mulder, i wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you

your 2nd priority should be bringing joyful and loving energy to those around you. your 1st priority should always be committing to the bit

I had a dream last night that the Decemberists guy put out a new song that was him announcing the band was breaking up, but the song was also his like detailing his future career path, and it was an excruciatingly granular 13.5 minutes of him explaining to us in detail that he was going to become a world renowned marionette maker and like the steps he was going to take to complete this (step 1 was learn to spin flax to make his own cord, step 2 was learn whittling to create his own puppets, step 3 to make his own paints, etc etc. He was going for that vertical slice sort of thing) All the while someone was shouting in the background I DON'T WANNA BREAK UP and WHO'S GOING TO GET MY ACCORDION because apparently there was a custody battle happening for that?? But as it turned out the song was too much of a banger and people wouldn't let them quit and also he had like horrible arthritis in his hands that was preventing him from making the shit so they announced within the week that the band was actually back together and The Marionette Maker's Heart's Desire was like their new #1 hit

Um... Richard we should link later

“which could mean nothing” is my favorite sentence ever bc on the surface it describes something that COULD indeed mean nothing. but we use it to emphasize the other side of that coin i.e. that it could also mean something. it keeps us grounded bc we are technically focusing on the liklihood that the information given doesn’t necessarily imply gay sex is happening, while still silently acknowledging the possibility that it might.

Sorry boss i cant come into work tomorrow the old jolly king just slapped his belly and leaned back in his chair with a big leg of lamb in his hand and loudly declared that the festivities shall last all through the night

at work the other day i was cutting up avocados and one had a tiny seed and i was like to my coworker “me when i have a tiny seed” and she said “i dont know what that means”

same coworker today she was portioning mustard pickles and i said if i had an old italian man as a pet that would be the slop id put in his trough. and she didnt really like that one either

because maybe……..youre gonna be the one that maybe

and after all…..youre my after all

you can never complain about a trope that mildly irks you on this website cause suddenly you'll start getting anons like "hi 🙌 i do that. absolve me absolve me absolve me" like can you stand up please

I consider myself a real hater but sometimes you really do go too far with haterism. once I had to break mutuals with someone bc they hated the entire art form of poetry and the final straw was when they started hateposting about soup. The food

Nothing makes you think My One Precious Life. My One Precious Life Is Slipping Away And There’s Nothing I Can Do About It. quite like working a job does

People are unfazed if you hate women but if you dislike dogs they assume you're a bad person

Tumblr users will read a post complaining about normalized misogyny and hyperfocus on your claim that it's ok to dislike dogs

who remember vine 😂 that shit was funny or not, depending

straight white people making a romance movie: haha what if it was illegal to have sex? wait what's lawrence v texas. wait what's mclaughlin v florida. wait what's loving v virginia

died and lost all my items in a cave: but don't worry. if i simply run back into the cave with zero (0) items. i will surely do better this time. this has never gone wrong for anybody.