Paranoia Vent

clover keeps drinking in the innerworld

Why is Clover so horny, just

Co-fronting and our whole body is oozing it feels like

Clover you are more attractive than them, I don’t want you to look like them, i’m attracted to you

I’m your only partner that can legitimately see you or touch you

And I want you

Why do you care what other people think is attractive, you’re not even dating them, and you’re hardly friends

But guess what, you are mine, you’re what I want, as you are, now

And yes i’ll still love you when you transition further, i’ll be there with you every step of the way

i love them i love them i love them

they hate me

cupid hates them

hh

they make me scared

they give me panic attacks

they trigger harmful alters

they don’t love me

they hate me

and they think i’m abusive

i’m just someone to pity

and i was right

i am a burden

i keep seeing their facial features and thinking it’s them

and i keep panicking

more and more

thinking it’s them

that they’ll know

that they’ll come hurt me

like in all the nightmares

i don’t

like it

Let’s start with the the first big number one thing

Us asking to play video games, is not isolation

Them choosing to cut people off, despite us supporting their relationships with others, is not us isolating them

Alright number two, which shouldn’t even have to be said

How is a 16 year old, multiple states away, isolating a 18 year old

Like really? The person a 14 hour car drive is isolating you?

And lastly, how is an 18 year old, with a driver’s license and multiple jobs, being isolated by a homeschooled child who can’t go anywhere without asking their mom who is scared of being social

All to say

Maybe they can grow a fucking brain to realize not only that their parents were isolating them, but also maybe they were isolating themselves, because their mental issues apparently made them even less mature than us, and made them feel like they weren’t taking advantage of a literal child

Clover spent the last 2/3rds of that relationship regressed nearly 24/7 and having an even worse inability to speak

You literally tried to indulge sexually abusive alters

When we told you no

You treated it like the end of the world when you split 3 alters over the 2 years of knowing each other, that had anything to do with us

But said nothing while witnessing us split on nearly a daily basis for you

Go kill your fucking self

I won’t be sorry when you’re gone

started crying

mm

was continuing my do everything they say be everything they want

and they left

and im not over it

i don’t want them anymore but i feel like drowning

they were everything

hh

i can’t

even trigger cupid

i want kms

system hiding itself

i was busy taking care of you

made it

so

i can’t

eat

again

i feel

ill

so

me when a partner respects my boundaries

and also

me when

im not panicking so bad im crying and sweating

“clover + kaden”

oh