party girls don't get hurt

“Giving huh? I always thought that was more of a December feeling?”

“Nope! It’s an always.”

Fauna couldn’t help but start laughing. In fact the smile spread on her face completely contrary to all of the sadness and anger she truly felt. “You don’t have to tell me any of this Flora. There’s no one who hates me more than myself. But thanks for reminding me once again how much of a freak I am. It’s not like I get enough of a reminder every second of every day. That’s what you don’t get Flora…you and Mer are the only people I have. I have no other friends. No one else cares about me or is even remotely willing to put up with all of this. So now that you hate me and Meredith has been taken away I have no one. But don’t worry. I’m used to being alone. I’m sure it won’t take me long to adjust at all.”

She immediately regretted every word she said as soon as she had said it.  That often seemed to be the case when she talked to Fauna.  But, she couldn’t take the words back then any more than she could now.  Worse, part of her didn’t even want to.  It was true, she felt.  But she didn’t hate Fauna, not really.  She’d never hate Fauna.  “You make yourself be alone, Fauna! Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean you have to be so--so nasty all the time!  You needle everyone and you push everyone away and you’re just so mean all the time!  It’s exhausting!  You’re never nice to anyone!  Ever! Who could put up with that!?  Who could put up with someone being so rotten to them all the time and still want to be around them!?”  She didn’t like this any better, but the words still weren’t stopping.  “You did this to yourself.  You hated me first.  You pushed me away first.  I tried, Fauna.  And you didn’t want any of it and were just horrible and mean.  You can’t push everyone away and then cry about being alone.  It doesn’t work like that.  You did this.  You did.”

“I should be able to do that all year, you’re right!  What are they going to do, kill me?”

“No!”

Ooooh - you got any party planned?

Not quite yet, but I’m thinking of some things.

I do not do parties like that… I will not even consider it, it is  -she watched her for a moment- What does it feel like?

....are you asking me what having fun feels like? Because--uh, well.  That’s going to be a whole thing.

Because you are drunk all the time, Flo. If you had your shit together Meredith never would have been taken away and our family wouldn’t be completely ruined. I’m glad you have time to be festive though. I’m sure being back at school and being able to avoid me and Mer in the Gryffindor common room is a tremendous relief to you. Don’t worry though. I’ll let you get back to your celebrating. You don’t want to see me anyways.

I am not drunk all the time, but if I was, maybe it’s because I have you as a sister!  I’m not the only bad influence on Meredith and I’m not the only one fucking everything up, Fauna.  Look at you!  You’re not even normal!  So, excuse me or actually trying to be and not wanting to have a gigantic stick up my ass the whole time! Sorry for trying to enjoy myself because I’m alive and normal and an actual person!  Excuse me for not being some weird, broken robot like you are! And of course it’s a huge relief hiding away from you--all you do is yell at me and tell me how terrible I am and how much you hate me! So, fuck you!  You’re the one who drove me away, Fauna.  You’re the one always needling me!  You didn’t want to see me!  It was not the other way around, okay?  Because I need you--I need you and Meredith a whole fucking lot but you just always push me away and I hate it!  And I hate you, too!  So we can both hate each other for forever, okay!?  Fuck!

What’s so great about October?

Halloween parties! Obviously.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to tell her everything on his mind. But that was a bad idea. For a lot of reasons. Because everything on his mind was too much. Too much even for him and he was the one stuck thinking it all. Dumping it on Flora wouldn’t be fair. However, he couldn’t just say nothing. That also wouldn’t be fair. Besides, he really didn’t want to leave. Not yet. “Uhm, well…” on instinct, his hands went back to work on the hem of his sleeve, picking at threads that were barely hanging on anymore. “I guess… I was just thinking about… how nice it is to be back.” It wasn’t even a total lie. The thought had crossed his mind earlier. “And uhm… how nice it is to hang out with you again…” Careful PJ, that was dangerously close to an admission he really didn’t want to make. 

The leaves falling… all the pumpkins… Me too!

It’s perfect!  Especially for super fun paaartiesss.

Are you kidding me? You’re drunk in the middle of the hall?

No! Why do you think I’m drunk all the time?  I’m not, Fauna.  I have my shit together, okay? I’m not always drunk.  Do you have to be drunk to enjoy a holiday? Are festive people always drunk? It’s festive.  I’m festive!

“Well, you’re certainly in the spirit, aren’t you?”

“The spirit of giving.”

Aren’t you more excited for Halloween rather than the actual month?! 

Halloween parties.

“So do I.  Especially now that I’m a ghost, I can actually just be all ghostly and myself and people will think it’s part of the holiday spirit.”

“You should be able to be like that all year! That’s so rude! People don’t let you ghost! Make them ghost! No, wait--make them let you ghost...!”

Excuse you?

Oh, come on.  Even the high and mighty have to have some fun some time.  Are you seriously telling me that you’re not even remotely interested in the idea?

What went on in the mind of PJ? Well, quite a lot most of the time. And the vast majority of it depressing… or anxiety induced spirals of cynicism and prophesying doom for those he cared most about… When it wasn’t depressing it was about her. Right now it was mostly about how much he liked having Flora resting on his lap. He spoke quickly, before that one good thought could lead him back down the spiral of thoughts he’d been caught in since she’d bought the bottle they’d drained. “There’s uhm…” he coughed a bit, “Uhm, not much in my mind worth mentioning…” It wasn’t even a lie. There was no grand truth or beautiful philosophy hidden among the jumble of everything else. Just the confused and muddled thoughts of a messed up 16 year old kid. Nothing Flora would be interested in at all.

Excuse you, this spell can be used for tons of things. Annoying things.

You’re not wrong.  But why?