﹠﹠ ᴀᴄᴄᴇʟᴇʀᴀᴛᴇ.

happy birthday john again seriously when is it ever not your birthday its like the groundhog day of birthdays shits repeating itself over and over again without fail so that were in a neverending cycle of celebrating the birth of your existence but anyway yeah i got a present but its not ready yet shits in its final stages though

❛ Yo, I hate to ruin your sick fantasies of someone crushin’ their limbs on that copy machine, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen any time soon. Knowin’ this place, someone’s probably gonna end up crushin’ their ass while tryin’ to copy it. Bet ya five hundred yen that the mechanic’s gonna be the first sacrifice. ❜

time out. I do my best~

are you serious you were able to play a goddamn pipe organ and cover your ENTIRE PLANET with gusts of air but you cant blow off a stupid copy machine??  god fucking dammit john this is why we cant have nice things

nope too late now the lil dudes just bouncing around and spewing lil sheets of paper john if you still have your windy powers please do me a favor and blow this thing right the fuck off my dash why did i sign up for this

i come back and suddenly theres a copier on my dash and now im the owner of a business or some shit listen up yo welcome to paradoxchivalry corp im dave strider and ill be your resident ceo/dj at your service now you better listen to me cause bitch ive worked my way up here ive climbed to the motherfucking top pulled a fucking mountain goat on this shit my cloven hooves are cleaving my way up this goddamn mountain gonna make this thing my BITCH then ill kick back in my ikea chair with my gucci shoes polished so much the mirrors in versailles just cracked and gaze over all of you plebeians  whats my first order of business you ask? throw a motherfucking party turn the shit up party like its april fools day oh wait it is

time out. Hi guys! Sorry I was gone for so long. Dipper’s been taking over my life tbh. My muse for Dave is not completely back yet, but I just wanted to pop by and say hello!