Bienvenue mes amis

Calling Chris a brother had always brought with it a certain kind of chaos. This wasn’t the first time Nick had dragged him back to bed and he was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be the last either. That hedonistic streak Chris possessed was always getting him into trouble, one way or the other and Nick generally took pride in the fact that he was the one who was able to pick up the pieces. 

Recently however, Chris had been drinking more frequently and in larger volumes. He said that he was fine when questioned, but anyone who knew him, really knew him at least could see through that lie in an instant. Archer was back, sure, but their relationship was hardly repaired. Chris was floundering, caught between wanting Jeff and being too terrified and frustrated all at once to actually tell him what he was feeling. Nick only knew himself thanks to Chris and his habit of drunkenly rambling on nights like these. 

That particular night, Chris had crawled into bed with a sleeping Nick and had then been completely confused when Nick threw him out of it. He’d mumbled something incomprehensible at which point Nick had been forced to haul his ass up from the floor and practically drag him back to the room he shared with Oli. 

He felt more than a little exposed standing their outside Chris’ bedroom door, stood in his pyjama pants and little else whilst his friend swayed beside him. At least the joke and smile Oli greeted him with helped put him at ease, even if the other man’s voice sounded almost weary with concern. There was a certain solidarity in the fact that Chris represented something important for both of them, a bond already existing between them even though they’d hardly crossed paths until now. 

“Sure I worry, when it comes to Truck I always will. He talks about me and my big heart, but the thing is, you’ve got to remember that Truck’s got a big heart too. Maybe even bigger than mine. There’s more than enough room in there for all the MES kids, which is great because if there’s one thing those kids need, its one hell of a lot of love. Love that Truck’s got it in him to give. Trouble is, they could break his heart so easily too, and that’s why I worry. 

“I don’t see the point in thinking about things negatively, if that’s what you mean. 

[Sass: *does trick replies*

Me:

“You’re not wrong,” Truck answered, closing the door behind him. Normally, he might of let himself collapse on the bed next to Nick, but he was too keyed up. He folded his arms and leaned against the door, trying to figure out where to start.

“One of the MES kids needs you,” he finally said. “War. She’s all beat up…” he gestured to his face. “Can’t tell if anything’s broken, and she’d rather not go to the infirmary if she doesn’t have to. I told her you’d take a look. Nick, her CO did it.” Truck was still confused and angry–even as he was saying it, it didn’t make sense to him. “Apparently it’s his training MO–she says it’s how he keeps them in line.”

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Nick definitely didn’t like that look. Truck was usually so free and easy, but now he was wound up and anxious, everything about his body language closed up. It wasn’t like he was closed off towards Nick, rather that he was trying to control himself in the only way he knew how. 

“War...” Nick cut off mid sentence, listening to Truck’s words. His face twisted in disgust, his brain desperately trying to keep up with what he was saying. What was this? A return to the archaic days of corporal punishment. Nick’s blood was already starting to boil. War was young, he knew that, but that didn’t matter here. No one deserved to be treated like this, certainly not by a figure of authority. 

“Of course I’ll take a look.” He was already standing up, heading straight for his closet and grabbing the first aid kit that he kept inside. Usually he only used it to clean up the drunken injuries that Chris brought on himself some nights, never on something like this. “I’ll... be as sensitive as I can be. So long as its... relatively superficial.” He grimaced at even having to say the word. “She shouldn’t need the infirmary. But if there’s anything even the slightest bit off... I’ve got to call Lara. She’s the trained doctor, not me.” He stepped towards Truck, resting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it tight. He looked at him for a moment, wishing there was something he could say to take the fire out of his eyes. Settling on saying nothing, he leaned forwards, pressing a gentle kiss to Truck’s lips. 

“Where is she?”

“Making up for lost time,” Truck joked. He hated hearing about how Nick had to prepare himself for his leaving, though–Truck had been trying to focus more on the present, not think too hard about what might happen whenever the team got transferred. It was selfish of him, he realized, not to have thought about how Nick might be struggling to be ready for that day, thinking about it long before it happened. Hell, Nick had probably been thinking about possible goodbyes since Truck had first told him the whole truth about his dad, and knowing that just made everything so much worse.

But it also made being here, right now, so much more important. Truck leaned over, pausing just a breath away from Nick to smile at him before he kissed him, once lightly, then again, with a firmer touch. Just to remind them both that they were still together, and whatever happened in the future, they’d deal with it then. Truck pulled away with a warmer, less tense smile. He was never gonna get over being allowed to do that.

“I never meant to get so attached to everybody here, but I guess I never really fought it that hard, either. Just… I’m not made for shutting people out.” Truck shrugged. “Can’t say I regret it, either, but… this would all be a lot easier if I wasn’t such a friendly guy, you know?” He had to laugh. It was a mess he’d gotten himself into with the best of intentions, and if he didn’t see the humor in that, it would just make everything worse. 

The truth, though, was that this wasn’t about everybody. Not really. It was about his team, and it was about Nick, and he couldn’t pretend otherwise. Family on both sides, and he knew what he wanted to choose. “Let me ask you, what does it say about me if I make the right choice here–do the thing that’s right for the most people, but I do it for selfish reasons? What if I choose to stay just because I can’t stand the thought of leaving you?” 

The kiss might have been brief, but it was so full of emotion that Nick could barely stand it. It shook him sometimes, a sudden realisation that after it all they had finally grown into this, into the relationship that they now had. It hadn’t been so long ago that they’d been trying so hard to hide their emotions and yet now Truck was able to kiss him freely, able to show him just how much he felt for him free of care. It was a gift, something that Nick never wanted to take for granted, not really. 

“Getting attached to people is just who you are.” He laughed softly, pulling away from the kiss. It wasn’t a criticism, Truck’s willingness to see the good in people was something that Nick loved the most. “If you weren’t so friendly, then you just... wouldn’t be you. And believe me, a lot of people would have lost out on a lot of things if you stopped being you.” 

He heard Truck’s question and it hurt, hurt because it was so similar to the question Nick asked himself everyday. He didn’t want to be a soldier anymore, he hadn’t wanted to be for some time, ever since being a soldier had robbed him of his relationship with Adam. He told himself over and over that he was doing the right thing, staying with his friends, protecting them and that made it OK. But in truth he had more selfish reasons, the very real thought that Nick didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t a soldier anymore. Was he kidding himself? Was it just fear that held him here? The fear of not being there the day his friends might need him? Or the fear that there wasn’t a place for him in the civilian world anymore? 

“I think that being selfish... it’s human. I think that living your life the way others might want you to live it isn’t living at all. Truck... you’ve already devoted your life to service, handed everything you are over willingly to a job which tells you where you sleep, where you go, when you go. Choice isn’t always a luxury that we have, but you have to make the most of the small choices you are given.” 

He lifted Truck’s hand, closing his eyes and kissing his knuckles gently. He didn’t like this conversation, didn’t like how it had him feeling selfish for convincing Truck to do the one thing he wanted to do. But Nick also knew that if he didn’t fight for Truck now, then he’d never forgive himself. Truck was too important to simply not try.

“I was younger, a little more idealistic and naive I guess. But in truth, the best thing about Adam was the fact that I could be myself with him. We were a good match, both pretty chilled out, both pretty optimistic and social. He was very understanding about my work, right up until the day I broke things off.