pandemoniums

ALBUM: THE UNFOLDING ( LISTEN ) 

TRACK LIST:

peace or annihilation

the bordeline

pieces

the pot

vicariously

fulcrum

grudge

nine-one-two

fret, fuck

push

silly monkeys

a placid, contented man

pneuma

invinctus

the descend

After a pleasant evening with Cash’s parents, Bass was on cloud nine. His lover asked him about what he thought of their time together as soon as they dropped off his parents, drawing a smile from him. “I think you should be feeling threatened right now … it seems like I might be their new favorite son soon,” he joked, grinning. 

“Your dad is really cool,” Bass continued on a more serious note. “And I’m pretty sure your mom thinks I’m very handsome … you might get your taste in men from her, eh?” He teased, happy with how the night turned out. “I can’t believe I was nervous about this … I think it went great. Specially the part where they said we make sense together.”

Bass threw him a look. “If I knew I’d get so much support from your parents, I’d have asked them to help me break you and Michael off.” 

cash!

It was nice to see that smile on Bass’ face. Cash knew he was nervous to see his parents once again after everything that happened and frankly, so was he. But everything went even better than expected. Cash laughed at the comment. “Now I’ll know how Colt feels.” He meant it as a joke but even he realized it was a little cruel. His brother deserved it though.

He smiled at the grasp of his lover’s hand around his own, intertwining their fingers, proud. Bass hadn’t stopped to think about what it would feel like to be out in the open, together, in front of Cash’s parents eyes. It felt different, but not entirely bad. Somewhat like dating for the first time and not knowing exactly what to do, but still being very much interested in seeing it through. 

Then James Carpenter said something he never expected to hear. The look on his son’s and Bass’ faces were equally dumbfounded, though while Cash was quick to question what felt like been lied to for years, Bass merely parted his lips into surprise, barely containing the urge to laugh. A smile curled at the corners of his lips, that he was quick to press into a polite line once his eyes met Cash’s.

That was probably the highlight of his evening.

He watched their exchange, entertained and even a little bit victorious. Bass had always felt like the doctor son-in-law was a dream come true to the Carpenters. Who knew they would value in a mess of a rock star? Once Anne Marie mentioned she wished they got together differently, he agreed. “That… yeah, that got out of control, a little bit.” Bass laughed at James’ remark, “Not a real job our asses!” But in truth he was deeply moved by the mention that he was part of the family, giving Cash’s hand a gentle squeeze and feeling at ease. “You were too good for him anyway,” he added as a joke, “not for me though. For me you are just right.” Then he gave the back of his hand a kiss and reached for more champagne. What a perfect, glorious evening.

cash!

The evening had taken quite the turn. Now he was learning that his parents were not as fond of Michael as he thought they were. Perhaps it was all in his head because it was what he wanted. Cash had come to realize he did that a lot with his ex. He had convinced himself he wasn’t jealous or violent when in fact he would act possessive from time to time and had a tendency to yell and become angry when he had a bad day. Not to mention that time he came in to the studio and punched Bass when nothing had happened. It looked bad but Cash never thought he’d react like that. The worst part was how he disrespected him and his father’s career by saying things like that. He would tell him he was proud of his accomplishments as a musician but he would also make them seem trivial compared to his own. “Yeah, he was.” He agreed, bringing the champagne to his lips.

Bass seemed to be enjoying himself and that was good. He worried for a moment that he might think his parents were pretending to like him, which they weren’t. He seemed to connect with them which made a lot of sense. Sure, a doctor husband sounded good on paper but it was not working in practice. Michael had nothing in common with his parents but Bass and his dad could talk music for hours. He could see the three of them sitting around jamming to old music. It would be fun.

The food, the drinks, the conversation - everything was perfect. They even got some dessert and Bass even sang happy birthday to his mom. Cash could say with confidence that the night had been a success.

“So, how do you feel?” He asked him after they dropped off their parents at the hotel. “I think that went well, don’t you?”

“I think Cash’s still supposed to get me one of your CDs,” Bass mentioned, glancing between the two men. “You might have to tell me where I can get a copy, he can be a bit forgetful sometimes.” He threw his lover a playfully teasing look, bringing a hand over his back to rub between his shoulder blades, as if apologizing for the joke.

Bass let out another laugh, nodding. “Alright, alright - I’ll see what I can do.” It left him with a smile on the lips, to think that somehow would make them family. To have this silly game in common. He didn’t expect the dinner to be that pleasant between the four of them and he was certainly happy about being proved wrong.

Taking another sip of champagne, he asked, “Are you ready to order?” The group took another look at the menu and called the waiter over to place their orders. Bass ordered something simple, steak, steamed vegetables, nothing too heavy, just in case somehow his nerves got the best of him again. 

He took a moment to appreciate the view of the Carpenters as the three discussed their options over the menu. It felt like watching a slice of his future unfold and he was surprised to learn he was just as excited for it as he was terrified. Bass glanced at his lover and he wondered if Cash would be the one he shared his life with. 

All that thinking was getting him nervous but the prospects were pretty good. If he didn’t somehow fuck things up, of course, which he tended to do. Not this time, Bass told himself and smiled when his gaze met Cash’s mother’s. A sweet, but forward woman. “You look happy together.”

He glanced at Cash before answering for himself. “I think … we are … Right?” Bass eyed his lover again and smiled. “We are … very happy together, yes.”

cash!

“I’ll make sure you get one.” His dad said, kicking back the rest of his drink. Cash laughed, it was just all too funny. And now that Sebastian had gotten the idea and the ok to write something inspired by his dad’s story he already expected to hear it. Oh, he could already see Zach’s face when he read those lyrics. It would be an inside joke that only the four of them would understand. It was time to order and Cash decided on the Blackened Tilapia with Zucchini Noodles. After much consideration his mother got the Salmon Linguini and his dad ordered the New York Steak with Potatoes, which was to be expected. The man loved his meat. 

“You look happy together.” The comment took him a little off guard but it was nice to hear that his mom noticed it. And Bass’ answer to that was also nice. “Yeah -” He reached for Bass’ hand to hold it. “We’re very happy.” 

“Good, cause to tell you the truth I wasn’t that fond of Michael.” His dad confessed, and it was a bit of a surprise to Cash. “Huh? Since when?” His dad sighed, giving his mom a look as if to make sure it was alright to answer. “Since the day he casually mentioned that being a musician was not a real job.” Cash remembers that day. They were having lunch together and discussing their move to New York when Michael made that comment. Cash remembers his father’s face, getting red but keeping his cool. “Oh, yeah. I know you got angry. I just didn’t know you stopped liking him then.” 

“Well, I didn’t want to upset you since you were moving away together. Plus, your mother made me promise not to bring it up.” His mom smiled at him. “I liked Michael but he was a bit arrogant honey.” This was news. So his parents had issues with Michael and he didn’t know about them? “Wait - so you just pretended to like him that whole time? That’s not very comforting.” It was as if they realized where this was coming from because his mom quickly reached for his hand. “Noooo, we like Sebastian. It’s not the same. We just didn’t want to say anything back then because you seemed so happy. But, you look a lot happier now.” She then turned to Bass. “We do like you Bass. We’ve liked you since the first time you came to our house. Of course we would have preferred for things to have happened differently between you but - thats all in he past.” His dad nodded, agreeing with that statement. “Yeah, you two make a lot more sense. I’m glad to have another musician in the family. Someone who actually appreciates the craft. Not a real job my ass.” 

Of all things Bass expected to follow, Cash’s father jumping in to his rescue was possibly at the very bottom of that list, and yet the man did just that. His jaw dropped when he shared his own songwriting experience, drawing a chuckle out of him. It was fascinating and at the same time it filled him with great envy. To think of how differently his life would’ve been had he had a musician for a father … perhaps he would be just as emotionally stable or self-confidence as Cash nowadays. “Are you sure you haven’t recorded that somewhere? I would kill to listen to that now,” Bass commented, entertained and even a little inspired. The small things were the most powerful when it came to inspiration.

“That is very true. There is the romanticized, and there is the mundane, and then the absurd … all of which are valid to bring forth and talk about.” He turned to Cash. “Now you’ll have to write a song about shitting in your pants to honor your father … call it family tradition,” Bass suggested, grinning. 

cash!

This was, without a doubt, the weirdest conversation he’s ever had with his parents and a significant other. When they met Michael it was vastly different. They talked about his job and the plans they had for the future. It was nice but not necessarily fun. This was different. It was as if both his parents were free to be themselves around Bass. 

His father grinned, taking a drink of champagne. “Unfortunately I don’t, which I regret.” Bass spoke with a lot passion which was one of the reasons he loved him. Even when he was singing about something ridiculous he still sounded passionate. He chuckled at the suggestion. “Oh no, this is all you. We still don’t have a hidden song for this album so - there you go.”

“There is not one person at this table who would prefer anything else,” Bass continued his teasing, but he did abandon the topic as it seemed to make his lover uncomfortable. If Cash’s mother meant anything else by her compliment, it went straight over his head. “By versatile do you mean the whispering and the screaming?” He let out a soft laugh, entertained. Bass got that a lot at interviews. “We try to evoke a reaction … I would say anything that gets the right kind of reaction is a go in my book.”

Bass nodded along as he listened to Cash share his experience. “You made my lyrics better! You did,” he insisted, grinning, when his mother made the most haunting comment she could’ve ever made.

“Oh, God,” he breathed out, letting out the most genuine, embarrassed laugh ever. “I can’t believe you heard that…” At times like those, Bass regretted some of his career choices. Sure he would’ve made them all over again, but it still made for some awkward situations. “That’s going to be a tough one to explain…” He kept fighting back laughter with a grin. His face warmed up to the point he was wondering if there was any chance he didn’t look as red as a tomato. “You see, we went for controversy… and shock value…” Not even he believed his own words, resulting in laughter from his guests.

“I think your mother just roasted me,” Bass said to his lover, though in a good-natured, amused and slightly embarrassed way.

cash!

“Mom, oh my god.” He could not believe she had asked that. Then again, he could. His mother was a very honest woman who spoke her mind - often times without reservations. But this meant that she liked Bass because she felt comfortable around him. Cash waited for Bass to answer the question and then laughed. It was just too funny.

 “I’m sure Sebastian had a good reason for writing that song. He wanted to express something.” His father tried to explain since he ha written some controversial songs in the past. “There was this song I wrote about tripping on acid and shitting my pants that never saw the light of day. Never be ashamed of writing something - whatever it is.” Cash blinked and looked at his dad. “What? You’ve never mentioned this.” 

The three of them laughed at how ridiculous the conversation was. “The point is that as musician we have this need to express ourselves and sometimes we want to talk about unexpected bowel movements while high and other times we want to talk about having sexual relations with another man.”

He smiled at his lover’s protest, entertained by his embarrassment. “Not a chance, that’s kind of the goal, really.” It was good to be around people who would love to talk about Cash to him, after all it wasn’t like his friends appreciated it when he went on and on about the guy. It is truly something that perhaps only a parent - or more specifically, a mother - would fully appreciate and engage on.

The champagne was served by a friendly waiter and he savored it while listening to the words of Mr. Carpenter. “You do look very natural with the bass and the guitar,” Bass pointed out, throwing him a look. “Music was always present in my life too, but I was a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to taking it more seriously… still, we ended up here the same.”

The appetizers were served and Bass insisted that their guests helped themselves first. Despite his nerves, the conversation was light and pleasant, leaving him more relaxed. He patted Cash’s thigh under the table and offered him a warm smile, happy to see the night wasn’t the trainwreck he expected it to be. “How does it feel like to be part of the entire process this time? Any difference?”

cash!

Cash was not the type of person who enjoyed the attention. Funny since he decided to pursue a career that guaranteed that. But he felt a bit uncomfortable when people started to talk about him and he could feel his cheeks getting warmer and warmer. His mother was looking at him with pride. It was nice to make your parents feel that way and he wondered how Bass felt. He had mentioned how his father only called to ask for money or favors. Made him sad. “Fine, keep talking about how great I am.” He added, reaching for his glass. 

Bass shared a little about his past and it made him smile. He jus imagined little Bass singing around the house. “You have an amazing voice” His mom gushed. “It’s so ... versatile.” For a second there he thought his mom would say sexy and he wanted to die. “She’s right, you have great range.” His father agreed. 

Cash felt Bass’ hand under the table and it made him nervous but he enjoyed it as well. “It’s great. I’ve always loved the entire creative process. To start with a few words on a page or just a few notes and boom! Next thing you know you have a song.” He had to admit that being a part of Saltwater has been the most satisfying experience, both personal but creatively as well. “We all seem to work well together. Jason and August are just ... too good for words. And Bass here, he’s a genius with those lyrics.” 

“Done,” Bass said, flagging the bartender over. He ordered a bottle of champagne for the table and a few appetizers while his guests decided what to get for the main course. “You can’t choose wrong, everything is delicious.” Smiling, he glanced at Cash, satisfied to see the smile etched on to his features. His lover seemed happy to have his parents around. He knew how hard it was for him to be at odds with his family when their scandal broke out. Bass never wanted to be the reason he suffered, and specially if it got in the way of his family’s relationship. As someone who didn’t have much of a relationship with their parents at all, he envied their closeness and, if possible, he would very much like to preserve it. “Cash has been working with me on the lyrics, did he mention that?” Bass wondered, happy to keep their conversation around the pair’s beloved son and how proud they should be of him. 

Throwing his lover an adoring look, he continued, “I was wary at first - about adding someone new to the band, we have been established for a while and … well, I admit I have a hard time with change. But he has proven to be an excellent addition! He has a great ear and … I don’t usually take well to people messing with my lyrics, but … he has a way of bringing out the best in them. Enhancing it, you know?” Glancing between father and son, Bass added, “You mentioned your father taught you how to play, no?”

cash!

Sebastian called the bartender to order the champagne, so far so good. Things were going well and Cash began to feel a little more at ease and comfortable. This could work. Not that he doubted it since he knew Bass would win his parents over, but he was relieved now that it was a reality. His parents looked happy, specially when Bass started to talk about him and his contributions to the band. It made him feel really good to know that Bass appreciated him the way he did. That he respected him as an artist. 

“Stop, you’re making me blush.” He added, smiling. The waiter came back with the bottle and served them a glass of champagne. His father reached for his glass to take a drink, smiling. “That’s my boy. Music has always been very important to us. I remember when he was ... what? six years old? He started to sing around the house. And then later he started to seem very interested with the guitar. I don’ know when he became obsessed with bass though, but he’d spend hours playing that thing.” 

Biting back the urge to say haven’t you threatened to fire him once or twice, Bass put on a smile at the sound of his lover’s mother’s praise. “I couldn’t agree more,” he said, placing a hand on Cash’s back. “Now lets grab something to quench that Carpenter appetite, yeah? See you tomorrow, Zach.” He led Cash and the Carpenters to the parking lot where they got in the car. Bass was nervous, very nervous, extremely nervous, but he put on a brave face and powered through it. “So… how well do you know New York?” He asked as he drove them over to the restaurant, figuring it would be better to let them share and fill the silence until they could discuss the appetizers.

The New York traffic didn’t disappoint, as per usual, but luckily Bass prepared for it and they got to the restaurant just in time for their reservation. “Evening, Mr. Ballard. It has been a while,” the hostess greeted him. “Your usual table has been reserved. Please, follow me.”  The place was just as he remembered it, little changing over the year and a half since they last had been there. Their first scandal suddenly fresh in his mind. That wasn’t a bad night, though he was definitely out of line. Come to think of it, it was a little weird that that turned out to be the place where he first met Cash’s parents, but oh well – too late to regret that now. 

Seated next to Cash, he picked up the menu. “What should we celebrate tonight with? A little champagne? White wine?” 

cash!

Cash had to bite his tongue and he had a feeling that Bass did too. It was now all water under the bridge though. Zach was under a lot of pressure and what they did was no joke. Thankfully everything came to an end and they were walking out of the building and driving towards the restaurant. The restaurant did bring a lot of memories. The night that he and Sebastian had dinner here and how that was the beginning of their scandal. Their faces splattered on the cover of magazines that claimed they were having a romantic date. He had to admit that it looked bad. Part of him was really grateful that he hadn’t been fired and that fans had accepted him. Sure, a lot of fans were happy to find out that he and Bass were dating. Shipping, they called it. 

“We’ve been here once or twice.” His dad shared, “but we don’t know it that well. Just the tourist parts.” Cash was so happy to have his parents here and share a part of his world with them. He wondered if there would be interrupted at some point by a fan but he doubted it. This restaurant belonged to a friend of Bass and it was supposed to be very private. Supposed to be. 

They had the same table which made things even more nostalgic. Cash wondered if his parents would recognize the place from the pictures. “Champagne would be nice.” His mom said with a smile as she scanned the menu. “I never know what to order. everything looks so good.” His mouth watered as he spoke. 

SALTWATER BURIAL'S COVER OF BILLBOARD MAGAZINE

He started to forget his troubles when Cash’s father made a comment about the Carpenters’ hunger, drawing a laugh out of him. “You do have a big appetite,” Bass teased. “We’re pretty much done, yeah -” He started, but Zach cut him off, showing up loud and all smiles. It bothered him to see Zach’s friendliness when he pestered Cash as often as he had over the last year. Bass knew he had had his own issues, but it was hard to simply get over it. “Hey, Zach… we were actually on our way out to dinner,” Bass started, glancing at Cash and wondering if his parents were in fact ready to go. Just looking at Zach’s face made him feel like leaving. 

cash!

Yes, their big appetite was a thing. Barbecues were a staple in the Carpenter household. Cash was surprised that he didn’t grow up being overweight. They all seem to have a very good metabolism. They were laughing and getting ready to leave when Zach walked in to make his introduction. It infuriated him for some reason and he could not pinpoint why. There was nothing wrong with Zach wanting to meet his folks but after all the shit he put him through it felt a little fake. Zach was a good guy though, he just wasn’t great with communication and had a tendency to make decisions that affected him without telling him. His parents shook hands with him but the conversation didn’t get that far because Bass was letting Zach know that they were all about to leave. “Yeah, we don’t want to miss our reservation so ...”

It was a relief to see their calm faces once he stepped in. It didn’t seem like Cash’s parents understood what had happened back there, or that he had just hissed at some clueless guy. The thought of inconveniencing or embarrassing his lover’s family any more really weighed him down. No more scandals. No more scandals. He was trying to cause a good impression, damn it! And exposing their faces to the world or getting them unwanted attention would definitely cement the fact Cash was better off avoiding that sort of trouble. “Yeah, everything’s fine -” He let out a soft chuckle in an attempt to push past his anxiousness. “- just a little tired from all the singing…”

Before they could say anything about it, he stepped closer to Cash’s parents and motioned around the room. “I’ve written some of our best songs in this room… but it’s also a great place for a nap.” Smiling, he added, “have you two had a nice flight? Are you hungry? Cash picked a nice restaurant for tonight.”

cash!

Bass said it was nothing, fed him some bs about being tired, but Cash knew that was not the case. It was fine, he understood that it was not the time or the place to discuss some people’s lack of tact. Seriously, what were they thinking? Hopefully Bass handled the situation and they were deleting the footage because he really didn’t want his parents to be exploited. Bass then took control of the room, and his parents seemed to be warming up to him. Not that they felt cold around him or hated him, but they did have some resentment towards him for all that happened.