anyone out there? @paincanbeholy - Tumblr Blog

This is a trauma / vent blog.

Adult DID System.

This blog mostly runs off of a queue unless we’re actively having a moment.

Probably won’t tag anything.

There will be triggering content on this blog.

#op #sys #m.d #parents #mother #father #cravings #trauma #damnation #dangerous #bpd #npd #drinking #recovery #J #hero #empty.#ems #❤️#🖤#🧨#❤️‍🩹#🎢#🏥#✏️#📝#🦎#red hearts #w/m #camping

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People don’t like me, they just fundamentally don’t. They don’t care when they ask how I am, they don’t think I’m worth sitting near, they don’t ask me if I want anything from the shop, they don’t think of me. I’m not in their thoughts. I have to ask, I have to advocate for myself, I have to insert myself into everything. I’m never invited or considered or . Well. Wanted. And I’m so tired, I’m so angry. What is the point in trying to be liked? They won’t anyway.

#op

#op #sys #mother #you raped. I feel dirty.#trauma #childhood #m.d #Spotify #lyrics #🦄

Just looping thoughts of I’m gonna get fired I’m bad I’m incompetent I’m tiny I can’t do this I was never meant to have any sort of respond ability and I’m so. So tired I’m so exhausted I’m unbelievably drained I physically can’t focus

#op

seapotty

Letter to Samantha

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onecells

#sys #🖤

eerie-discordant-archives

Use me ‘til you Crave me

#m.d

ot0kox

#father

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I wanna move out of this place so bad

#op #but we’re not thinking about that or money or I’ll go crazy

Like. I’m always lacking in one area, I’m always falling short. I’m just wrong I’m build wrong

#op

Have we considered suicide en masse

#op #suicidal #like. genuinely have we considered it #I feel like fucking shit I can’t keep doing this

Spending most of my 20’s stressed about money is. Insane

#Ough #I’m about .#470 pounds short #and I need to #look at options for moving out #of the place I’m in currently #and my mum is suggesting I get a loan….#to help w that #and I’m just.#so terrified #op

12 hours..

#w/m #op #I feel dizzy and sick with longing

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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30 hours.

#until I’m home #until I’m safe and loved and I can relax and decompress #and not alone #op #w/m

questionable-method

no but im so tired of how self-deprecation is always more accepted than self-advocacy. if i say i can't drive because im autistic i get questioned on how exactly that works and given a million suggestions on how to do it anyway and i look like im trying to be special so it's easier to just say im a loser. yeah i don't drive because im kind of a loser lmao. oh well. and people say lmao back and we move on. at worst they say "oh im sure you'll figure it out haha." but no interrogation!! being a loser is more respectable than being disabled. being a loser is something that doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable about their own biases. so no, no im not disabled. i don't struggle to keep friends and do the laundry and make quick trivial decisions and clean my room and brush my teeth because im autistic. it's because im a loser. it's my fault. it is what it is. at least im funny now. do you think im funny? please think im funny

#autism

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anyone out there?