idk man

Since I decided to get healthier on sunday I actually did stick to it and I am really proud of myself for that but still at night I sometimes get the urge to binge...I just thought or rather hoped that this whole shite would go away once I eat a regular amount of food but OF COURSE NOT HOW COULD IT apparently my whole serotonin thing is dependent on me binging

Fuck it really do be looking like I'm about to starve myself again

I tryed to open up to one of my best friends about my eating disorder and how I'm currently trying to recover and she just...completely did not at all give a damn about it and whined about not being able to lose weight herself and explicetely told me what she ate...either I am overemotional today because it's the first day of recovery and I ate a regular amount but I am so on the verge of relapsing again I hate that my eating disorder is so competetive and that it wants me to starve myself because she is trying to eat less