Owen

welcome to anyone reading!

i hope you're having a good day!

after months of being stuck from doing anything (my 2024 starts just now;;) i've finally decided to post the progress of my academic and mental healing

i failed my dream college entrance exam due to my mental health last year, so I'm currently studying to retake it this year while also trying to be kind to myself. i'm also taking a humanities course so i can skip some subjects once i get in.

O4.O7.2O24 | 10/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 37 ★ 🌻 d - 92

nah, because the way I got emotional yesterday did not prepare me for the book that I'm reading for one of my humanities course, it makes you think so much about your own social identity and it just hits hard, makes me think about all of the negative things that just makes us how we are, how we behave and all of that 😭

but it's a really interesting book, I hope that it helps me to at least think more about myself and improve who I am by writing about it on my journal

I have around 165 pages left for this chapter, I must finish before Saturday

⏰️ study time : 3 h 57 min

O3.O7.2O24 | 9/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 38 ★ 🌻 d - 93

I bought this cute correction tape on my favorite stationery store 😭 it's so squishy, soft, cute, what else could I ask for?

I am trying my best, I promise. I journaled a lot, today (3rd of July) was a date that used to be, and I think will be special for a long time, it was my favorite bestest friends birthday (they didn't die) but I was ghosted, I think. Or maybe they're having a tough time since the beginning of this year, I just hope that they're well.

I want to share a few sentences of my journal entry, I feel like I really got emotional but also managed to express what I wanted to (or maybe not, but while I wrote I really felt it did)

"I always thought that I took too much from you, but you said that it wasn't true. I'm not good with words, but the words 'I love you' started leaving my mind and mouth more easily".

Am I alone now? I'm not alone, but it's lonely. You were with me at my lowest, and gave me the happiest moments of my life."

"Even if you were busy, I still wrote in a diary so you'd feel less alone, because you never left my mind, and you still don't"

I didn't think it was that corny until I wrote it just now 😭 gosh.

⏰️ study time : 3 h 24 min

O2.O6.2O24 | 8/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 39 ★ 🌻 d - 94

I wish I could go back in time and start teaching myself about these problems when I had so much free time as a toddler 🙂‍↕️ I just don't understand (I kinda do) how is one supposed to get all of these problems right in 2-3 hours (70 for 💙, 50 for 🌻) but at the end of the day, I just have to keep trying

⏰️ study time : 5 h 8 min

30.O6.2O24 | 6/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 41 ★ 🌻 d - 96

I got so sad I couldn't go to Pride March on my country 😭 but I really had to finish an essay for one of my humanities course.

(also procrastinated a little 🫠 i was still sad. is this still being productive?)

⏰️ study time : 2 h 17 min

29.O6.2O24 | 5/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 42 ★ 🌻 d - 97

I honestly just focused during my class because after everything that happened the day before I really felt down

Also, while we learned a new unit in class, I got frustrated because I got 0 answers correct 😭

⏰️ study time : 1 h 29 min

💙 d - 43 ★ 🌻 d - 98

it's a vent day, not a productive day, so don't read if you don't want to!

27.O6.2O24 | 3/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 44 ★ 🌻 d - 99

I reached my goal of focusing for 8 hours to study and solve practice problems 😭 I'm so sleepy now, I don't know if I'll be as productive tomorrow because there were some problems with my uni admission papers so I have to actually go

Today, out of 80 problems, I only got 24 wrong, which is still concerning, but I really thought I would have way more wrong, so it's progress!

I really need to be doing a lot more (I'm kind of panicking)

practices 2019/2020 (80/80)

⏰️ study time : 8 h

26.O6.2O24 | 2/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 45 ★ 🌻 d - 100

I really underestimated how much time these exercises actually take me 😭 although there are a lot that I can solve and understand, there's are still a big amount of them that I do not understand at all, hopefully I do get better as I go (also ignoring how much I procrastinated during afternoon)

practices 2019/2020 (30/80) (hopefully I'll finish tomorrow)

practices 2021/2022 (0/80)

⏰️ study time : 4 h 12 min

25.O6.2O24 | 1/100 days of productivity

💙 d - 46 ★ 🌻 d - 101

I got the specific date of my exam today! so I'll be posting my daily progress in this 100dop challenge, just in a shorter entry

review material (3/3) 🎞

quiz practice

tuesday class 6 pm - 7:30 pm

100 dop planner - todomate

practices 2019/2020 (5/80) (hopefully I'll finish tomorrow)

⏰️ study time : 4 h 11 min

tysm for the ask! (this is a hard one, but i will try my best)

1. i like my moles

two under my right eye, four vertically on the left side on my neck, one on my lip, six more under my knee, i've always loved my moles and wondered if i could get more when i was kid. i used to say the ones on my neck were from a vampire that bit me

2. i like how others can rely on me

i don't consider myself a smart person or someone who is responsible 100% but somehow my friends and classmates (even after graduating) ask me about if i understand this or that... explain things, and while i do not want to think at all that they're taking advantage (🧠⚰️), i actually love that others rely on me, and it pushes me to be responsible and productive?

3. i like my hands?

they're small, but so what? i used to bite my nails a lot when i was a kid, now i don't, and i have pretty nails

4. i like my hair!

curly hair is the best, during the pandemic even if i messed up cutting my hair on my own, the curls just hide it all and messy haircuts actually looked better on my curly hair (I promise)

5. i like how i make little things for other people even when I'm not at my best

the past two years i really have been at my worst, but even so i always find the motivation to just draw my friends for their birthdays, write them letters and just cherish them with little things i can do. I do not consider myself a person people can talk to about their problems, but at least i make a few people happy with cute chibis or portraits 😭 they made them their pfps! 🩷

tysm for the ask! i'm not used to this, so i had to think and research how people do this (🦳)

i have been studying art and design since i was 10

i used to design wattpad covers back in the day, i was an edgy kid so i would make photomanipulation of kpop ships horror themed..., and i got praised a lot which motivated me to this day to get better

i love baking and cooking

my favorite cake to bake is tres leches (three- milk cake), even though i'm lactose intolerant it's soo sweet and yummy, i baked one recently for Father's day, it only lasted 3 days in the fridge, everyone liked it!

I clean my room every hour

i feel like it's a passive way to take care of yourself? i try to have as many art prints from national artists that i like, and my room always gets dusty, so i clean and wipe everything constantly

i love studying with music that isn't "relaxing"

i cannot express how much i've learned and focused when studying with industrial techno, witch house, hard techno, you have to get in the mood though!

i love physical touch and being in crowds or around people (i don't know what else to write)

even if being outside makes me feel anxious a part of me also loves being around people, i feel connected and part of something!

hello 🔆 i hope you're having a wonderful day, please remember to take care of yourself and drink water! 🩷

I'll try to be positive this week's post (which is a bit late)

Thinking back, I did a lot of things this week, I was able to learn a lot for my college entrance exam (finally) and I also read 2 chapters for one of my humanities subjects, which is good!

Yesterday (Monday 24th) I enrolled on a free class for my college entrance exam, and I feel that what the teacher talked abou really stuck out to me, I keep not really taking things as seriously as I should, which is really bad because it's a really big score competition where almost 50k people participate, and only around 8k make it, so (😭)

I had to go back to my high school to ask for a grade certificate that I need for one of the universities I'm applying to, it's such a mess because I have to actually go in person and they don't answer emails, and they will be going on vacations soon, and I need it for like, yesterday 🫠

I also started to think, what if how much i've studied this year is not enough? what if I fail again and I have to try again next year? (shut my brain off 😄) so I'm going to try my best, even if I don't have much time, I'm waiting for the specific date of 🌻 (the main exam) and hopefully i have a little bit of more time

Hopefully my next post is that of '100 days of productivity' ❤️ see you, thank you so much for reading! also, I just noticed apparently piccrew is blocked in my country? what?

mon: 0

tue: 1 h 34

wed: 2 h 33

thu: 0

friday: 4 h 42

sat: 4 h 16

sun: 0

mon: 2 h 35