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The problem is you have not ever once be honest with me about anything. & I sense it & it eats away at me. You say all these things to me about being a good friend but I can feel that something is not right. You don’t tell me things or hide things from me normal friends do not do that. The “boy girl dynamic” is in YOUR head. Bc you have feelings for me and you hate it. You care about me, you do. You don’t have to tell me to know. It’s always there. & you HATE it. You’ll ignore it bc it doesn’t change anything about our dynamic. You’ll keep me at arms length bc it’s better. You say all this bs & go out of your way to show you care & love me & yet we only hangout in your car for a short period at a time. You treat me more than a friend and less at the same time. It’s in how you talk to me & how things are in person I just KNOW you have feelings for me anyone blind can see it that’s why the dynamic is weird. You push me away just enough to keep me far where you don’t feel anything from me bc too much time wouldn’t be good in your eyes. I can’t think of any explanation as to why you keep me around at all after everything besides you love me. It’s hard jorge it is to know all these things without speaking about it & to be so happy around you & feel safe & know that you hate it & you’ll always push me away even if something feels good. It truly sucks to care and connect with someone so much who does not comprehend it & I feel takes for granted this friendship we have that I would die for. You’ll say I am crazy or taking things wrong every single time but I’m not wrong I know I’m not. I know it isn’t good for a friendship to be this way I know it’s best to keep me a safe distance but it does mess with my head when I want to see you and hangout with you and you don’t tell me why you don’t want to when I know it’s just because you don’t want to get too close to me. So what I’m good for is someone to talk to and hook up between relationships & then you’ll push me out every few weeks & I just have to accept how it is. I don’t even WANT a relationship from you I can just tell that you do have some type of feelings it has been such a long time dude & so do I that’s why the dynamic is weird & difficult. I don’t understand what I’m expected to do is just allow you to come in & out as you please & see me when you feel like it which will be never literally never ever. If I didn’t fight you, I wouldn’t ever see you again. If I left things alone I would never hear from you again. It’s the truth. If I don’t complain or fight it, I’m forgotten & you’ll be gone slowly from my life because it’s what you want. Like genuinely how can you sit there and say you are my friend and care about me and then act like seeing me is a chore and literally only hangout with me in your car like normal friends do NOT do that & it is gas lighting to make me believe that’s normal. Like how do you honestly expect me to feel? How do you not get it. You don’t have feelings for me ok yea right you have multiple times and always ignore it & push it away bc it’s literally pointless bc you don’t want to but it also fucks with me mentally. Like how can you genuinely sit there and think everything that has happened & how we act to eachother that I’m not aware you have feelings for me. Beyond the fact that you acted like we would be hooking up so I believed you & I think about it and I WANT TO FUCK YOU and you won’t see me. I am annoyed and frustrated & honestly don’t expect to ever see you again in my life. Once again I will be the cause of it. You don’t get it. & I’m telling you if you want to be gone from my life & don’t plan on seeing me block me now. Do it now. I can handle it all at once. You slowly leaving my life I can’t handle. So just go if that’s what you are doing block me and go all at once PLEASE.

I’m sitting in my car panicking and I fant take it anymore