papasuke save me

torrents work like this

#naruto#naruto shippuden#uchiha itachi#uchiha sasuke#hoozuki suigetsu#honestly. itachi deserves this#presumably the duos are all cellmates in this au#obviously nagato and konan are terrorists and kakuzu is in for tax evasion and/or being a loan shark. maybe other money crimes too#most people assume kisame has an assault or murder charge but he's actually in there for high treason#or he would be if that was still a thing in japan but since it isn't he's officially in there for insurrection instead#that said he DOES have a body count. that's just not what he's in for. the world is truly built on lies....#deidara got sent to juvie for a bomb threat. and then made a bomb in juvie and got sent to big boy prison bc he was almost 18 anyway#sasori did the exact same thing as in canon only without the magic stuff. he made people puppets#they caught him bc he tried making himself into a puppet and. well. hospital#no one is entirely sure what ''tobi'' is in for. or who he actually is. or why they let him wear a mask all the time#only kisame knows that tobi has never been sentenced for anything; he's running his criminal empire from the prison bc he thinks it's funny#he gets away with it bc the guards all think he's the ghost of the executed criminal whose grave the prison was built on#(it's madara) (unclear whether or not he's actually dead) (he definitely was buried down there tho!)#white zetsu and black zetsu are two separate people with the same name. they aren't related but everyone assumes they are#black zetsu is in for corporate espionage. white zetsu was eating people#hidan is. basically the same tbh? he's on death row. they've tried to execute him twice but both times he survived#he once od'd to prove he was immortal and. well he's still kicking? so who knows#orochimaru was in there and then he just kinda left? now he's oto high school's chemistry teacher. unclear how this happened#oh uh konan is in a men's prison bc of transphobia i guess...? yahiko was in juvie with her and nagato but he got in a fight and died#naruto is still trying to get sasuke to change his mind about oto bc uhhhhh sports rivalry#but sasuke doesn't care about sports and oto offered him a scholarship. which he also doesn't care about#he picked oto bc it's in a shitty neighborhood and he wanted to give itachi a heart attack#it IS a good school tho. like if you survive going there you'll get a solid education. lifelong mental scars but sasuke already had those#anyway for itachi - he and shisui had a ''let's kill our family (not sasuke) and then ourselves'' plan but only shisui pulled off part two#and it turns out premeditated mass murder is enough to get you tried as an adult!