lupin's long distance husband

Firstly, to defend OP points, giving it a closer look you can see there's a lot of things that can give people questions. The first panel (or lack thereof) is perfectly fine, no comments for me, but the second panel is where we start having some issues.

The framing around Lupin is good because he is the one talking, and it is important to set the context to who is delivering the dialogue. But who is he talking to?

At first glimpses, I feel like anyone can just skip the fact that Zenigata is at the bottom looking at us with a pout on his face... That is because there is so much detail in the background that while it does lead us to Zenigata, it has so much darkness and detail to it that it can push our eyes Away from Zenigata and to the background itself!

It doesn't help the fact that Zenigata is positioned nowhere in the panel that catches our attention. If we apply the Rule of Thirds (which is a compositional principle where anything that touches the intersections gives it more attention in a picture) in this panel, Zenigata almost barely touches any lines as opposed to Lupin!

If you just bring Zeni forward a lil bit so that he does touch the intersection on the grid, it's a huge improvement to the overall drawing.

In addition, OP is right in that the space in here doesn't make too much sense. Usually Monkey Punch takes a more two-dimensional approach when putting his characters in space, but sometimes it may look off when it's applied in a 3d space. The widening of the bridge makes it clear that Zenigata should be bigger to match the perspective, but when our eyes don't see that happen, of course that is going to break immersion.

When readers feel their immersion breaking, they're not gonna like it, and as an artist you have to still incorporate some sense of reality in your comics even if your style bends that a bit. Not that this comment is directed towards MP, I'm saying this just for anyone that is learning.

But in defense of MP... I don't think anything else in this page is really throwing me off as much as that little Zenigata mishap. The next three panels is what you would usually expect in any comic, not just Japanese comics. They're drawn so close together to give the last panel that Oomph!! if you know what I mean.

The last panel is given so much space in the page because it is the climax of their interaction. Just as loud as Lupin is screaming in his panel, the volume of his voice also has to be communicated through the sizing of panel as well, and that's why it occupies an entire row.

In addition, Monkey Punch generally uses very abstract backgrounds just to communicate that these characters are, in fact, in some kind of space, but the lack of detail in certain areas show that he prioritizes the characters more and leaves the other details to your imagination.

Why would Lupin be so big here? That is, much like the previous panel I critiqued, to highlight the fact that Lupin is the speaker, so he has to be the front and center. The angled perspective gives a sense of movement and energy rather than have any practical meaning. One person I talked to said it feels a lot like abstract art where it prioritizes emotion rather than making sense which I totally agree.

I think that's really what Monkey Punch likes to do when drawing more than anything. When you have only a couple hours to finish a page, what matters it that you make something that is easily digestible. Characters will look 2d because that's the fastest to draw and the easiest to understand (take a look at Peanuts for example) and backgrounds are just there to set the tone and help him deliver the mood.

While that would set off a lot of manga readers nowadays that are more used to polished artworks, I personally kind of admire this level of sloppiness. It has problems, but it still works!

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This part will be me giving my comments on OP artwork as a compare and contrast. I'll try to be light on my critiques since this stranger didn't ask for any, but if I want to be thorough with my commentary and also provide some helpful tips along the way. (I'm not gonna provide the picture, so just look at their work on another tab and follow along!)

Firstly, I think the change to the first panel diminishes the impact that the original had. The removal of exclamation mark, using round dialogue boxes instead of the spiky ones, and Lupin's hand not pointing at us makes the statement feels more neutral that it was meant to be.

The second panel improves the perspective and sense of space much more, I can tell that this artist really values making the background make sense, I wonder if they're a background artist? The space Zenigata occupies in this panel, while visually enticing, doesn't seem to contribute to the story. Lupin, despite being the speaker, is so far away that readers may mistake Zenigata as the one speaking instead.

And because we can feel the fact that Zenigata is super far away from Lupin in the space that OP has set up, it is very jarring to suddenly see him so close to Zeni in the third panel. This, at least to a reader like me, can throw off my immersion, because I'm suddenly thrown off by the sudden shift in position that is left unaddressed.

Skipping over to the last row of OP's redrawn page, I understand why they had to shift the "LET ME DUMP YOU IN THE SLAMMER!" panel to the bottom, but it really lessens the impact of both panels. The text box in the first panel should've been spiky to show loudness in the voice, and the text "TAKE HIM ALIVE" should've kept the exclamation mark for the same reasons I stated when talking about the first-most panel of this page. Sharing the same row for these two panels fails to deliver the same impact as the original to me.

The handwritten text is really great though, as someone that loves to do the same thing it really adds a lot to the dialogue.

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Putting all of this together, how would I draw this panel? If i can't also practice what I preach, then this is all for naught... (is that how you spell it?)

It's just a layout because this is just a nightly writing project and my stomach hurts while writing this but here's how I would redraw it I guess!

I tried fixing the perspective issue on MP's drawing and also incorporated some parts of OP's composition in the last panel since i thought that was a bit cooler. You can also see some of my drawing bias coming in too. I emphasize my character acting front and foremost but I don't really take the time to flesh out where my dialogue box would come in. I exaggerated everyone's poses (especially lupin) since i thought there could be a funny contrast play with the second last to last panel. Zenigata getting giant, then Lupin getting even bigger to fight back.

There's always a good thing about each and everyone's art style, and OP's comment about MP's style sort of rubbed me the wrong way considering that they are taking his own artwork to use as inspiration. I'd rather be respectful when commenting about someone's art because there are qualities that are great about it too that I may not recognize. Though I dogged on OP's version quite a bit, the decision to alter the panelling drastically and still finding a way for others to read it better is a pretty admirable task, and I like their dynamic lineart. That should be the same way other people should treat anyone's works. Instead of dismissing it because it doesn't work your way, try to find what it does right because that can also enhance your own way of creating art as well.