World Dreamer

There were three reasons of why I came to Mexico City. I wanted to get my own perspective of the city, I wanted to learn about my ancestors culture, and I wanted to spend more time with my own family.

It seems that i've been doing a bit of all three so far. However spending time with my family has been by far the most life changing one. Growing up I was always around my moms family more than my dads family. My mom has 9 brothers and sisters and 1 half sister. My dads family consists of 5 brothers and sisters and 2 half siblings.

I guess one of the reasons why I was more inclined to my mother's family was that she had a bigger family so I had more family to go around too. But one of the other reasons was due to my grandfather on my dads side being a grouch (or so ive heard from many), this caused both my parents to keep me and my siblings away from my fathers parents and then slowly from the whole side of my fathers family (or at least thats what i think). Later when I started going to Mexico as a teen, I just wanted to have fun, so now it was me that didn't want to go and spend time with my grandparents. To add more to the pile, my mother had always had resentment towards conflicts with my dads side of the family, so that also caused me to not be as close to my fathers family in general, however my mother would never tell me to not go, she would just tell me the stories of her and her conflicts, but my mom being my best friend, I would always feel hurt when she felt hurt so I would also carry the grudge that she had with others, and not be as close to my dads family. In general I barely spent time with my grandparents or family on my dads side.

Now, don’t get me wrong I do somewhat spent time with some of my fathers family, however i’ve never had the same confidence and love that I have with my mothers side of the family. Plus many of my mothers side of the family would always call and wish us happy birthdays or check up on us, or visit us in the states, as opposed to my fathers side of the family. So the more contact I had with family members the more I grew to love them. Thats were my own personal grudge grew on my fathers side of the family, they were never involved with us, and at the time I thought they never cared, now I know it goes both ways.

It wasn't until I was in 7th grade that one member of the family of my father became more than just a family member, but a sister to me. Many of my friends know her, Andrea, Andrea is the daughter of my fathers sister. She came to live in the states to practice her english but ended being a student in the states for 4 years and in those four years I learned to love her and care for her. So I guess she is the only person on my father family that I truly learned to love.

Now my grandfather, the father of my father is dying. This was one of the even bigger reasons why I came to do my internship here. You see when my grandfather on my mothers side passed away about 7 years ago and I had no chance to say good bye or even hear him tell me his “back in the day” stories. So I was determined to come and actually get to know my last grandfather alive for myself. However what made me start getting funny feelings was when I really started to actually care for the old man, I just wanted to hear old grandpa stories, not to actually care for him. But the love grew and is growing. He might have been a tough man in the past, but now I know why.

The funniest thing however, is that through getting to know my grandfather I think I got to know more of my own father and my cousin Michelle, of whom i've lived 15 minutes away from my house in charlotte. My aunt from my moms side (Tia Benita) told me something that will stick with me forever, she told me that the reason why I didn't have love for my fathers side of the family was because my parents didn't have the patience and will to make me closer to them. My dad basically gave up and my mom didn't really care either. I am no longer looking for blame, but to better my family situation.

Through my grandfather I see many characteristics of my my own father, both very stubborn, hardheaded, and a bit old school, but what amazes me the most is the commonalities of their physical appearances. When I see my grandfather I can see all of my fathers face. I guess now I know how my father will look when he gets old, but this is exactly what kills me the most. I see my grandfather fragile and childlike, he doesn't move, his body is all shriveled up and he slurs his words. I know this happens with old age but it gives me chills just to see that old age can potentially make you weak. When I see my grandpa I can't help but to picture my father when old and potentially in his deathbed, its not a pretty picture. My father just like my grandfather is a very independent and wild man, never have I seen my father sick or in bed for more than one day. Its scary to tell the truth, but at the end I must see all outcomes of life in a positive way. Seeing my grandpa, and witnessing first hand how hard it is to be around a sick person has made me a stronger and more sentimental person. I see that my father is very closed when it comes to talking about his dying father, due to the pain he went through when young. He says that he has let all his pain go but only he will ever know. With all this i've made it my goal  to better my own family ties and to form a closer family once I finally settle with the partner I will love. I want to forge a loving and expressing family, one that can say exactly what they feel and never let one another leave with grudges of years past. I want to say I love you everyday and remind all my family that they are loved. Something that I growing up didn't have due to my parents cold attitudes because of their upbringings. We are currently all working on being more expressive of our love and care but its a growing progress.  

For Michelle's case, me and her have always been in the same cities and in close distance but its not until we both had to go through my grandfather's illness that I felt I got to know her better. I've learned that she is one stubborn ass woman, but nonetheless she is a person with a pure heart and best intentions. Kiddingly, my other cousin Ale and I call her Mama Michelle, she is always the responsible one out of the group. What amazed me of her is that though she knows of various conflicts in our family circle she always tries to not let them come between her and the relationship of the other family members. She is a strong believer of family first, and helping the most when one can. Its funny, I think all this time I tried to find my answer on how to feel about my family, when all along the answer was in a person that lived 15 minutes away and 10 numbers from my cell phone.

These two people are not the only ones that have made an impact, i've seen better sides of my fathers family now. I think I would have forever been a hypocrite if I went around everywhere telling people that I go around the world seeing the best in people, but not doing it in my own family.

Someone once told me that if your family doesn't need you, or hasn't needed you in their life, and are giving you a headache,  then just keep on moving on and don't bother, but I say HELL NO, today I learned that blood is thick and maybe they might not need me, but I sure as hell needed them to figure out a life lesson.  In life we never know what is best for our families or even ourselves, but if we went around the world not trying to help or decipher our own family then how will we find out what family truly means to us. Now I understand that blood is thick and regardless of the time spent apart from them it doesn't make them any less of a loving family member. I came trying to help my fathers family out, but am coming out with a lesson of a lifetime taught by all the members of my fathers family.

This blog post is dedicated to the drivers of the Combi's and Microbuses of Mexico City. For the past week I've been using this form of transportation, and though I've used it in the past when I came with my parents to the city, its not till now that I realize that these drivers are intelligent, resourceful and risk their lives every day.

Drivers have to be intelligent in three ways: knowing back ways of the whole city, giving change back in a matter of seconds, and knowing how to navigate through the hectic traffic of Mexico City. Its amazing to see that these drivers can skip through all the other cars while giving a perfect amount of change back to a passenger. Its like doing math while ridding your bike! I know that all this takes experience, something that they already have, but man its tough. If you ever and I mean ever see yourself lost in Mexico ask a micro or combi driver, these people know al the shortcuts and high ways of all Mexico City! Now if you don't trust your drunk friend that just took those 3 shots of tequila, don't worry, the micro and combi drivers got you. They whip out their skills at all moments when driving into Mexico's traffic of hell. Not only are they smart but the they also take care of their passengers. The city of Mexico is not as bad as many say it is, however there is always the occasional robber that tries to take the drivers hard earned money in the one red light. Ive heard of stories where the drivers drive off to get them off the window, but they always start shooting and hurt the passengers, so most drivers just decide to let the robber get the money. 

I guess all in all these drivers come out to make a living but in reality they struggle more than those drivers in public transportation in the United States. 

(Pictures are not taken by me)

Today was my second day at work! I think for the first time I am actually working a "real job"I knew that when coming to do my internship in Mexico it would have been taken way more serious than in the States. In the US most times when doing an internship they always get you to do small office work (make copies, get coffee, etc..) at first. Here though, its basically free work so if they know your actually studying to do what you are doing in the internship then they expect you to do a great job and will give you immediate serious work.

My supervisor and the boss lady are both women that worked in Mexican embassies in the United States. They are very sweet and understanding however they expect things to be done. My office consists of 10 people and with me 11. There are three small offices inside the big office, theres the boss lady, her executive assistant/my supervisor, and then the man that oversees all types of accounting and computer stuff. Then we have 6 desks inside the big office. Two desks are secretaries, one for boss lad and the other for both my supervisor and the man. Then we have the three desks that are accountable for basically all the art and cultural programs in Mexico. Then we have one desk that seats two messenger guys, but in reality they just do a bunch of odd jobs and all the extra easy work the three desks can't handle, and finally my desk, I am translation. I translate all needed stuff, most times spanish to english. 

So as you see our office is basically a little factory of Mexican art and culture trying to expose itself to the whole world with only 10 people. Its pretty cool, especially because i get to learn how to formulate contracts, and write academic and business spanish. 

I know im excited for this opportunity but I am terrified for all the work I have been given. During my stay I have to help translate, a blog, a 18 Mexican Museum Booklet, power points for the boss lady to expose all over the world, and contracts that are sent to all foreign museums on the other side of the world. So as you can see my nerves are a bit worked up, but I truly do hope that all will be well and that my work is good enough. 

After my day at work my aunt suggested that I take the "Microbus" which is the bus. Let me first explain the craziness of Mexican roads and traffic. Mexico city is about 20 times worse than NYC. Most times traffic does not move for at least 30 minutes and people create their own lanes. If there are only 3 lanes, Mexicans miraculously make 6! They drives so close to each other that I can literally smell the onion breath of the car next to me. The public transportation is what kills me though. Mexico has two ways of federal transportation the "metro" (train) and the "metrobus" (bus). Both of these belong to the government and they are actually not so bad. The other two ways are the "microbus" (bigger bus) and the "combi" (smaller bus), both of these are cheaper ways to  ride through the city, and these transportations are also what takes most people from their jobs in the DF to where they live in the Estado de Mexico. The reason why im so iffy on "microbuses" and "combis" are the fact that they literally pile everyone up until there is no space to breath. My first alone experience in the Microbus was not so bad, but what truly got me worried were the men and kids that were literally hanging of the buss. The doors of the bus where open and kids and men would just try to hold on to whatever piece of bus they could hang on and then all their body would be outside in the traffic! 

This morning I was awaken by my cousins alarm through my aunts thin walls of her house. the day was gloomy but nevertheless it was the first day of my internship. I got dressed and went down for some breakfast. When I went downstairs I was greeted by my aunt asking me what it was that I wanted for breakfast. I started whipping up myself some delicious American slash Spanish breakfast with amazing Mexican ingredients. Most mornings in my house I eat toast with banana and honey, but in my house I pile up the honey on my toast to get it as sweet as I can. Today I used Mexican honey and boy did I over pile that honey. One bite of the pure sticky golden liquid and I was done for my sugar intake for the day. The honey was so sweet and so fresh that it almost tasted like spring. Wont lie I  shedd a tear or two on how amazing that was. I completely forgot how delicious the taste of fresh and natural food was. Then I made myself toast with olive oil and ham, this is typical in Spain. I added a Mexican twist and added avocado and spicy "chiles en viangre".  Man when I tell you that the avocado melted in my mouth and the spicy carrots awoke my taste buds! You won't even believe the party I had in my mouth!

Well after my cuisine experience I rode with my cousin to her school. When entering la universidad I was shocked to see so much security. She had to scan cards everywhere we went. Her school however is so much more bigger than my humble salem. What I realized was that Mexico is all built on top of mountains so it's pretty cool to see all the colorful houses from her school thats is on top of a bigger mountain.

After her school we took a spiraly road that lead us to the city of Mexico where I work. As of right now I leave with my cousin in Atizapan which is close to the city of Mexico but we live in El Estado de Mexico which surrounds the city of Mexico.  Kind of like DC in Maryland. When I finally arrived to my internship I was surprised to see the dated equipment. I work for the international relations offices of the biggest art and culture department of Mexico. The art and culture of Mexico is controlled by SEP which is in charge of the nations education, but SEP made an office named CONACULTA and under that there are two branches INBA and INHA. I work in INBA which concentrates in all the modern arts. So once again I thought they would invest on good offices. 

I loved the staff and I have my own desk. My first day was to translate a contract from english to Spanish. I realized that even though I was nervous to work in a spanish speaking office I was able to communicate very efficiently. Some of the staff traveled from 3 hours away from the city. They told me that the motivation for them was preserving the art of Mexico I was in awe. After work my boss asked me if I wanted free tickets to the ballet and of course I said yes. I work behind the "Auditorio Nacional" so I literally stepped outside my office and was there. I went with my cousin. The ballet brought tears to my eyes, for the first time in my life did I see ballerinas with the color of my skin and they were beautiful.

When all was done my cousin and I once again went to her school so she could sign her grades away. Here in Mexico she one finishes their semester the student has to see the grades they received even before the professors pot them online. That is the chance where the students are allowed to tell their professors that they don't agree with their grade and then try to work something out. I thought that was pretty cool.

I have decided to restart my blog. Though I’ve been to this country countless of times, I feel that before I keep on discovering the rest of the world I should discover the land of my family and ancestors. Mexico is a country with beautiful sceneries, delectable flavors, amazing colors, but most importantly the humblest of people. At first I decided to go to mexico to find out who I trully am as a person.

In the states, growing up chicano was one of the hardest things to do, especially in the city of New York. All my life I went on believing that I was Dominican. Though I was always surrounded by Mexican culture, food and traditions all my friends were of either South American or African American background.So in reality it was hard to actually express my mexican-es, but that’s for another blog.

Fortunately after 21 years I found how to identify myself, and I now call myself a chicana. What helped me find myself in my identity crisis was an  independent study I did in my school: Salem College (which by the way paid for my ticket for this janterm). So again I only come to learn more in depth the history of my family and my ancestor to better comprehend my past and maybe formulate a better future. 

So it has come to the end. May 13th 2014. My study abroad concludes today. I don’t know how to write a concluding paper really, especially a paper that will close the best chapter of my life.

 When I first came to this country all I had were questions and fears, doubts and worries. 4 months later I come out with strength and knowledge, might and realization.

 I truly have no idea how to write this blog post. All the emotions that this trip has evoked of me fill my soul uncontrollably and cant allow me to think straight. So I guess the easiest way is to write a list of what I will miss.

  Study Abroad Friendships: when first coming to Morocco my biggest fear was not finding people that I could become friends with, and boy was I wrong. I found three women that changed my life completely; we went through ups and downs, days without eating, hours fighting, and so much more. Though these women were constant I my study abroad experience there were also other short friendships that I will forever remember, we weren’t the closest but we definitely shared times that will never be forgotten. 

Travelers Struggle: When being broke in a foreign country it honestly makes you appreciate everything you’ve ever had but it also gives you a different point of view, a view that makes you see that money is not all and that materials are not needed. I would say the hard times hit very often, but thanks to that I saw the simple beauty of this world and the amazing people of this planet. When I had nothing I had everything. I had healthy cheap food, I had amazing people surrounding me, I learned more about life and history than I would have ever done so in a classroom or in a city, I became fit from all the walking, an expert bargainer without speaking Arabic, met people from all over the world, became an artist by using my third eye in photography, I appreciated landscapes, sunsets, and people more, I was more open to change, I stopped caring for money, I loved sharing with others, I became more humble and I loved seeing my group of friends smile when we were all fed and having an amazing time. 

Moroccan Hospitality: If there is one country you want to be in when broke is Morocco. I know it sounds cliché but the people here are so giving and so sweet, they will literally brake off their one piece of bread to share with a group of 5.  Not all in morocco are like that but many will almost always open their doors of their house to complete strangers. I cant promise that you will have a 5 star meal, but I do assure you they will have warm Moroccan Mint tea and an endless star rate of hospitality.

 Learning about yourself: I have started my journey of discovering who I was since my sophomore year of college however this experience has showed me way more of who I am and becoming than the last year and a half that I’ve been working on. Being disconnected from who you knew, what you knew, and where you knew helps you see things clearer and in your own way. I don’t think I’m done getting to know who I am but I have definitely done so much more progress than the past years. 

I don’t want to get to sappy and too long but all in all this was by far the most life changing and most amazing 4 months of my life. I wouldn’t change anything at all, not the people, not the situations, not the country, nothing at all. This has been the most rewarding experience of my life, most of the times I regret going against my parents wishes but I must say that I am so glad that I did. Mama Papa por primera vez estuve correcta en lo que decide, muchas gracias por todo su apoyo y amor incodicional, sepan que estos meses se los dedico a ustedes. Aunque no estuvieron de acuerdo con mi decision se que por ser creiada con ustedes es quien soy ahora, y se que me ayudo mucho en viajar y tomar el mundo enetero yo sola.

 This is not the end of my journey this was just the most amazing beginning.

Salem Ladies and everyone in the world

Mind if I keep it real with y'all for a second? I really do feel that studying abroad should be a REQUIREMENT for all students.Even if that student doesn't want to leave the country there should be some type of requirement to spend a certain amount of time away from their home institution and study in another one. Colleges breeds a central mindset that is embraced within the diversity of their students. This molds them into becoming the person that reflects their institution. If time was spent away from this institution, the student would have the opportunity to understand and embrace different mindsets mandated by different academies. Understand that this is what shapes society. There could be a shift in society towards the progression and empowerment for humanity. Sitting in a room with two other amazing women from different colleges that represents different outlooks from their home institutions has taught me a lot. (i.e religion, military, culture, gender, arts etc) This is not a conscience decision it is a sub-conscience gravitation towards their home institutions ideology. This can be problematic because it can be hard for students to adjust to the "real WORLD." Hence why students must have some type of break even before they integrate to the "real WORLD". Study abroad provides training wheels before they ride into society to see how the interactions of different perspectives come to play into the the global theater of this world. It is a must to see how the world comes together before one plunges entirely.Have you noticed that most famous peacemakers in the world has lived in other countries at some point? This is just an idea that can reshape and transform higher education into molding citizens of the global world. My take. What's yours?

sasasha, kemi, paloma

Paloma spill: