peachy

everyday i wake and realize if i want to be smart and talented, i should have started 100 years ago

i can’t help it. anytime i see a baby girl and dad video online—anything about how he’s so gentle with her, how he cradles her or just is in awe with that baby—i can’t help but wonder if my dad was ever that way with me. I mean i can’t know because i was a baby, but i wonder if i ever made him feel so vulnerable? it’s just surprising because now we are two adults. i wonder as a baby what i thought of him. i can’t see the gentleness in him now, but i sleep easy knowing he might have spared me some gentleness then. i think what’s more heartbreaking is the relationship we have now, i don’t think he would have wanted it when he held that baby in his arms .

experienced a brief look into the job market, on the hunt for the internship and now i want to off myself.

any ideology that exists and profits from seeing you moral, cultural or historical superiority is inherently false. we were put on this planet as one and will probably go as one. history exists as a lesson, either telling us about the human warmth, the indomitable human spirit or the ugliness within us. we must learn from it but not repeat the ugly parts. a bus moves when all the wheels move along, the front wheel is no superior to the back wheel.any ideology must be accepting and fair. before you fall into any ideology ask yourself, who is this for? what do they say? if my family or friends weren’t following this ideology, how does this ideology treat them? we will also grow collectively only when we learn we are one alike and not different.

consume art for yourself and not for what it supposedly represents. you are allowed to dislike what is well-liked. you are your own person with your own taste, explore it and be curious. don’t learn from other people’s definitions but set your own definitions. by doing this, you gain reason and meaning. you understand the intention behind the presence of said art in your life. explore at your own pace. not for others. live for yourself as a person. you live for yourself and not an audience. celebrate the freedom.

the system slowly convinces you that you aren’t worth it. it reinforces this by telling you aren’t good enough— that unless you bring forth some monetary or tangible value, you should shun yourself and disrespect yourself. that’s how they get you. they tell you the arts are useless and only science matters, because it makes money. they will tell you what type of “art” can be regarded as art. it will always be art that doesn’t make them feel uncomfortable. we break free from the system by having our small rebellion—spend just 10 minutes a day doing art, can be drawing, writing, playing music. you owe this to yourself and the rest of humanity. don’t compete with other, compare with yourself.