𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐀𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇.

with a whip of their hand , one finger extended , they shrieked , " alohomora !! " although , as expected , the door remained firmly locked . pj had long fell out of love with harry potter anyway , with his defunct charms and rampant exclusion . their slightly clammy hand parted from nate's , albeit reluctantly , and they stepped into the home first , kicking off their boots as though they owned the place ( they were there often enough ; pj may as well have paid rent ) . " i'll try one slice of the abominable pizza , and then i'll enjoy my normal toppings . thank you . i'm gonna go for a classic pepperoni , i reckon ... maybe with some jalapeños , because i'm no pussy . "

" oh yeah ?? " park-ji shifted to the edge of the booth , eyes glistening with interest . " you can't plant that seed then not tell me the gossip . come on — spill . who are these main characters ?? " they had experienced some strange types throughout their years in roswell — the podcasters , the alien obsessed — but now it seemed as though strangeness was just part of the furniture . it was second nature , an expectation rather than something that piqued their interest . they were thankful for the change in subject ; parents weren't the youngest lei's favorite topic by any means . if anything , the town gossip would fuel their radio show ravings , providing filler between the slew of nineties classics .

i’m sorry . the words left an unplaceable taste in park-ji’s mouth , one that caused them to scrunch their lips . it was a sourness , a gumminess , the fuzz that afflicts you when you forget to brush your teeth in the morning — nobody had ever been sorry for their father’s behaviour before , especially the patriarch himself . if anyone should have been apologising , it was him . “ that’s okay , “ they mumbled , their previous thunder extinguished if only for a moment . the school counselling sessions that park-ji had found themself roped into after weeks of bad behaviour and talking back had barely scratched the surface of years upon years of disappointment . maybe if their dad had cared , or had even opened his eyes for more than a second , he would have realised that his youngest child was struggling , that their spark was being snuffed out every day they spent beneath the family roof . even now , in their own single-wide trailer pasted with feminist posters and band memorabilia , they struggled to keep that flame lit , instead compensating with wild antics , with transforming every second sentence into jest . the other's words had struck a chord park-ji hadn't been entirely sure they even possessed . " he's a jerk . it's not worth dwelling on . i'm just glad i'm out of there , y'know ?? marching to the beat of my own drum ... " destitute , unsuccessful , lonely — but free . " i know pizza planet gets a bad wrap , but they have to be clean over there for all the kids birthday parties . you wanna go grab a slice ?? "  

sometimes they wished they could afford to live in greystone, a stone's throw away from their best friend, safe from kids swiping scrap metal ( or cowboys chasing raccoons with saucepans ) . still , what would life be without a little spice ?? “ i suppose , if having your tongue half burned off is considered ‘ good ‘ . i’m willing to give it a try though — just for you , “ once they came into the proximity of greystone , their arm dropped and instead took hold of nate's fingers to half drag him up the steps , able to navigate to his apartment blind if they ever had to . " not as excited as i am . " they spoke over their shoulder , near tripping over their toes as they took the steps two at a time .

RILEY LUO // GENERA+ION S01E05: Gays and Confused

fresh spring air replaced the repugnant stench of body odour and grease . they walked ahead , despite only having a vague recollection of where nate resided . they would blame their scatterbrain for their struggle retaining such information — park-ji lost more picks than they could count , left bills unpaid for weeks upon weeks . " sounds nuclear , " they spoke with a smile over one shoulder , " i'm in . we'll call once we're settled among the wreckage . you excited to spend an evening with your best bud ?? " standing on tiptoes , an arm looped around nate's shoulders .

mateo yawned, being up most of the night was tiring but he was hungry and hadn't gone food shopping yet so he made his way to the cafe. he wasn't pay too much attention when he heard someone yell at him. he turned on his heel to see the other and waved. "my bad."

they were unfamiliar , but that rarely prevented park-ji from speaking their mind. perhaps it was growing up as a little sibling that gave them the false idea that they were invincible . " that's all you're gonna say ?? " they spoke , although their harsh features instinctively perked into a smile . half-standing , they glanced over the mess that was the crashdown cafe . " dare you to grab one of those shakes and throw it at somebody . "

park-ji could drive a motorcycle — their bike was back , parked , outside their trailer at tripp's — but there was something special about being chauffeured around . upon jaxson's request , they were more than happy to leave their keys at home and await whatever vehicle he had on offer . " are you one of those guys who speeds around above the speed limit , trying to compensate for something ?? " they snorted , tugging open the passenger side door .

" i know how that feels . my dad is one royal jerk . " mumbled park-ji . their father was the same , a man who pushed his children towards success with such vigor that he shoved them away from him altogether . " i don't think i could ever work in a place like this , with all the kids and birthday parties and alien cosplayers . it's enough having to come in here to eat . " nebula eatery was way outside their budget and , as much as they loved pizza planet , greasy slices weren't the best for their health if they were consumed on a daily , weekly or monthly basis . the crashdown was the only consolation when their cupboards and fridge ran empty . " it's like a school cafeteria . "

" it's the only thing he's tried in his life , " snorted pj . they wished others could understand the trouble with a father that was neither distant nor present . he was like a cat stuck in a box ; his child would have been better if the man had made a decision , to stay or to go , instead of teetering on the fence and refusing to fall either side . nebula was a little more fancy than park-ji’s usual stomping grounds . usually they were used to a thin , cheese-dripping slice at pizza planet , among the birthday parties and teenage first dates . what was the point in swirling foam , a smattering of chocolate powder in a halo , for eight dollars ?? still , it had to be better than spending their day in the crashdown with the stale smell of grease and dropped fries . “ risky ?? “ another bark of laughter . “ i mean , you’re half-right . there’s something super risky about eating some of the things on this menu , the risk being whether or not you’re going to spend the entire evening on the toilet after consuming it . i can’t imagine their hygiene rating is too great , “ pj wouldn’t have been surprised if they saw a rat shimmy along the wainscotting . maybe that was where the extraterrestrial thing had come from ; the men in black would have had a field day rooting through pasta and burger patties for alien DNA . " you know , maybe i should open my own place . roswell needs a cafe where you can get a coffee for less than a mortgage . "

park-ji's lips twitched into a smile . they weren't often ' treated ' — their life was all about rawness , candour , scraping the barrel to get by . they weren't entirely sure jaxson intentions , but what did it matter if they were getting their belly filled for free ?? a gentleman , indeed . " pizza planet , " pj answered . " i need a good , greasy slice of 'roni . or is that too low-brow for you ?? "

" you have a pool ?? " park-ji could hardly comprehend such a luxury . they lived in a tattered single-wide trailer , with little more than stacks of books as nightstands and posters ripped from brick walls and tacked upon their own . something as luxurious as a pool was worlds away and yet , if they had just caved and taken their father's hand-outs , perhaps they would be living among the rich folk in moonbeam gardens , frolicking in jacuzzis and hot-tubs . " i'll be here , " answered pj as they sat upon one of the nearby wooden benches to wait .

There was at least one thing they both had in common – there weren’t a lot of people ready to sit down with her on a nice weekend, and Pj never had to mention they sometimes felt the same. Isabella just knew; she knew when they’d share their new favourite song with each other, or during nights like this, when there were more glasses of liquor consumed than expected. It never had to be serious or intense – they simply enjoyed each other's company, and it was more than enough for Isabella to be happy to spend her evening with a cocktail in hand, chatting. She plays with a paper straw as she’s listening to Pj, and it seems to be dissolving in the cold drink, bending more and more with every stir she does – the topic is, however, changing, and her ears catch one word and put it in her mind on repeat. Dad. “It’d only hurt you, wouldn’t it? It’s not worth it,” she lightly shakes her head ; there’s an image of her own father’s eyes in front of her as she speaks. “What did he want for you to do in life? I bet he’d be disappointed in your success anyway. There’s never enough for them.”

dark eyes fluttered in a roll . isabella was right — no matter what park-ji had done in their life , if they had become an accountant or lawyer or doctor , it wouldn’t have been enough . the disappointment of them working at the radio station and , even worse , attempting to make it big in a band , would have hung over their head like a dark cloud regardless of success or qualification . the lei children had never been good enough and would never be good enough , even if they worked their fingertips raw trying . “ anything that he thought was important . my brother went into science shit , and i think my dad wanted me to go into medicine or something like that . something that would help people , “ or something that would earn them a lot more money than a few stray dollars after a show on the area 51 stage . when would it end ?? when they had their doctorate ?? when they had $100,000 in the bank ?? the next rung of success would be higher than the last until pj existed , alone , among the clouds . they would blame their out spill of truth on being drunk , although they were only one or two drinks deep . " i guess i just have to admit that i'm a disappointment through and through . "