Dear Sam:
I need a woman, will you be that for me? I mean I need somebody to talk to. I mean I’m hurting. As I said on the street corner Sunday night to the one I LOVE I’m ripe for becoming a walk-in, one of those beings Ruth Montgomery writes about a person who is tired of living has a near fatal illness a tragic car accident and suddenly there is a BIG CHANGE -- and (this is the unrealistic part) it’s always for the better, the person forgets about his/her petty human concerns like finding somebody to love/fuck/tell their troubles to and devotes his/her life to humanitarian purposes and bringing world peace because he/she has flown the coop and a higher soul from another planet has sublet the vacated body. When the earth switches its axis destroying the world, giant flying saucers will hover above sucking up all the walk-ins who will be taken to another world to start this fucked up civilization over on a higher more spiritual level. That’s what I want to happen to me. Well, the one I LOVE said -- what about your memories -- and I said memories are shit -- then the one I LOVE said -- what about your personality -- I said there are a lot of people who’d be glad to see my personality go -- and the one I LOVE answered he would miss my personality -- and I said how nice of you to say that, which had mucho snotty implications. Sam, you can’t imagine the misery he feels being in love with me-- it’s like pissing into the Grand Canyon -- he could slash his arms up in front of me to prove it and I still wouldn’t believe him -- I make him hop around the room with rage, make him cry and yell in total primal frustration. This quiet little recluse -- he says he lives the life of an invalid -- I come in like a tornado ripping hair from his skull. We were walking through the Mission 2:00 in the morning drunk and hostile but stuck to each other like glue and I said, “You don’t understand, I would do anything to be closer to you, and I mean anything.” And he said I just said that because I kew he was the kind of person who would never ask anything and I wanted to scream: GOD DAMMIT ASK!
