------------

You made a mistake.

You made a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

You'd made this mistake nearly six months before, and it was still haunting you to this day.

You decided to be a member of the Silver Eagle Squad.

Why was this a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake, you may ask?

"Wow, I didn't think a commoner would last this long in this place, congratulations!"  your superior chuckled a s you walked out of your room, your superior chuckled.

Well, because you were a commoner in a squad full of arrogant noblemen.

____

You're not sure why Captain Nozel chose you in the first place; you were the one he despised the most. Even your breathing irritated him — not that you felt any differently about him, of course.  

He was without a doubt the most evil person on the face of the earth, w ith his menacing purple eyes and demonic braided hair.

Evil.

You were strong, and you worked hard to gain even the tiniest bit of his approval, but no matter how hard you tried, he dismissed you with a sneer.

Even now, when your squad reported to him after completing a mission, retrieving a fortune, and saving hundreds of lives, the majority of which was due to your magic—which your squad leader, bless him, pointed out—he still rolled his eyes when your name was mentioned. Which you took offence to and glared at him angrily, which he matched for the remainder of the brief meeting.

When your squad leader finished the report, he hummed his approval and dismissed you all, so you ended your glaring match and walked away.

You felt sick by even being in the same room with him.

yep, a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

____

For the third time, you loudly knocked on Captain Silva's big office door, hurting your knuckle in the process. You knew he was in there because he never leaves unless he's on a mission, being the workaholic and perfectionist he was.

You didn't come here voluntarily, oh no, you would never.

You had to request a day or two off from your captain since your sister was getting married, she wanted you to be the best maid, and you were not going to miss your baby sister's wedding for the world.

Due to said circumstances, you were forced to endure the agony of seeing his face once more, or at least the part of his face that wasn't obscured by that unusual braid.

You were beginning to wonder who told him it was a good idea to style his hair like that, the devil? Because it was not, in fact, a good idea, but it was the braid that saved you the trouble of looking at his entire face. you began to wonder; did he braid it himself?

You laughed to yourself at the thought of your enraged captain braiding his hair like a little girl in front of a mirror, but your thoughts was cut off by the devil himself.

"How long do you intend to laughing to yourself like a lunatic?" When the door opened, you looked up to see your captain staring down at you with his trademark sneer on his lips. And with that, you smile vanished.

"sorry, I was just having a funny thought." you said, rubbing the back of your neck in embarrassment. He gave you a blank stare.

Great, you reasoned, he thinks I'm crazy, just another excuse to despise me.

"What do you want?" he asked. "Or do you enjoy wasting my time?" he snarled.

rude, you thought.

rude, you thought.

"Hey! I had to knock on the door three times before you heard me. My hand hurts." you said, it wasn't uncommon of you to talk back to the captain, you had a short temper and he had a large ego.

you said, it wasn't uncommon of you to talk back to the captain, you had a short temper and he had a large ego.

"You did?" he asks, and you gape at him, because he heard you laughing softly to yourself ( quietly, may I add) but not you pounding on the door? "Shut your mouth, it's incredibly rude."

''you're one to talk'' you mumbled under your breath.

"Mumbling is rude" he sneered, disapprovingly looking at you, "I don't like repeating myself, what do you want?"

You were so irritated that you almost forgot why you came here. You took a deep breath in and out to relax, then resumed speaking.

"Captain, I have a question for you." You said something, he rolled his eyes and went into his office; you followed behind him, not having time to properly look around but judging by his desk, he was certainly busy, almost making you feel bad for bothering him.

"You see, my sister's wedding is coming up in a few days, and I was invited to attend—" you sensed his glare but continued to talk, "-but I need to take a day off to do so." You finished quickly and waited for a response.

"Your vacation days aren't for another two weeks." "You're asking me if you should leave your duties to attend a party?" he said after a brief pause.

He said it as if it were the most ridiculous suggestion ever made.

"It's not just a party! It's a wedding reception! They're very serious."

"I'm sure anything like this will be thrilling to a commoner—"

"excuse me?  It has nothing to do with mme being a commoner; if you got married, wouldn't you want your siblings to attend?" you questioned, hands clenched.

"Well, I'm sure my wedding will actually be important—" he dismissively said.

"And this isn't important?" you cut him off. "Oh right, I forgot, I wouldn't understand because I'm a commoner,"   You said it jokingly, but you were truly offended. Nozel's eyes softened slightly as if noticing, but you were too upset to notice.

Nozel composed himself, "precisely, I'm so glad you understand-"

"I doubt you could ever get married anyway." you mumbled, you expected him to say something typical like 'mumbling is rude', but he heard you clearly.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he seethed, stepping closer in an attempt to intimidate you.

"I mean, I doubt any woman would willingly get married to you!" you yelled, your words seemed to anger him more.

"Oh please, no sane man would ever stay in a relationship with you," he spat back, rolling his eyes, and pinching his temples, "i shouldn't be wasting my breath on such a worthless commoner"

Worthless commoner...

why every argument you had ended with him calling you a worthless commoner?

yep... a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

Both of you were angry, you hadn't intended for the conversation to yet again be another petty argument, but you should've known it wouldn't be easy convincing your captain to do anything.

You were both mad; you hadn't intended for the discussion to devolve into yet another petty argument, but you should've known it would be difficult to persuade your captain to do anything.

"Please, it's important to me..."  lowering your voice in the hopes that just being nice would sway him, but he simply glared at you. you sighed and your shoulders slumped, admitting defeat.

You turned away to leave when you heard your captain sigh behind you, "I'll give you the day off," you snapped back up and turned to face your captain, who avoided your gaze, "...but I'm taking away your next holiday."

You sighed once more, knowing that there would be a catch, but you were grateful nevertheless.

"Thank you!" you yelled, Nozel flinched from the volume, you were so happy you could almost hug him.

For once, you saw the captain in a less evil light.

"Are you trying to make my ears bleed" he yelled "Why are you still in my office, get out!"

...never mind.

______

"Did I allow you to speak with me, (Y/N)?" You were unfazed by your captain's snide remarks because you had grown accustomed to them.

"It was just a question. You're so sensitive, yikes",  I mumbled.  His head snapped towards me  

"I'm not sensitive, and you should know, mumbling is rude, " he glared at you.

you stared at him intently, at first, he tried to ignore your gaze but it soon became too obvious. he sighed, rubbing his temples,"What do you want?"

"For you to answer my question," you said bluntly, your eyes narrowing as you awaited his response.

"No, it was an idiotic question." he said, rolling his eyes, "now, go away." he ordered.

You didn't, instead continuing to look at him; he tried to ignore you again, but your stare became too distracting for him; why? He didn't have a clue. Normally, he'd threaten an annoying member of his team.

He glared at you and asked, "Is there something on my face?"

you tilted your head with a grin, unfazed by his glare, "yep."

his eyes widened in horror, had he gotten food around his mouth? or maybe dirt? the idea of dirt on his face irritated him, but there was not mirror for him to check. it was vital that he was always presented as a noble at all times.

You chuckled at his panic; it was unusual for him to lose his composure, and it made you laugh that something on his face had caused him to panic, of all things. It was good to see him not be so serious, you had to admit.

You may be wondering why you and your captain were alone together, not fighting or even attempting to kill each other. You were selected to go on a mission with your squad of three, but due to the gravity of the situation, your captain and another squad were forced to intervene.

The majority of the task had been accomplished, but you and your team had underestimated the complexity of the building from which you were retrieving stolen goods, and as a result, a few of you got lost.

To make matters worse, some of the building had begun to crumble, obstructing the exit from which you and your captain had entered.

You considered using your magic to blow one of the walls open, but it would just cause more parts of the building collapsing, and the majority of your squad was also trapped inside.

So, you and Nozel had been locked in the same room for an hour and had grown tired of arguing, so you decided to break the silence by asking him about the large braid that covered his ears.

"Well?" he started,  "Are you going to tell me what's on my face?" Nozel asked impatiently, you chuckled and decided to mess with him because you and Nozel had made a sort of truce.  

"Let me help," you said, walking over to the much taller man and reaching your hands up to help.

you lifted the braid from his face, so it was no longer covering it, and smirked "there, much better."

you looked at him, you had never realized how attractive your captain truly was since you have never really seen his face, but he was indeed very attractive, you wondered why he covered his face all the time if he looked like that.

"What makes you think you have the right to touch me, " he spat, letting go of your wrist, "A commoner getting comfortable with a noble, ridiculous" he seethed.

"Here we go again," you muttered, feeling dejected. He had to spoil your fun with the noble chat, of course.

You gave up, frowning and walking away from him. Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd done anything like this, but it always bothered you that it didn't matter what you di,d because you were a commoner.

Isn't it possible that you should just be friends? Could he ask you simple questions like, "How was your day?" or "How are you doing this fine morning?"

'How did the wedding go?' When Nozel asked you a question, your head shot up and you turned to look at him sceptically. Maybe he was making fun of you, or maybe he had read your mind.

"Sorry?'' you asked in case you misheard him, he didn't look at you, but you knew that look of annoyance was directed at you as he rolled his eyes.

He grunted and turned away from you, adding, "I don't like repeating myself." But after a while, he repeated himself anyway, "How was the wedding?"

Although it was a simple question, it still shocked you, but you answered anyway ''Uh, I-It was good, and fun... thanks for asking'' you added at the end, his shoulders stiffened.

it was silent for a while, neither of you spoke. there was a sudden, awkward change of atmosphere, not used to the casual confrontation you had.

After a while, you asked, "Nozel, can I ask you a question?"

"Not another one-''

"It's not about your hair, I promise!" you told him, a little smile on your face, amused at how such a small matter could annoy him so much.

"Ask quickly," he ordered, making you anxious because you weren't sure you wanted the answer.

he noticed your hesitation ''Well...?''

''why did you raise your hand?'' you forced the question out, anticipating his snarky remark, "to be a part of the squad, i mean"

"I know what you mean," he snapped, but the expression on his face was unreadable, he looked at you for a long while, ''why would you ask such a stupid question. You were strong.''

Your gaze grew serious and you pursed your lips before saying, ''but you hate me.'' he matched your hard gaze, ''you've always hated me since i was a commoner. so why would you pick a commoner for your squad''

Your staring match turned into a glaring match, ''I already answered your question, because you were strong''

''liar,'' you scoffed, ''there were other strong commoners, some stronger than me, and you didn't pick them-''

''-Because they weren't like you,'' he sighed angrily.

"How?" you pestered.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because it does. how? you continued to ask, it got on his nerves.

"I saw something in you that I hadn't seen before." I had a gut feeling when I saw you that I wanted you on my squad by my s-"

He abruptly cut himself off, his eyes widening slightly as though he had noticed something. You, too, fell quiet. You hadn't expected his outburst, and you had to confess that for the first time since joining the team, a feeling of acceptance filled your chest.

it was you first time seeing Nozel so flustered, but he quickly straightened his back, ''I needed you in my squad under my leadership. what sort of captain would i be if i ignored your power for such a petty reason.'' he shook him head ''But it it may have been a mistake.''

His last remark felt like a pang to your chest, hurting you much more than you thought it should've, ''w-what?''

He immediately recognized the hurt look on your face, his words had never done that to you before, and he felt a cloud of guilt descend upon him, but before he could respond, you heard the distant shouts of your squad mates, who had found you.

if only you could take back that big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

________

You had kept your distance from the captain, choosing not to bother him any further. So, instead of your usual glaring match, you kept your head down while reporting a task to him. You didn't object when he made you work extra hours or took away your free time for no apparent reason. When he insulted you, you didn't even react.

You were unwelcome on this team, you hoped that by joining it, your reputation would improve. Although it did, the other members of your squad rarely picked fights with you, and the mean looks were not quite as bad as they had been when you first joined, your reputation with your captain remained the same, no matter how much you contributed.

he didn't know how to react, the person you were now was completely different to the (Y/N) he knew, and he was the reason behind it.

So, when you gave him the letter, he should've anticipated it. "What is this?" he asked, furiously reading it over and over, as if that would change what was written.

well maybe if you stopped talking and actually read it- you though, keeping your calm, cringing as he crumpled the letter you put extra effort in to make your handwriting all nice-

"It says-"

"-I know what it says, I can read," he said angrily, rising from his desk and staring at you incredulously. "You can't be serious, a squad change?" he asked fiercely.

"That's what i wrote" you said bluntly.

"-I know what you wrote!", he yelled, you flinched, not expecting him to get worked up over something like this.

''why are you so angry? Captain Roselei said i could join her squad by the end of the month if I still wanted to, i just need your approval-" you tried to explain.

"I know what she said, i read the letter-" he cut you off again' "and I don't care", he took a deep breath in and sat down again, pinching his temples. "I cant accept" he said.

You instantly grew annoyed, "What, why? You can't do that! -"

"Actually, i can. I can't have you leave my squad, what will happen if the other captains found out one my own members hated it so much, she had to leave. I'll look like a joke!" he yelled back.

"What? You'll have one less commoner on your squad, that good, right? It's not like you appreciate anything i do here anyway-"

"I already said-"

"Is it really so difficult for me to earn a little bit of approval from you, even if it's just a 'well done'? I just wanted to impress my Captain, but it's obvious that he doesn't want me here! You really didn't think this would happen, come on?" You said back your voice raising slightly.

"You can't be treated like a child here, i won't treat you like one-"

"I thought you would be happy" you muttered, "You said it, yourself, you made a mistake."

Something flashed across his eyes, but it was unclear what it was. His face softened, and he began, "(Y/N)...", but his words trailed off.

"It's all right, we both did." "I shouldn't have joined this team," you said, he scrunched his brows at your confession. "I regret it too.". After all this time of keeping it in, it felt nice to finally say it, but you quickly regretted it when you saw his expression.

You had never seen him upset, but it looked like you had hurt him. a part of you thought he deserved it, but another part of you ached to see him like that.

His sad expression faded quickly, and he was replaced by a stern one. He took another glance at the letter before crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it behind him carelessly, "Hey!" you were about to yell, your sympathy quickly replaced with anger.

He replied softly, "I'm sorry," but it wasn't about throwing the letter away, and it had you silent. "I made a mistake; I shouldn't have treated you that way." "I'm sorry for everything," he apologised once more. "I'd take it back if I could."

"Take what back, picking me?" you asked sadly, "I know-"

"No, not that," he said, his voice becoming softer. "I'm sorry for allowing myself to-" he stopped himself before looking at you, shaking his head and saying "forget it, you wouldn't understand... you can leave the squad if you want."

"No, not that. " he said, quieter. "I regret allowing myself to-" he stopped himself before looking at you, shaking his head and saying "forget it, you wouldn't understand... you can leave the squad if you want."

he waved his hand dismissively, but you weren't leaving, "help me understand. I'm not staying in this squad unless you give me a reason to stay." you stated firmly, and he looked at you with yet another blank expression.

"You wouldn't understand." he repeated and you were growing annoyed.

"Then I'll leave" you stated, waiting for some sort of reaction, but there was none. you stayed in the same spot, just waiting for him to try convince you not to go,.

but he didn't, you weren't sure what you expected, but with a defeated sigh, you turned to leave. there was no place for you here anyway.

as you reached the door you heard him ask quietly, "do you truly have no reason to stay?" you looked back at him, and despite his strong, cold facade, he seemed so vulnerable.

"What?" you asked.

"I don't like repeating myself," he said before repeating himself, "Is there no excuse for you to stay?" he asked. "Nothing?...No one?" he enquired hesitantly.

At that exact moment, the evil Captain you've been so desperate to escape from made your heart swell. There was someone, you think. But you shook your head, slapping yourself internally from the thought.

"What do you mean earlier, at or mission, that you didn't regret picking me?" you asked, dodging his question with one of your own, remembering what he said earlier.

"You're avoiding my question."

"Your avoiding mine" you said stubbornly, and he rolled his eyes, something that made you smile, and with a reluctant sigh he answered.

"I never regretted picking you. Not once." He snapped quickly, trying to get the topic over with.

"But you said-"

"I know what i said," he cut you off, again. he avoided your gaze, as if regretting bringing up this topic in the first place.

"I never regretted picking you for my squad, in fact I think it was one of the best decisions of my life." your heart stopped and you stared at him, it must've been hard for him to admit, as he looked down at the papers on his desk, about you didn't see the pink tint on his cheeks.

but rather than teasing him, you asked "Is that the truth?" and he continued to look away.

"Take it or leave it, it doesn't matter, i don't care." he said half-heartedly.

"should i stay?" You continued to press; a familiar mischievous spark rose from withing you.

"W-What? I don't care what you-"

" You didnt think i should leave earlier" you asked, pointing to the scrunched-up letter he threw away.

As much as Nozel tried to hide his embarrassment from his tantrum earlier, he couldn't hide the now obvious fact that he wanted- no, needed you here. he slowly looked up at you, wanting to glare but as soon as he spotted the blush on your cheeks, he couldn't retaliate.

after a minute of silence, he answered "It's the truth, what i said about you being on my squad" he admitted, and you felt your heart beat faster as you saw your captain in a strange new light.

"i told you already its your choice if you want to stay."

you rephrased the question, "do you want me to stay?"

When he saw you were being totally serious, his head shot up at you, his brows furrowed. His eyes opened, and he flushed red from ear to ear. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with a response that would not further embarrass him.

"Just say yes or no, Nozel" you told him, noticing his flustered state, normally he would at once correct you to call him captain, but at this moment in time, neither of you cared.

You were not sure where your sudden change of heart started, but all you wanted to hear was on word, one simple word and you would be happy, and upon hearing his name roll of your tongue so causally, he knew exactly what he wanted.

"Yes."

his reply made the room fall to silence yet again.

he wanted you to stay?

"Please stay." he asked, as if answering your question and you weren't sure who the man in front of you was.

All you could do was stare at him, and he stared at you. his eyes were beautiful, you realized.

But eventually, the silence became too much to bear, and not knowing how to reply, you left his office holding your breath. He did not stop you, and watched you as you left.

Was talking to him a mistake?

_________

You foolishly assumed that talking to him would clear things up and convince you that you needed to leave, but you left with far more questions than before.

Everything you could think about was how much he wanted you to stay.

But why now, exactly? Why would he reveal anything right now?

You couldn't get the thoughts out of your head, so you buried yourself in work. You had until the end of the week to determine whether or not you wanted to stay.

"well done, all of you," Captain Nozel said to your team, and you met his gaze, but he averted his gaze first.

Despite the fact that he pretended the discussion never existed, he treated you differently, as though you were now on an equal level with him. you continued to stare at him with confusion, which would normally turn into a glaring battle between the two of you, but he avoided you gaze. The air felt heavy.

You shuffled nervously on your feet before being dismissed, and as the rest of the squad left, he called out your name, and you turned to look at him, heart racing, but he shut his mouth, as though at a loss for words.

"Yes?" You asked expectedly, he shook his head.

"I-... decent job today," he said, which admittedly surprised you and almost made you feel good.

"Thank you, Captain," you replied cortly.

What was the first thing he was going to say? You know you should probably leave, but your feet were firmly planted in place, and you wanted to ask if he had something else to say, maybe an explanation.

When he noticed your hesitation, he asked, "Is there anything you need?"

"Uhm... no, not necessarily," you said, forcing yourself to leave because you didn't want to be a burden any longer.

"Have you decided?" he asked abruptly as you reached the door. "I mean, if you want to stay."

You turned around again, but this time you chose not to look him in the eyes. "I think so, Captain.''

There was a silence, he obviously expected you to tell him your decision, but you couldn't, there was a lump in your throat that wouldn't let you speak.

Judging by the silence, the way you avoided his gaze and the fidgeting of you fingers, he knew what your choice was.

"I see..." he started, his voice laced with... sadness?

"I wish you the best, (Y/N)." he said shortly, there was more he wanted to say, much more, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

you still didn't leave, and asked "Will you tell me the truth?", the question caught him off guard, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"The truth?" he asked, you met his gaze finally. it became harder nd harder to look into his lavender eyes.

"What is it that you regret? if it wasn't picking me?" you asked, recalling his outburst during your mission, but the continued to brush it off as something not important, but by the stiffening if his shoulders, you knew that was a lie. "If I'm leaving, can't you answer that one question?"

"...You're too stubborn for your own good." he dodged the question, but he held your gaze. He was right, you were stubborn, and by the look in your eye, he knew you weren't leaving without an answer.

"I suppose an explanation for my behavior is needed," and he turned away from you, not willing for you to see the blush on his face, and you smiled at his compliance.

"I didn't, as I've explained, regret picking you. I, I saw you and i knew i wanted you in my squad, but looking back on it, i regret being so selfish" he started.

selfish?

"... I knew as a captain i shouldn't have let my emotions influence my decisions, it was too irrational, to hasty. But i had what you call a gut feeling, that i would never regret picking you, having you by me, by my...by my side-" he paused, not sure if he should continue.

oh.

Your heart stopped beating, and as you tried to over analyze the meaning of his words, you knew that what he had confessed to you was that he-

by his side? you repeated in your head, you didn't dare to say anything out loud.

"I regret treating you the way i did, truly i do. i do not apologize often, (Y/N), but you deserve one. I am sorry for being so selfish. I just couldn't forgive myself for falling for my squad members, a commoner nonetheless." He admitted, and that is when you felt yourself hold your breath.

Captain Nozel, your captain... is he falling for you?

Is it possible that I'm falling in love with you?

You weren't expecting an apology, but this was unexpected. You hadn't asked for this when you asked for the truth. But it didn't bother you in the least. Was it as if this was what you... desired?

The devilish, arrogant, crude man you hated with all your heart had been in love with you, it was hard to wrap your head around, really, but what confused the most was why-

why did you feel happy?

" I thought it was horrible, really, a Captain, a noble, and a commoner. Perhaps that's why i treated you the way i did. I was ashamed." he said, and you felt yourself grow disappointed, your heart dropped slightly.

"Y-you were ashamed of me?" you said quietly, not anticipating you pathetic you sounded.

i knew it, you thought.

at the sound of your voice, he finally turned to look at you, "Of myself... I didn't care, but it didn't matter. if only i had known how pointless it was to- but i was too caught up with what i had been taught, i only now realize that it doesn't matter."

you didn't know whether to be happy or upset, angry or elated. Half of you felt giddy, the confession made your face grow hot and your heart beat faster, but the other half of you felt mad, mad at him for treating you that way when things could have been so different.

"Commoner or not, the feelings never went away. But I suppose it doesn't matter after all, you will be leaving soon." he said, his voice growing sad, and his lips turning into a soft smile.

You don't think he's ever smiled around you like that.

"Do you still regret falling in love with me?" you asked quickly, not knowing why you couldn't just leave.

He looked at you for a long time, before replying "...No, I don't. And i never will." he said.

"And what if i stayed?" you asked, "What would you do?"

would it be possible? How would your teammates react, his family, the nobles, if he dared pursue a relationship with a commoner.

"It doesn't matter." he brushed off, as if the conversation was now too much for him, "You're leaving"

"But what if i stayed?" you asked again, he stared at you for a long time.

you knew he was thinking carefully about what he should say, his eyebrows furrowed, he clenched and unclenched his fists multiple times, seemingly nervous. his cheeks were dusted with a light pink, and this time, you saw it.

Nozel was nervous, it was a sight you never though you would see, and it made you nervous too.

"then... woud..you" he mumbled and you couldnt hear what he had said, you were shocked by this more timid version of nozel.

"Mumbling is rude" you said in a cheeky voice, the atmosphere felt less tense as a smile found its way to both of your lips as you turned his own words on him. he met youreyes and saw the blush that also covered your cheeks.

"i said, then i would love you" he repeated with a newfound confidence, before walking towards you and closing the distance between the both of you.