Paperthin poems and scissors in the dark

I cannot help but fear that no one will ever make me feel the way you made me feel I cannot help but wonder If my mind is going under I seem unable to decide If I should be giving you a chance, to love me, adore me, make me laugh It’s been so long, I don’t know how Would you sit beneath the empty night And watch the sky and stars flow by With me? Would you love me? I cannot help but dread If my feelings were to take a rest, You just might be able to get in And I cannot help but wonder, If my mind is going under How do you expect me to decide? I cannot make up my mind. Should I be giving you a chance, to love me, adore me, make me laugh It’s been so long I don’t know how Would you sit beneath the empty night And watch the sky and stars flow by With me? Would you love me? Would you do the things he never could Like love and care as a lover should, Like taking me on an actual date And show me that I can be great, Like showing that I’m worth the while Should I be giving you the chance to love me, adore me, make me laugh the chance he’s wasted too much before Would you sit beneath the empty night And watch the sky and the stars flow by With me? Can anyone love me? I’m afraid they don’t.

I don’t even know where I am. I mean, I know the exact pin point and address of my location, I know which room I am in. But I don’t know where I am. I want to go home, but I don’t really know where that is. Or how to get there. I don’t even know how to move my limbs. Where ever I might be, it’s cold. Sometimes a flare of hot warmth will pass, and I’m pretty sure I sigh in content, but then it passes, and the coldness returns in this unknown empty space. Sometimes I hear someone laugh, or a string of unconnected music, and sometimes I see blurry faces or colours in this empty space. But then it passes, and I’m alone again. It doesn’t sadden me. Not that at least. But not knowing where home is, being unable to move, being unable to greet those fleeing faces and sing along with those cheerfull voices. Being in this empty cold space is enough to sadden me. I just want to go home.

Liquor bottles, broken bottles Clean the glass shards that you brought till Your daughters confirmation, She needs not your confirmation of Poor parenting skills and mental abuse Drink a little more of your poisoning booze And don’t look back, cause she will follow in your tracks Netflix and chill, while momma's watching over us, you’re looking for a thrill But she has wine bottles and pills, so Don’t be sorry, don’t you worry Big sister’s got it all under control Slamming doors and slamming whores I guess that you reap what you sow, but Daddy you spoiled our food so What are we supposed to do now? Well, off you go again on your “business trips”, how much did you leave for that prostitute in tips? And don’t make excuses, for all your kids bruises Netflix and chill, while momma's watching over us, you’re looking for a thrill But she has wine bottles and pills so, Don’t be sorry, don’t you worry, Big brother’s making sure to beat us well Daddy, why did they turn the heat off? Daddy, we haven’t got water for a month. Daddy, where are you going off to again? Mommy, you’re really bad at picking your men. Netflix and chill going downhill Daddy’s got a depression and it’s not looking too well And all the liquor and sedative pills, Won’t make you feel less sorry, now you worry It’s clear, you fucked up, it’s out of your control.

I always thought someone would take my place and leave me crying I always knew i were waiting for that day anything else said Is lying You’ve always know how much I cared and how I kept clinging on But if you brushed me off, I would be scared of how to live on Cause anything that I ever did was with you by my side And anything, that I ever said was supported by you with your arms open wide And any dreams that I ever dreamt was about you, oh about you But the thing about you is I’m no one without you I always knew that she would take my place, so why am I still crying I always knew I would have to embrace this day, ‘cause I could tell when you were lying Yet I didn’t realize how much I cared, About you, oh about you But now I am feeling terribly scared, I was left behind by you Cause anything that I ever did was with you by my side And anything, that I ever said was supported by you with your arms open wide And any dreams that I ever dreamt was about you, oh about you But the thing about you is I’m no one without you And now all the memories I have, with you by my side Are reminding of loving words exchanged Under the Galaxy starring night that, just for us, opened wide And now all the dreams that I still have Is without you, oh without you And the thing about you is I now have nothing left to lose

You were the cushions to soften my fall You were the voice at the end of the line, answering my call You were my recharge, when my battery was running low You always lead the way, so now i have to watch your back as you go. I can barely breathe if you are not breathing with me, And i can barely stand if you're not right beside me. The world has lost it's vibrant colours, i can't see, The expectations are blinding me, of all i wanted us to be. Ditched on the side-road, knife in my back, And all i did to lighten your load Just dragged me further behind your track. I'm deadweight, all i am is deadweight. And no one needs deadweight. Not deadweight like me. You were supposed to be the punctuation mark to my story. You were supposed to fit into so many future "categories". You were supposed to continue my sentence when i stopped, but silence is thick in the air, i guess your priorities swapped. I can barely feel, if it's not your skin i feel beneath me, And i can barely crawl, if you're not there to support me. The world has lost it's spice and spark, i cannot taste, What a shame to let such a nice relationship go to waste. Ditched on the side-road, knife in my back, And all i did to lighten your load Just dragged me further behind your track. I'm deadweight, all i am is deadweight. Ditched on the side-road, knife in my back, And all i did to lighten your load Just dragged me further behind your track. I'm deadweight, all i am is deadweight. And no one needs deadweight. Not deadweight like me. Not deadweight like me. Not deadweight.

Sometimes when you call me, i hang up on purpose, And sometimes i dream about, painting your face turquoise And when you start complaining, all i want to do - is take you on a date, and leave you in the lions den at the zoo. And i know, it may seem a bit too harsh of me, But you'll be nr. 1 on my list, when i start my killing spree. I'm cruel, I'm cruel, But it's all in my head, No one is dead, yet What's a man got to do, to get rid of his demons, I could burn you or drown you, eat you up, devour you Or preserve you in a harpix shell, I guess i'll see you in hell. "Why are you ignoring me?" I guess i'm a sinner, But no matter my flaws, I'll have your head served for dinner, Your smile makes me sick, and your laugh is my doom. I want to dismember you, and leave you in my basement room. And i know, it may seem a bit too harsh of me, But would it be so bad to just rip down your facade and open up your ribcage. I'm cruel, I'm cruel, But it's all in my head, No one is dead, yet What's a man got to do, to get rid of his demons, I could burn you or drown you, eat you up, devour you Or preserve you in a harpix shell, I guess i'll see you in hell. I guess i'll see you in hell, but i won't stop to say hello, I hope you burn forever, So i don't have to be together, with your pathetic endeavors, I'm cruel.

Cigarette smoke is thick in the air, I strut my lips, and blow out despair collecting small lumps in my throat, waiting for tears to dry off my winter coat “you got yourself this far out, your unstable beyond any doubt.” Liquor and chocolate in my possession In the silent night goes another confession biting off chunks of my bleeding gums behind rotten teeth, my tongue drums “We’ll get you help, it’s okay, just condemn your sins and pray.” I tie another ribbon-bow around my middle finger, I beat the dust off my doll-house dress, The door smacking, glass cracking sound still linger God bless, it is time to confess My black marks and wine-red barks I frame another hair-thin memory, I down another shot, floating feathery, Smile and pose, for a faked future, Let’s hope, they don’t hear the rumour, “That girl sure is a lot of trouble, oh, how her family must struggle.” Pin-pricking feelings and cold hands, A wolf child born between white lambs, I snuggle up in my still yet empty bed, Listen to the words on the staircase unsaid, “I want to help, but it’s beyond me, She’s unable to be saved, despite any plea.” I tie another ribbon-bow around my middle finger, I beat the dust off my doll-house dress, The door smacking, glass cracking sound still linger God bless, it is time to confess My black marks and wine-red barks I tie another ribbon-bow around my swollen neck I found the matches, sat fire to the dress, The house is silent, but I still destroy and wreck, The heavens dressed in black excess, And I bid you as farewell, a story to tell.

Undo, undo, undo.

You know the feeling of fulfilling numbness from the pills that you swallow or all the bad memories that seems countless you’d rather ignore the sorrow there’s so many lies that I’d like to confess but I guess it can wait until tomorrow There is not a beat that can wake up my hearts slumber There is not enough spice to make my eyes water There is not enough in this world, so I hunger for something with much more colour I seem so childish as I complain and holler don’t I? You get my thoughts, if I mention the want to die, right? it seems like the easy way out the only problem is, it’s so much more fun to fight all these idiots and the idiotic things they spout just keep your head down, and your lips tight "to get through another day", I recognize you vowed. There is not a beat that can wake up my hearts slumber There is not enough spice to make my eyes water There is not enough in this world, so I hunger for something with much more colour I need something blood red to slaughter oh, but shouldn’t I? There is no words to bring back the dead There is no reason to spill tears on the grave “to get through another day”, isn’t that what you said? I thought your purpose was to be brave But I am such a child, I misbehave oh, but don’t i? Oh, but painkillers won’t bring back the dead

I kind of didn’t want our friendship to break “It’s okay, we’re unbreakable” But now we know how many blows it take For our relationship to become unstable I never know where I stand, or what I feel “We’ll go down this road together” But now the wallpaper is starting to peel and I guess we weren’t meant to hold forever I could cut out a thousand paper men, I could glue, and tape, but you would always look like them I could paint and colour, but I can’t paint away the pain And I stuff my heart with paper men, I have been cutting and gluing ever since then. The fine fragile paper we represented at first “how could you hurt me like this” has been burnt, cut, it is going to burst and I cannot remember our last kiss please tell me, what did I miss Baby blue eyes, and baby blue tears “I think you owe me an apology” I cannot breathe for the fear I guess I am living for someone elses dishonesty Baby blue painted red with such ferocity. I could cut out a thousand paper men, I could glue, and tape, but you would always look like them I could paint and colour, but I can’t paint away the pain And I stuff my heart with paper men, I have been cutting and gluing ever since then. And I have cut out a thousand paper men, I am planning on burning every single one of them I will paint and colour, but your memory is faint And I stuff my heart with paper men, And if they have to burn, so do I then.