pasties McCool

All I can tell you is that I got my dick wet. It's up to you to figure out if I got drunk and laid, or if I got drunk and pissed my pants.

I want my girlfriend to dress like we broke up

On a scale from 1 to Even, I cant

Southpark will murder Pokemon GO. I can't wait.

Graduating Class of 2096 Majored in: Facebook Fuckwittery 101, Advanced Tumblrology and 9GAG History. Quote: “Squad Goals Achieved.”

Swearing in front of kids and I caught my self. Apologized, but then again they don't even know what it means. They're looking at me like 'What the fuck is Sorry?'

When you get your Pizza finally. They forgot the cheese. There's no pepperoni or sauce. The crust is missing. It's paper. It's your paycheque. You're broke.

Social media is a source of validation we don't really need. Reblog if you agree!

If my memory gets any worse I can plan my own surprise parties...

While I do agree with your powers of observation concerning the time of day, there is nothing good about it until silly string is involved.

Scientists have discovered that people will believe anything if you claim scientists have discovered it.

STOP READING MY BLOG: THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND THE INTERNET!

Did You Know A group of kids is called a Migraine.

The old you is also the younger you.