Okay I just realized that on Page 135-136 of the Raven King, after Nicky is talking about Erik and tells Neil “That’s what love is about, see? That’s why Exy isn’t ever going to be enough, not for you or Andrew or anyone. It can’t hold you up, and it won’t make you a stronger or better person.”
Neil starts staring at Andrew and thinking about how Andrew holds him up and isn’t scared of his problems, and is def briefly contemplating his feelings for Andrew, then just dismisses it with “But that didn’t count, because Andrew was Andrew, and this was definitely the last turn he needed his thoughts to take.”
Neil, somehow you weren’t even subtle but I missed that the first time anyway.