Patton

Yeah, that’s what came to mind first, but then I was like, wait! That’s not a dog! Tree ninja is the perfect way to describe squirrels.

they should put that in the dictionary as a description

All squirrels are crafty, in my experience.

then you know what I'm talking about

You should have casually ran away, so it would look like you were just speeding up instead of running from a squirrel. I mean, that’s what I would do.

I tried to be casual, but this particular squirrel was crafty

I think I would have cried.

for a moment I considered climbing a tree, but then I remembered it was a SQUIRREL chasing me and those bastards are tree ninjas

Oh my gosh, that sounds horrifying.

I kept trying to throw nuts to distract it, but it wasn't having any of it

obviously you haven’t seen my dad if we do something wrong

He can’t be as bad as a ten foot long poisonous snake.

Black mambas have to be the scariest things out there.

obviously you haven't seen my dad if we do something wrong

No. No you’re not. Don’t say that.

why not? 

But you’re my best friend.

i think one day you'll find out I'm pretty replaceable

Well, we don’t have to go to parties then. But please don’t leave. I don’t want to lose you too.

you wouldn't lose me, Russell. I'd just be gone for a week or two, tops. Besides, you have other friends here.

Um, watch movies … skateboard, go to the beach, go to parties, play action figures. Stuff like that.