Titled

Turning into an adult is so crazy. I had a nightmare last night about accidentally paying 300 Euros for a slice of ham. I woke up sweating. No one prepares you for that.

It wasn’t me this time, I swear

I'd like to believe you but we both know what you're capable of

I made sourdough like that. We jokingly called it the “tasty brick” and cut off super thin slices because it WAS delicious, but it was so dense, a single normal slice would sit heavy in your belly like a brick.

So many people on social media these days wanna feel special and yoonique but also feel entitled to spaces and conversations that have nothing to do with them like theyre mr. worldwide or some shit

Hello person experiencing violence displacement and starvation in a part of the world i dont care about. I am american in maine and have you considered that i am the poorest person in the world i eat sticks and rocks off the ground and youre making me uncomfortable by asking for money to escape hell on earth. And im allowed to say this because i have autism

The ideal man

every time you reblog this you’re allowing it to fly even further. it’s almost beautiful

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

i nnnnnnNNNEEEEED LUIGI

im always shocked by how many people hate olives i would live off them if i was rich

Hot take but olives out the jar is 100x better than pickles out the jar

happy pride