just a girl

you hold your arms up in front of you in defense, trying to shield yourself from your boyfriend’s rage, but he quickly denounces your attempt. rafe slaps your hands away, hardly offering you time to process the act of violence before he’s slapping you clean across the face.

you let out a pained cry as your head whips to the side. the ringing in your ears is instant, and you clutch the side of your face, trying to soothe the stinging sensation that’s quickly taking over.

“owwww!” you cry out, unable to catch your breath. “i-i didn’t do anything!” you try to defend yourself, but rafe’s mind is made up already.

in an instant, he shoves you hard against the wall beside you and glares down at you. he stands much taller than you, using his height snd stature to intimidate you further. his eyes are filled with anger.

“yeah? that’s your excuse?” he asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

he grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. his grip is tight, sure to bruise.

“you think i’m an idiot, huh?”

he gets in your face, and his grip on your chin tightens.

"answer me." he demands, his voice firm and authoritative. "i asked you a goddamn question.”

“n-no—“ you manage to stammer out, mind foggy and vision blurry from your tears, “no, i-i don’t think that, rafe, i-i’m telling you the truth!”

he scoffs, clearly not buying your words.
“bullshit,” he mutters.

rafe pulls you away from the wall by your jaw, only to shove you back against it again.

“you think i didn’t notice your little stunt? huh? you tried to get loud with me, show me up in front of my friends.”

he leans in close to your ear, his voice low and menacing.

"you embarrassed me, in front of everyone. you humiliated me!" he sneers, his grip on your chin tightening even more, almost painfully.

rafe just can’t help himself at this point. his rage is flying off the handle, and without a second thought, the cameron boy rears back and delivers another dehabilitating slap to your face.

the pain is instant, and a cry escapes your lips as you stumble to the side, now free from his grip, but only at a harrowing cost. you bring a hand up to clutch the side of your face, trying to soothe the stinging pain that’s quickly spreading across your cheek.

rafe watches you with an angry look in his blue eyes, taking in the sight of you clutching your wounded cheek.

“yeah, real quiet now, huh?” his voice is low and mocking.

“bet you didn’t think i’d punish you for that, did you?”

he takes a step closer to you, now towering over you and backing you into the wall once more. your chin falls victim to his unforgiving grip again, forcing you to look up at him. you’re sure you’ll be left with an array of bruises across your face later.

“answer me.” rafe demands again.

you try to look away, but he won’t allow it. rafe tightens his grip and forces your head back towards him.

“look. at. me.” he demands, his tone hard and authoritative.

he’s mere inches away from your face, his breath hot on your skin. the sight of his face twisted into such a mean sneer scares you, and you tremble in his hold.

“rafe—“

“you thought i’d just let you get away with that little stunt?” he cuts you off, his voice growing more intense with each word.

“huh? you thought you could treat me like that in front of my boys and-and get away with it?” he chuckles darkly, shaking his head.

“i didn’t do anything—!” you try to defend yourself, your voice naturally raising an octave or two, but rafe quickly nips that in the bud with another slap.

his large hand comes down across your cheek again, the force of the slap knocking your head to the side. for a brief moment, everything is fuzzy after the impact. you see stars, your cheek burning with pain.

“watch your tone.” he snaps, his hand moving to grip your chin again. “you think you can raise your voice at me? huh?”

you shake your head frantically as his grip on your jaw is traded for a harsher one on your hair. pushing yourself up on your tiptoes, you try to alleviate as much of the strain on your roots as possible.

“no!” you cry out, “no, no, i-i’m sorry!”

the taller man gives you a good shake by your hair. he leans in close to your ear again, his voice low and threatening. “damn right you’re sorry. and if you ever embarrass me like that again, i’ll break your fucking face. you got that?”

you nod as best you can with the unforgiving grip on your hair.

rafe only releases you so he can shove you back against the wall again with all his strength. he steps back, crossing his arms over his chest, a smug look on his face.

“you need to learn your place.” he says, his tone condescending. his hard eyes follow you as you slump against the wall and collapse in a sobbing heap at his feet.

rafe towers over you, glaring down his nose, taking in the sight of your crumpled form. he doesn’t pity you, in fact, he actually enjoys seeing you like this. broken. weak. crying.

he takes a step closer, his chest heaving.

“dry it up,” his demand comes out in a harsh tone, referencing your tears.

“you brought this on yourself. you know goddamn well this is what happens when you disrespect me. be lucky that’s all i decided to do.”

you’re still sobbing, unable to catch your breath as you gasp and hiccup and sniffle at his feet. you keep your face turned away from him, unable to look your boyfriend in the eyes. you feel too small, too weak and vulnerable to do so.

your face feels almost numb at this point, your cheek spent from being slapped so many times. you look absolutely pitiful.

rafe wears a faux pout as kneels down to your level, tilting his head at you.

you can’t help but flinch when a warm hand suddenly comes to rest under your chin. you anticipate the wrenching snatch of his hand to your jaw, but it doesn’t come. instead, rafe’s touch is surprisingly gentle now.

he lifts your head up, forcing your tearful gaze on him. with his other hand, rafe brushes a strand of dishevelled hair from your face.

“oh sweetheart…” he drawls, “look at you.”

his fingers trail across your face, over your wounded cheek. he gently caresses the tender skin, his touch light and almost tender.

but there’s a dangerous glint in his eyes as he takes in the sight of you, bruised and beaten. the imprint of his hand is already visible on your face, puffy and indented on the irritated skin.

“you look like a mess.” he says, his voice dripping with mock sweetness.

rafe frowns as he thumbs at some of your tears. the stark contrast to the aggressive behavior he’d just showed moments ago is enough to give you whiplash.

he sighs, “you know i don’t like having to hurt you…”

it’s a claim you’ve heard time and time again.

your boyfriend’s voice takes on a more menacing tone now as he reaches out and brushes more hair from your face, his touch still light. but there’s a warning in his eyes.

“now…you’re a smart girl…you know better than to push me like that, right?” rafe nods, and you nod with him.

“you know better. you gotta do better, sweetheart. cause’ next time…” he brushes his thumb over your bottom lip, blue eyes flitting across your forlorn face.

“…i can’t promise i’ll be so gentle.” he threatens, his voice quiet and intense.

only suffering three slaps to the face, being spared any punches, or worst of all, any choking, was indeed considered ‘gentle’ in rafe’s eyes.

he frowns as he takes in your face; your bottom lip quivering, dried and fresh tears littering your cheeks.

his expression is almost… soft. almost… caring. it’s an odd juxtaposition to the anger and violence he had shown you just moments before.

rafe tilts his head, studying your bruised face and tear-streaked cheeks.

“you know the rules, sweetheart.” he says, his voice still soft. “you know what i expect. and you know what happens when you break those rules, don’t you?”

you manage to nod your head, sniffling as you wipe at your face with the back of your hand.

he sighs again, almost sounding defeated.

“baby, look at me.” he says, his tone firm and authoritative.

when you don’t move, he reaches out and grabs your chin, forcing your gaze up to meet his.

“i said, look at me.”

rafe moves his hand up, gently caressing your face again.

“you gotta understand,” he says, his voice taking on a gentle, yet firm tone, “i’m doing this because i care. because i want you to learn. i don’t want to hurt you, baby, i don’t. but i gotta make sure you’re on your best behavior.”

when you don’t respond, he eventually reaches out towards your face, where your hand is still pressed to the side of your face he’d dealt his rath to.

“let me see,” he says.

you let rafe gently turn your face, examining the damage he’s done. his eyes flicker over the impending bruise in the shape of his hand. he looks almost… guilty.

“goddamnit…” he mutters, shaking his head.

you almost flinch again when rafe eventually stands back up, straightening himself out and sighing again as he looks down at you.

“come on. let’s get you some ice, baby.”

it’s rafe’s attempt at a kind gesture, but you’re nervous to take the hand that’s extended to you.

“c’mon…” he coaxes, his voice soft and gentle, “let me help you up.”

he sighs when you make no moves to comply, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

“come on baby, i’m not gonna hurt you. let me help.”

he reaches down and grabs your upper arm, pulling you up to your feet gently.

he maintains his hold on you, steadying you as you wobblely rise to your feet. rafe guides you over to the couch and carefully helps you sit down.

“stay here,” he says as he lowers you down onto the sofa, “i’m gonna grab some ice.”

he disappears into the kitchen, leaving you alone on the couch for a moment. you try not to focus on the pounding in your head as you hear rafe moving around in the other room, rummaging through the freezer and the cabinets. after a few minutes, rafe returns, holding a small bag of frozen peas with a thin hand towel wrapped around it.

he sits back down next to you and carefully presses the peas to your bruised cheek.

“gonna help with the swelling,” he says, his voice soft again, devoid of the anger from before.

he can’t miss the way you flinch when the bag makes contact with your skin, and his eyes soften again.

“i know, i know,” he starts, “i know it hurts, but it’ll help. trust me.” he mutters, gently holding the bag against you.

you try to relax, try to untense your muscles as rafe settles beside you, but he can tell you’re still on edge, still anticipating the next attack, whether it be verbal or physical.

this makes rafe sigh again, looking down at you with an almost unreadable expression.

“baby…you know why i had to do that, right?” he asks, his tone almost tender.

he shifts himself closer to you, the couch creaking under his weight. his other arm snakes around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“c’mere,” he murmurs, “come here, baby…”

he sighs, breath fanning against your hair as he presses a long kiss to the top of your head.

your tears have slowed slightly, but you continue to sniffle let out soft whimpers every now and then as rafe holds you.

he moves the bag of peas from your face and gently brushes his thumb across your bruised cheek, his touch tender.

“we’re not gonna have any more issues, are we sweetheart?” his voice takes on a hint of a warning tone again.

understanding that the relief of the ice on your face is dependent on your response, you shake your head, “no…n-no more issues…”

he gives a nod, satisfied with your answer. he resumes holding the peas to your face, being gentle this time around.

“good. that’s a good girl,” rafe praises, his tone soft again.

you relish the praise. you need it, because rafe is the only person you have. he’s completely isolated you from your friends, your family… he’s your only source of comfort and consolation after he’s hurt you. he made sure of that.

your boyfriend adjusts you in his lap, allowing you to rest your head against his broad chest.

again, he kisses the top of your head.

“you know i love you…right, sweetheart?”

you nod in response, bracing yourself for the manipulation he’s about to spew.

he continues to hold you close, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

he moves his hand from your back and gently tilts your head up to look at him.

“and you know… nobody could ever love you like i do, right? cause you know as well as i do, nobody’s gonna want you like i want you. nobody else can give you what i give you…right, baby?”

you nod your head, more tears welling in your bloodshot eyes…because you know he's right. rafe is the only one who's ever been able to look past all of your flaws, all of your issues. nobody else would put up with your bullshit like he has.

you look up at him, your eyes puffy and red.

"i know…” you manage to whisper, your voice weak and hoarse. "i know, you're the only one who loves me." it’s humiliating to admit, but you’re conditioned to believe it’s true at this point.

rafe nods, accepting your agreement. he has you right where he needs you to be. he pulls you impossibly closer against him, wrapping his strong arms around you.

he holds you in his lap again, his broad chest acting as your pillow.

it’s quiet for a few moments as he allows you to cry, his hand rubbing soothingly across your back.

“shhh…” he shushes you gently, “you’re gonna be just fine, baby,” he cooes, his voice tender.

“everything’s gonna be just fine.”