Tullia

you were the light of his life, keeping him afloat when he felt like drowning - especially when he was stressed about monthly evaluations, those endless hours of critiqued practice. when he needed as much support as he could get, you were there to give it to him and more. always.

his parents adored you, constantly questioning the two of you about future weddings, light-hearted jokes on what they’d want the grandkids to be called, offering financial support for when you would buy your own place for just the two of you. nicholas would simply smile at their suggestions, eyes fixed on you, mind drifting to what his future with you would look like. the two of you together forever.

with nicholas being a trainee, he was stressed 24/7, but you were there for him when he came home late into the night, limbs sore, throat dry and body exhausted. you’d hold him with all the warmth in your being, whispering encouragement into his hair whilst he dozed off. most of your nights were spent like this.

life with nicholas was absolutely perfect, and neither of you wanted to change it for the world.

---

the comfortable, steady rhythm of life hit a speed bump when nicholas was selected to partake in an overseas audition show. a one-way flight to south korea to pursue his dream of being an idol meant he had to leave his home country behind. he had to leave his family behind. he had to leave you behind.

and when he was put into the final lineup, his debut confirmed and sealed, you knew that your story with nicholas was starting to be cut short. a long, heartbreaking facetime call heavy with tears was the last of your relationship, but it was seemingly for the best. nicholas would be far too busy, and long-distance was too unfair on you, too painful. the two of you promised to stay in contact however, nicholas wanting to make you proud in return for your support. so that’s what happened.

“i’ll love you, always.” he whispered over the phone that night, voice shaky as he held back his tears.

“always?” you whispered back, desperate, quiet sobs escaping before you could hold them back.

“and forever.” nicholas said, his tone pained but honest. his phone went blank after that.

neither of you slept that night.

---

for the first few months it was smooth sailing. nicholas’ debut was a success, gaining a lot of traction from around the world. you were so proud of him, how he shined alongside his 8 members. the two of you would text practically everyday, with nicholas sending you behind the scene pictures of photoshoots he wasn’t supposed to share, snippets from unreleased tracks he was working on. cuts of your paycheck would go towards his albums, posters, everything. anything that convinced you he was closer than he really was.

slowly but surely, texts became shorter and less frequent, nicholas no longer sending his pictures and songs, and you stopped buying the band’s merchandise. eventually, there was no contact between you at all. it hurt you. deeply.

nicholas, the love of your life who had promised to marry you, promised to be the best father to your children, was gone - and he’d left a crack in your heart that nothing else had the shape to fill.

you no longer kept up with his music, instead focusing on your own career as a substitute teacher. shifts were long and tiring anyway, and there was no energy left in your body to search up his name, his band, dig online about what he’s up to. you blamed the exhaustion, but deep down you knew it was the heartache that truly held you back.

---

years later, your mind barely ever wandered to nicholas, too busy with work and life to stop and check in. you’d been promoted recently, so your pay had a hefty increase, but so did the work load. piles upon piles of tests to mark, assignments to set for your students.

you had no clue what nicholas was up to, if he was even still active in his band, what country he was in, nothing. frankly it didn’t matter to you anymore. nicholas was once a huge part of your life, but things changed so quickly for both of you, and life moves faster than you can keep up with. you were older now, you didn’t have time to mope about past feelings, past memories. even if, deep down, you missed it. missed him. admittance would be pathetic, immature. so you ignored the ache, as much as it hurt.

---

it was another late finish to work today, and you had trudged through town to the convenience store by your street, the iridescent lights of the ‘open’ sign glowing overhead as you step inside. the owner greets you briefly and you walk down the aisles, searching for cheap, filling snacks.

unbeknownst to you, nicholas’ band had actually landed in his hometown a few hours ago, a quick visit before heading to the concert venue the next day. his schedule was hectic, but him and his members had managed to convince the staff for just one night.

you hear a group of people walk in, obnoxiously loud for 9PM, and you roll your eyes. probably tourists or stupid teenagers, you thought. you adjust your grip on the items and head to the next row of shelves.

even with your head pointed down, you could see in your peripheral a man was stood in the aisle just a few feet away. your eyes don’t flicker to him, instead looking at the discounted prices of the drinks. you could feel the cool breeze of the air conditioning on the back of your neck.

“y/n?”

a voice calls out. a voice you recognised anywhere. a voice you’d heard hundreds of times before.

your head darts up immediately, and there he was, stood in front of you - nicholas.

he looked different from the last time you saw him, which was on your phone screen years ago. he looked more grown now, more mature. and more buff, but that’s not relevant right now.

nicholas was here. in front of you. home.

“hyung, what does this say-” his bandmate, who you recognised to be maki, began to ask as he held up a snack covered in mandarin text. he was cut off quickly by nicholas nudging him back out of the aisle.

“sorry about him. i, um.. i haven’t seen you in a while.” he says, awkwardly, as if you were meeting for the first time. you were practically speechless at the sight of him.

“yeah, me too.” you managed to mutter, nodding. the unspoken tension due to the lack of communication these past few years was heavy, and you could tell that nicholas felt it too. you could see it in his face, hear it in the way he spoke.

“i’m really sorry about ghosting you, i just…i got crazy busy with work.” he began, taking another step towards you. he lets out a sigh. “can we.. go somewhere a little quieter? i need to explain myself.”

you accepted before you fully processed what was happening.

---

carrying your small plastic bag of snacks, the two of you walk down the park walkway; a familiar path you’ve walked with nicholas hundreds of times before, hand in hand. but it was different this time. very different.

“remember when i tripped on this?” he says, foot tapping an exposed tree root on the side of the path. you giggle as you recalled the memory. the two of you had drank a lot that evening. it was one of your favourite memories with nicholas.

“and you almost cried because you scraped your knee.” you add, and the two of you laugh again. “you were pouting and everything.”

an eruption of laughter reduced the awkwardness.

eventually, you slip into a comfortable silence, simply walking beside each other, arms occasionally brushing. you ignored the buzz that the contact gave you.

a few minutes of walking, and nicholas slows to a stop, next to the lake’s dock. you stop too, just watching him with quiet curiosity.

“this is where we had our first kiss. do you.. do you remember that?” he asks, his voice less alive now. like the memory hurt him.

“…yeah, i remember. of course i do.”

nicholas seems to relax at your remembrance, gesturing for you to follow him as he walks onto the dock, sitting down with his legs hanging off the edge.

“come, let’s sit for a while.”

---

sitting side by side, the cool air from the water hitting your legs, you felt the tension between you building again. like you knew he was about to bring it up.

“y/n.. i just wanna start with how sorry i am.” nicholas finally says, his voice solemn and serious. “i’m sorry that i disappeared out of nowhere, that i stopped calling, that i forgot about you.”

his words stung, hitting you rather hard. you recall how sad you were, how angry you felt. nicholas, the once love of your life, forgot about you. taking a deep, slow breath, you could feel your emotions simmering at the surface. a part of you wanted to cry, scream, shout at him. the other half also wanted to cry, but in his arms, with both his scent and arms surrounding you.

nicholas being the great observer he is, noticed, of course. his hand founds yours, palm resting on top of yours tentatively. you flinch at the contact, but don’t pull away. not like you could anyway.

“you should know that i regretted it everyday. breaking up with you. it hurt me so much.” he admitted, his gaze stuck on the moon’s reflection in the water. “so much.”

he let out a small scoff, the type of scoff he makes when he’s holding back tears. he’d made that noise over the phone when he broke up with you.

“i missed you a lot. especially after we stopped talking. but i was just..” nicholas glances away from you briefly, and you hear him sniffle. he turns back a moment later. “i was afraid you hated me for what i did.”

your head shake was almost instant, small hand squeezing his.

“i didn’t hate you, nicho. i was angry, yes, but i didn’t hate you.”

hearing your soft voice calling him ‘nicho’ pulled on his heartstrings. he hadn’t heard you say that in years.

“fuck… i missed you so bad, y/n.” he whispered, his hand gripped yours tightly, like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. because last time he let go, you did.

your eyes welled with tears at his admittance, how raw and real it felt.

“i missed you too, nicholas. so much.” you whispered back, your eyes connecting with his. a few seconds pass, and his arms wrapped around you, face buried in your shoulder.

the two of you held each other, quiet sobs escaping both of you. it felt like a huge, built-up dam had finally been broken, and the floodgates of relief, hurt, and heartbreak had crashed over you.

time had seemingly stopped as you had nicholas in your arms, and you didn’t want to let go ever again.

you were both pulled from the moment when nicholas’ pocket buzzed. he pulls back, grabbing his phone. he sighs, and glances up at you.

“it’s euijoo. says i have to head back to the hotel.” he says, using the back of his sleeve to wipe his tears.

“i don’t want you to go,” you whisper, hand finding his. this couldn’t be the end. not when it had barely started. you couldn’t lose him again so easily. nicholas could see the panic building in your expression.

“i know, baby. i don’t wanna go either. but i have to.”

“please don’t leave me.”

nicholas frowns, guilt and regret washing over him. he didn’t want to leave you. not when he’d just found you again.

he picks up your phone from your lap, unlocking it with the passcode he knew you still had - his birthday - 20020708.

nicholas types something onto your phone, before turning it off and placing it in your hands.

“i put my new phone number in, alright? call me. please.” he says, standing up and offering his hands to help you up. you stand too.

“you won’t forget me again, right?”

“never again. i’ll always remember.”

nicholas steps off the dock, eyes still glued to yours.

“always?” you ask.

“and forever.” nicholas answers. and with that, he was gone.

you stand on the dock, alone, your thoughts running a million miles a minute. one thought was bigger than the rest.

nicholas and you were once perfect.

could this be your chance to rekindle? to reach those dreams you once had wished for? you desperately hoped so.

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