Suffering Time

so who was going to tell me that heavily projecting my trauma into my writing was going to make me have emotions about it

Had to get up and haul my ass out of the house way too early to get put in the noise tube (MRI machine) to get my lower back looked at. Shit is definitely on the loose down there but I'm not hopeful about anything being found. For some reason everything in my back can stay in their place to have their picture taken but as soon as I WANT to do something my back decides to try to take me to the floor. This time I struggled pretty hard with laying still for the whole time because of the pain so hopefully I'm wrong about them not seeing what's causing the pain. After getting out of that tube I was sent into a bad pain flare for a couple hours (its still bothering me but I've stopped crying) because I had to hold that uncomfortable position for about 20 minutes. My next appointment is soon so at least I don't have to wait weeks to find out that my body is gaslighting me. Although if something IS found I'm not sure what to do about it, that I would be able to afford at least, I don't think I'm going to be doing anything that makes money for a WHILE.

I strive to commit only the type of whiteness that makes my Mexican friends and family speak in rapid disappointed/exasperated Spanish at me