Abandonded

Nothing gold can stay. She was taken from me today. As was my collar. All because i voiced my opinion and wanted to be heard. But no, thats blasphemy, and is backtalking. Any good Sir would listen to his pupslave and decide if a punishment fits after hearing him out. not yell at him and treat him less than then disown him. especially since im more pup than slave, and honestly porbabky more boy than slave but i havent had proper training to find out. and this was all new to our ex master, 100%. Which i guess was kinda dangerous in hindsight... I had to take a 4 hour train from seattle to portland after a 1 hour ferry ride from bremington with my sobbing beta flamepaws at like 1130am this morning because i decided to stand up for myself. He called us princes, on more than one occassion and often treated us like it. But if we upset him even slightly or got caught in the crossfire of his ex boyfriends stupid drama we, and mostly I, were the bad guys because we wouldnt sit there and take his verbal abuse. You cant call someone a prince then tell them theyre lucky to even be offered a bed you snide prick. Especially since i never once said i wanted to be a fullslave. Especially since i was employed by you as your personal assistant. You will be the last person i ever say i love you too and youre too blind to even care. My beta threw up at dinner last night over the stress of how our now ex Masters on/off again boyfriend treats him. His partner brought a stranger up to us all at a bar friday night, the night before, and introduced us to her as his exes pups and his ex boyfriend. All three of us were completely miffed. Any one in bdsm would hopefully say itd be a punishment moment for that level of disrespect. And then he just cocked his head and was dumb like 'oh i thought thats how we ended the conversation when i came down to visit a few weeks ago?'. So we were walking on egg shells since then we felt like, especiallu since the dude didnt evn wash the bedding on the single-sized bed he had for us to sleep on. Talk about a warm welcome. It was his dogs bed to roll around on when hes wet. They live just outside of seattle. It rains all the time that bed was foul. Talk about a bad host and super rude unconsideration. But yeah, back to saturday night and flamepaws throwing up at dinner over the litteral abuse were being dragged through. He throws up and were in the car and ex master and his sexfriend/exboyfriend spend FIVE minutes debating on driving or taking the ferry back to his 600sq foot studio apartment where 3 dogs were waiting for 4 people. And HERES the kicker. My betas already thrown up and were in the car. Theyve debated on what to do. and now theyre doing it AFTER driving past Steam bathhouse to see whats up. I had to literally call him out because our ex master wouldnt, he considered going in, too. Uuuhhh. Neglect? Abusive? And he blamed it on not seeing our ex master for months, and a 5 hour energy shot. Even thou hes on scruff and gets his dick sucked on the reg. Our ex master said he even barebacked some random. Unsafe. Uncaring to their relationship despite the long distance. Certainly cums a lot more than ive been able to. Yer IM the bad guy. This situation is super fucked and im close to relapsing and fucking up everything ive strived for. I quit a lot of things for that selfish silver spoon manchild and now im fucked. I had to go pack all my stuff tonight on his property and he was so cold and rude, yet he gave flamepaws all the diapers. I probably wont even get a severence for my services. This is why i stay on my side of the poverty line. My kind may be vulgar and constantly scared/struggling, but we have insight. We have wisdom. All he has is money he doesnt know what to do with and a boyfriend 300miles away using him like a marrionette. Meanwhile im fighting not dragging a razor across my wrists again. Doctor appointments in the morning for my beta and i. He almost fell in the shower and i cant keep anything down, wasnt really able to all weekend. Ugh and i cant sleep. All that runs through my head is Lana. My little snowflake. Unique and beautiful and as soon as she touched the ground, melted. gone in to nothing. Much like my wax wings. What was i thinking flying so close to the sun? Stupid Icarus. ~just another stray

Lil Lana's a #HuskyDerp =D

Lana Sebastian =)

At this point do everything but leave me for dead. x.x

Speaking of! I’ll finally get to meet him this weekend, as will our beta! =) exciting start of the new year fer sure! *wagwagwag*

My Master, beta, and myself are all having our first dinner together as a pack tonight when Master lands at PDX on his flight from Cabo. Itll be our first full night together as a trio; as a pack. Im very excited, and while @flamepaws has taken my exes place id say its a fair trade off considering i love my beta as much as our Master. I wish we couldve shown each other affection sooner but i was blinded by depression. I suppose this warrants a bit of information about myself finally, as well as Master, and beta- although theres not a lot i can say about our Master mainly from a precautionary standpoint. What i can tell you about my Master is that hes probably the kindest man ive ever met. That doesnt do me a lot in my sadism/masochist department but thats honestly probably best as physical pain and/or abuse isnt what i should strive for on a daily basis. Ive come to find im very much a different kind of pupslave thanks to this God of a man. His body is my temple and every second of every day i strive to be at his feet awaiting an order to obey. Kindness doesnt take away from the fact he knows what to do in the bedroom ;) and out most times too. Its been a learning experience for both of us and every hour with Him is a gift. Hes also very busy. Within the next few months im hoping most of mine and our beta's time will be spent with Him as He travels but currently He travels alone or with family. Master has a great sense of humor as well and i know He lets our beta and i be far more outspoken than most pups and/or slaves get to be in traditional relationships like were trying to build. Next on the doctet is me, Alpha pupslave Keefer. Being an Alpha is new to me and im basing everything off what ive read online, and seen in action via my local leather bar the Eagle, and at pup moshes here in Portland as well as up in Seattle. Last year was a challenge as i tried to find my place and now that ive found it i know 2016 will mean even more work as i strive to maintain my newfound stability. I love bondage and pup play, im also very fond of watersports. Currently im exploring my abdl side as well with my lil brudder flamepaws =) Speaking of! I met flamepaws through old friends via PDX-PaH which is Portlands local pup community. Long story short he crushed hard on me and wanted to come stay with me again last year in 2015 for his summer break from job corp in San Fran. He had a blast again and wanted to move in as he was almost done with his chef schooling so i had my roommate and exboyfriend set him up with a job at his hotel as a line cook and he moved in with us in August. From there we bonded and he helped me go through the motions of drug abuse and abuse from my ex, Onyx. Hes probably the next sweetest person i know. Id say kind, but he moshes too hard to post hardcore and metal to be called kind. He flails. ;p But he is sweet. And twinky. Mmmm. And a big pain slut which helps me cuz im fairly sadistic as an Alpha and Dom. *wagwagwag* Questions? Bark them at me! Either openly or in private! But do expect more cause a pack blog is comin! <3