single second.

“[Name]-ah.”

“Yes?”

“I lo-”

“HYUNGWON-AH, WE COOKED THE RAMYEON, COME AND EAT NOW!” Kihyun’s voice yells from down the stairs, interrupting Hyungwon’s sentence. It makes the two of you instinctively take two steps back from each other, eyes wide and then bursting out laughing.

And it’s such a beautiful moment, the way Hyungwon comes closer to you again, lowering his head a little and then placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

“Later?”

You give him a smile, nodding and waving goodbye while he hurries to continue with the show where he left off.

You take a moment to calm your crazily racing heart and then come down the stairs where Kihyun is calling the rest of the members to hurry. While you’re hurrying out from the back entrance, Minhyuk catches you, whispering your name and holding your arm so that you can’t escape easily.

“What did you say that is making Hyungwonnie grin like a creep?” He wants to know, and you give him a punch in the arm.

“I just did what you asked me to, Minhyuk-oppa!”

It takes a moment for Minhyuk to recall when he was teasing you about Hyungwon and had said ‘if all fails, just go ahead and kiss him, he might fall to the floor’ and then broke out laughing. When he recalls this, his eyes go wide, dramatically raising a hand over his mouth for good measures.

“Holy crab. You really went ahead and did that?”

“You asked me to!!!”

“I was just joking, but damn, [Name]-ah. You sure have some balls.”

“YAH!” You yell out, watching Minhyuk laughing and then running outside. You sigh, shaking your head and hurry outside to where the staff are doing their final preparations.

The dinner on the third day is the final event of the show, so only a few cameras are now rolling, and some of the crew are removing the cameras inside the cottage house. Some of the staff are already leaving, so you join one of the groups and decide to get a head start and go back to Gangnam.

In fact, you love k-pop so much that you found your career took a whooping turn and you ended up majoring in language, for the very simple fact that you could apply to join an entertainment company and be a staff/writer, the latter which makes you feel the proudest of yourself.

But life….

Life can be super mean sometimes. And you learn this the hard way, when you get rejected by SM entertainment - your first and actually the only choice because you are a major Shinee fan and life is just NOT fair at all!

One way or the another, after multiple applying, you finally get a good job in another company - Starship Entertainment.

Now, Starship was definitely not one amongst your top 5 agencies. But you always try not to let that affect your work - and over time, you come to love your job.

Especially when you get assigned as Monsta X’s writer and interpreter.

You find the members of the group very very appealing, all of them having their own charms.

Hyunwoo, who goes by the name Shownu and has an appetite that makes everyone giggle; He is such a soft-hearted soul and you really look up to him because he is always kind enough to give you a hand if he finds you doing something like lugging some boxes around, and would give the prettiest eye smiles when he gets a compliment.

Hoseok, who goes by the name Wonho and is probably the person you would sacrifice everything for; because of the heartwarming smile he has to offer, the way he continuously asks you to go through the comments he received on his vlives, and would politely request you to review what fans are saying about him on his posts.

Kihyun, who is very much Korean down to the bone with his extremely polite mannerisms and the way he always makes sure the staff - you included - are always eating as well; even if it’s a show about them. And also, the way he had once asked if he was your bias, and looked shocked to hear he wasn’t - and then continued to do things to get your attention and ask “Am I your bias now?” in the middle, like an idiot.

Jooheon, who also occasionally comes to you and asks for mini English lessons, and then gets bored after learning two or three new words - and then instead likes to chat about random things like the cats he owns, and your line of cacti which he, for some reason, is obsessed with, and your chats with Jooheon usually end with a compliment battle, and he always made you feel proud because he always says that chatting about normal things like that always inspires him a lot too.

Changkyun, who you consider as your bias wrecker because he keeps his own cool, stays in his own bubble and get things done, and doesn’t brag; instead, he’s very gentle, always the first person to notice if you’re sitting out in the lounge by yourself racking your brains for new content, and uses you as a guinea pig for testing out his lame new puns or pickup lines.

And then… Hyungwon, who doesn’t talk a lot when he’s with the rest of the group, but you found to be startlingly talkative when he’s doing a solo vlive or with only a few members like either Shownu or Wonho. In fact, you remember being wide-eyed when he continuously chatted with his fans on a vlive for a whooping 2 hours, and you can’t forget the precious and warm smile he had on his face when you said you liked seeing him so lively and talkative.

“I have a lot of things up my sleeve which you probably don’t know that much about, [Name]-ah.” He had said that time, and sometimes, you can see the way his eyes would filter through the staff during shows and land on yours, and smile at you.

And finally, Minhyuk, who was your absolute favourite out of the entire group, your bias because he gets along so well with everyone, always making everyone - including the staff - laugh, and would not hesitate to call anyone out if they’re doing something they shouldn’t. It makes you giggle, the way he would approach you in the middle of a variety show shooting they’re doing and ask if you were the writer of the show and how you had the audacity to make them walk around like lunatics. He acts like a crackhead like that, but you’ve grown to be so attached to him when you realized that, beyond his bright personality, he also is an insanely sweet person; You found this out when you had mentioned applying to SM entertainment because Shinee was your favorite group ever, and Minhyuk -even if he asked how dare you talk about other men in his presence - met up with Shinee while hosting a show and got the members to sign, and even got Kibum, your Shinee bias, to sign you a message inside their recent album.

Undoubtedly, Minhyuk was your favorite, for a good reason.

But still, to be put frankly, Hyungwon was the member that has your heart, for the simple reason that he was so unpredictable and has his own sense of humour and personality.

Since you got assigned to work with Monsta X, your life has been a messy tangle of fun, a normal day being you having a chat with Hyungwon and then getting interrupted by Minhyuk who would have zero filters and ask “Are you two dating?”, which causes the two of you to flush red for no reason, while Kihyun would overhear this and say “Huh?! You’re picking him to date but you don’t think of me as bias material?”.

The cycle would be endless, with Wonho laughing while watching the entire scene unfold, while Jooheon would join in with Minhyuk while Shownu would butt in and say “Minhyuk-ah, we have to go back to practise now tho,” and Changkyun sticking his head out from his dorm room and saying he still has 5 more minutes to finish the session of his favorite game.

You’ve grown to love this cycle and it doesn’t feel like a job, doing something you love with good people to work with, and life has been even easier after you got a dorm room within the building.

So, even if you had a roommate - and she’s nice, just not too close - things at Starship has been working out well for you.

Your daily chaos started simmering down a little once the pandemic hit, and all of the staff got confined to their rooms for work.

Because some of the shows you’re writing the scripts for are getting approved easily, you feel lucky to be one of the few staff who is now allowed to go alongside the members when they’re out for shows.

The times when you’re working from your dorm room, you feel so tired - perhaps missing the chaos you were so used to for the past couple years.

One day, you get a kakao chat from Hyungwon, asking if he can come over to discuss something with you.

It’s early in the morning - 8:15 am, and you’re half awake but you let him in, trying your hardest not to yawn too much in front of the member you considered the most attractive from the bunch.

Your roommate, Dawon, was kind enough to clean up the room a little bit when you said Hyungwon was coming over - and you said it on purpose because you knew she called Hyungwon her type and admits to having a teensy crush on him even though she knows it won’t work out anyways.

Hyungwon is wearing a caramel sweater and grey baggy sweatpants, and it always warms your heart to see the boys dressed in comfy clothes because they have to spend so much time wearing clothes that probably look good but not feel as comfy.

“Hyungwonnie, come on in!” You greet him, and he reacts with a chuckle and he always does that ever since you started calling him by that nickname after the day he said you should use casual language with him.

Hyungwon gives a little nod to your roommate in acknowledgement, and waits until you draw the curtain separating the room, before he speaks.

“I have a magazine shooting next month, and these are the set of questions they’re gonna ask me.” He says, putting the big envelope he had in his clutches on the top of your desk after he takes his seat. “I need help coming up with answers.”

Hyungwon was usually one of the few members who always comes to use the opportunity; the artists are free to ask the writers for help with answers they’ll give for their interviews, and Hyungwon always makes full use of the opportunity, and Shownu and Wonho occasionally drop by too, as well.

You’re always happy to be asked for help, but today, you find yourself sweat-dropping at the thought. You were so sleepy, the only reason you’re not dozing off is because you had forced yourself not to sit down.

“Why?”

“What?”

“You’re usually always excited when I ask for something like this, so why today?”

Ouch. Sometimes, much like you can read the boy’s faces and know what’s going on, they can sometimes do the same for you, too.

“Well, you see....”

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

Double ouch. You knew the boys - at least, most of them - were good observers, but you didn’t expect Hyungwon to catch on so easily.

“I actually do get enough sleep, but these days, I feel extra sleepy for an hour or so after I wake up.”

This makes Hyungwon chuckle, putting the papers back inside the envelope and turning back to you.

“Welcome to the life of every human being. You sound like you’ve been babied too much.” He has to say, and you watch the way he gets up from his seat and places the envelope inside one of your drawers.

“Let’s get some breakfast.”

“W-What?!”

This makes the male raise an eyebrow, glancing around the room as if he was unsure if it really was you who said that.

“You’re acting as if we have never gone out for a meal together.”

“Well…” You say, because you’ve actually gone with him a couple of times over the four years you’ve been assigned to them.

That was probably because the boys enjoyed ordering in mostly, and eating at their own free times.

Anyhow, it was only a few times, so it definitely did surprise you.

“Okay. Where do we go?”

“I’m in the mood for some eggs and sausages, do you have anything you want to eat?”

“Hey, we’re gonna split the bill okay!?” You hurry to race Hyungwon outside, who goes out in a very knowing way, one that was like a deja vu of the times when he’d butt in when you’re trying to innocently pay for your delivered lunch tray and he’d ask to tab it over to him.

Kihyun was right, he really was different from the way most Monbebe actually looked up at him.

At the restaurant, Hyungwon takes his mask off only after you two are seated at one of the sectioned booths and have ordered your food.

“The pandemic isn’t good, but this is the only thing that I enjoy about it.” He admits, eyes going over to the lack of people inside the place which would usually be filled to the brim with office workers trying to grab a quick breakfast.

“This pandemic has made me a sleepyhead like you.”

“Hey!”

You find yourself smiling so hard around Hyungwon because during breakfast and after you had forcibly paid for you two, on your way back when he offers to buy you coffee - and even remembers your usual order - and the next two hours he spent with you while you helped him write answers and edit what he wrote, it really does not feel like he’s a celebrity at all; but more so as a close friend who makes you feel warm in ways you’ve never felt before.

“Why?”

You snap out from your little trance and go back to typing your script on the laptop, when he interrupts you.

“Why are you smiling? What kind of madness of a show are you writing now?!”

“Hey! Don’t accuse me of writing madness when your Monbebe loves it so much!”

“Yah, that’s too much! Our Monbebe will love us anyway even if you show them us being normal!”

You giggle, because really. When has Monsta X ever been normal?

---

The next day, right after you wake up, you’re working on the itinerary for Monsta X’s upcoming vacation show - a little too late, you had to admit, and that too, when you’re feeling so desperately sleepy like you’ve been feeling lately every morning.

Dawon had gone out to grab breakfast with some of the other staff, and you’re munching on your melon bread, knowing well that the espresso shot you’ve had just a while ago won’t last you for more than 15 minutes.

And it doesn’t.

In fact, you’re actually snoring when your phone rings loudly, making you lift your sorry face up from your laptop keyboard and answering as soon as you pick up the phone.

“Yes, Manager-nim? I’ll send you the itinerary in fifteen minutes!” You say the impossible, because your task in barely done, and you had a feeling you’d fall back onto the laptop keyboard the second the manager hangs up the call.

The sound of familiar chuckling makes you raise an eyebrow and glance at your phone, horrified to see Hyungwon’s name on the display.

“I need it in ten minutes, not fifteen.” He says in a heavy voice, and it makes you huff in embarrassment, glad that he couldn’t see you.

“Very funny, Hyungwon. What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to wake you up.”

“I was up!”

This makes him laugh yet again, and you sigh, typing on the keyboard as you think about what good excuse you can say.

“If you were up, you wouldn’t have thought I was your manager.”

You let out a little groan, connecting your headphones to the phone so you could multitask while speaking to the male.

“Really, now, Hyungwonnie, what did you really want? Is there something you wanted to ask again?”

“No, I really just called to wake you up.”

“Well. Isn’t that sweet of you.” You say, sarcastically.

The mini banter and sarcastic comments continue for about ten minutes, by which you’d even finished up the itinerary.

So, even if he did laugh at your sleepyhead behaviour - as if he could talk - you made sure to thank him before you go out to take the printouts and finish off your task.

---

And then, that becomes a ritual.

Hyungwon calls you every day at 8 am, right when you’ve signed in for work and are about to head to get some coffee.

He makes small talk with you, talks about little episodes he’d had, and listens to your ideas.

After the first week, you don’t feel sleepy even if you don’t get the coffee; and you don’t even get sleepy after he hangs up.

Every day, it feels like he’s prepared something new, because he makes you laugh so hard that your sleep completely vanishes.

In fact, after a couple of days, he searches up English songs on Genie Music and sings, butchering up a lot of the lyrics on purpose - you know it’s on purpose because Hyungwon has a really good pronunciation when he tries.

One day, you’re butchering up the lyrics of a song along with Hyungwon while you’re writing talk segments for Monsta X’s comeback showcase. Your roommate has been giving you funny looks recently, especially after she asked who was calling you every day and you couldn’t lie and told her it was Hyungwon.

The sudden sound of your door flying wide open and a blonde Lee Minhyuk barrelling into your room makes you stop your singing.

“Oh. So it was you, huh.” He has to say, making himself comfortable on your beanbag chair, and drawing the cloth partition between your room when Dawon - your roommate - keeps staring.

Really, Minhyuk does not know what filters are supposed to be.

“What do you mean?” You ask, and from your headphone, Hyungwon hears his friend’s voice, so he dismisses the call after saying he’ll see you again later.

“So it was you Hyungwonie has been getting up every morning to sing his heart out, huh?”

You stare at him, baffled. “Well, he does sing some normal songs, but he mostly sings crack-”

“He usually never wakes up on his own even if he has schedules, and now he has an alarm to call you every day? What, are you guys dating or something?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, what are you saying!!” You hiss, horrified, because the cloth partition does little to block out sounds from the other side.

“I always tell people if they like someone, to stop being so obvious and just ask them out. It’s easy!!”

“It’s not easy and omg shut up!! He’s just calling me because he’s waking me up, he’s just being kind!”

“Hyungwon never wakes up for us, he’s never kind to us, then! And he’s always still sleepy even if he wakes you up, because he goes straight back to bed after he wakes you up!”

You sigh out loud in frustration, shaking your head. “Come on. What did you want, Minhyukkie?”

Minhyuk gives you a knowing smile before he shakes his head, handing you the binded notebook he had in his clutches.

“You’ll give me a read-over, right? I told you about the radio-show I’m gonna start hosting in a few weeks, right? The concept is clear, but I have some topics I want to talk about and I made some scripts about how I could continue the talk.”

“You got it. I’ll need some time, though, how does Thursday sound?”

“Perfect. Thanks!” He gives you a flying kiss that makes you laugh, and then he’s out as fast as he came barreling in.

---

You expected Hyungwon to stop the calling after the confining to your room rule gets lifted up and you’ve started to go to the office for work.

But he doesn’t, and he sounds as if he’s never been as prepared before as he is now.

Even when the comeback is near and he must be practising into the late hours of the night, he never misses a single day.

A few days before the comeback, you find him having lunch with Shownu, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him in a while - and you hadn’t seen his new hair till then too.

For the first time in the four years you’ve been assigned to work with Monsta X, you take a good look at Hyungwon.

A really, really good look.

At first, he hadn’t noticed you, and while you’re refilling your water bottle with chilled water, you notice the way he’s smiling a little while he listens to what Shownu is saying. The way he uses his hand to brush the fringe of his hair he’s dyed blonde is attractive for the first time - and you’d always thought he was a really, really handsome young man… But this is the first time he looks so attractive that you feel like you’re in a daze, staring at him until chilled water fills up your bottle and pours on your fingers, finally catching your attention.

What gives?

The little yelp you let out makes both Shownu and Hyungwon glance over at you - noticing you for the first time. Hyungwon’s eyes go wide, the top of his palm going up to cover his mouth.

“Ah, [Name]-ah. How are you?” Shownu calls over to you, ever so naturally, and you greet him with a smile when it looks like he’s motioning for you to come over.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you doing well?”

“I’m doing good, Hyunwoo-oppa. You guys must be working super hard for the comeback, right?” You say, glancing at Hyungwon, and for the first time ever, you think he’s actually… blushing ?!

It makes you flustered, thinking about what Minhyuk had talked to you about, while he accused you two of dating. Really, Minhyuk had no filters, it never fails to drive you insane sometimes.

“Yeah! You can expect a lot, please do support us a lot!”

You turn to look at Shownu, beaming at his friendly and charming smile before you excuse yourself and head back before you felt your head would explode.

Now, what the heck was that all about!?

Whatever it was, you were definitely going to blame Minhyuk for this!

---

It absolutely surprises you when Hyungwon doesn’t fail to call you, even the following morning.

You guess you had just imagined it in your head yesterday when Hyungwon looked flustered to see you.

Stupid Minhyuk! It was all in your head after all.

“Now that today’s dumb song segment is over,” Hyungwon says, after he sings a butchered up version of Pretty Please, “I’m gonna sing a song from our album!”

“Oh? Will that be okay?”

“Well, you’ll hear the album preview later today, so, why not?” He has to say. “It’s one of my favorites from the album.”

And then, he sings up to the second chorus of Beautiful Night - a song you fall in love with instantly, because the lyrics are so beautiful and Hyungwon sings as if he’s doing so with his whole soul. It almost makes your eyes teary, and you can barely tell him that you love it, before you have to excuse yourself with a little lie.

Since when did Hyungwon’s voice sound this emotional? It’s been over four years, but his voice has always been the same, beautiful voice as before. You open up Genie music, playing some of the older albums, listening to Hyungwon’s voice in the songs, and you feel like you’ve missed out this side of Hyungwon completely, this madly romantic side of him that sounds so sincere that it makes your heart race.

What is going on, seriously…

---

As the days pass by, the little tingle in your heart whenever you see or hear Hyungwon keeps on getting more and more painful.

In fact, by the end of Monsta X’s three-week promotions for Fantasia X, hearing Hyungwon singing songs for you become almost unbearably sad.

Despite having to wake up earlier, or even having to excuse himself in the middle of getting his hair and makeup done, he makes sure to call you - even if you’re sitting and listening to him when he’s in the same room as you are in.

You realize you can’t hold out your expressions if it’s in front of him, so you make sure to get up and go away somewhere when Hyungwon’s call arrives every day at 8 am on the dot.

It’s a warm Saturday morning, and you’re on your bed, your earpods on and listening to Fantasia X on Genie when Hyungwon’s call of the day arrives.

Today, it’s different.

Usually, he sings a trot song, or a really ugly version of an English song with the hopes of making you laugh so much that your sleep completely vanishes.

But today, he doesn’t say anything and immediately starts to sing soulfully; today, he sings Newton, one of your absolute favorite songs by the group, and…

The way he sings it is so, so sad .

Something inside your heart feels like it is burning, and unknowingly, your eyes brim with tears, because…

All the things Minhyuk had told you, all the things you’ve been thinking about Hyungwon lately, all the little glances he sends your way and then looks away when he sees you’re watching…

You feel your emotions going haywire, and your wishful thinking makes you start crying and you pray to god that Hyungwon, who’s singing the chorus so beautiful and sincerely does not notice.

It’s almost unbearable, and you take off your earpods and have him on speaker, thankful that he doesn’t notice you’ve reached for tissues to wipe your tears.

Since when did I start feeling this way about him?

How can I think this way about one of the members I work for?

Why does Hyungwon sing as if he’s singing just for me, and only me?

Why does it feel like we are never able to meet eyes now?

You have so many questions and no answers, and your hands are shaking as you try to press record on your phone because he sounds so, so beautiful and your crying is not helping you in focusing on his sincere singing.

It is at this moment that the door to your room flies open, and your roommate, Dawon enter the room, then freezes when she sees you crying.

“What’s going on?!”

You’re only able to hand over the phone to her, and mumble a little “Please record it for me” through your sobs.

Dawon looks very confused, raising an eyebrow when she looks at the receiver and sees that it is Hyungwon, on the call.

At that moment, Hyungwon wraps up his singing, clearing his throat a little and speaks for the first time today.

“[Name]-ah.”

You find yourself sniffling, glancing at Dawon who looks visibly upset now… and you can’t even blame her…

“[Name]-ah.” He calls your name again, and this is one of the things that makes you sad in regards to Hyungwon, because… He is a member of Monsta X, one of the manlier groups in the industry for sure, but… He’s so gentle and sweet, a kind-hearted soul, and he does not lack in anything, as he has proudly claimed so.

Even the way he calls your name out is so gentle that it makes more tears stream down your face, and you’re almost scared at how to answer whatever Hyungwon would ask from you.

“[Name]-ah. I have something I have to tell you, in person.”

Your eyes meet with Dawon, who now looks wide-eyed, and you were sure you would probably look the same.

“I… I have to tell you this in person, so, if you… If you’re willing, would you like to… go for dinner with me today?”

More tears stream down your face, and now you know you can never look Dawon in the eyes either so you bury your face on one of your pillows, heart aching too much to do anything else.

“Hyungwon-ssi.”

Dawon speaks into the speakerphone, and it makes you glance at her, wondering what she was going to say.

Hyungwon replies with a loud ‘Huh?’ in confusion.

“Hyungwon-ssi, I’m sorry, but [Name] is outside and she left her phone here.”

Dawon looks at you, lips pressed into a thin line. You feel so uneasy, and it felt like Hyungwon felt the same, because he starts to stammer.

“Wh-Wha? What?! If [Name] wasn’t the one who answered, then wh- Whaaaaa!” You hear a loud whine before the call gets disconnected with a quick mumble of “Sorry!”.

Dawon hurls the phone at your bed, and leaves the room without a word, and it pains your heart so much that you feel like you’ll die.

A text message pops up on your phone a little while later and seeing the text makes you feel a little dizzy, even.

‘If you’re freely going to allow other people to roam through your phone even, I don’t think I have any other choice but to come to see you right away.’

What?

Wait, does he mean-

You hurry to grab your phone and iPad, wiping your face as best as you could and going out of your room. You find Minhyuk and Kihyun using the Xbox in the lounge, so you quietly take a seat near them, greeting them and opening up your iPad without another word.

“[Name]-ah, why do you look so weird?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, how can you say something so rude?!”

You shake your head and give a weak smile at the two, opening up your notepad and leaning against the couch.

A moment passes by, and Minhyuk moves closer to you on the couch, so close that you actually move a little back as well.

“What?”

“I finished my game with Kihyunnie. So. Why? Why do you look so sad? Did Hyungwonie hurt you?”

Now, you’ve been doing a good job of not crying since you got out of the room, but seeing Minhyuk’s worried face and then remembering Hyungwon’s words - along with Minhyuk hitting a bullseye right away… All of that combine together and it makes you start to cry again.

“Wha? Hey?!” Minhyuk looks very startled, and he usually never looks surprised like he doesn’t know what to do, but today he looks like he’s at a dead end, and you allow him to grab your hand and tell Kihyun he’ll be right back, before he hurries to drag you over to the other end of the lounge near the vending machines.

“Yah, what is going on with you lately? Hyungwon really said something mean to you, didn’t he? Sheesh. Acting like he’s in love with you and then making you cry like this? I didn’t expect him out of everyone to behave this way.”

The more Minhyuk spoke, the worse you felt, and you’re barely able to ask him if he could be kind enough to leave you alone for a second when you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“[Name]-ah…. Minhyuk-ah?!”

You and Minhyuk glance up to see Hyungwon approaching you, and you hurry to take your hand away from Minhyuk’s clutch.

Really, Hyungwon couldn’t have caught a worse timing.

Minhyuk shoots you a sad look, then gets up from his seat, goes to say something to Kihyun, then the two of them leave while Kihyun glances at you with a worried look on his face. You can’t get yourself to look at Hyungwon, so you’re looking at your hands, fingers fumbling while Hyungwon stands in his spot in front of you, not saying a single word.

More tears fall down your face when you remember Minhyuk’s words - and how wrong was he to assume the worst from the sweetest person you know, and it pains your heart because you knew if you looked in his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“Why?”

Hyungwon says a single word, and honestly, that was the only thing you didn’t have an answer for.

Why were you crying?

You didn’t know.

Why can’t you look at Hyungwon?

You had no clue.

Why did Minhyuk know right away?

That too, you didn’t know at all.

Why can’t you answer him?

You had no reason.

So instead, you find tears streaming down your face, and you wish you could leave, but you felt like you owed Hyungwon at least this much, to hear what he had to say even if you felt like something was cutting through your heart.

“Stand up.”

It’s the first time you’ve heard him ask you to do something in that voice, an angry, impatient voice you’ve never imagined you’d ever be on the receiving end for.

“[Name]-ah.”

You hum in response, eyes on the ground. Hyungwon lets out an exhale and you can feel your hands trembling because it’s while you’re looking at his shoes with an aching heart, that you realize something you’ve been wishing so hard was not true.

You were in love with Chae Hyungwon.

Out of completely nowhere, so naturally.... You were so madly in love with Chae Hyungwon; so much that looking at him now would be too much to take, now.

“You heard everything I said, didn’t you?”

Now, that’s something you didn’t expect to hear from him. He had sounded so worried and embarrassed on the phone so you didn’t think he would have any suspicious, but here he was, showing you that he certainly did.

It makes you look up at his face for the first time today, and it pains your heart.

It paints your heart, because he’s wearing clothes with a lot of creases - something he’s been wearing to sleep, and he has on a beanie that covers most of his messy-looking hair, and he’s looking at you with puffy eyes and a frown that hurts so much to look at.

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore so you shake your head in response. Hyungwon looks visibly disappointed, like he knew right away that you were lying. You think he has something more he wants to say, because his lips part a little… And then, he lets out a sigh and shakes his head as well.

“If you are this burdened by how I feel, then…” Hyungwon’s voice trails off, taking a step back and then turning around. You watch the way he walks out of the lounge without a word, and if you felt like you’d never been more hurt before, you were completely wrong, because nothing pained your heart more than watching the male leave like that, as if he had so much to say and couldn’t…. Just like how you felt while you sink back on the couch and cry your heart out.

And from that day onwards, Hyungwon doesn’t call you again.