Freak blog,,

“woAH—agh-!” The jay fell into a tumble on his chest, blinking as he took in the sudden shift in environment. It was strangely warm in here, and he pushed himself up to a standing position with his claws making gentle indents in the flesh below. Just as he had gotten his footing, however, he was thrown around the chamber chaotically, hitting every wall as Runough shook his head.

Runough’s flight staggered, paws rushing to his muzzle dizzily. Desperate chirping was making his head spin, and he shook it more with pursed lips. 

“Hey—hEY!!” The steller’s jay pleaded to him from within his nose, “Agh—! Relax, will ya?!”

“H-huh..?!” Runough himself seemed surprised to hear a voice in his head, echoing from his nostrils. “Sorry—hHf!! Is someone there—??”

“Of course someone’s there, someone’s been here for the past minute, ricocheting around like an acorn in a rolling log!!” The bird retorted wildly.

When Runough found his landing pad on a nearby fir tree, it sagged, leaning against his weight. He tilted his head down, feeling wings rustle and flap about. “SuhH—! S-uuhH- sorry..! Are you—?”

“Ngh, hold on, I’m stuck,” muttered from deep in his right nostril, followed by more rustling. Luckily, the inside of his nose was just barely tall enough to stand in, and the jay wriggled himself free from being wedged at the back of his nose with relative ease. He had lost one of his tail feathers in the panic, but beyond that, he could turn around and fly out without much issue.

“Watch where you’re flying, next time!” Hypocritical, perhaps, but Runough was far too humiliated to object to the snide remark thrown his way. He hovered in front of him as he squabbled and ranted, not even realizing Runough was slightly preoccupied.

“I really am sorry—! I didn’t see you and—and theHh-! HhHuhh…hrUSSHhh’uuw!!”

A gentle sneeze scared off the jay for good. He sniffled sadly, wrinkling his nose and shimmying down the tree. Perhaps it would be better to do his rounds around his territory on foot instead.

Runough thought his issues ended there. But as he went about his day, the sneezes continued along with him. They started sparsely, only every few minutes, but it wasn’t long before they practically punctuated every task.

“Hh-hhUsshhw—!” He sneezed after emerging from underneath a waterfall.

“UurssSCHHHW!!” He sneezed before shouldering through the underbrush.

“Hh-hhHh! uHHSSHHHh..!” He sneezed just as he was pondering why he was sneezing so much. Wiggling his nose didn’t help like it usually did. Sniffing, as far as he was concerned, made the tickle worse. His gentle sneezes hadn’t been doing much to alleviate him either.

Looking at himself in a reflective patch of ice answered his inquiry. When he pulled on his right nostril, he could see a brilliant blue tail feather wedged between his puffy inner nasal walls.

Somehow, just seeing the source made the itch so much worse. He trekked along almost aimlessly, chuffing and huffing and snorting with desperate attempts to loosen it. The sneezes came in fits now, too.

“Hh…! NUh..! AUSShhhww!! hyUUSSHHhhw…! Snf—hhH! HTTSSHhhww!!” Three sneezes finished a fit of twelve, and he groaned, “I n’deed help…”

Unlike the jay that had gotten him into this situation, most of the inhabitants in his territory were kind in spirit. Considering he was near the red cedars on the east side, he knew of someone who he only hoped would be up to the task.

Tansy was a fox squirrel. A melanistic variant, to be exact, with her fur a deep mix of burgundy and black. She had spent her morning sitting through her stash of nuts she’d kept safe in her tree hole. It was hard to navigate to this pantry on a normal day, but the fog was especially thick this morning, and admittedly had her going in circles through the trees. She did find a tree hole, one she knew wasn’t hers, but her rival’s. Surely he wouldn’t mind if she just…?

“Tansy!!”

“aAGH-!! I was just looking around—!!” She screamed in response to her name, throwing the acorns in her arms up into the air. When she turned over her shoulder for the source of the voice, relief weighed heavily on her shoulders and made them sag. “Oh…! Runough, I thought you were…uh…good morning, Runough.”

Runough squeezed an eye shut as an acorn fell onto his forehead, shaking it off. When he scrunched his nose, his breath caught, and he sneezed again.

“Hhh? hRSSHhh—uuw…! Uh- snf! Do you have a second…?”

“B..! Bless you, sure thing…!” She perked up, scampering down the tree to be eye level with him on a branch.

“I have a…tricky favor. You c-cUh- can turn it down, if you wish…”

“Oh! Runough, sweetheart, anything that ails you.” She insisted, blinking with honor. She leaned down on the branch, black tail twitching. Runough had been the most tender dragon she had ever met, so devoted to his territory that it was lush with life. He was a protector, a ranger, an idol…not to mention it made her heart flutter to see his snout so close to her. Could you blame a little squirrel for admiring such a trait? The way his big nostrils were always shifting and flaring, the soft salmon color inside…even this far from him, she could feel his warm breath causing her fur to bristle; he could hardly see her with those beady eyes, blinking helplessly her way.

“I ran into a bird while f-flying. I think, uh—I think one of its f-fEh..! Feathers, uhm…snrf! H-hhih..!”

Her eyes widened. Thank goodness she had black fur, she worried the blush in her face would be visible otherwise. She stared at his flaring, wide nostrils, twitching with tireless need. The feather he was halfway through blubbering about was tangled up in strands of clear mucus, persistently tickling the back of his right nostril. Every time he sniffed or huffed, it wobbled, brushing its barbs against his twitching inner membranes.

It dawned on her, then and there. She knew the question before he could finish asking it. Why else would he seek out someone so small?

“H-hhuh-! I’m so sUh!! auSHh—huuw!!” He turned away to sneeze again before bringing it back. “Huhh- sorry…I think there’s a f-feather in my nose…”

“There is, I can see it,” she blurted, leaning forward on the branch, “Poor thing, would you like me to fetch it for you, Runough?”

She was trying her hardest to sound equally unbothered and eager to help. She only hoped it didn’t sound like how she truly felt: eager, most certainly, but utterly flustered beyond belief. She couldn’t help it; he was asking her to crawl into those massive nostrils of his, he was trusting her to do so, she could get closer to his nose than she ever thought possible.

“Y-yes please…if you’re—h-HHh! If you’re comfortable with that…”

“Of course..! Can’t imagine you’ve had much relief on your own!”

“You’re the best, Tansy.”

After climbing onto his snout, the squirrel sat delicately behind his horn. Her tail hovered over the entrance to his left nostril, which began to twitch violently. Turning over her shoulder to get a proper look, she grasped the rim of his nostril with both paws and carefully stretched it open.

“U-uhm…” he trailed off, sitting his hindquarters down. His lips parted and his eyebrows deepened. Tansy said nothing, but wondered to herself as she peered into his left nostril. This wasn’t where the feather was, and she knew that. But did he? And if he did, would he be too polite to warn her?

As she expected, he didn’t mumble an objection as she reached her arm into his left nostril to feel around. After all, she was the one who could see, and maybe she knew something he didn’t. She must have been acting with good reason!

“Huhhff-! Huhh…” he whined, scrunching his muzzle and lifting his head. Her upper half was craned down into his nose, and her lower half clung onto the rim of his nostril. Her tail was sticking out while her arms sank into the plush inner nose of her friend.

“Wow…” She was breathless, feeling the warm membranes and his heart beating against her palms. She leveled out when he lowered his head, unclasping her foot paws to crawl inside further.

“You’re sensitive in here,” she realized quickly, watching the warm room around her twitch and shudder with irritation.

“You’re g-huhhHh! M-mmh! Snrt-snrff!! H-huuh!!” He whimpered, jaw yawning open as he was overcome with hitches. Her tail was brushing up against the hypersensitive entrance of his nose, and he felt himself blush deeply at his inability to keep himself together.

“H-hUUHt—shhuuw!! H-hAUShhhuw!! Hhehh- huhhHSSHhhhuw!!” He erupted with three chesty sneezes, the third of which forced little Tansy out of his nose and into a nearby patch of ferns. After a sobering shake, he chased after her and dropped to a crouch, nosing his way through the bushes with worried eyes. “Agh—sorry..! Your tail was making me sneeze…”

Tansy was sprawled on her back, looking down at him as he crept closer. She sat upright quickly, each blink making her eyes grow wider. The ferns arched over her head, and one expertly snuck into his left nostril as he neared. He didn’t seem to notice until the stem snapped partially, brushing roughly against the roof of his inner nose.

“Uh-? H-hHhiih- sorriHh! SnuhH-!! sNAUSSHhh—uuw! Hhh…IhHh! Sn-snEEZSh—nng!! Again—udhh…”

The sneezes were strong enough to knock the little squirrel flat on her back, before tumbling end over end. As she collected herself and dusted her fur off, Runough crawled over with another healthy dose of apologies.

“It’s okay—! I’m not hurt at all, just…! Whew—Just winded!” Tansy insisted, staring ahead at him with a hand to her little chest.

“I’m glad—h-hHff! Udh…”

Runough’s face fell to a distant haze. He squeezed his tiny eyes shut and leaned forward, pressing his nose to the tree trunk just above Tansy. She looked up with awe as he hitched and huffed, pressing the squishy part of his muzzle to the rough bark. Before she could properly question what he was up to, she could see it for herself; the feather had been knocked loose from all the sneezing, and the quill was barely peeking out of his right nostril. His big, clumsy hand was reaching up to his face, trying to grab at the elusive feather in his dull claws. He would pinch at it, only for it to slip away. Huffing and snorting made it buzz and vibrate, which only made him hitch more.

Tansy quickly shielded herself with a large leaf nearby, proving useful against the sudden spray and mist.

“HeHHDZZSshh—uhh!!” Yet another chesty sneeze. They weren’t the loudest usually, but he was putting some intense force behind them this time around. He was really doing everything in his power to get the feather out.

“Bless you! Here-! Uh, put your head down on the ground, I think I can grab it..!”

Runough plopped down into a loaf position, chin collapsing in the snow only a few inches away.

“SnRRk! Udh…” The feather disappeared into the depths of his nose, and Tansy gave chase, paws gripping onto his inner nose. Runough flinched, nostrils flaring and flexing at the sudden skittering.

Catching it was easy for her, and admittedly, it humored her to know that this lengthy process could’ve taken no more than thirty seconds had she been focused on extracting the feather in the first place.

It was both roomy and cramped back here, but enough space for her to turn around and face outwards.

The upper half of her body was sticking out of his nostril after a moment, the feather gripped tightly in one paw. Her tail and legs were still submerged, and her tail was waving excitedly against his nasal walls.

“H-hhUhhff…c-can you reach it..??”

“Uh—! Yeah, the feather’s almost out..!” Tansy fibbed quickly, looking at the feather in her hand.

“H-hhuhh..! Hurry, I cAhh! C-cad’t hold-ihHh!!”

“Don’t sneeze yet..!!”

Poor Runough was trying his absolute best not to, but he was quickly failing. Between hitches, all he could afford to do was blabber apologies, huge paws covering his eyes with embarrassment. And to his credit, he was doing miraculously well to heed her request.

“Your—! Y-hHh! Your t-tail’s m-muhHhm-hhk!!” He grit his teeth, flexing his massive nostrils. “H-hh! T-taHh!! Tan—s-sSeehh!! G-guddahh..!”

Feeling his body fight against her was surreal. Clear, warm mucus was pooling at her ankles, his walls were twitching to no end, and the entrance to his nostril was trembling with need. She ran her finger along the pulsating membranes, marveling at just how warm they were.

A trembling, silent inhale made his chest swell, and his nostrils strained to stretch wider. Then, it all compressed as he sneezed, which propelled Tansy into the snow.

“H-haaAUSSHHH—huuw!! …nnguh…snrrf! Sorry…”

“Bless you!” Tansy popped out of a small pile of snow, blue feather in hand. “Look..!”

“Mugh… snrf! Snfl..!”

“Careful,” she pulled it away from him as his muzzle came close, “don’t sniff it up again..!”

“Oh, you got it??” He tilted his head to get a proper look with his little eye. “Thank you, s-sorry I kept sneezing you out…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for!! I can’t imagine it’s the easiest thing to hold still while I’m searching around in there…”

“snNuh—it’s nUHh—hRSShhw!! Sorry…snf! It’s not easy…I can still feel your little paws and tail…”

“Shucks…I’m sorry, sweetheart, are you alright??”

“I’m okay—much better with that feather out…snf! You should keep it, it’s a pretty color…”

“It is a pretty color! Shouldn’t you keep it?”

“Probably not…I’d collect feathers if not for worrying I’d accidentally inhale them, and well…as you can see, not the easiest process to get one out.”

“Fair enough…mm, never been much of a collector, but…”

“Tch! Sure you are, Tansy! I’ve seen all the sends and nuts you store when I’m on my rounds. It’s the same process..!”

“Right again…hmm! I think I will keep it then, Runough…”

“I’m glad…uhh..” his cheeks went a bit red, “uhm. Thanks again. You’d be surprised at how often that happens…”

“Well…uh..!” Tansy shifted on her hind legs slightly, wringing the feather in her fists, “if you’re ever nearby and need a helping paw again, you know where to find me, I suppose..!”

“Thanks…I might have to take you up on that offer…”

------

“…and that’s how I started a feather collection!”

Months had passed, and Tansy was standing in front of her tree hole, which was lined with fabulous blue and brown feathers. The yellow-pine chipmunk across from her looked around the room with a scowl, folding her arms.

“Tansy, I think this is less of a collection and more of a f…obsession?”

“Ehh, tomato tomato, the point is, it’s nice being trusted!”

The two gave a start as a great thump sent snow and slush falling from the branches outside. Tansy rushed past her guest, poking her head out to see a bleary-eyed Runough.

“Afternoon, Runough!!”

“H-hHhey Tansy…”

“Got another delivery for me?”

“MmhHh..! I thing’k so…snrf…”