Owl Writing

After all the rich elite went to live in space, they reigned terror on us from above, exploiting us ‘earthlings’ for a decade. Then they stopped. It’s now been 30 years since we’ve had contact from them.

We were afraid that the constant portrayals of us stopping alien invasions would piss off the aliens we just made contact with. Turns out the aliens went through a similar phase when they were on our level and they are eager to compare their portrayals of alien invasions to ours.

Aliens prefer term “prey animals”, Humans prefer term “herbivores”. A group of alien hunters, hunting on Earth, painfully discovered why.

At this point in time, Aliens had only encountered human professionals in their youthful peak years; Now, for the first time, an alien has met an elderly human.

After hearing “Everything is a weapon to a human,” A desperate alien race abducts several humans and gives them ships, random gadgets, and instruction manuals.

An alien asks you for a riddle. In a moment of mischief you give them a famous unsolved problem in science. They easily solve it. Curiously you ask them for a riddle yourself. To your surprise they ask you a really easy question.

Aliens have finally discovered Earth - but they’re not hostile. They’ve tasted human food, and they think it’s so astonishingly good that Earth is becoming an alien tourist hotspot.

As a time traveling alien, you visited an ice age planet from 11,000 years ago. There you saved a curious hominid family. Now, in your own future, your home world is being invaded. Suddenly, an armada drops out of hyperspace and begins attacking your invaders. Their species looks familiar.

News about a living Neanderthal frozen in Antarctica rocked the world. The Neanderthal was able to tell us a lot about his age. One day, a scientist showed him a picture of a grey man alien as a joke. The Neanderthal looked on with horror. “It. kill. friends.” he said

All intelligent aliens fall into one of two categories for humans: Adorable or Uncanny Valley Horror. This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that humans are firmly in the Uncanny Valley Horror category for all other intelligent species.

On a long dead planet, an alien archeologist finds a sealed vault. Inside is a precious cargo and a message: “If Earth shall ever fall, use these 10,000 embryos to continue the Human Race.”

After 200,000 years, the alien generation ship arrived to our solar system. She has the fire power to vaporize a few planets, but the handful of survivors only ask for some hot soup and a few other surprisingly reasonable demands.

When it was discovered that all alien civilizations were destroyed by eldritch gods we wondered why they hadn’t done the same to us. Then we learned that the human mind can drive an eldritch god insane.

Humans have just entered the galactic community, using our patented versatility to make ourselves noticed. One thing, however, stands out about our culture: almost all of our scariest monsters are based off of ourselves, and a lot of aliens are getting worried about our species’ mental health.

The Galaxy is full of cute, fluffy, peaceful little aliens. Unfortunately, they all find humans terrifying, nightmarishly disgusting and or unfathomably evil by their standards. It’s a problem, but Humanity’s desire to pet everything has always triumphed.