Suave

i feel like when i first started hearing the phrase “oh that fucks” it was in reference to something that had kind of a charismatic machismo to it and did sort of carry the sense of “oh that thing is sexual and can Get It” but it’s now transformed into something that just means “wow i really like that thing” and that’s so funny to me. like i just said “this rug fucks” what does that mean. can this rug get it

They call that shag carpet dude

Never speak to me or my son or my grandson again

I keep waiting around for someone to make me an elaborate, radially-symmetric construction out of sand so that I can mate with them, but no takers.

Okay, I guess we need to mate now.

Finally Tumblr user quasi normalcy getting some

i for one welcome ryan reynolds to tumblr and i am confident that he has what it takes to not only survive but thrive in the funnyman game

I love that heidi klum, international super model and tv personality, was like “I’m going to be a worm for halloween” and went for the most horrifying hyper realistic version possible and was quoted saying (in said worm outfit) ‘I want to put a smile on peoples faces’. ma’am I am gagging but I love that for u

who is telling men that having gray in their hair is ugly. why are they fucking lying

who is telling women that having gray in their hair is ugly!!!!!!! why are they fucking lying!!!!!!!

i think "take a hike" is like the funniest response to someone. like dude just get outta here. and go experience the wonder of nature for a bit

ancestral form of touch grass