The Orchestra’s Second Fiddle

Nope. And one of the things that made my doctors wave off the possibility of a diagnosis was "well, you don't stim or have trouble socializing or have sensory issues so you're probably just depressed and anxious."

Unfortunately it is worse than that; this is hours listened to podcasts per month, 1640 hours per month is like 55 hours a day, which is possible because I listen to podcasts at 2-3x speed and only sleep for about five hours a night. This was to show there were no podcast hours listened in october and november of 2023 (because they all went to listening to Peter Steele)

You've spent a third of the last half decade listening to podcasts.

and it’s like. maybe you shouldn’t be asking people who don’t have your same first-hand experience whether or not you “count”. but just to check maybe have a look at these points:

do you have some sort of aspect of your orientation that isolates you from the wider status quo? then you’re probably queer *

are you discouraged (verbally or through the actions of people/society at large around you) from talking about how your experiences with your orientation differ? then you’re probably queer.

would you discourage other aspec people, regardless of whether they’re cis or straight or not, from saying their aspec identity is part if their queerness? if “no”, consider why a double standard has to be applied to you. if “yes”, maybe you should be more concerned about how you treat other people than how you treat yourself. either way, you’re probably queer.

“oh, but I’m a cis guy—” don’t care. didn’t ask. your gender does not invalidate your orientation.

“I’m in a straight-passing relationship though—” and?? would you say the same about bi people? or trans people in relationships where they’ve only just come out/haven’t socially transitioned yet?

“maybe I’m just traumatised—” maybe you are. maybe your aspec identity being due to trauma doesn’t matter in the wider scale of things. if your aspec identity matters enough that you need a name to distinguish it from a traumatic response, you’re still queer. end of.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

Thanks for the tag @soelstress @tarithenurse and @marasfanfics (for tagging me in slightly different WIP game) .

Rules: send me an emoji in an ask, and I’ll write 3-5 sentences from that wip and share them. You can send me multiple asks!

Here are the WIPs that I want to work on:

💋 - the last three kisses requests (yes, they're coming)

I've got an Ari, Sam, and Jake left

☔️- The Days After (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Reader is coping after Steve leaves for mission which might be his last one. When Steve returns against all odds, he comes back as a shadow of himself. They're picking up the pieces to glue their lives back together (Follow-up to The Day Before)

🧩- Ari Levinson x Reader

They are roommates, best friends, and sometimes play partners. Almost everyone of their friends are rooting for them to be together but they have different ideas of kind of life they want to build. It's them stumbling into and negotiating what a QPR means for them. (this one has 0 words, I need to really get a move on this one)

🧊- Steve x Vor (OC). Set post-Avengers NYC battle.

Vor is against the mind stone remaining on Earth, instead wants to hide in the Cosmos. Steve doesn't trust SHIELD with it, a whole lot les than Thor's estranged sister. They are forced to work together to get the stone.

🏖️- Bonding over Bevvies Jake and Cranks

They spend time at the beach, as their feelings for each other come to a tipping point.

💌 - Steve Rogers x Reader

Steve gets to know a sharp, charming woman in 15 minute increments over morning coffee as he struggles to acclimatize to DC, SHIELD, and this new life.

everybody in the club getting baby (when 5 or more babies are fussy)

going absolute baby mode over there/he's activating baby mode (when the 10 month old is having a fit)

i play my blue eyed white baby (said when setting a specific baby on the floor)

sick 'em! (said when setting any other baby on the floor)

call her regina, she's a little bit dramatic (this is one of my go to phrases)

into the gladiator pit!/hey have you ever seen gladiator? (when two babies start wrestling/fighting) (i have not seen gladiator)

she's ready for college (when the three month old lifts her head to look around)

lock in, brother (i say this the most)