sycophant

i have officially piqued, i’ll never be funnier than this moment in time

i was walking through the grocery store ignoring everyone and i walked around the corner and ran right into this old mans cart and i was like “oh god, my bad, i didn’t see you there” and when i looked up, he was wearing all camo. down to his hat. his wife lost it laughing. i’ll never be funny again

drunk girls in bathrooms

Useful if you’re trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese’s play tube

You can’t tell him SHIT

how we act alone when we don’t feel like we have witnesses.. that is the genuine self.. me walking around my room punching the air talking to myself in a bad southern accent, that’s ME baby. you’re never going to know me like i know me. haha.

whatever I go thru, I get thru. so even when I’m not good..I’m good