I was so scared that this would be the beginning of resentment. Carmen being like “you wanted my focus? you got it”. Resentment that the focus has come as a consequence of losing Claire. And though the season showed me he doesn’t resent Syd, it showed me that he no longer needs her, or no longer thinks he needs her. Syd is almost in Carmen’s way to wherever fucked up place of perfection he’s chasing to show to himself that he doesn’t need to apologise, that he was right, that now with Claire gone…he can be perfect, he can stop failing or disappointing his team (but mostly Syd). He can be the one who doesn’t need to receive or provide enjoyment or amusement so long as he doesn’t fail.
Even though I felt like s3 dragged me around slowly (though artfully) to a bunch of prequels and wasted precious time and drove the plot very slowly to almost nowhere. I also see that in Carmen chasing perfection and thinking that everything he’s lost and the relationships around him which have deteriorated will be worth it so long as he does not fail at this restaurant. Because the feeling of failing is not worth being happy because being happy means to be distracted. Being consumed by his work is the only way to achieve success.
And the end of s3 tells me that s4 will be about failing despite letting the work consume you. And what happens to your life when you are left to confront the damage you have done to the relationships around you having had chased the idea that failure comes from being neurotic and being without enjoyment or amusement. That without your core people’s support, that feeling of failure has nowhere to go.
It’s like one of his core beliefs is that “if I suffer and work hard, only then will I succeed”. That belief has been reinforced to him in the past. This is potentially the first time that he will question that core belief. Because he suffered, his relationships suffered, he took out and stepped away from enjoyment and amusement…and he still experienced the terrible feeling of failing.
So while in the fridge, when he thought nothing is worth how terrible it felt to fall short, he will realise in s4 that without the things he stepped away from in s3, not only does the feeling consume him, he has forfeited the avenues in life which provided him with validation or comfort. Where enjoyment and amusement may have previously lessened the blow, he doesn’t have any of it now. It will be, I hope, about rebuilding.
andulkaphoto
vaporwave
romaincrisis
jacobvanloon
