Black Sheep, Black Soul, Black Coffee

But I think I got a hit or two out of it

Be amazing (you already are) Find the love of your life (whenever you can) Know you’re loved and can love (always)  Live your life like every day is the best day (it is) 

I don’t need you but I want you and I want to need you and it’s weird and complicated and I’m sorry I cursed you I won’t do it again X

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain. 1. Smoking is bad for you, but so is Diet Coke 2. Water is liquid, steam is a gas, ice is a solid. But they are all H2O 3. I am very lucky but I have worked hard for what I have achieved 4. Hurling is the sport of Kings, but Camogie is the sport of Queens (ref. Chess) 5. I own a house I don’t live in 6. Not everybody ‘works’ while they are…

What’s your favorite word? She has been quiet, but sometimes, she just cannot hold her tongue. What is my favourite word? Confabulation No, sorry. It’s antidisestablishmentarianism Because who the fuck doesn’t love that word.

So last week, I logged into my old email address for the first time in months. There, unobtrusively lingering in my spam folder (somehow) was an email from myself. Only it wasn’t written properly. Subject line: You’ve been hacked. I will post the full text of the note later. But for now, I want to critique it. After all, someone sat down and wrote this thing. For some reason. The Crux of the…

I am the difference between Eskimo kisses and whatever the fuck Hugh Grant was doing as the Oompa Loompa (James Corden was right there). What’s the difference? That warm feeling in your belly. Hugh, I love you, but sometimes a loan is the better choice. Now, on to the real topic of the evening: adrenaline. I fucking love adrenaline. I’m straight up addicted and I have been since I was a child.…

Have you ever considered the potential implications of a universal wage? I think about this a lot. I thought it was only a recent thing for me, but my old notebooks (that I still have) tell me otherwyse. What is a Universal Wage? In America, it’s a wage paid to all Americans. In the rest of the world, less a few outliers, it’s a wage paid to everyone. Peak Equity (pun intended). This probably…

This is giving suicide notes energy – it is not. It is a rebirth note. Fear was just a part of my childhood. I didn’t know what it was then, I confused it for excitement and then for happiness. So when I first felt actual happiness, safety and joy (love), I fucking bolted. Didn’t help that it was when I was also a confused, abused child. I was present for many conversations, negotiations and…

Sometimes, it’s better to be inspired by the moment than by the past. Ten sets, baby. Nothing but net.

Oh, the things I could tell you. The stories I know. Not to mention the ones I have made up. In truth, what’s the difference? All history is gossip and all gossip is history. Mussolini used photoshop, Hitler controlled the free press and Stalin, well, Stalin killed all (80-90%) on the Generals in his army and then wondered why they were suddenly shit at war. In essence, politics is boring…

I have received an interesting (and mildly threatening) piece of correspondence. Apparently my slutty little sentences are propping people up on ledges they need to be talked down from!! I have it on bad authority that there are people out there who want to intervene. Imagine thinking you need to intervene when I’m in the happiest place of my life so far, bar that fortnight about a decade ago…

When I was about 12 I saw an ad that changed my life. It wasn’t the first ad to change my life, nor was it the last, but it has clung to my mind like a cobweb to a nuns knickers ever since. It was simple. Four words, one logo. Nike ad from 2008 Yesterday You said Tomorrow So simple. So pure. So fucking perfect. So fucking Nike. We’ve all seen Air. If you haven’t – WTF, a Damon/Affleck tag…

It has been a grand two years so far, at least in comparison to the ones before them. Then, it happened. 10 months late, a wee job was finished and a certain creature reared his head, holding his oddly-shaped dick in his hand. (He thinks that’s the same thing as flirting.) Well my love, this is for you. Thank you. You are a braver woman than I, and since he clearly hasn’t changed, I want to tell…

Everybody wants to know someone who is just like them. Not their mother or father or family, but someone who isn’t related to them, but still sees them and knows them just the same. Someone who gets them, without even having to try. Well, I think that, once upon a time, a fair while ago, I met that person. A tale as old as time. But then, because I am a bit of a cunt, I decided to cut all ties…

Turns out I do want kids. Good luck, future world.

Yes. I said it. Who is surprised that I am, once again, willing to play the Devil’s Advocate and die on the most ridiculous of hills. So, I went to see Argylle. There was a total of 5 of us in the cinema. Unlike when I went to see American Fiction, which was amazing amazing amazing, no one walked out in the first half hour. No one walked out at all. Why? I think it’s for the same reason I…