Shoulda, woulda, coulda (Him)
He was living alone in his apartment listening to metal deathcore loud music.
He thought of fooling around and chat to random people from all over the world. He bumped to a girl who replied âHuhâ when he texted titles of metal music he listens to.
And the conversation went deep to getting to know her deeper. She doesnât know how to lie, he thought.
âI will just talk to you. Forever.â He said.
He liked her. He wanted her.
They became so intimate that he ended up confused about what he felt, what they were to each other. He wanted to know what he was to her. They were on the thin line between just friends and lovers.
He was crazy excited on their first phone call.
âI will call you again tomorrow.â
His life has been the same and not so at the same time. Thereâs a person out there who can understand me, he thought.
She became his distraction. She owned his time. He missed her when she didnât reply. There were little pricks in his chest but he didnât mind them.
He loved all her thoughts and he didnât wanted to talk dirty when she didnât want to. That made him want her more. She was patient.
One day, he snapped. It was a bad day, he vented out his anger on his world to her. It kept on for days till they were fighting every time she wanted to make conversation.
âI love you, I hope we can work this out when youâre cooled down.â She said.
He just stopped talking to her.
It was stupid. He didnât bring a thought of love to his mind, ever. He had no idea. He didnât care. To many things. Even to what she likes.
She didnât talk after that.
Itâs been two years, but the unfamiliar sensation he felt when she said she loved him was never gone.
Everyday he thought of her since then. Sometimes, tears would fall from his eyes and he didnât understand it.
âHer love was genuine. Itâs such a waste you let someone like that go away. They only come once in a lifetime. To be patient, to be understanding, to respect. Thatâs love, dear. You love her too. You just put yourself in the center. You didnât go out of your shell for her. She was waiting for your reply. I would have done the same. Maybe she thought you didnât love her because you gave her all the reasons to think so.â His mom said. This confirmed all his confusions.
It was love all along. He loved her and he still does. He wanted to be with her. Why did he have to realize it so late?
He gathered all his strength to have one chance to bring her back. Her absence is already killing him. And he would trade his life for her love. Thatâs what he feels.
âCan you love me again?â
He was desperate and sad. He was crying when he pressed send. He wanted her back and it was all his fault he lost her.
âI should have been a better man,
The kinda man you needed
Would have been better off
If Iâd done right by you
I could have done this,
I could have done that,
But now I know I canât go back
Cause now itâs just too lateâ
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