2*21
The glorious 2021 is finally here
A hope after the despair
But really,
Will this get any better?
I wish, i pray, and i hope so
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2*21
The glorious 2021 is finally here
A hope after the despair
But really,
Will this get any better?
I wish, i pray, and i hope so

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Uncertainty
Here we go again.
The uncertainty is creeping up again.
Making me anxious and uncomfortable.
I think i will be out of my comfort zone soon after.
And while i am not exactly happy about it, i’m not entirely sad.
It’s just—overwhelming.
Let’s see where the sea brought me this time.
I hope it won’t drown me up.
I hope I could be motivated, i really hoped so.
I’ve got all this task but i really am refused to be excellence.
Why do I wanted to be average?
I also had no idea.
Wish me luck, live.
Good Life
Hi! So I am going to turn 23 this years—in 3 months to be exact. And.....i don’t know what am I really doing, whether i did it well or not. What is my goal in life really? What is it that i really want?
How do i know?
I hope i could find all the answer soon, well i have to. In order to make plans ahead.
Lifeless
Can we..
Can we..
Surrender?
I surrender.
What’s the point of living
If it kept us hurt
If it kept us depressed
Until it’s hard
to even breath
What’s the point, really?
The Memory Lane #1
Remembering the past
Clearly wasn’t that good for me
I am not clearly good
I have never ever been good
Even once in mylife
I wanna tell you my story
Once, i was so passionate about cooking
I am fascinated by the patisserie
And the cooking process
I cut all the recipe from newspaper and magazine
I file it all in my precious red plastic bag
There’s a lot, really
But i’ve never got a chance to try one
It’s precious to me
I have almost been
Always been scolded for my cooks
Everytime that person tried my food
I lost confidence
Over time, i forgot my passion all along
I buried down in my deep memory
I have always wanted an oven
Kids in my age wanted toys and stuff
But i wanted an oven
I’ve asked my parents
My mama said we are going to buy it later
Years passed by, and i still didn’t have any
It was just a childish passion, maybe
And i am sorry for it

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Maybe
Maybe i need
To write again,
A novel perhaps?
Or a short-story
Maybe
That way
I’ll find myself
Again
The Abnormal One
I’ve never been the one
Who’s drooling over luxury
Nor high-end brand
Nor shining jewelleries
Then I’m started to thinking
Whether I’m abnormal
That I don’t even
Dream to having it
Why the hell things
Have gone complicated inside my head
Oh god
Oh, god
A Lucky Girl
Hello
Since I believe no one will actually gonna read this post, I decided to write my thoughts up here.
It’s saturday night and i don’t feel really well (mentally), maybe because I am such a weak person lol.
So today my family & I went to the yearly family gathering. Well just as usual we all talking about the update in our life. Of course, my parents didn’t forget to tell the families that I already got a job. My immediate family members were all there.
But then my mom & my older sis went somewhere, then my dad told the people there (2 of my uncles) that my older sister is such a grace. How she had IQ of 152 and all. I listen to that conversation and met eyes with my dad.
He then proceed to continue talking about me. I remember very clearly that he said i’m a lucky girl. He didn’t praise me at all. I am very sad and down at that time but trying to be playful. One of my uncle assure me that it’s not just luckiness.
All this time, all i’ve been doing, was just because of lucky.
I got a great score that leads me to good JHS bcs i’ve been lucky.
I went to a good SHS bcs i’m lucky, even if i’ve never cheated in all of my exams.
Then i got into one of the best uni in Indonesia bcs i am damn lucky.
I graduated in 3.5 years for bachelor’s degree with cumlaude were also lucky.
I don’t know all this time all i’ve been doing is nothing bcs i got lucky on my side.
All the hardwork and prayer, all the blood sweat and tears were for nothing.
Does he even know how hard I’m studying and make the papers all this time?
Does he even know what my score is?
Does he even know that i constantly got 120-122 of IQ since i was in kindergarten?
Did he knew that i practice a lot for my presentation so that i got lesser sleep?
I bet he didn’t. They didn’t. Because I’m a lucky girl. Whatever I did, they won’t acknowledge it. I remember that time after my mom saw my report card and saying that she knew I could actually got an even higher score for it. I knew there’s lot of 9 and I was included in the big 5 of ranking.
You know what? I guess she would tell me that I did a really good job. I don’t even hoping her to said that she’s proud of me. But she didn’t said anything like that but scolding me. I went to my friend’s house directly to cry on her arms. It’s such a sad memory.
I thought after all this time, maybe, maybe I could prove something that I am a hardworking person and maybe, I can do it. The study, the rank, the cumlaude, the everything. But I’ve been mistaken. I’m so far away from my sisters. I am...a burden? A shadow of her.
Well at least I know now what my dad’s thinking of me. What my mom’s too.
I am not great. I am not good at anything. Even if I did good, it’s because of my lucky star, not my hardwork. I am just a lucky person.
Maybe if one day i dissapear, it’s because i run out of my luckiness..
No one
Will going to see my post
And asked me warmly
"Hey, what happened?"
Because simply no one will care
Even me
I hate this thought
I hate to pity myself
But to whom should i rely myself?
If it's not me
Fat tears coming out of my eyes today
It's been a long time
Since i sobbed like a teenager
But again
No one will care
Just like what iron man said;
"Earth have millions of people
But we still feel alone"
And i hate to be alone
My poor self
I am sorry
For the first time
I feel like a huge failure
Not only for others,
But also myself
A huge disappointment
Maybe i shouldn't work way too hard
Back then
Maybe i should sleep and playing more
Rather than remembering all the theories
Maybe i shouldn't be too ambitious
And excited over anything
Because at the end
I'm not worth it
No one's gonna see my hardwork
Or
Appreciate my effort
Because i'm just no one
All the knowledge
Skills
And good score that i've got
Bring me to nothingness
I'm still no one
No one to look up
No one to take care about
No one to be seen
I'm no one
No one believe me
Even myself
Because i'm not worth it

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Contemplation
All i need is me
All i need is me
I know i know i know
I know i know i know
--
I kept wondering
That in this world
I wasn't made of Adam & Eve
But Steve
That i was destined for being alone
Alone doesn't mean i have to suffer
Sometimes i kept chanting my pray
For people to not fall in love with me
Because i'm not worth to be loved
But i kept saying to my friends
That they're loved
Because i love them
I wanted them to have a happy life
Found their smile even in every hardship
Then what about me?
Who's gonna love me?
Who's going to understand me,
that myself couldnt even do it?
The answe is no one.
Maybe i was created to giving love for others
To hug them when they're cold
To draw a smile when they're frown
Maybe i'm not that all useless
Maybe i was made to love you
But not to be loved
Do not fall in love with me
I'm not worth it
Please
PERSONA
Who the hell am i
I just wanna go
I just wanna fly
I just wanna give you all the voices till i die
I just wanna give you all the shoulders when you cry
Joonie my love, thank you for this beautiful music and video. Thank you for encouraging me to be a better person not only for others but also for myself. I, also a big question for me. That it’s gonna take forever to explore and find the answer. This song will forever be a big part in my journey of life.
‘Who am I’ the question I had my whole life
The question which I probably won’t find an answer to my whole life
Evil
It’s here
It’s there
It’s everywhere
Consuming what’s good
And leaving the demonic one
Is it consuming me too?
I hope it is not
I’m not a saint
But i clearly don’t wanna be
An evil
In disguise
— AM.❈
Who am I?
Part I
I’ve lived for 21 years
And i have to say
I forgot the 20 of it
I don’t know why
Maybe because I didn’t
Cherished the moment i’m in
Or maybe simply
Because there’s nothing worthy
It’s died
Once there’s a pure soul
Made by the god himself
But an accident
Made it stranded somewhere foreign
Far from home
That place
Turned out to be a hell for it
Hating it to the bone
Haunting it for death

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
[NOTICE] Page Open
After a long long break, i finally decides to re-activating my tumblr account. If this blog used as source for aesthetic pics before, now it has more purpose. It would be like, a little journal of mine.
I like writing. I always been.
No More Dream - Lyric Review
If you’ve been an A.R.M.Y (official term for BTS fans) long enough, you’ll know by now that socially conscious lyrics are the trademark of BTS. It’s even more appealing since the members themselves, pen down the lyrics. Since day one, they’ve always made sure their songs deliver a message or touch upon taboo subjects. Their lead single ‘No more dream’ from their debut album, ‘2 Cool 4 Skool’ is one of my favorite songs by BTS - and that’s saying something - not only for it’s catchy tune but also because of it’s hard-hitting lyrics.
RM starts off the song by asking us, “Hey you, What’s your dream?”
Now, if you were back to being a kid, you would have replied with something preposterous since we all believed the notion ‘You can be anything you want’ religiously. But our older and more mature selves, know it’s easier said than done and hence, we settle for having success, lots of money and a comfortable life instead.
In the first verse, Suga mocks this mentality of ours, as he raps:
“I wanna big house, big cars & big rings But actually, I don’t have any big dreams Haha, I live quite comfortably Even if I don’t dream, no one says anything”
RM takes over from there, rapping:
“Everyone is thinking the same way as me I completely forgot about my childhood when I had a lot of dreams Don’t worry about college, I’ll at least go to a school that’s far away”
The last line holds a lot of weight as we’re all conditioned to believe that if we graduate from a good college, our life will be sorted out. Sometimes, it’s not about the benefits that come with studying in a prestigious college, but it’s about the honorary status that comes with it. RM ridicules this belief. In the pre-chorus, V and J-hope ask us if this is really how we want to live our lives? They urge us to live the way we want, even if we live for one day.
“What is the you that you’ve dreamed of? Who do you see in the mirror? I gotta say Go on your path, even if you live for a day Do something, put away your weakness”
But, perhaps my most favorite part of the song is Jungkook’s verse:
“Why aren’t you saying anything? You don’t wanna study but you’re scared to quit school? See, you’re already getting ready for school Please grow up, you’re all talk dude, you have a glass mentality boy (Stop) Ask yourself if you’ve ever worked hard for anything”
The lyrics hit very close to home for me as I’ve been afraid to do my own thing, in the past. I was afraid of failure so I choose the safe way instead of pursuing something I was passionate about. A lot of people can relate to this as well, and I know a few of my friends who hate what they do too, but they still continue because they think they can’t do any better. Some people on the other hand, live for someone else’s dream. They force down their own dreams and try to live up to their parent’s or an elder’s expectations.
“Sick of the same day, the repeating days Grown-ups and my parents keep instilling confined dreams to me”
BTS understands all of this and they know everything that’s wrong with the education system. Each line of this song is meant to comfort the youth and remind them of their dreams. You could also say, this song is meant to be an anthem for all those who are struggling to find their own way. Life is too fleeting to be following someone else’s path and regretting it later. Even if you’re afraid and unsure, you should follow your heart. It sounds cliche right? But since I’m being cliche, I’ll throw out another one: Hard work will always pay off in the end. So let’s listen to Jin and rebel against the norms. Lets us go on our own path.
“That’s a lie, you such a liar See me, see me, ya you’re a hypocrite Why are you telling to go a different path? Take care of yourself Please don’t force me”
This song is one of the most inspirational songs by BTS and it deserves so much more recognition. So, if you haven’t watched the music video yet, check it out below!
Lyrics source : https://popgasa.com/2013/06/11/bts-no-more-dream/
OMG this is so well written and i was so touched by how Anne my sweetiepie told us about her opinion towards the lyric! When we firsg met, we talked a lot and i happen to know that this girl was having courage to take his own path. She choose it. I am so so so proud of her! That makes me realize things too that goes well with this lyric-breakdown. Thank you for inspiring me to find my own dream & path Anne💜