Pancake

just saw a post on twitter about how Olruggio, despite being inherently selfless, is still selfish in the sense that he's willing to prolong Qifrey's suffering to keep him alive/by his side and I think that's probably my favorite aspect of his character.

like, I cannot tell you how much I love seeing this specific characterization it's just soooo good. I think that's why chapter 93, and really these pages specifically hit so hard for me:

because despite how terrifying the whole situation was for both of them and how hard Olruggio was masking to try and reassure Qifrey here, he was probably speaking entirely truthfully right here.

I've seen people say that the main purpose of him saying this was to try to comfort Qifrey in a roundabout way so he would agree to the memory wipe -- and while I do think that might have been a very small part of it, I think this was more an instance of Olruggio letting Qifrey in on how selfish he was being (also comforting Qifrey here might have been a little counterproductive anyway so)

Because just as Olruggio says, it would be infinitely more painful for him to either let Qifrey turn into a tree or wipe his memories because either way, he would either lose Qifrey to the tree or lose their friendship. So, selfishly, he chooses the option that allows him and Qifrey to stay together for as long as they want, at the cost of Qifrey's constant anguish.

(and while this is the less painful for him, I do want to acknowledge that it still is a painful path for Olruggio specifically, not just because of how fucked up this whole situation is, but because this kid has The Savior Complex of All Time and this plan puts him in a position where he has to live constantly suspecting his best friend is in trouble but won't confide in him or let him help in any way)

And what takes this even further into my point that this is an essential part of Olruggio's character and not just a one-time, desperate measure to keep his friend alive, is the fact that Qifrey mentions that Olruggio offers him the same path every single time he finds out.

Meaning, apart from probably just the most recent memory wipe (ch. 40), Olruggio learned the full truth of what's been happening since that day at the tower, forgave Qifrey for keeping it a secret (though I doubt there was much to forgive since it was his idea in the first place) and then watched Qifrey get Treed from the sheer relief of confessing.

He had to have seen how much pain Qifrey had to keep himself in (even if Qifrey didn't say all that specifically, I assume he could infer it from just how easily the silverroot took over after he found out) and still asked him to keep the same promise over and over, so they wouldn't have to be apart.

And Qifrey, being the king of self-deprication, sees this as a mercy on Olruggio's part and a sin on his own, while Olruggio knows he is being selfish in asking Qifrey to stay despite what it costs him.

So yeah basically. I just love that bit of duality in his character that, despite being someone who's literally centered their magic around bringing people comfort, his first priority (and most definitely a product of his death-based trauma as a child) is to make sure that the people he cares about are alive, regardless of the pain they may be in.