tighten up

So do I but I love the smell of pretty much anything home maid. I do spend most of my days cooking though so I’m sure that’s why. No baby for the weekend? Well you definitely need to take advantage of that. So hurry your butt up cause I’m hungry.

The first thing I see when I look out the kitchen window of my new house is the neighbors two dogs banging ferociously. What a lovely sight. Starting to wonder if moving here was a good idea or not…

Awh, baby yoga and now Clover in a Tardis? Seriously could her childhood get any better? I would have killed to be raised hanging out with The Doctor. Twenty one years and I’m still waiting just like Amy. 

Well you don’t have to believe me even though I’m telling the truth. You have a fast past to the front of this imaginary line anytime you like though. Home maid waffles are the only way to ever eat waffles. I’m really excited for these now though.

Yes, I feel special. I love the smell of home maid waffles. I want a candle that smells like them. Really? Awesome, okay! How about I bring the stuff over to your place so that I can whip some up for you? I actually have a babysitter this weekend and I don’t know what to do with myself.

Absolutely! If you’re there when the Tardis shows, you’re more than welcome to come along. I’m sure we can find a good babysitter for Clover. 

You’re awesome! Totally. Or we can take her with us. It would be my dream to have my daughter grow up in the Tardis.

I definitely do not have people waiting in line to have sex with me, though I wish that was the case. It would make getting laid so much easier. I’m not lying to you. You can cut in line since you know there is no line, and I would never deny you food or myself.

I don’t believe you, but okay. I shall fight my way to the front of the line. It’ll be like I have a fast past. This is why I like you so much. I’ll get my waffle maker and mix though because your first try of a waffle PB&J must be with homemaid waffles. 

I’ve pretty much binged watched Doctor Who all week and I just want a Tardis to come out of no where and land in my back yard. Is that too much to ask?

You would be the perfect companion too! Wait, will you take me with you please?

Relaxing is an idea. [He nods.] Actually–yeah. I have to pick up my dining room table and I just have no conception of how to possible get it done by myself.

The best of, I think. Oh damn, yeah don’t try to lift it alone. I can be over in about an hour or two if you can wait? I don’t mind helping.

I’m with you a hundred percent, mate. Some things are just way too out there for me. I’m Blaine, by the way.

That’s exactly how I feel. Like yeah that’s cool, but I’m gonna not even touch it, ha. It’s awesome to meet you Blaine, I’m Paul.

You’re such a little weirdo, I swear. I did get some like that, yes, though not quite as excited as yours but I should be used to it by now, shouldn’t I? It’s not that hard to get a reaction like that from you after all. I don’t think you could, girls are brave and you lack that.

You love this little weirdo. You totally should silly goose moon. Hey, everything is exciting okay. Except when my baby girl is sick or sad then I freak out. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll just let Clover get a tattoo. I’ll have her wait until she’s forty, at least.

Boogie boarding… What’s that exactly? I don’t know, Paul. I don’t think I’m the type of person that could learn how to surf. I don’t think I have it in me.

It’s like surfing, only on a smaller board made of foam. You don’t stand, you just lay on it. Jo, you definitely have it in you. I believe in you. Please? I promise to keep you safe. 

That’s not true. A lot of strangers just ignore me when I mumbled about food. On a toasted bagel? No, I don’t think I have. If you can find me a good avocado, I’ll make you a sandwich, deal?

No, they probably just think you’re crazy. Like, “There’s that crazy attractive strawberry blonde lady who talks to her food.” It’s delicious. I promise. Yes! Deal! You can pretty much make any deal with me if it involves food.

Wanna over throw the government with me?

I’ll be your cheerleader? The hot one though, obviously.

“What can I say? I’m very passionate about the study of slay. You’re not gonna use it? Seriously missing it out dude, I believe the drag queens brought it back into fashion. Well, I’ll get you a t-shirt with something along the lines of ‘I’m a slay major.’”

“I’d be too scared to use it at the wrong moment or something. I’d probably sound like someone’s grandmother saying it. Can you please get me a shirt like that?”

Moms are actually just mood killers. I could just be listening to music and she’ll be all “What’s this song? I don’t like it. Change it.” and I’ll be like “But I love this song. It’s Love Me Like You Do,” and she’ll continue to point out how it’s on “that porno that everyone’s obsessing over,” or that I’m going to “corrupt my siblings minds.” And I can’t roll my eyes or say anything snide, so really, no one wins.

Oh, that’s kind of dumb. I’m glad that I can listen to music with no judgement. I put on Sam Smith and sing my heart out. And maybe cry a little, but nobody is there to judge me. 

Yeah, I have been playing since I was young. I used to play on a team in Australia but now that I am here, it is more of a stress relief activity. I also do basketball, I motorbike, I run track, and I swim a lot. I guess you could count me as the nerdiest jock ever.

Aw, that’s adorable. Did you start in T-ball? Because I totally did. Oh, you should definitely join us then. I play third base, what do you play? Damn, that’s a lot of sports. Guess that’s how you stay in such great shape. Hey, no worries. After my baseball games I totally nerd out. 

Let’s just get this over with: I’m leaving tomorrow, not coming back, and while I probably won’t remember you in a month from now, I’m kind of going to miss you for the week it takes me to get over it. So…let’s hug, or some shit.

But didn’t you just get here? Where are you off to? Why are you off to?