WITH LOVE, WC

May 7, 2019

Someday, when we both take the same bus, cross the same roads and see the same horizon, I hope God will give me a small hint that you are that someone I am writing this letter to. They do say that I am too young to think about these things, that I have lots of  adventures to do and all that. Putting my heart on another person is such a big risk i am afraid to take. I have showered my love to the wrong people and that made me think if I am the one who’s wrong. Most of the times I tell myself I dont really need someone but I do. If you happen to be the person I am writing this letter to, well congratulations. Look at what you have gotten into. There might come a time when we have our own misunderstandings but I will TRY put all my pride aside and try to solve it with you. I will be with you every step of all your achievements, I will try to support you on what you are passionate about. We might last for a couple weeks, months, years, a lifetime, we really dont know. The Lord above can only tell but if you are the one, I will hold you in my arms and make you feel safe and I hope you do the same. I am praying for you.

So see you future boy who will one day tell me why i look beautiful and ask me out.

1.       How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone who’s trying to live in the middle. I’m not hitting rock bottom nor striving for success. Just the barest minimum of living life. I think to myself, maybe I’ll be a corporate slave for the rest of my life because I do not want to start a business, or make myself the CEO. I wanted to be a follower, a slave, for the rest of my life. I don’t have the directions to tell myself where I’m going that is why I am letting others dictate what I should do.

I don’t have anything that I like, nor do anything, in particular. It’s like I’m just here, living, for money, so I can spend it on a temporary happiness until that happiness fades and then I wait for my next paycheck so I can spend it on temporary happiness.

But I know, I should find the purpose of my existence on things that are not too extravagant. Maybe my existence is important because I’ll be a home to some dog I’ve never met or the person who’ll remind things to people. The little responsibilities that I do should probably give me some sort of purpose.

2.       Describe one of the best days you have recently?

My family and I went to a park. We bought food and then ate it in this lot where we parked our car. It was nearby the lake or beach? It was a mixture of it and then we took photos. I had fun because we were all in a good mood and the air was good. It slaps cold air on your face.

3.       List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

Drive to work

Chips

Watching Netflix

Listening to a new song by a band

Looking out the window

Reminiscing about the times I went out with my boyfriend 4 days ago

4.       How do you feel about your body?

I feel insecure about it all the time. I want to be slim, but then again that process is hard and I get lazy. But I know I’ll get to my target weight someday. I’m eating very little, I don’t even know if these are nutritious anymore which definitely defeats the purpose of slimming down. I feel like if I’m not thin, I’d lose my physical beauty. Feeling hungry seems right and an empty stomach feels pretty.

7. Describe a life changing moment.

When I finally made terms with myself that everyone dies and we won’t see them anymore, ever again. No matter how you ask God or the heavens above to extend your term, or to keep you safe, death will be inevitable if the grim reaper is in front of you. That is why making my decisions are based heavily on death. Will my dead self be grateful about this decision? Will I be able to find peace in this decision on my death bed?

8. What is going well with your life right now?

Answering these questions after like three years. This is why I love putting out me answering journal prompts or questions because I get to be grateful of where I am today. So here’s me and my 2024 self answering:

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as being kind to others and being kind to myself. Also exploring things just because I can and exploring it with fear in my heart and mind. I surprise myself with all the things I have done here since I moved abroad. I ventured a lot on different situations where I was so afraid and anxious but I pushed through even with fear. They do say that the first thing to courage is stepping in even if you are afraid. That, I think, is what my life motto is these days.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

When we went to Fujairah. It was a road trip and the scenery was just so beautiful and seeing the mountains and trees and camels and donkey (yep, a donkey casually beside the road) was healing. Road trips are very healing especially if you get to see what mother nature has built.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I feel happy today because I am excited to read or start a new series. I have been getting into enemies to lovers trope. Read fourth wing but I feel like the romance was too corny. Loved the plot but I wish the main couple was less….corny.

4. How do you feel about your body?

I feel like shit. As usual. It is so weird because I noticed that my watch was fit. It was fit and my watch had an allowance and I was panicking because that meant I gained weight. But it was just sticky thats why it stuck and rush of relief went through me. Still really trying to love my body because every time I look in the mirror, I wish I was thinner. I gained like 10 pounds since I moved abroad but everyday, I teach myself to accept it and lose weight healthily. I always do like crash diets and stuff, but im really preventing that from happening again because I wont let this get in the way of enjoying the moment.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Moving abroad. Breakup. It was TOUGH. All the plans you thought you will have in the future was destroyed in a single decision. But I feel like it was the best thing that happened to me. The break up happened three months ago. Moved abroad eight months ago and I have grown SO MUCH as a person. I have learned so many experiences and hear life stories from different people. In God’s time.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone that is willing to take the risk. I’m trying to talk much more and trying to not be intimidated by my coworkers or someone higher with authority. I fail a lot on trying to mask my fear with smile but that is the point. To just practice and practice until you get the hang of it. Specially that I am someone with authority as well.

I get to socialize a LOT now and I really am trying to be myself but sometimes I wonder if being myself is not good? On the contrary, the angel on my shoulder states otherwise and says I am perfectly fine and its all in my head. It is in fact all in my head because I am still here and kicking.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

Went to Kinokuniya book store. Gawd that place is good. I feel at home and books are just something I am used to seeing, reading, feeling. What is worse though is that I do not have the money to buy the books. Also, went with my sister so it was super super fun.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I got to clean out some of the junk in our store room. I get to also listen to a 30 minute video about someone explaining how to retain the information that I am reading. Highlighting, taking notes, and organizing it by topic. I just want to learn and learn a lot because we are blessed to have such easy access with technology and then get to learn many things on the internet for FREE.

4. How do you feel about your body?

Like shit. As always. I’m trying to eat healthier now and reducing my sugar intake but I always feel like its not enough. There’s definitely moments where I feel fine but most of the time I ask the question ‘When will I ever get to have that body that I had when I did a crash diet which resulted irreversible damage to my brain and physical stand’ Again, I am really trying hard to eat healthy and move my body around but there are some days where I get so impatient. It is fine. Other people get me grounded that I have to be patient.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Got back with my ex. Became a person of authority. Managing people.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

How will you describe yourself?

I describe myself as an adventurous woman. I love going out and socialize with people even though at first its hard for me to connect with new people because I always have this thought that they wont like me and they probably hate me. I know its all in my head but it cant be helped. Recently, I can talk comfortably with my coworkers. Its been a year since I'm here in my school.

I am a woman who is now planning for her next great adventure which is probably solo trip? or at least have someone with me. I'm planning Georgia?? Kazakhstan?? Depends on finances, really.

I am someone who is ready to explore and take on chances. I've really grown from last year. I've been to places and been exposed to certain experiences that have really grounded me to become someone more.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

My sister is pregnant!!! Choir services! Hang out with friends. I have so many plans going on I think I have so many best days!

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I got to drink a good cup of coffee for 15 dirhams. I ate something good. I ordered food for my advanced birthday celebration this Friday. I am surrounded by people who I treasure the most.

4. How do you feel about your body?

I feel a bit better. We've lost some weight during May 2025. We feel good on most days but of course still feeling like shit when we binge.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Me joining the choir and hanging out with people I've never imagined hanging out with.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

1.       How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone who’s trying to live in the middle. I’m not hitting rock bottom nor striving for success. Just the barest minimum of living life. I think to myself, maybe I’ll be a corporate slave for the rest of my life because I do not want to start a business, or make myself the CEO. I wanted to be a follower, a slave, for the rest of my life. I don’t have the directions to tell myself where I’m going that is why I am letting others dictate what I should do.

I don’t have anything that I like, nor do anything, in particular. It’s like I’m just here, living, for money, so I can spend it on a temporary happiness until that happiness fades and then I wait for my next paycheck so I can spend it on temporary happiness.

But I know, I should find the purpose of my existence on things that are not too extravagant. Maybe my existence is important because I’ll be a home to some dog I’ve never met or the person who’ll remind things to people. The little responsibilities that I do should probably give me some sort of purpose.

2.       Describe one of the best days you have recently?

My family and I went to a park. We bought food and then ate it in this lot where we parked our car. It was nearby the lake or beach? It was a mixture of it and then we took photos. I had fun because we were all in a good mood and the air was good. It slaps cold air on your face.

3.       List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

Drive to work

Chips

Watching Netflix

Listening to a new song by a band

Looking out the window

Reminiscing about the times I went out with my boyfriend 4 days ago

4.       How do you feel about your body?

I feel insecure about it all the time. I want to be slim, but then again that process is hard and I get lazy. But I know I’ll get to my target weight someday. I’m eating very little, I don’t even know if these are nutritious anymore which definitely defeats the purpose of slimming down. I feel like if I’m not thin, I’d lose my physical beauty. Feeling hungry seems right and an empty stomach feels pretty.

7. Describe a life changing moment.

When I finally made terms with myself that everyone dies and we won’t see them anymore, ever again. No matter how you ask God or the heavens above to extend your term, or to keep you safe, death will be inevitable if the grim reaper is in front of you. That is why making my decisions are based heavily on death. Will my dead self be grateful about this decision? Will I be able to find peace in this decision on my death bed?

8. What is going well with your life right now?

Answering these questions after like three years. This is why I love putting out me answering journal prompts or questions because I get to be grateful of where I am today. So here’s me and my 2024 self answering:

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as being kind to others and being kind to myself. Also exploring things just because I can and exploring it with fear in my heart and mind. I surprise myself with all the things I have done here since I moved abroad. I ventured a lot on different situations where I was so afraid and anxious but I pushed through even with fear. They do say that the first thing to courage is stepping in even if you are afraid. That, I think, is what my life motto is these days.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

When we went to Fujairah. It was a road trip and the scenery was just so beautiful and seeing the mountains and trees and camels and donkey (yep, a donkey casually beside the road) was healing. Road trips are very healing especially if you get to see what mother nature has built.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I feel happy today because I am excited to read or start a new series. I have been getting into enemies to lovers trope. Read fourth wing but I feel like the romance was too corny. Loved the plot but I wish the main couple was less….corny.

4. How do you feel about your body?

I feel like shit. As usual. It is so weird because I noticed that my watch was fit. It was fit and my watch had an allowance and I was panicking because that meant I gained weight. But it was just sticky thats why it stuck and rush of relief went through me. Still really trying to love my body because every time I look in the mirror, I wish I was thinner. I gained like 10 pounds since I moved abroad but everyday, I teach myself to accept it and lose weight healthily. I always do like crash diets and stuff, but im really preventing that from happening again because I wont let this get in the way of enjoying the moment.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Moving abroad. Breakup. It was TOUGH. All the plans you thought you will have in the future was destroyed in a single decision. But I feel like it was the best thing that happened to me. The break up happened three months ago. Moved abroad eight months ago and I have grown SO MUCH as a person. I have learned so many experiences and hear life stories from different people. In God’s time.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone that is willing to take the risk. I'm trying to talk much more and trying to not be intimidated by my coworkers or someone higher with authority. I fail a lot on trying to mask my fear with smile but that is the point. To just practice and practice until you get the hang of it. Specially that I am someone with authority as well.

I get to socialize a LOT now and I really am trying to be myself but sometimes I wonder if being myself is not good? On the contrary, the angel on my shoulder states otherwise and says I am perfectly fine and its all in my head. It is in fact all in my head because I am still here and kicking.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

Went to Kinokuniya book store. Gawd that place is good. I feel at home and books are just something I am used to seeing, reading, feeling. What is worse though is that I do not have the money to buy the books. Also, went with my sister so it was super super fun.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I got to clean out some of the junk in our store room. I get to also listen to a 30 minute video about someone explaining how to retain the information that I am reading. Highlighting, taking notes, and organizing it by topic. I just want to learn and learn a lot because we are blessed to have such easy access with technology and then get to learn many things on the internet for FREE.

4. How do you feel about your body?

Like shit. As always. I'm trying to eat healthier now and reducing my sugar intake but I always feel like its not enough. There's definitely moments where I feel fine but most of the time I ask the question 'When will I ever get to have that body that I had when I did a crash diet which resulted irreversible damage to my brain and physical stand' Again, I am really trying hard to eat healthy and move my body around but there are some days where I get so impatient. It is fine. Other people get me grounded that I have to be patient.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Got back with my ex. Became a person of authority. Managing people.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

My brain when my students call me their "library teacher"

I feel called out. lol

Xaden: I don't want to be your mother

1.       How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone who’s trying to live in the middle. I’m not hitting rock bottom nor striving for success. Just the barest minimum of living life. I think to myself, maybe I’ll be a corporate slave for the rest of my life because I do not want to start a business, or make myself the CEO. I wanted to be a follower, a slave, for the rest of my life. I don’t have the directions to tell myself where I’m going that is why I am letting others dictate what I should do.

I don’t have anything that I like, nor do anything, in particular. It’s like I’m just here, living, for money, so I can spend it on a temporary happiness until that happiness fades and then I wait for my next paycheck so I can spend it on temporary happiness.

But I know, I should find the purpose of my existence on things that are not too extravagant. Maybe my existence is important because I’ll be a home to some dog I’ve never met or the person who’ll remind things to people. The little responsibilities that I do should probably give me some sort of purpose.

2.       Describe one of the best days you have recently?

My family and I went to a park. We bought food and then ate it in this lot where we parked our car. It was nearby the lake or beach? It was a mixture of it and then we took photos. I had fun because we were all in a good mood and the air was good. It slaps cold air on your face.

3.       List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

Drive to work

Chips

Watching Netflix

Listening to a new song by a band

Looking out the window

Reminiscing about the times I went out with my boyfriend 4 days ago

4.       How do you feel about your body?

I feel insecure about it all the time. I want to be slim, but then again that process is hard and I get lazy. But I know I’ll get to my target weight someday. I’m eating very little, I don’t even know if these are nutritious anymore which definitely defeats the purpose of slimming down. I feel like if I’m not thin, I’d lose my physical beauty. Feeling hungry seems right and an empty stomach feels pretty.

7. Describe a life changing moment.

When I finally made terms with myself that everyone dies and we won’t see them anymore, ever again. No matter how you ask God or the heavens above to extend your term, or to keep you safe, death will be inevitable if the grim reaper is in front of you. That is why making my decisions are based heavily on death. Will my dead self be grateful about this decision? Will I be able to find peace in this decision on my death bed?

8. What is going well with your life right now?

Answering these questions after like three years. This is why I love putting out me answering journal prompts or questions because I get to be grateful of where I am today. So here's me and my 2024 self answering:

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as being kind to others and being kind to myself. Also exploring things just because I can and exploring it with fear in my heart and mind. I surprise myself with all the things I have done here since I moved abroad. I ventured a lot on different situations where I was so afraid and anxious but I pushed through even with fear. They do say that the first thing to courage is stepping in even if you are afraid. That, I think, is what my life motto is these days.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

When we went to Fujairah. It was a road trip and the scenery was just so beautiful and seeing the mountains and trees and camels and donkey (yep, a donkey casually beside the road) was healing. Road trips are very healing especially if you get to see what mother nature has built.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I feel happy today because I am excited to read or start a new series. I have been getting into enemies to lovers trope. Read fourth wing but I feel like the romance was too corny. Loved the plot but I wish the main couple was less....corny.

4. How do you feel about your body?

I feel like shit. As usual. It is so weird because I noticed that my watch was fit. It was fit and my watch had an allowance and I was panicking because that meant I gained weight. But it was just sticky thats why it stuck and rush of relief went through me. Still really trying to love my body because every time I look in the mirror, I wish I was thinner. I gained like 10 pounds since I moved abroad but everyday, I teach myself to accept it and lose weight healthily. I always do like crash diets and stuff, but im really preventing that from happening again because I wont let this get in the way of enjoying the moment.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Moving abroad. Breakup. It was TOUGH. All the plans you thought you will have in the future was destroyed in a single decision. But I feel like it was the best thing that happened to me. The break up happened three months ago. Moved abroad eight months ago and I have grown SO MUCH as a person. I have learned so many experiences and hear life stories from different people. In God's time.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

Ferrera said it felt like she filmed 500 takes of the speech over the two days of filming, adding, “It was probably 30 to 50 full runs of it, top to bottom. By the end, [co-star Ariana Greenblatt] recited the monologue to me because she had memorized it because that’s how many times I had said it.”