i am god

The longer this bizarre surprise of a hang out goes on, the more Elias starts to feel less like an actual date and more like an owner buying his dog some new treats. He’s led around back out of the store, watching the back of Matthias’ head curiously, like he can’t really help himself. Honestly speaking, Elias is a little… confused.

When he met Matthias again, after the game most likely, he was expecting to be met with… he wasn’t sure what he was expecting. It certainly wasn’t a trip to Honeydukes and an extra sugar quill. Elias slides the candy into his bag this time, to make sure it doesn’t break, and glances back at the back of Matthias’ sunlit head. It’s still a tad early for it to snow, but it’s fast approaching, the leaves a deep browning red, and the gryffindors blond locks match the scene almost too well.  

Against his better judgement, Elias sighs quietly and grins at his shoes, exasperated and relieved all at once, “Chivalrous loser. Did you even come to Hogsmeade for anything, or are you just window shopping? I heard there’s a new formula out for broom wax if you’re interested…” He doesn’t really mean to sound nosy or desperate, but Elias can’t help it, the way he finds himself wanting to spend a little more time with Matthias’ attention. If it’s going to be short lived, he might as well take advantage of it while he can.

Matthias seems to perk up at the idea of getting broom wax, especially if the match is going to be as close as Elias says it will be. Plus, he’s been neglecting his majestic stead in favor of getting more and more practice in so a nice waxing from quality product couldn’t hurt. He gives Elias a shining grin.

“A man after my own heart. Yeah, let’s go look at the wax, I want to treat my broom,” he says and looks around for the shoppe in question, spinning in a tight circle. Matthias settles for the fact that Elias is the one that relayed the information to him, he more than likely knows where to find the wax. The Gryffindor takes a step towards Elias and looks akin to a puppy eager to take a walk with its owner. It’s almost possible to see the golden ears sprouting from his blonde hair and a wagging tail...

Suddenly Matthias spins around and a bolt of fire erupts from his palm, melting the snowball that had been flying to the back of his head. The Gryffindor captain barks a laugh at the group of boys approaching, looking merry. He talks to them for a second before gesturing behind him at Elias, to which the boys give  knowing mischievous smirks. 

“Dude, what the fuck,” Elias sighs when the bag is taken out of his hands. He spares a moment to beat his heart into submission when Matthias smiles at him, and then he’s being dragged down the street back to Honeydukes by his robe, Matthias rattling off about buying him new sugar quills and their other friends. He realizes belatedly that he actually hasn’t seen much of Red lately, though he talked to Wren the other day. So maybe he is avoiding all of his friends, which is followed by a sharp stab of pain to his stomach.

Honeydukes is still bustling, and the clerk looks at him in confusion at his reappearance, but he just shrugs and points at Matthias like that’s answer enough. The sugar quill stand is popular, but they manage to squeeze to the front where Elias looks them over. He picks up two more of the fire quills and spins them by the stem, taking a moment to think about the situation he’s found himself. If this were another time, could he consider this an impromptu date? Maybe he’d be brave enough to talk beyond sarcastic comments and bland excuses. If he could tell Matthias what the hell was going through his head, maybe they could do shit like this more often.

“I can buy my own sugar quills,” Elias scoffs, ignoring the growing ache in his chest, “It’s not like it’s making a dent in my allowance.” As he talks, Elias moves over to the side to let younger children at the stand, but sticks close while Matthias decides if he’s getting anything, “If anything, don’t you think I should be paying for you?”

“It’s less about the money and more of the principle,” Matthias answers. “Mama raised a gentleman.” Matthias offers a wink and gently pulls the delicately spun sugar from Elias’s hand, picking up another fire quill before weaving through the store to the counter. He gasps as a first year practically runs straight into his chest but Matthias is on the proper footing so the impact barely pushes him back.

“Bloody hell, what’re they feeding you Americans?” the first year asks, rubbing his forehead but quickly scurrying deeper into the shop. Matthias raises a brow at the rude exclamation before continuing his journey to the counter. Once safely there, he sets the quills down as gently as he can before turning to Elias as the clerk rings them up. 

“See, in America we usually say ‘excuse me’ if you run into someone, especially if it’s someone older than you,” Matthias says with a roll of his eyes before turning to the clerk. He gives her a dazzling smile atnd the witch blushes, bagging the sugar and handing it to him. Matthias slides the galleons to her and grabs the sleeve of Elias’s robe to lead them out of the busy shop. He breathes out a sigh of reief before offering the bag to Elias.

Elias finally relaxes when Matthias moves his arm, putting a solid three feet of space between the two of them immediately before answering. The attempt to defuse his nerves, whether intentional or not, serves to make Elias smile, and he rises to the challenge in Matthias’ voice like a fish slipping back into water.

“We’re more formidable than you might think,” He moves to exit the bookstore, not needing anything in there to begin with, “I wanted to look at the used books, but there’s nothing interesting…”

The cracked sugar quills make a rattling sound in his bag, drawing his attention down in the threshold of the store. When he opens the bag, the fine strands of sugar are divided almost equally at the hard stem. Elias grimaces briefly before closing the bag and shoving it in his pocket. He should probably quit sugar quills anyway, they’re bad for his teeth.

“Eddie ditched me an hour ago,” He says, almost embarrassed, “I was going to head back to the castle and work on quidditch drills. You just got here right?”

Matthias watches Elias look into his bag and wonders if that’s inside is alright, but the grimace on Elias’s face says they most definitely aren’t. The Gryffindor feels guilty for some reason and casually snatches the bag from Elias’s hands, peering into and seeing the split sugar quills. Matt makes an “oh” with his lips and looks at Elias with an amused smile, like there’s a small laugh hiding just behind those pink lips. 

“C’mon, I’ll buy you some more quills,” Matthias says. “Yeah, I did just get here but like, I don’t really do much. Red doesn’t like coming a lot and Wren’s off talking to some friends.” Matthias grabs a corner of Elias’s robes and tugs him back towards Honeydukes, sliding into the busy sweets shop and dodging third years excited to be “independent” for once. Matthias throws another amused smile at Elias as he overhears a third year squeal for joy about spending money without parental supervision. Ah, the joys of youth.

Elias tries and fails not to flush bright red, and blames it solely on the flame dancing in front of his face, and not at all on the smile Matthias directs down at him. He feels like he could be the fire himself, with how hot he suddenly feels. It’s short lived though, and as Matthias’ face falls, so does Elias’ heart. A rush of guilt drowns him from any flustered arousal he could’ve mustered seconds before, and he’s desperate to find a way to explain himself without hurting Matthias further.

“It’s not you,” he says, quiet and rushed. As if he won’t be able to say it if he doesn’t say all at once now. The hurt in Matthias’ eyes has Elias reaching out before he can think, resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. He tenses his fingers before letting go, “Really. I’m just trying to prep myself for the game.”

It’s close enough to the truth that Elias doesn’t feel bad about hiding the other half of his reasoning. Because Elias is trying to get in his pants, metaphorically speaking. Or he would be, he thinks, if Matthias wanted to return the favor. He doesn’t, obviously, he’s said that they’re friends so many times by now, Elias barely even feels stung by the words.

Whatever feelings Elias is having for the gryffindor can wait until one of them wins the upcoming game, that’s what he’s told himself. Maybe then he can have the courage to have his heart crushed, when he knows that Matthias is graduating, moving back to the states, and Elias won’t have to see him but for maybe a holiday or two. One of the sugar quills in his bag snaps under his hand, but it goes ignored.

Matthias isn’t the king of reading people but... He can kind of tell Elias is bullshitting him. The blonde tries to determine whether or not his friend is lying, face narrowing and his brows knitting together. He knows he looks a bit constipated when he thinks. It’s the con with being raised from a country bumpkin kind of town and then transferring to a highly prestigious wizarding school. Matthias has spent many hours staring at his parchments with the same face. And why the fuck does Hogwarts still use parchments? You’d think they’d’ve discovered paper or fucking pens. Quills? What fucking century is this?

The Gryffindor quickly recenters himself and looks at Elias before deciding to let his friend get away with it. He slowly lowers the arm pinning Elias to place and shrugs, giving him a small smile. “Tryna focus on the game coming up huh? I probably should be more worried since I’m Captain but y’know... It’s only against Ravenclaws right? Easy A,” he teases with a smirk and uses his body to ease Elias down the aisle. 

When the shadow falls over Elias’ head, his fight or flight instinct seems to break in half and leave him simply frozen with wide eyes and a high pitched squeak that gets him another look. It takes far too long to regain his composure, until he can turn around and lean back to see Matthias’ face. The fact that he can stand over Elias and close him in against the shelf without even stretching all that much sends a little shiver over his shoulders and down his back, but he fights it down by inching under Matthias’ arm to escape.

“The books wouldn’t catch fire from my stare,” He jokes, reaching the edge of his limited space without touching Matthias’ arm, “After all, isn’t fire your element? I’d just rustle the pages” It’s a bit more poetic, than Elias usually aims for in his jokes, and makes it sound like he’s trying to say something else when really he’s just trying to defuse his hammering pulse.  

Elias rapidly thinks through the different scenarios on how to escape from this cliche scene they’ve set up for themselves, but the space seems between their chests just seems to get smaller and his heartbeat only grows louder. Oh man, he thinks, dad was right. Feelings are so stupid.

“Fire is my element yeah,” Matthias answers back smoothly, grinning down at Elias proudly. He raises the hand that isn’t pinning Elias to the bookshelf and lets a small flame dance across his knuckles. It’s smothered between Matt’s index and thumb, eyes never leaving Elias’s face. Fire is his element, as common as it is for American’s to have it as such. It’s strange having it be a bit of a rarity in Britain, everyone being an air or water element. Matthias is sure it makes some people see him as “exotic” and such. Still, having fire as his element in magic only means he’s willing to push hard against issues.

“Why’re you avoiding me?” he asks quietly, giving Elias his best set of puppy dog eyes. Matthias didn’t get along swell with Elias but it’s his seventh year and he figures they’ve been getting along well enough. Even if their Quidditch teams are playing in a few weeks. Matthias looks down at Elias and spots a stray leaf poking in his air, lifting up to pluck it out and blow it away. 

The trip to Hogsmeade is meant to clear his head about Manzanares avoiding him and Matthias nearly misses him, his sentence stopping at midpoint when he sees a familiar head of brown hair flee into a quill and ink shop. Matthias raises a brow and bids his friend a quick goodbye. It’s time to settle the dispute, despite the gnawing in his stomach. Matthias, despite himself, actually misses Elias, from his annoying quips and snide remarks. In their first year, both of them brawled like no tomorrow but now, both older, they can almost stand each other.

Kay focuses intently on what he has to say and tries to practice her stance and imitate what the older boy had done. The large canine by his side wags its tail and pants happily, almost encouraging her to try for real.

Taking a deep breath and readying her wand, Kay conjures up the precious memory and lets out a loud “Expecto Patronum!” Squeezing her eyes tight, she waits for an indication that her spell worked. She feels a slight vibration and popped an eye open, expecting nothing more that a wisp of magic and is surprised to see a tabby cat appearing from the tip of her wand.

She stares in shock for a moment with her mouth open before she squeals, “Oh my god! Oh my god! Holy shit! I did it!” Bouncing around in celebration she laughs happily. “Thank you so much! I didn’t think I would actually be able to do it!” Not thinking it appropriate to give him a hug, she continues vibrating with excited energy and repeating. “Thank you!”

Matthias looks at the tabby cat stuck at the tip of Kay’s wand, having a brief moment of pity as the witch flails around gleefully. He grins though and raises his hand for a high five.

“Great job! You don’t have to thank me though, I’m not the one who did it. I just wanted to help out a little,” Matthias says and the direwolf huffs in agreement, nodding to the cat before disappearing like the morning fog. Matt nods to Karma with a million dollar smile.

Kay removes her arms from her face and glances at the older boy’s extended hand. She thinks about it and grabs onto his palm, using the leverage to pull herself up. “Thanks,” she starts, dusting off her cardigan, “I do mean it, though. I’m sorry for what I said, and I’m sorry for how everyone else treats you. I take full responsibility for my actions and it won’t happen again. I know I’m being ridiculous and irrational, but I truly am grateful for you helping me out, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

She stands up straight, shaking off her nerves, trying to conjure up a happy memory like the ones Matthias has. Almost immediately, a fond memory comes up. It’s of her 12th birthday. The birthday when her father found two brown tabby kittens in their barn. He was about to dispose of them when she walked into the room and pleaded with him to let her keep them. They were so tiny and helpless, she had just about melted.

“I think I found my happy memory… but I don’t understand what your patronus is supposed to be though…a very large wolf?”

“A large wolf isn’t wrong. It’s a species that’s I think extinct in America. It’s called a direwolf and apparently, they can grow up to be some bigass beasts. Something something loyalty. Anyway, this isn’t about me, lesson’s all about you.” Matthias gestures at her and twirls his wand idly between his fingers chewing his lower lip to try and figure out what the next step for Karma could be. She didn’t really seem like the person to like whimsical wording for lessons...

“Alright,” Matthias says, “try thinking about your memory. I don’t need to know what it is, it’s yours. Okay, now think about how happy it made you feel. Something like, it should make you feel...” Matthias snaps his fingers before his eyes light up, bright as the oceans. “It should make you feel weightless. Like, if you think too much or too long, you’re gonna be flying off the ground.” 

Matthias gives Kay a moment to think about the spell before nodding. “Now, you gotta say the spell from somewhere deep inside. Think somewhere like your diaphragm but then push it out from even deeper. Don’t throw up on me though.” Matthias spins back to face the open grassy field. “Expecto patronum!” he bellows and the direwolf comes flooding from his wand yet again, arching ferociously through the air before coming to a skidding halt by Matthias’s side, tilting its head at Karma. 

Her wistful smile drops immediately. “Excuse me? I’m sorry, I must have not heard you correctly. Are you implying that I am not pure of heart? You don’t know anything about me. You can’t tell me if I am are am not anything because we barely pass each other in the halls. Now wipe that stupid shit eating grin off your face and help me conjure a goddamn patronus or I swear to Merlin that I will have you shipped back to Ilvermorny and you will never set foot in the UK ever again.”

The venom dripping from her voice startles her and she immediately regrets everything that came out of her mouth.

“Oh my god…oh my god…” She stutters out, “I am so sorry….oh my god. No, I didn’t mean that. Oh my god.” Throwing herself onto her back in the grass, she buries her face in her arms and lets out a frustrated groan. “FUCK.”

Matthias’s smile does indeed drop and instead turn into a steadfast frown. He’s endured a lot of the same words from proud Brits who were ashamed of seeing an American walk the halls of Hogwarts and Matthias, from his first year, has grown above those words. Merlin, his first year was full of fist to face moments and most of the time it wasn’t his fist landing on someone’s face. Even as Karma drops to the floor, teeming with her own regrets, Matthias can’t bring himself to feel much pity for her. She made her own decisions to speak to him like that.

“You sure?” Matthias asks. “That you didn’t mean all that, that is. ‘Cause you sure do sound like a bunch of the spoiled brats going here who’ve said the same things to me. And what’s more, you’re a couple years younger than me and you think you can talk a big game to me. Someone who volunteered time to try and help you. I’d blame your parents but from the Howler in the mail, I’d say the one who taught you how to grow up was you.” Matthias stands casually and stretches. He isn’t trying to kick Karma while she’s down but he’s not a robot, he definitely feels a good amount of anger towards her. Still, Matt keeps his tone casual and neutral.

“And y’know, despite a huge number of students tryna pick fights with me, despite my shitty grades as you so kindly mentioned before, I can still do this.” Matthias flicks his wand to the afternoon air and, from the deepest part of his chest, calls out, “expecto patronum!” Brilliant strands of light pour from the tip of his wand and swirl in the air before bursting into a tall and proud direwolf. The size of the canine is to be reckoned with, standing just below Matthias’s shoulders. 

“The road…what? What the hell does that mean? You know what…fine. But if this doesn’t actually work, you can be the one to explain to my father why I failed my exam.” She huffs. “As for hobbies….I uh…like to read? I have a half blood cousin who smuggles me muggle comic books and literature. They’re so imaginative, you know. But I also tend to help out with the lower year Magical Creatures classes. They’re all so sweet and I adore all of the creatures there.” A wistful look comes across her face as she starts daydreaming about hippogriffs and unicorns. Typical fifteen-year old.

Matthias takes a brief moment to calm himself after hearing Karma swear at him, giving her a tight-lipped smile. If she fails her exam, she can go ahead and ask her father why she did because if Matt’s learned anything from his parents back in the good ol’ US of A, it’s that they’re usually the reason kids can’t summon their patronus. He forces himself to calm down and sits on the grass, looking up at Kay.

“Getting an A on a test? Really? If I was that happy after every time I’ve gotten an A on a test, they’d throw me in Azkaban.” She rolls her eyes. Not to be dramatic, but thinking about a happy memory wasn’t something that comes to her easily. Becoming a prefect? Sure, that was happy but it was expected. Birthday parties (and she meant proper birthday parties, with a cake and presents) had been scarce her entire childhood.

“This obviously isn’t going to work, I’ll go ask a professor. Sorry to waste your time.” She knew she was being dramatic, but this was just so frustrating. It was more of a reflection on herself more than anything. Am I really that unhappy? She thinks as she begins to pack her bags, giving up after not even five minutes of trying.

“Okay yeah but not all of us are naturally born geniuses. Some people struggle academically,” Matthias warns, not taking Karma’s disrespect too lightly. He’s friendly with her sure but not quite at the level where she can chide him. There are about three people who can do that, four possibly but the latest addition would probably shit himself before trying to talk back to Gryffindor quidditch captain Matthias Derrah-Hurton.

He leans against a tree unimpressed and crosses his arms. “It’s not a waste of my time, but I do think it’s a good show of your resilience. Back where I’m from, and yeah I’m from the damn states, we have something called country grit. Means we don’t stop driving just ‘cause the road’s unpaved. Are you going to quit because you can’t summon a patronus on your first try?” Matthias asks before loosening up. Kay is still a younger student, he has to relax. Wren’s right, he’d never make a good teacher with kids younger than him.

ash-thorn:

[unknown number]: never hear of him in my life. u do no that all angels actually wear clothes right? not cloth?

[unknown number]: also who is this? 

[Apparenlty an unkown number too] Ash-Thorn: This is Ash. The one fixing your car up…. And yes, I am very sure you all wear clothes. Nice fancy ones but I am sure this kid had something on a key chain that was a spitting image to a cloth matching your colors. Anyway, was only curious…. 

[man crush everyday]: no, got some more shit to do. i don’t get this finance bullshit i need 2 hire an accountant or som shit

[man crush everyday]: but can icrash at ur place tonite? 

[Pretty Boy:] shit… 

[Pretty Boy:] not a lot. GB gave me a day off fuckin finally. r u ok?

[man crush everyday]: hoenestly? i’m tired as hell. ijus wanna nap rn but some fuk is gonna try to pull this shit out from under me. 

[Pretty Boy:] miss u 2

[Pretty Boy:] shit… 

[Pretty Boy:] not a lot. GB gave me a day off fuckin finally. r u ok?

[man crush everyday]: hoenestly? i’m tired as hell. i jus wanna nap rn but some fuk is gonna try to pull this shit out from under me. 

[benji]: is the football game all day? didn’t think so come over. I’ll give you something to show up at the football game with.

[benji]: u have a license rite.