I'm Nobody Really .

Had a bit of a revelation of sorts. I saw a woman. She was beautiful. She had on shorts and a crop top, short pink hair and electric green lipstick. She walked tall. Her confidence was damn near contagious . She was also fat. Not like socially acceptable chubby ie: the thick type with big boobs and a fat ass , but really chubby all over LIKE ME. I'm always trying to cover up in the summer. You could easily catch me in a sweatshirt in 90 degree heat. I've been fighting with myself to dress up more and then in walks this woman being everything while GIVING ME LIFE. I've had two kids, even before that I had stretch marks all over my body, my booty is big and has a few lumps. My boob's are a DD and I have super duper thunder thighs. I look in the mirror and don't know what to think sometimes. So I decided I'm going to wear whatever I want. I'm not covering up my fat because I go to bed fat and wake up fat. It's my reality. I'm not passing up a cute outfit because I'm cubby. I'm not wearing hoodies all summer! I'm going to rock my curves like I just noticed I had them. For anyone who may read this : embrace yourself. Buy the cute dress or whatever you've been eyeing for a while. Wear bright colors and take off the black hoodie and enjoy life. Can't nobody love you like you can. ♥

17520 hours. I mistakenly took pain as love, misplaced trusts and denied fear. 17520 hours ago I was in agony. My butterflies turned to blisters and I had not a solid thought that was my own. Every moment etched deep within the center of my temple. Dragging each feeling through various channels , coming together to make a memory I wish to forget, not undo. 17520 hours ago I laid, knowing my body couldn't take it anymore. Knowing my life had no meaning if I remained your rib. If I continued to barter a better half to give you what you wanted, there was no more me. Clay molds and becomes whatever you want it to be. I do not bend and hold structure with heat. I can’t be left alone. How could you chisel away at my armor? I can't be thrown away and kept at the same time. It's so easy to be there, it's never easy to run away from you. It’s never easy to stay with you. It’s never easy. I still find myself flinching at sunlight and bruising too easily. Do you even know what you did to me? You don’t know broken until you know me. You never did but you’d say I was new when I said no. You’d say I wasn’t a woman because I burned pancakes. your yelling made me cry. Your words cut me down. 17520 hours. Your screams made me deaf, I whisper when I can’t hear. Not for nothing I bloomed. I thought I needed you, I couldn’t live without it. The turmoil, kept me while somehow. I couldn’t smile 17520 hours ago. I couldn’t be alone 17520. I burned things, I made a mess, I wrote your name 300 times like you asked. 17520 hours ago, I packed what I could carry. I ran and ran and ran until you couldn’t find me. 17520.