anne

You would never, in a million years have expected to be standing here. When you started posting on instagram and tiktok, you didn't think it would lead to this. You were surrounded by the most beautiful girls, with beautiful outfits, in a beautiful location.

You were one of them. In a black dress, with lace detailing the arms and bottom.

You typically didn't mind lace, but with it skin tight on your arms, it felt horrific to even move. It felt like you squeezed yourself into a condom, just an extra small lace one. The DJ who played nothing but shite wasn’t helping, in fact it caused people to shout just to be heard. It felt like your brain was in a frying pan, making you more and more agitated. You wanted to run as far away as possible from everything.

"But, honestly, I just don't think it's good enough," Jade was saying as you attempted to listen back in. It was futile though, over the noise of everyone else. She was the only girl you knew here, the rest felt like they were already in their own little packs. "You okay?" She asked, concern painting her eyes.

"It's just... a lot," You said, voice quiet. She looked around in time with you.

"Yeah. Do you want me to stop talking or... is there anything I can do for you?" She asked. She was always so helpful, but you couldn't think of anything except going home that would help.

"I think I just need some fresh air," You decided after a moment of fake thought. You didn’t want to seem quick to leave and insult her, but your brain was being frayed by everything happening. She nodded, careful not to touch you in fear of overwhelming you more.

As you navigated through the event, you were only getting worse. You couldn’t even hear yourself think with how loud everything was. The lace that clung along the bottom of your dress rubbed against your thighs in the worst way. If you could, you would stop and rip it all off. Not to mention, your shoes had started causing pain in your feet. You were moving terribly awkwardly and slowly, trying to cause yourself the least amount of pain as possible.

You found some stairs to sit on outside the venue and tried center yourself, to calm down. Still, nothing worked. You wanted to be home. You immediately thought of Eli. He would immediately understand, and often, better than yourself.

The noise of the phone ringing against your ear made you cringe and only want to dive into a hole, to be left alone. But, you knew he was your only savior.

“Hello?” He asked, finally picking up.

“Can you get me?” You asked, voice wavering.

“Of course,” He said, trying to hide the nerves that immediately bubbled up inside of him. “Are you still at that place I dropped you off at?”

“Yeah,” Your response was quiet, barely louder than a whisper.

His voice had already helped slightly, but your stress levels were in the atmosphere. It didn’t make as much as a dent in the greater scheme of emotions whirling around inside you like a tornado. Throwing a wrench at it like it wasn’t capable of mass destruction.

You closed your eyes and attempted to will away all the bad emotions before the sound of a car startled you out of it.

The singer was throwing himself at you before you could even speak. He went to wrap his arm around you but stopped when he noticed your face.

He knew that look. He knew it well. There were times things were just too much for you, and this was clearly one of them.

He forced his hands back by his side, “You wanna go home?"

You nodded and stood up. As much as he wanted to wrap an arm around you, keep you safe in his hold, he knew it was better to let you initiate that when you felt like this.

Like the gentleman he was, he opened the car door for you. Once he got in the car, he didn't turn on the radio, shockingly. He knew you wanted as little input as possible, like a song. He needed to strip back the layers of what had been recorded, to the bare bones of the song. He needed to let you be you.

You focused on your breathing, the quiet of the car making it easier for you. Eli’s here, you told yourself. You didn’t have to be on edge or fearful, yet still, the hum of the road couldn’t let you do that. It felt like the reminder of a test tomorrow, a dread that loomed no matter what you did. You needed silence.

Once you stepped into the house, you made a dart for the first thing you could sit on. You ripped off your heels in record time, cursing the strap that was on them. You questioned your earlier choices. Without asking, Eli made the move to take off your dress, unzipping it for you.

You were choking on the words you wanted to say, you wanted to say too much and could only understand so little of what was even going through your brain. Thankfully, Eli’s face was telling you he understood everything you wanted to say.

He nodded. "I'm gonna, uh... Go upstairs and grab some clothes for you, is that okay?" He asked.

You just nodded back. You owed him so much after this, you thought. But, to him, it was just a regular day. He did this not to gain something, but because he loved you. And loved being around you. Any moment that was offered to be spent with you, he took.

While he grabbed the items, you made the move to free yourself from the dress. Finally. It felt so good, like you were a butterfly who finally broke out of her cocoon. But instead of spreading your wings and flying, you were curling up away from the outside world.

You stood there in your underwear, the condom-esque dress laid in a black blob in front of you. You waited. Like your salvation, Eli descended the stairs with clothes in one hand and your weighted blanket in another. You dressed yourself and the softness of them was such a relief from what had been assaulting your skin before.

"I brought you this, if you'd like," He said, gesturing toward the blanket. You just nodded, tired from all the emotions.

You laid on the couch with it over you. Eli had his arms wrapped around you. The typically chatty boy had his mouth shut. He was so grateful to have you, and for you to let him in on such a vulnerable moment. As much as he wanted to ask if you were okay, he knew you wanted silence. It left him knowing to only speak when necessary.

There was the sound of breathing, but it was muffled by Eli holding your head against his chest. He kept one hand on the ear that wasn't being muffled by his sweater, silencing everything for you. His body was turned into your own personal pair of noise cancelling headphones and you could never convey how much it meant to you.

Your eyes got heavier and heavier. Like waves crashing onto your body, you were getting knocked down by sleep. In the comfort of your boyfriend’s arms, you felt safe enough to be able to let go.

a/n: i hope i did this justice as ik neurodivergency and what can trigger overstimulation differs so much depending on ppl! tysm for the request AND happy bday to eli!!!

Josh's head was tilted back toward the shower head. Weekly, he was reminded of the downside of cutting his dreads- washing and wearing his natural hair took quite a bit more work. But, this time was going to be easier, as you asked to help him out.

"You don't have to," Josh said.

"I want to," You responded, "It's not an issue."

He nodded. He didn't want to acquiesce your proposal, there was something deep inside him that told him not to. Maybe that was just how he was raised. He wasn't one to let people help him, but he supposed he should for you.

So that's why he's standing here, getting his hair drenched. "Can you like... crouch down?" You asked.

"Just sit on the ledge," He said, once you followed he sat down inbetween your legs.

"Is this the shampoo I should be using?" You asked, showing it off. He nodded.

With a squirt of it into your hands, you started to scrub it into his hair. His eyes shut and he leaned back into your body. Drop by drop, stress left his body. His shoulders relaxed and he hooked his arms over your legs. For several moments, he wasn't sure whether the warm sensation in his chest was from the water hitting it or your hands in his hair.

"You need to detangle it," He mumbled, too lost in the pleasure of a rare moment of relaxation.

"Is there a brush somewhere for that?" You asked. He pointed to the caddy. Some awkward shuffling around later, you had the brush in your hand and were prepared to start detangling.

"Not like that!" Josh immediately said as you started. His body tensed back up and he was back to square one. "Brush outward, like up. Not like how you brush your hair," He explained, trying to relax again.

Softly, you spoke, "Im sorry." You left a kiss on his cheek as you followed the instructions. It felt like such an intimate moment, much more vulnerable than anything done before. He slumped back into you, creating a positive feedback loop. You kept brushing his hair, he kept falling deeper and deeper into some sort of sixth dimension. "Don't worry about it," He mumbled, only realizing he should respond after more than a few minutes.

You noted how long his hair was every time you brushed it up, his shrinkage causing it to remain close to the root. Once you were done, you tapped his shoulder to let him know to wash it out.

His hands routinely found their spot on his head, scrubbing out all the soap and making him miss your hands that were right in front of him.

"I can't remember the last time someone did this for me," He said as he sat back down. You ran the conditioner through his curls, which had been loosened from the water and shampoo.

"Really?" You were met with a hum.

"Not since I was, like, a baby."

You nodded. His hair was so soft, like a fine silk. It worked against your fingers, you brushed straight through it and it snapped back to a curl. "Did it take you this long when you had dreads?" You asked.

He responded with a shrug. "It took like... twice the time to dry. Didn't have to detangle it though. I mean, I would have to get like retwists, but…” His voice drifted off as he let you continue. There wasn’t a time that he could remember being treated as nicely as you were treating him. There was love and affection in your fingertips. All of his barbers just wanted to get it over with. With a tap to his back, he stood up and washed it out. Despite no change in the routine, his hair felt softer.

It was interesting seeing Josh’s hair like this. His curls were loosened by the water and the method of detangling he had you use. It hung down by his ears and over his forehead.

You both stepped out the shower and wrapped towels around you. When you moved in together, you splurged on some fancy towels. You supposed it was a sign of growing up, getting excited by the little things.

The guitarist grabbed the hairdryer from under the sink. There was a diffuser attachment that he would use. “Do you want me to?” You asked, having slipped into one of his shirts.

With an indifferent look on his face, he replied, “I’ve kinda got my own method. Plus you’ve done enough for me today.”

You smiled, stepping forward and meeting his lips with yours.

The living room welcomed you as you sat down and ordered food. He didn't tend to be picky, so you just settled on pizza.

Josh came back out later, with dry hair and sweatpants on. He didn't often go shirtless, but after earlier, he wanted to feel you as close as possible. He would never tell you that though, fearing it too embarrassing and complicated to convey in words. You trusted him and he trusted you, enough that you could communicate through touch alone.

Nearly autonomously, his arm wrapped around you and pulled you in. “I ordered pizza,’ You said with a peck to his lips. He hummed in response.

“Thank you,” He said.

“For?”

“My hair,” He smiled, “It's nice to have someone do something like that for you."

You were sure that there was something more to it, but you didn't push. Instead, you relaxed into his skin and let him do the same. His chest was a strong pillow, like a concrete wall made from a mold of your own body. You fit eachother perfectly, and when you looked up to his eyes, you saw your own reflection in the deep brown.

"I love you, you know that?" You asked

"Of course, I love you too." He said, staring back into your eyes.

"I just don't want you to hesitate asking for help, or letting me help you."

"I'll try," He said, looking away. He hated when you did this, confronting problems head on. You were always so good at it. Sure, he could point it out, but he had no clue where to even start to fix it.

"Just don't worry too much," You said, making him wonder if you could read his thoughts. "You stay in that head too much, and it's a real lonely place."

"I suppose so," He twiddled his thumbs, too embarrassed from all the attention and care he was receiving to look at you.

"Thank you. I'm gonna go pick up the pizza," You said, standing up, "Come with?"

"Do you really have to ask?" He remarked.

a/n: the amount of time i spent looking at photos of joshs hair to try and figure out his hair texture... anyways when are we getting his curl routine. title from chosen by blood orange

"Iced coffee pour toi," Jacob said, plopping himself on a chair, and the drink on the table.

"I'm gonna die, Jacob," You gave him a serious look. "This paper is due tonight and I have... two sentences," You dropped your head into your hands.

"Sounds like poor time management," He said in that typical unbothered tone. "Now, drink up, I bought that for you and all the ice is gonna melt."

The sun was out in full force in Newquay. The patio of the cafe you sat on, especially, was cooking beneath the heat. Fuck climate change.

"Did you get-" You started.

"Oat milk? Yes. Do you really think I don't know your coffee order?" He feigned offense.

"Just wanted to make sure," you mumbled, looking back to your paper.

His heart ached at your face, so stressed out. When was the last time you had seen peace?

The laptop was shut abruptly and you looked up, about to protest.

"You aren't gonna be able to get any work done with a mind that stressed," He preached. Before you had a chance to, he grabbed your laptop. Then, your hand.

"Jacob! Where are you taking me?" You asked as he dragged you through the streets. The doors of the surf shop you knew so well approached, and you immediately started to contend.

"We can't! Give me my laptop back," You said, trying to grab it from his arms as you walked into the shop.

"Careful! You might break it," He said with a smirk.

"Hand it over."

"No. What size are you? Need a wetsuit..." He turned away from you.

You watched as he opened a locker, meant for someone's spare clothes, and set your laptop in it before locking it up.

"Now..." He flicked through the wetsuits, eventually landing on one. "Here! Changing rooms over there." He pointed. With a groan, you took the suit.

Jacob let out a low whistle when you stepped back out, already in his own wetsuit. "I look like a dork," You stated.

"You look like a million dollars," He responded. He wasn't lying. In his eyes, you looked absolutely stunning. "Come on," He beckoned and walked toward the beach, board under his arm.

"I don't even know how to surf!" You cried, reluctantly following along.

"I'll teach ya!"

The beach was, as always, beautiful. You noted how warm and enticing the water was as you walked into it, like Jacob. You walked the board into the water, till about waist deep. You both hooked a leg over the board and got on, you in front of him. "Lay down, and use your hands to paddle," He instructed.

You did exactly that. "This feels dumb," You said. You paddled, but it didn't do much when two grown adults were on a board.

The side of his head touched the middle of your back. His hands joined yours in paddling towards a wave not too far out.

"This is awfully romantic," You spoke, trying to ignore the wavering in your voice.

He cheerfully responded, "Isn't it?"

"Okay, so when I stand up, you're gonna stand up, got it?" He asked.

"Okay..." You said. Despite being with the absolute love of your life, in the most beautiful place, you were terrified.

The board was raised higher by the water, and then, Jacob's head left your back. Your feet moved before your brain, rising up with your arms out.

You looked like Jesus. Or at least that's what Jacob thought. You stood out, like Christ the Redeemer. Jacob thought of himself like a regular civilian, standing at the bottom and staring up, praying up.

He held you flush against his body and his hands found your waist, squeezing. He used his grip to silently direct you, crouch down, shift your weight. It's not like you could hear anything over the noise of the water you were riding. You felt like you were on top of the world, despite the wave being quite small. The saltwater coated your hair, leaving it in Jacob's face, but it didn't impede him at all.

When the wave diminished and you found yourself back out of flatter water, the first sound you heard was Jacob's laughter, "Was that good?" You just nodded.

"Think of it like riding a bike, just keep yourself balanced," He said as you both sat back down.

A few more waves, a few crashes, and the water dropping a few degrees led to you guys paddling back in towards the beach. "How do you feel now?" He asked.

"Hold on," You stopped, smacking the side of your head and leaning the other to the sand, "I can't hear anything."

He snorted, "Can you hear now?" He yelled.

You waved him off as you walked back to the shop. "I think you gave me a concussion- that one fall," He said. He was referring to one fall when your head when back into his nose.

"I think it was the other way around," You responded, opening the door and being greeted by the sight of an older man.

"Jacob?" The unknown guy asked, "I'm assuming you're the one who took two wetsuits and a board without asking?"

Jacob sighed, "I can't take my little lady out for a surf?"

"Not without letting us know. You're on thin ice, young man, you better be careful." The man who you now know as the boss, threw some keys at Jacob, "Lock this place up when you're done. No canoodling!" He hollered as he left.

"Well. He's a character," Slipped out your mouth.

"Certainly," Jacob responded, helping you out of your wetsuit. It look a lot of fighting and tugging on the wet, skintight material, but you got it off. "Cannot wait to get on tour and away from him," He said.

You both tossed back on your earlier clothing, and longed for a warm shower. But, you had to get to Jacob's car first, which was at the cafe and- "Where's my laptop?" You asked.

He sighed. "In that locker, the code is 0000... You know, I don't get your stress. You're in uni for photography, when you could just become our photographer. And!" He said, becoming more animated, "I wouldn't have to leave you behind."

"I'm not relying on you for a job, Jacob. I love you loads, but I cant," You said, opening up your laptop and getting started again on your paper.

"It wouldn't be. Just helping you get your feet on the ground."

"No." You said. The pithy response made Jacob click his tongue.

Once the shop was locked up, and you were sat on his couch in his dim apartment, he let himself ruminate. He always got in his head when he showed you more of himself. "Are you glad?" He asked.

"About?" You responded, not looking up from your laptop.

"Today? I just..." He scratched the back of his neck, "I don't know if I overstepped."

"If you did, you would've known. I'm never gonna leave you guessing," You said with such causality it hurt him. You two were so intertwined, he shouldn't have doubted. He's got such an ache in his heart, but it's only growing pains from it doubling in size.

"You want food? I'll order in." He changed the subject.

You just nodded. "Anything specific?" He asked.

"It's up to you," You shrugged, typing away. "You're the one who knows all my orders for every half decent place in our vicinity."

He smiled, knowing he'd love you forever. "I think I'm just gonna get pizza," He stated quietly. Even in this shitty apartment, even when he'll quit his job in the fall and go out on tour. Even when he distracts you enough to convince you to go out and surf with him, you still love him. His shoulders relaxed at that realization, that being yourself isn't the end of the world.

a/n: short cutesy fic for my man! working on a josh fic and jacob bf headcannons bc i love him. sorry this took me so long to get out, was working on SO MUCH homework

elijah

so happy to be a dad

the only baby i can see being planned

girl dad

tries to quit smoking as soon as he finds out about the pregnancy

fun dad but SO protective and careful

taking your daughter to the park for the first time was terrible for him, all he saw was a potential hospital trip

the entire house got childproofed (then he realized the childproof was also, often, eliproof)

meeting the lads was also terrible, he spent most of the time policing them on how to hold her (even if they were holding her right)

while teaching her how to ride a bike, his face was just stuck in a permanent wince

he's got the parental delusion of believing his child is the best, gifted, etc.

he's really not good at punishing her, he does but then is immediately tearing up when she gets upset

he sings to her a lot

there's probably a song written about her

his relationship with you deepened, like he thought he loved you as much as he could, then you had a kid and his love tripled

family cuddles all the time

ryan

hes the embarrassing dad

so. many. dad. jokes.

he hits you with that "hi pregnant! im ryan" before he even realizes what you said and processes it

hes standing akimbo while looking at any weather phenomenon

like all the stereotypical dad stuff

he gets you one of those big sushi platters immediately after birth

being a father is greatest achievement of his life, it's the first thing he mentions whenever he introduces himself to anyone

girl dad

turns daughter onto media that puts her way out of touch with her generation

making her watch all the classic movies when she's like four and not going to remember it

he says he's getting her caught up on pop culture

you have to get her a pair of those giant headphones super early so ryan can still practice at home without hurting her ears

he probably got one of those baby wrap carriers so he could play drums with her with him

lets her put makeup on him (just that little kid sparkly stuff dw)

probably the best dressed kid considering ryan

bobby

boy dad (IK i wrote him as a girl dad but this is his truth)

baby caused the craziest cravings, thank god his dad can cook

but when he hears about the food you can't have, he's aghast

silliest funniest dad

scared shitless at the start

accidentally falls asleep with the baby on his chest or nearby him, leaving you to move him

for not doing well in school, he (surprisingly) cares a lot about his education

homework police alert

despite that, he's always the bad influence

"mam said you're only allowed one cookie? ehh, daddy says it's fine to have two!!"

"if another kid ever hurts you, don't worry about hitting them back, you have my permission"

bobby does have a bad habit of overcorrecting his behavior, especially when he joins in cooking/cleaning

absolutely hates to see his son cry and it ruins his entire day

as he grows more into his facial features, you constantly hear rob go "why does he kinda look like me?" like thats not his son

if you thought bobby was a lot, prayers for you because that kid is so energetic

josh

more of a boy dad, but could see him as a girl dad (favoring boy though)

the most organized man ever

hes read the books, the articles, the studies, everything

he realizes very quickly nothing written is going to compare to the real thing

like ryan, he gets a wrap baby carrier to just have him around the house

considering josh, the baby is probably on the calmer side

family hikes

montessori schooling

for someone who denies being sappy, he is for his family

tearing up over any small achievement

also probably the safest parent because of everything he's read

but he doesn't want to be too overprotective and limit his experiences

he really believes in children's rights and autonomy

while he wants his kid to play guitar, he wants them to want it yk?

he does not play about parent teacher conferences/grades

he gets really into the childrens books. he loves reading them to him at bedtime but josh might be more into them than your son

takes so. many. photos.

its a constant battle between wanting his kid to be independent and his own clinginess

a/n: some headcannons as I come back! so sorry that I was gone, I had to get caught up on some summer hw and had family stuff going on. im locked in now and able to write more 🫶

for @cloudyneptune hope u enjoy 🙏

Eli

genuinely attached at the hip (dare i say enmeshment)

his love language is quality time or physical touch

he goes all out for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

he loves doing all the corny couple things, the only issue is that he is terrible at all of those things

ice skating together which ended in him refracturing his rib. a pottery date in which, despite wearing an apron, you both ended up caked with clay. he has spent so much money at the fair trying to win you a stuffed animal

he's very clumsy

speaking of money, he likes to spend it on you (ik that bono money is good)

hair, nails, souvenirs, anything you want

and back to bono, you get along super well with his family. they saw him trailing you around like a lost puppy and just knew you are the one

you hang out with his siblings solo all the time. you stream jordan's music, watch eve and john's movies/shows

you fall asleep on facetime together while he's on tour

he has a hard time coming down from a show, so just hearing you breathe and seeing your face, even through a screen is amazing.

when you facetime normally, he holds the phone so close to his face like some grandpa just because he cant be bothered with holding his phone up

when you come with him on tour, it makes his year

hes very big on pda, he wants at least one part of his body touching yours at all times

an arm over you, holding hands, hand on your back, little kisses, etc.

he doesnt see a reason to hide his love for you

this goes for social media too, he loves posting you

he loves spooning, especially to fall asleep (see that one photo of him sleeping cuddling a pillow)

i dont think he has a preference with little or big spoon though

he steals YOUR clothes

a shirt of yours goes missing for three weeks then you see a video of him on stage just sweating it out

good luck getting it back (spoiler alert: you ARENT)

Ryan

half of your texts are just sending selfies back and forth to eachother

he also sends you songs that remind him of you (mainly love songs)

he has a tattoo dedicated to you or matching with you

he's a words of affirmation guy

you get handwritten letters and paragraphs from him all the time

he's also a foodie. whenever you travel, he's already mapped out the places where you are eating

loves a movie date too, but he always buys too many snacks and you both leave with tummyaches

you also spend at least an hour talking about the movie before writing your letterboxd reviews

you're the couple that friends trust to babysit/dogsit

he's such a good caregiver both for dogs and kids, but also to you.

when you're sick or on your period, he goes all out. ordering food, putting on your favorite movies, you aren't getting out of bed on his watch

he's fine with pda but it's not something he tends to initiate unless you ask for it

he does post you on his socials a lot, he just wants to brag about how perfect his partner is

he's also one of those people who get really hot when they sleep, so he tends to stay away from cuddling you to sleep.

that being said, he does love when you fall asleep on him (even if he'll move you once he starts to sweat)

back to the dogs, you two probably tried to foster some

you failed and fell in love with the first one you ever fostered

now you have a puppy running around your home, but ryan's just as energetic as that puppy so it evens out

there's a perfect mix of joking around and serious conversations between you two

Bobby

He's also a foodie. But, in the sense that he really likes cooking

his love language is acts of service

and he acts like a housewife- cooking and cleaning for you

this being said, he cannot have you in the kitchen at the same time as him nor can he bake to save his life

you're like his stylist. you do his hair (dying and braiding it), you've done his makeup (eyeliner for gigs- shoutout ella for putting that idea in my mind)

he really likes it when you play with his hair, especially if you've gotten your nails done

there's a lot of arcade dates

he's so competitive

if you're not a video games person, he makes you one. (he doesn't let you win)

there's a lot of play fighting and wrestling in your relationship too. you guys like making fun of eachother (lightheartedly ofc)

occasionally it goes too far and you guys need to re-establish boundaries

if you come with him on tour, he takes you to all the tourist attractions

lots of museums and sightseeing

he's great at impressions and making you laugh

when sick/on your period, he's always distracting you with some antics

he loves sleeping on you. its often that you wake up with your arm numb from him or having his hair in your face and him on your chest.

he's probably taller than you, so you steal his shirts for nightgowns.

there was a time when you got into an argument and he put your favorite snack on the top shelf so you had to ask him to get it for you.

you realized you underestimated his stubbornness

Josh

the sweetest ever

before he cut his hair, he tried to convince you to teach yourself to retwist his dreads (using youtube)

his love language is physical touch

it's not like eli with how he needs you touching him, but josh feels more comfortable with you

you make him feel more confident also, especially while preforming if you're watching him

a lot of record shop dates, going to gigs and on hikes

he is an alltrails demon, though if you haven't gone on a lot of hikes, he'll only choose easier ones for you.

when your feet hurt, he'll carry you (both on hikes and standard outings)

he loves taking his camera and taking photos of you instead of the views

he's got over a thousand photos of you, off guard, or posing

he's the dream instagram boyfriend

speaking of insta, he doesn't post you on it unless you insist

he wants your relationship to be as private as possible

but with that being said, he's okay with pda. never like anything too crazy, but he's almost always holding your hand

he tends to be a bit more of a homebody, he doesn't frequent pubs as much as the other guys

he hates when you get sappy, which is just all the more motivation for you to do it for birthdays and anniversaries

he also shies away from being sappy towards you. he loves you a lot but just can't put it into words

he gives you a lot of hugs though, they swallow you whole

there's been times when he comes home from tour and just flops ontop of you. no matter how long you want to stay, you have to tell him to move as he is a large muscular man who is heavy.

and he's probably bigger than you, so you steal his shirts all the time

he loves when you sleep on him or being the little spoon (have we seen all those photos of his waist being grabbed?)

a/n: short lil headcannons bc i was bored, i actually really liked making these!

2004

"Go on Ryan," his mom told him. The five year old didn’t want to take another step. The building seemed taller than anything he’d seen, and he’d never met any of the strange kids running around before. He looked up to his mum with hesitant eyes, and a fear to leave her behind.

You had already met a few of the kids in the schoolyard, having spent time in daycare with them. There were a lot of kids, which could have made you overwhelmed. But, as long as you had your friends, you had peace.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed him. He stood awkwardly, watching the others. Like a moth to a flame, you ran over to him. “Hi!” You said, darting up.

“…Hi,” the boy said after a second. He looked you up and down like you were some alien, and he was trying to understand you.

“Do you wanna play with us?” You asked, pointing at the group of kids playing tag nearby. You were responded to with a nod. One that seemed solemn and slightly anxious, but still, a nod.

2007

You sat out in the hall, playing with the hem of your jeans. You had gotten in trouble for pushing a boy, Billy. In your defense, he had been making fun of your shoes all day. Suppose velcro isn’t in anymore. You were thinking about asking your dad for new shoes when a familiar brunette boy plopped down next to you.

“Ryan? What did you do?” You whispered, for you weren’t technically allowed to talk to eachother in the hall. He didn't seem the type to do anything wrong.

"I hate that boy," he muttered.

"You shouldn't say that," you said quietly. Your dad told you, in no uncertain terms, to never say hate.

"I do though... Do you not?" he said, very grumpily.

"I don't like him, but hate's too strong for anyone. I couldn't hate anyone," you said, dwelling on it.

He just nodded. "That makes sense," he replied.

"What did you do?" You repeated your earlier question.

"I hit him."

You gasped, "Ryan! Why?"

"He was being mean to you!" He defended himself. "Plus, now i'm out here with you," he smiled.

Despite the situation, there was something so genuine in both your smiles. Nothing could get between you two. Not bullies, disagreements, and certainly not getting in trouble.

2010

"I'm switching schools," Ryan said the second he sat down.

"What? Why?" You asked, completely flabbergasted.

"My dad says it's a better school," He shrugged, "I think this ones better than the other will ever be."

"I don't want you to."

"I dont want to either."

The pit that opened in your stomach mirrored his. You put down the sandwich, feeling too upset to even eat it. Then, his hand reached out, gently touching yours. A smile spread across both your faces, shyly looking at eachother then back down. He scooted over on the bench, making your arms touch. You were sure to be blushing, nervous to look over at him. Little did you know that he was in the same situation.

You were buzzing the entire way back to class. You didn't want Ryan to leave, you loved him.

"We can still stay friends," He offered.

You nodded, like that would ever stay true. The childish naïvete was beginning to wear off, and you couldn't help but feel nervous.

2016

"Please!" Josh begged you, "All you have to do is buy a ticket. You don't even have to show up."

"Why would I buy a ticket then not even go?" You asked.

He smiled, "Does that mean you'll come?"

"No, it means I'm not wasting my money on a ticket. If your show goes well I'll go to your next one," You patted his shoulder.

"What if there isnt a next one? What if I get hit by a bus leaving the venue and we disband? And you'll be all 'Oh I wish I went and saw Josh play before he died!'" He mocked your voice playfully.

"That won't happen! You can't convince me, I have to study," You said.

He clicked his tongue. "Ryan McMahon's gonna be there."

Your neck snapped towards Josh before turning back, trying to act nonchalant. "I've moved on," You pretended to be focused on whatever your maths teacher was on about.

"Sure," Josh said, drawing out the u. "What if I give you money to buy the ticket?"

"Why do you want me to go so bad?"

"...I might've told Ryan you were coming and now he's been freaking out over it for a week," He said, nearly regretfully.

Your head whipped left to stare at him in shock. "Why would you..." You trailed off, just looking horrified.

"Look, I'll give you the money, you buy the ticket and show up. This is important! He got a haircut yesterday just for you. I'm pretty sure this is the first time he has showed in ages," Josh ranted on, you weren't sure how joking that last part was.

Looking around, you could only count about ten people in the room. Most of them were the other bandmates' friends and family.

Josh told you that Ryan played drums with them. Something he had picked up after moving to St. Andrews. It made you wonder how much had changed. Would he still have his long hair? Would he still make your head spin and give you butterflies that last for hours?

That last question was answered as soon as they walked on stage. Your eyes immediately went to Ryan. You walked up, getting closer to the stage to see him better. His hair was short, and looked more handsome than ever. You can see the nerves hiding behind his faux confidence. It felt comforting how you still knew him, knew how he always tried, no matter what it was.

After the show, you ran to catch Ryan as he was leaving. Somehow he already saw you, and held his arms out for you to run into. It felt like a scene out of a movie. You wrapped your arms around his neck. The biggest dumbest smile was on your face, matching with his.

"I haven't seen you in ages," You said, emphasizing with a squeeze to him.

He still had his arms around your waist, and was certainly not letting go anytime soon. "I was worried you forgot about me," He said softly.

"I could never," You spoke, finally letting go of the hug.

You felt like you were back to being that 11 year old girl, blushing over him holding your hand.

"Do you want to come back to Eli's with me? We're gonna have a little party type thing," He asked.

You agreed and set off to the party.

'Party type thing' was an understatement. More and more people invited over their friends, to the point it was just too many people for you. So, you made your escape to the balcony and watched the night stars twinkling above.

The glass sliding door opened, "I thought you ditched me," Ryan told you, stepping out into the balcony and taking a seat next to you.

"I would never."

"Knew you would say that. You've always been so good," He said. "You know... this reminds me of when we were younger. When we got kicked out of class, I punched that kid for being rude to you."

You smiled, "You didn't have to do that, but you did. That makes you a lot better than you know."

He just shook his head, "I was doing it because I had a crush on you. Not sure how noble that is."

"You liked me?" You asked with a giggle, "How did I not notice?"

"I was so obvious, I don't get it," He replied, "I was like... head over heels."

"I liked you a lot too," You shrugged, "Why'd you stop coming by?"

"I... had some stuff happen. I got busy with life. I didn't mean to seem like I forgot you."

"Well... it did."

A beat passed.

"I'm sorry," He said, and wrapped his arm around you.

"It really hurt, y'know?" Your voice was tinged with emotion.

The night shifted. Ryan couldn't explain how much he missed you, or how bad he felt for leaving you behind. You two were so connected from such a young age, like it was always going to be you and him.

"I can't really change the past. But, maybe, I can try and make it up to you?" He asked.

At this point, a smile returned to your face. One that was similar to the look you had in the crowd, watching him play. "How?"

"Can I take you to Debs this year, like as my date?" He asked.

Your heart felt like it started beating again for the first time in an hour. Like a punch from the inside of your rib cage. It was the first time you were asked out to anything. "Yeah, of course," Your voice sounded unsteady, but you had never been more sure of anything in your life.

The time Debs came around, you were terrified. Your dress was a light blue, plain, and slightly too long, leaving you to hold it up when you had to walk down the stairs to meet Ryan and take photos.

To the drummer, you seemed like a saint descending from the heavens above. "You look gorgeous," He was quick to say. You heard both your parents aww's follow.

"You look nice too," You told him. You were pretty sure you were scarlet as you tucked yourself into Ryan's side for the photos.

"You two look so cute!" Ryan's mom cheered. In reality, you were both bright red, just wanting to get it over with and head out.

Once your families finished with gushing over you both and taking photos, you met up with Bobby, Eli, Josh, and Gayle.

"Where are your dates? Did they run off?" Ryan teased, seeing Rob and Eli alone.

"I've got my date!" Eli stated, pointing at the bassist. The two men's antics made you all laugh.

"I have never, in all the years I've known you, seen you dressed up before," Josh points out.

You shrugged, "He's kinda special."

"In more ways than one," Bobby butted in.

Ryan elbowed him, "Can you quit it?"

You all piled into Eli's mom's van, off the event.

Once you arrived, you all fractured off. Josh had gotten pulled into Gayle's friend group. Eli and Bobby had snuck out to smoke a joint. This left you and Ryan on the dance floor. Whatever pop song that the DJ was playing- that was terribly cringy and outdated- drifted out, and were replaced by the drums of Something.

Ryan had never seen you so excited, the recognition showing on your face. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and his hands found your waist. It was so endearingly awkward. George Harrison's voice soundtracking the moment your eyes met his, and his arms tightened until your bodies met.

Ryan's eyes were so wide. Suddenly, the song he heard so many times before, had such a deep effect on him. He realized there, on that dance floor, he wanted you forever. He leaned down, lips right next to your ear, "I love you," he whispered.

You looked up at him, the disco ball reflecting stars in your eyes. "I love you too," You said.

The entire night felt like it softened. All the stresses caused by the feeling of needing to be perfect, of the schoolwork, of the necessity to find someone in life. It was all over.

Love you! have a great show!

I think with my schedule im gonna be able to get to the show at the 28th! I can drive over there, I know you're gonna be at the studio that weekend, but maybe we can spend it together?

sure im just not sure if we're gonna be able to do much stuff, im gonna be busy.

Thats fine!!

Hey im here, in the back! unfortunately came a bit late.

Are you guys backstage or should i head to the tour bus? (read 12:01 am)

You stood awkwardly against a brick wall outside the venue. You never felt more like an oversight. A cigarette was held between your pointer and middle finger, the smoke dancing up into the air. You focused on it. The way it rose and thinned out till it dissapeared. You felt jealous. You wanted to be just like that, slipping away into nothing.

Your phone buzzes and pulls you out of your thoughts. Eli sent you his location. A pub somewhere in town. You shut your phone off and begin your walk towards it.

Your feet ached from your docs as you sat silently next to your boyfriend. You reflected on the night. Your mother would never let you walk alone at night, constantly warning you and keeping you in. You kept that on even though you moved out. Yet, some boy sends you a pub and you walk to it? What the hell were you doing?

A loud laugh from your boyfriend and his bandmates makes you snap back to reality. A pit builds in your stomach and you realize you would rather be anywhere but here. Eli hasn't payed you a glance all night. You supposed he was too busy with his boys. You couldn't wait to leave. "Eli," You tried to get his attention to no avail. The door seemed so enticing, the cold night breeze whipping around. If you left, would they notice? Your soul glided through the door, but the ball and chain next to you kept your body seated. You were tied to him all the way home.

You stood in your underwear in your boyfriend's hotel room, staring at him half asleep on the bed, and feeling absolutely nothing. "You look so beautiful," He said lazily.

"Don't look at me," you told him, pulling back the sheets and climbing in.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked. You ignored him, choosing to turn away from him and lay on your side. "Did you hear me? Are you mad at me?" He asked, using his elbow to prop himself up.

"Why are you acting like this?" You turned on your back, looking up at him, "You ignore me since I've been here, then suddenly when we're alone you switch up."

"I wasn't trying to ignore you," Elijah begun.

"But you did!" You exclaimed, cutting him off. You sighed, "I worked all day, then took the train here, stood around for you like an idiot, sat next to you like some- some fucking arm candy! And then, we get to the hotel, and you only talk to me once i'm undressed."

You had turned away, leaving the brunette unsure if you were crying or not. "I love you," You heard him say.

"You aren't acting like it," you responded.

The bed shifted, signaling Eli's movement. Then, an arm was around your waist and another slid underneath your head. "I'm really sorry, I do love you. You're so smart, you constantly blow me out of the water with your mind. You're also so funny, I tell so many people anecdotes of how hilarious you are. You're capable of dealing with things that I couldn't even fathom on an everyday basis. I think if I had to stress about the things you do, I would fall over and die," the guitarist ranted.

You looked over, at his face. His mien was one of regret. "Why did you do it?" You asked.

He looked down, "I don't really know. I suppose I got caught up with them. Sometimes it's just hard for me to reconnect y'know?" He mumbled through most of it.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have gone out. Maybe we should've had a night in, we could've reconnected and we would be in this situation," Elijah nodded as you spoke.

"It was really immature of me. Like, I think there's some codependency issue I have. I just... blend into whoever is around me. I depend on them," The singer elaborated more.

"I think you need to get off tour soon," You said softly. He nodded, burying his head into your shoulder. He felt relieved of some weight, and comfortable to smile at your comment. You were still mad, of course you were, but you understood now.

In the morning, the door's opening woke you up. "Did I wake you?" Eli whispered, seeing your bleary eyes staring at him.

"Yeah, what's this?" You asked, as he handed you a cup and a plate.

"Breakfast," he replied. He got you a waffle, topped with whipped cream and strawberries as well as coffee. "I called off, I thought we could have the day together," he told you.

"I would like that," you said, with a sip of your coffee.

"Do you wanna just stay in? We can binge some TV and talk all day?" Eli asked.

You shrugged, "Put on whatever."

"Or! I still haven't seen my sister's movie... She's gonna be mad at me, maybe we go see that?"

"I love Eve... I heard the story's bad though," You had an empathetic tone, trying to keep as much nuance as possible to not insult his dear sister.

He nodded. "It is," he quietly said. You two both starting laughing, Eli fell back onto the bed. "I'm her brother! I can say that!" He defended himself inbetween giggles.

"We should go see her sometime," You muttered, out of breath from laughing.

"Yeah... You know she sees you as part of the family, right?" He asked.

"Am I not part of the family?" You responded, which turned Eli into a stuttering mess.

"I mean, not officially! You ought to be," He said.

"Well?"

"Eh- I- Well, so- Like... it's," He had a blank smile on his face, completely dumbed out by the concept of marrying you. "Soon. Let's focus on whats in front of us, like choosing something to watch."

"Whatever you want, babe," You spoke, starting to eat your waffle.

"See, you don't like making decisions and I'm too indecisive, we might be terrible for eachother," the brunette said jokingly.

"We are... 27 Dresses?" You asked.

With a nod, you two started it and laid back down, eating your breakfast and relaxing away in the stale smell of the hotel room.

The door creaked as you opened it, and to your surprise, the vacation house was empty. "Eli?" You called, looking around. You crept forward, through the kitchen and dining room, then to the living room. Still, your boyfriend was absent. You sat down on the couch, fiddling with your bracelet as you pondered where Eli could be. As you did this, the sliding glass door opened and Eli entered.

"Where were you?" You asked, slightly confused.

"I... Uh, was, uhm. Doing- Setting- Just, come on," He struggled through the sentence before gesturing you back outside through the door.

Your legs moved before your brain could, falling in line with him before you questioned anything. Then, you saw it by the horizon, on the beach.

A blanket, with candles at the corners, a bouquet of white roses set on a corner, and a wine bottle next to it, with two glasses filled.

Your heart immediately was in your throat and you were transported back to a year ago, after a big argument, Eli admitted to having bought an engagement ring for you. A quite hefty price for it too. Your feet stopped, your boyfriend's did too. "Are you okay?" He asked softly. You felt completely out of your body, and his hand slipped into your's. "Baby?" He asked again.

"Yeah... yeah," You responded, beginning to walk again, slowly this time. He walked in unison with you until your bare feet hit the blanket. He kicked off his slides and joined you. You nearly sat down before Elijah gestured you to stand up.

"Don't sit, I need to do this," He said, getting down on one knee before you. For some reason, you couldn't feel your legs as you stood. It felt like it was only you two in the world. Your smile was as big as the Pacific, completely unable to water itself down for the love infront of you. He begun to dig around in his back pocket, and dig he did, for an uncomfortable amount of time that made you start to giggle. "Shut up! I'm trying to do this and make it romantic!" He said, smile wider than yours and giggling between his words.

"You're the one making me laugh!" You defended yourself.

He hushed you, finally having fished the box out. He cracked the box open, and blinded you with the most beautiful, expensive, so uniquely 'you' ring he could've found. It was oval, with a diamond in the center, surrounded by smaller diamonds with a silver band. It was absolutely gorgeous and, without you noticing, you started to tear up. Not because of the ring, but because he knew you.

"I knew, from the moment we met, we'd be standing here," the guitarist began, "I knew that someway, somehow, you'd be the one. I'm still not sure if that was something from the beyond, or just human connection, because I do think there is something supernatural between us. But, maybe that's what love feels like. It's something that can't be recreated or bottled up, and so, to bring me the absolute most happiness in life, will you marry me?" He finished.

At this point the tears were just pouring out of you. Your "Yes" sounded watery and barely coherent, but Eli, of course, could understand it. He stood up, carefully grabbing your hand and sliding the ring onto it, before sliding the box back into his back pocket. His arms wrapped around your body, and despite being on vacation far away from your flat, you felt like you were back home. Your tears flowed down his neck, over his shirt and all. "I love you," you choked out. He just hummed in acknowledgment, a few of his own tears slipping down his face to join yours.

"You okay?" He asked once you finally stopped crying and pulled your face out of his neck.

"Yeah," you softly said, "Are you?" You noted the tears on his own face, matching yours.

"Yeah," He giggled, "Just so, so happy. Do you like the ring? Does it fit?"

"It's perfect," You whispered, looking down at it on your finger. You both took the moment to sit down on the blanket together when Elijah spoke,

"I was gonna bring out a charcuterie board, but you came home early,"

"I'm sorry," you responded, taking one wine glass and handing the other to him.

"It's not your fault, mine for having a little freak out moment while setting this up."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Is that embarrassing?" He laughed as you shook your head.

"No, it means you care," You said.

He just nodded. "I do, a lot. I got really worried you might not like it- the ring or this picnic thing, or me."

Your face changed to one of pity and concern, "I don't think I can stop liking you. I love you and nothings gonna stop that." You moved towards him, wrapping an arm around him and running your fingers through his hair. You set down your glass.

"I love when you do that," He murmured, leaning into you. Eli let his body completely relax into you, making both you lay down. His lips found yours as he set down his glass by yours.

"I'm so glad you said 'yes'" He murmured against your lips, leaning over you. You hummed in response, hands tangled in his hair. Eli's kisses began to get more forceful, only making you more aware of your surroundings.

You pushed your hand against his chest, breaking the kiss. "We should go inside," You told him.

He nodded, "Yeah, we have to clean this up first," he gestured to the picnic.

"We?" You asked playfully.

"We," He replied with emphasis, "If you wanna get married, we gotta start working as a unit."

"If I wanna get married? You're acting like you didn't buy the ring and propose to me."

He rolled his eyes as he stood up, "C'mon," he reached for your hands and pulled you up.

"Sometimes I think our relationship was better on tour," You spoke with a heavy regret as soon as you said it.

"Really? You think it was better when I was away all the time?" Elijah questioned quickly, very clearly mad.

"I think it's better than this!" You defended yourself, standing up. "Do you have any goals outside of your band? Any for our relationship?" You asked back.

"Things are unstable right now, that'll come with time-"

"Time! It's always 'time' with you, everything!" You sternly said, trying hard to avoid yelling, "Newsflash, Eli, nothing is stable! Nothings ever going to be, you treat me like i'm the other woman."

"The other woman? Oh so now you wanna imply I cheat on you," He rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it. I'm saying i'm an afterthought. It's always the band, the tour, the album, the demo. At least while you were on tour I could justify it," You rambled.

"We're together plenty, for christ's sake, we live together!"

"Does sitting in a room together, you working on a demo and me reading count?" You asked, completely flabbergasted.

"Why wouldn't it?" He said, genuinely.

You put your head in your hands, shaking it. "I can't do this, I can't do this," you mumbled, pacing, "I'm gonna go to my Mum's, you can..." You waved your hand around, symbolizing that he could do whatever.

"Are you serious, baby-" He grabbed your arm before you tore it away.

"Don't touch me! I'm going, I wanna sleep, I have things to do, I don't have time to argue with you."

The next morning, Elijah played the last interactions in his head over and over and over. Particularly, your last line- "I don't have time to argue with you."

The singer believed in a lot of things, one of those was that arguing was important. You two needed to argue, to show that you care. How you ended it felt like the opposite of that. You didn't care to fight for your relationship anymore, that you had bigger and better things to do. This notion grew and grew until he became an inconsolable insecure ball beneath your comforter.

How could he win you back? Should he even try? You clearly had already mentally moved on, so maybe he should too.

One day on the last tour, he went out wandering, and ended up at a jewelry shop. Sitting there was an oval diamond engagement ring, with smaller diamonds around it. The price would put a dent in his wallet for months. But, god did it remind him so much of you. So, he walked out with a ring in his pocket and a dent in his wallet.

The ring was still in his bag from tour. It released memories into the air like mold released toxins. He couldn't return it, he had completely forgotten where he had gotten it. He couldn't give it to another girl, that idea made him sick.

You weren't sure what time it was when you opened the door to your flat, only that it was late. You had a long talk with your mum, bringing you the clarity needed to figure out the rough patch in your relationship. "Eli?" You called out. Nothing. It was weird for Eli to not be up at this hour, being the night owl he was. You crept towards your room, pushing the door open. He was underneath a pile of blankets, asleep. "Baby?" You asked as you pushed the blankets off of his face.

Once his eyes fluttered open and met yours, he ditched his plan from earlier. He needed you. He needed to fight for this relationship. "You're back?" He whispered.

"Yeah... have you eaten?" You questioned, looking over him. He looked a mess. There were tears stained on his face and he looked nearly gaunt. He shook his head.

You took him to the kitchen, letting him sit down on a stool infront of the island as you heated up leftover pasta. "Do you still love me?" The guitarist's voice was quiet, nearly inaudible.

"Of course I do. Why would you ask that?" Your brow furrowed.

"You didn't care to argue with me," It sounded dumb now that he said it out loud, but you immediately knew what he was talking about.

You slid the pasta to him, "I'm sorry, I was just focused on work, I didn't wanna get up all exhausted because I stayed up last night," You paused, "I suppose we both got too focused on work. We should take some time for us."

He nodded. "I, uh, I do have goals for us. Just so you know. I just don't want to push us into something and we end up having to cut corners or it ends up being too much for the little time we have," He explained.

"I get it, I do. But, I don't care for extravagant things, Eli, I care for you," You told him. The singer pursed his lips, trying to fight back a smirk. "What did you do?" You asked, as a smile slowly spread across both of your faces. He shook his head, trying to get out of answering.

After a few minutes of pressuring him, he spoke, "Uhm, there's a ring." You stared at him dumbfounded and happier than ever. "But, you aren't gonna see it for a while. I don't wanna propose while our relationship is still troublesome. We fix our issues and I'll propose when the time is right," He assured you.

"Please tell me it wasn't that expensive," You spoke.

"It... It's perfect for you, that's what matters."

"Eli-" You begun before being cut off.

"No, you deserve nice things. I get that you don't want me to spend a lot of money on you, but I want to. Let me treat you well," He explained.

"Fine, but nothing more," You said.