2150 Mile Secret
As your birthday present, I want to share my final secret with you. I know I teased about going to Hawaii together spontaneously, so suggesting to take that all-American road trip together just to pick up that car in Colorado seemed like a joke. But in private I told myself that if you really wanted to get that car, I would have committed to making that trip with you, and if we made it back to Maine together not hating each other, I would have committed my future and life with you then and there.
Maybe this was an unfair proof of love I set for myself. You were obviously so traumatized with that road trip, but I wanted to see for my eyes first hand the life you left behind and the road that lead you to where you are now. I wanted to see what our life together looked like on the road and outside of our usual day to day. I selfishly viewed this as an opportunity to achieve a bucket list achievement of driving across half of America, while you already done that trip 2 times due to horrific life circumstances. How terrible it is for me to have such a different perspective of this opportunity compared to you. Maybe our lives were too different to enjoy it in the same way.
They say never marry someone until you travel with them. I wanted this to be my final test to convince myself we could work. I was so ready to make that 2150 mile long drive from Colorado to Maine, and then declare my love for you once we made it back to your home.
In the quietest parts of my mind, I wonder what would have happened if we took that trip together. Would we have had our first fight? Would we have discovered our future together during those long drives on highway roads? Would I have been able to learn more about your past and accept it? Would I have accepted my life with you even more after 2150 miles? I pray in another reality, we made that trip together and discovered everlasting love.
