November 17, 2020 22 days ago, a part of me was taken away from me. My little brother Rudy met Jesus. He left to be with the Lord on my baby


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@pennnnnyroyaltea
November 17, 2020 22 days ago, a part of me was taken away from me. My little brother Rudy met Jesus. He left to be with the Lord on my baby

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I want to die without you. I want to be with you. I donât want to be here anymore. All I want is to die with you.
todavia
me duele. muy profundo. todavia.Â
todavia el estomago se me siente como que da en vueltas.Â
me duele los ojos. me duelen de tanto pensar.Â
aveces cuando estoy acuestada, respiro y me acuerdo de tus brazos.
los brazos que me odian. Los brazos que pertenecĂan a mi una vez.
me muriria por ti en secreto.
no quiero pertenecer a nadie
no me importa lo que veas. no me importa lo que pienses Ăł lo que hagas con tu vida. Ya no te pertenezco. Esta es mi historia y tĂş ya no existes.
I'm not here to be perfect
I want to be fully raw and transparent. I want to write what I think and feel without feeling guilty about it and this is what this blog is for.Â

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Dear papi,
No se que harĂa sin ti. Cuando no me siento bien, cuando siente que se me va salir el corazĂłn por el pecho, te llamo y tu me traes para atrĂĄs en el suelo. Cuando no puedo comer o responder, tu me haces de comer. Me comprar cosas para comer para mi apartamento. Cuando no puedo salir de mi apartamento y estoy convencida que no necesito estar viva, tu me recuerdas de lo que soy. Me recuerdas que tenemos un dios que es mas grande que todo nuestros problemas. Estoy en mi salon y quiero llorar porque me siento agradecida de tener un papĂĄ que dira la vida por mi. Un papĂĄ que ha dado toda su vida por mi. Estoy agradecida de tener un Dios que me dio un papĂĄ tan increĂble.Â
Had to convince myself that thereâs literally nothing I need to change about myself to be beautiful after taking these.
soledad
No se que sentir. No se que pensar. aprecio cuando no me puedo acuerdar. Tiemblo aveses y aveses no. Nomas me siento segura cuando estoy poniendo mis pensamientos en order con miss bebes.Â
2020
I really got my heart broken and ran away to California
when a morning mood turns into Fridayâs great news
let me just tell you...
Itâs been a rough year for ya girl, okay? Personally. BUT. I have been working my butt off. I have been working on myself ~f r o m~ within and truly, things are shaping up. Today I was approved for the apartment I have been prayer for. So ready to begin this next season of my life. This is exactly what I have been praying for, a new beginning.
 Thank you Jesus. đĽ°

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Reminiscing
Yeehaw 2020
Jesus is calling
Are you hurting and broken within?Â
Overwhelmed by the weight of your sin?
Have you come to the end of yourself?
Do you thirst for a drink from the well?
Jesus is calling.
You are
a God that nothing is too big for. A God that is for everyone even when we are in waking, excruciating pain. I give you my pain and my anxieties and you turn it into something new, a peace I'd never known. Even when I'm mad at you. Even when I donât have the energy to talk to you. Even when I go against your word. Even when I go to other coping mechanisms other than you. You STILL love me. You STILL protect me. You STILL make the world go round for my own sake.  Oh Lord, my God, my personal savior, how great you are. I canât wait to be with you.
And
if Iâm dead to you why are you at the wake, cursing my name, wishing I stayed?

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if youâre trying to prove your worth to someone, you already forgot your value. stop asking yourself why someone isnât choosing you.
why someone is choosing someone who you are better than, who doesnât compare to you.
stop for a second, and acknowledge the idea that maybe you are too good.
instead of trying to figure out why someone is settling for less, ask yourself why YOU are.Â
next.Â
donât
donât know how after an entire year of you being engaged and moving to a different country, youâre still here asking me where I'm moving, literally asking for my location because youâre âlookingâ for another apartment. God forbid we live in the same apartment complex. I'd die all over again. Isnât crazy how you're back in the country trying now? karma is a bitch and you are a gross, condescending, overt narcissist. God.