high functioning, but just barely

i want to throw up when i think about the past and all the people that i used to be friends with and all the wrong things ive done and all the things ive said that i shouldnt have

Nobody notices how sad you are until it turns into anger...........now you crazy and need help

I used to know everything when I was a child and I used to write down the secrets of the universe on pieces of paper so that I wouldn’t forget them bc I knew the adults had lost their minds but now I’m an adult too and I’ve lost the pieces of paper and I can’t wait for the day that existence feels organic and natural again so that living becomes an art form and I can use the canvas of my life to show something worth seeing

sometimes it’s “no one loves me” other times it’s “I am not brave enough to look those who love me in the eye”

the idea of a ‘best friend’ is just the highest form of tenderness like. it’s the epitome of choosing someone over and over, maybe even subconsciously because you just. know on some unspeakable level that your lives are supposed to be entwined, that the connection between you is fatefully significant and necessary 

Or please consider throwing a buck or two into my venmo, anything is appreciated!