"Are you with us?"

Verdict:

I appreciate the immense amount of thought and care given to this character! Excellent job on organizing the information, though I apologize if I miss anything.

The reference photos are a great resource in helping to build an image of Aidan, though I much prefer the armor references on the 6th page. Her fashion sense is quite commendable, though c:

I like the design of the primary weapon. As something that looks like an upgraded army rifle, it clearly reflects her character as a cut above the rest. The suit is pleasing, though the cut that separates the body suit into top and bottom halves is a little weird. That just makes her abdomen a vulnerable target. The thighs and waist are a little too bare, but the thigh high boots are fine. Maybe add an appropriate white pistol holster on her right thigh(like the one in the picture to the left). As for the abdomen, I’ll leave that to you.

The top part, including her head down to her hands and lower torso, are very nicely designed. A little more detailwork, especially on the chestpiece, but overall a very good design.

The backstory is worth a re-read. It’s fairly balanced and composed, though some errors here and there can undermine your work. While it does try to keep itself short, I feel like it’s not explaining enough. The most glaring error is that it’s very hard to picture because there’s no mention of any setting. Where is this in the world? Overwatch lore is a glutton for names and signatures. Name the pararescue units, name the military! Though it should be obvious that it must be the Malaysian Armed Forces (unless it’s not, then you need to clarify), it’s still worth mentioning in the story.

The failed SAR operation should be expounded on. This was the climax of Aidan’s personal history. It’s where things go wrong. Go into why it went wrong, who was responsible, etc. Introduce Elliot there too, since they are clearly important for the rest of the story.

Gameplay-wise, I like the emphasis on shields. I don’t know if it was the intention, but there are such soldiers called shield operators that are trained with the use of ballistic shields for blocking hostile fire, though they’re only ever good in close quarters combat. Not sure if the same term applies here? She practically is one. 

Her ultimate is a little vague. Is it set down as a permanent marker, like her P-block? Or more like Backfitted Shield? (Thank you for using my suggested abilities!)

“Keen Senses” sounds like a cool concept, but it too is vague. 

Character-wise, not much to say. The MBTI personality type is really helpful. I can see it manifest in most of her choices and favors, so, good job!

Thank you for reading this long, and a big thank you for waiting far longer!

Appearance: Phuong is 5'3" tall with black hair and near black eyes. her default skin is her stage magicians outfit! she wears a dark violet jacket with tailcoats over a white button up, accompanied with dark violet slacks. her accessories include: a violet + red velvet top hat, a velvet bow tied under her collar, a yellow rose, pearl earrings, and a belt full of canisters.

Effective design! It certainly matches Overwatch’s charm for being thematic and detailed.

she got her gauntlets and leg prosthetics from her former circus to complete her stage outfit. her gauntlets are hard light compatible, and she uses them for her magic acts, including the production of her throwing knives (her standard weapon).

Full name: Phuong Nguyen (both common Vietnamese names)

Callsign: it’s just Phuong! she’s a performing magician, so unless you strongly recommend a stage name, i want her to be addressed by her first name

Judging by how she styles herself, I think she’d be suited for a bold stage name. Performing magicians always present themselves with an air of superiority and awesomeness- it’s how they win the audience. 

At least, that’s my understanding of performing magicians. “Phuong” is still fine too.

Age: 29 years old

Sex: female

Sexuality, romance: a lesbian very comfortable in her sexuality! :> i ship her with Tracer and Emily romantically, but it’s not canon in her lore because i simply can’t find a way to connect them story-wise?

Both at once? So it’s a polyamorous lesbian triangle. It will be difficult to pull it off since it’s not confirmed (according to my information) if they are open to polyamory, so if you want it canon you’ll have to push your headcanons on canon characters. The shipping is harmless though.

Nationality: Vietnamese

Ethnicity: Vietnamese, as well!

Language/s: Vietnamese, English, Russian (from her former work)

Base of operations: Saigon, Vietnam (but she travels frequently due to her work)

Occupation: Phuong’s a solo-performing magician! she built up her reputation from her former circus by making acts primarily with hard light, a new practice in the entertainment world. as a very well-known celebrity from both her talent and charm, she often tours to spread as much happiness and hope as she physically can.

Affiliations: Dove’s Eye Circus (formerly)

GAME WISE

Health: 200

Armor: 0

Shields: 0

Role: offense! i picture her as a ★★-difficulty fast-moving player who does well at close combat, due to her higher melee damage, and someone who can easily jump into the fight when a bulk of her team is already there. she’s extremely mobile at a level similar to Genji, especially with her passive. an effective Phuong playing style is using height advantage to use Clapperclaw and getting as close to use melee. (as a lil heads up though, most of my worry about her is her move set being too defense-y, so additional attention would be greatly approached!)

Weapons: her main weapon is knives she rapidly produces with her hard light gauntlets! her primary fire is Light Toss (left mouse), which is long range. its default is throwing 2 knives at a time, but it’s chargeable (like Zenyatta’s secondary fire) to have a set of 2/4/6 knives. the charge time for each stage is .2 seconds, output is 8/14/28 damage, and reload time is 1.7 seconds.

Secondary fire: none

Melee: she slashes with two knives, with an output of 60 damage (that might be too high though?)

Maybe so. I’m not sure about the usual melee damage range of Overwatch heroes, but I believe cutting it down to 45 damage should do it.

Abilities:

Review posted in your updated ability post!

- passive: High Jump (due to her prosthetics, Phuong is able to jump higher distances, accessing heights others may not be able to reach; can also grip walls for .5 seconds)

- shift: Clapperclaw (at a high distance in midair, Phuong directs her fall at her target, damaging them with her claws; 50 damage, 3 second cooldown)

- e key: Bullet Catch (can catch bullets/projectiles with her gauntlets, but does not direct them back, kind of like a half Genji deflect; duration 3 seconds, 8 second cooldown)

- right mouse: Dove’s Ditty (short range, healing for one ally (attaches to closest teammate, prefers teammate with lowest hp), heals 50 health per 3 seconds, 15sec cooldown)

note: i’ve listed three abilities, but i was thinking that the additional ability makes up for her lack of secondary fire (like Doomfist).

Ultimate: Phuong’s ult is Chainsaw Trick, which traps enemies in a radius within hologram boxes she creates with hard light. In the next sequence of her animation, she pulls a chainsaw out of her hat to attack her trapped enemies. The chainsaw has enhanced damage with 95 damage per swing. The enemies that aren’t currently being sliced by her chainsaw are stunned for a 5 second duration.

Signature quote: hostile, self ult line is “Ready for my showstopper?” and friendly ult line is “Tune in for the show!”

Skins: her rare skins are based off suits of cards! she also has two epic skins: Rock Dove (which is based on her dove/magic theme) and Lotus (the national flower of Vietnam).

her legendary skins include: Ao Dai (a traditional Vietnamese dress meant for the Lunar New Year Event), Skvader/Wolpertinger (not yet designed; based off the similar mythological winged rabbits), and Prophetess/Soothsayer (not yet designed; meant to be fantasy sorcerer kind of clothes).

I love the inclusion of Vietnamese cultural elements. Overwatch is a highly culturally diverse organization and it makes me glad to see people make use of that fact.

LORE WISE

Bio(short): i’m not very confident in my full bio, so i held off from making a short one!

Bio(full): she grew up in the first Omnic Crisis in Saigon, Vietnam. her parents were poor farmers, and she spent her childhood helping them + going back and forth from the city running errands for extra cash. as a young adult in her 20s, she found work in Dove’s Eye Circus after her enthusiasm for their work was reviewed by the ringleader. when she was taken in, she did some maintenance work helping the circus travel (Dove’s Eye performed in a route from Vietnam to Russia).

How did the first Omnic Crisis affect her in Saigon? You can also reason why it didn’t, but you better be good. The global omnic uprising isn’t exactly something anyone can sleep over. 

the circus carried and left cargo at certain pit stops which confused Phuong, but she paid no mind to it (the circus was kind enough to gift her a job so why question it?). after receiving a shipment of hard light tech, the circus taught Phuong to create magic acts with it. since hard light was still incredibly new to the public (i estimate this is around the time Vishkar introduced hard light), Phuong became a sensation w the circus’s already existing popularity.

How did a travelling circus acquire such cutting edge technology? If it is around the time hard light technology was unveiled the world, then I don’t believe Vishkar’d let any little bit just slip away from them.

she enjoyed her work immensely, making people smile as she did when she first saw the circus, and developed a very attached loyalty to the circus. in a stop to Russia, while dropping off shipments, her circus was violently attacked by a Talon branch to steal their cargo. in the fight, Phuong got blasted by a grenade and lost her legs from the knee down.

You can probably align this with my earlier point. Instead of a Talon team, it could be criminal mercenaries under the employ of Vishkar.

she had to stay in recovery for weeks under the medical care of the circus staff, and once she was given prosthetics, she fell even deeper in her loyalty to Dove’s Eye.

How so? What drew her closer to Dove’s Eye, seeing replacements of her loss? Or is it the realization of how important Dove’s Eye really is to her? Is it from reeling from the heat of battle did she understand her love for the circus?

when she recovered though, she couldn’t let go of the Talon attack and the shifty business the staff had when transferring goods to and from stops. after some snooping through logbooks and laptops, she learned that the circus was illegally distributing + selling, and even stealing, tech and weapons for money. page after page, screen after screen, she found herself horrified that she was associated with such a corrupt organization. however, her extreme loyalty to the circus made her reluctant to think of resisting. despite her newly-gained knowledge, she not only went along w their illegal activity, but also cooperated with them, as the staff knew of Phuong’s revelations. she helped them transfer their goods through strictly negotiations, though she sometimes got into physical fights in the name of self defense and defense of her coworkers.

Admittedly, it does take a lot for someone’s loyalty and trust in a group that feels like home to them to waver in the face of a terrible truth. However, it doesn’t feel like you adequately established her loyalty. How did she grow to love the circus? Her job? Did her fellow performers feel like family? Did she enjoy the constant moving? What made her so loyal?

What led her to cooperate with something she found so hideous? Did she figure she would get punished? Did the punishment weigh more to her than the morally upright path?

Phuong continued w her magic acts, which gave her comfort in the suddenly unfamiliar environment she placed so much trust in. when the Second Omnic Crisis broke out, Phuong had extreme guilt about how much her circus was contributing to the new war in Russia through their distributions of tech and weapons to both sides. with information she fought for and stole from the ringleader, she exposed the hell out of her circus and was an integral part to their shutdown. from then on, Phuong performed solo and rose to be an international celebrity from her experience and charm

Personality: Phuong is a very coolheaded person who is dedicated to her craft and life mission. her life mission? to spread hope and happiness to those around her, no matter the cause. and she takes it extremely seriously, making her a very altruistic and charitable person. she takes it to the point where her obsession causes her to neglect her own needs and wants (but i’ll save that for later! :>)

like i’ve mentioned before, Phuong’s a successful magician and entertainer, so she’s naturally a charismatic and people pleasing person. what kinda makes her stand out to her fans though is the extent of compassion and exhaustion she’ll push herself for her fans. she’s on tour often and is constantly trying to think of new tricks to satisfy her audience and is always trying to make her fans smile and laugh a lil. she tends to be hands on w her fans, frequently having meet and greets and runs past her own security to high five a fan. maybe two. she’s as involved as she is because she solely believes that her life purpose is to give people hope and happiness. (take note: she feels she’s FATED for this, it’s not just an interest) (also, the repetition of hope comes from her dove theme!)

Beautiful character ;-;

with company, she’s a good conversationalist with the right amount of snark and is pretty chill. she likes to flirt and tease and finds nothing in it, so she doesn’t get flustered by it when other people do the same. she will, however, be very grateful and almost shy if you tell her how much you respect her work and spirit.

Not too shy I hope! A magician’s best quality is their confidence!

Relationships: i don’t mention Overwatch in my bio? i think she could be recruit material due to her knowledge of hard light, so these are possibilities if i decided to add Overwatch to her bio! these would affect in-game interactions too, i suppose

- Tracer and Emily: Phuong very much admires Lena as the embodiment of compassion and determination she is! Phuong also loves Emily for her cheeriness, and the three are just a bunch of big ol lesbians

- Symmetra: Phuong’s paid attention to Satya’s hard light work through media (since Phuong also uses hard light for magician work), and although she admires Satya for her skill, she feels sorry for her. Phuong herself has been tied to a criminal circus she dedicated her life to, so she feels some sympathy to Satya’s misguided loyalty to Vishkar.

Looks like it’s a distant relationship. Which brings to mind: how would Phuong try to approach Satya? Knowing her own troubled past, what would she come up with?

- Zarya: she finds Zarya very admirable due to her strength and how she gave up fame for her country, and Zarya finds Phuong interesting due to her beginnings in a Russo-Viet circus. they could sometimes be found talking about the beauty of Russia or working out together.

- Lúcio and D.va: Phuong is also a celebrity, so she’s sometimes chatting it up with them!

i can list a ton of other interactions, but basically she gets along with most people. in her canon lore, she admires Overwatch for their core motivation to uphold peace (and has a little bit of a crush on Tracer since she’s the poster girl). she also has an opinion on Talon, but in that she absolutely despises the destruction and harm they cause wherever they go and also that y'know. they kind of demolished her legs

Strengths: as previously stated, she’s not only hardworking but also a huge people pleaser to those she respects. because of this, she’s willing to perform to her extent to complete any task given to her, and maybe a lil more if she’s eager. Phuong is also a charismatic person and finds it easy to get along with other people, allowing her to work in a team and to draw people to her. physically, she’s an alert person and is quick on her feet, ready to slice and dice anytime.

Weaknesses: she’s willing to work to her extent, but that commonly means beyond her physical extent. she drives herself to exhaustion if left unattended and can sometimes become paranoid, making her waste more energy and ammo spent on her fear. Phuong is also an easily manipulated person, in that she realizes she’s being manipulated but allows it to go on due to her obsession with pleasing people. though it’s easy for her to focus on tasks, she also finds it hard to commit herself to people themselves, due to her complications with misplaced loyalty in Dove’s Eye. she finds herself distrustful of strangers and coworkers alike at times, tensed for them to reveal some horrible truth harming others. to somewhat cope with this, she tends to tease to feel “unattainable” and play hard to get with people who want to know her past friendly coworkers.

Glad to see the terrible, two-faced aspect of totally giving to others made manifest in this character.

Likes: she absolutely loves birds, especially pigeons and doves! she finds them extremely charming and finds delight in the coincidence that their symbolism corresponds with her life mission. she also takes an interest reading up in modern technology, especially in the realm of hard light (though she isn’t picky). romcoms are also her thing, since she loves the idea of, well, love and how it can make people happy. she also appreciates the comedy and often stores it in her mind to spice up her magic shows.

Dislikes: she is not a fan of overly authoritative, bossy people. she gets that there needs to be order, but if the person in command doesn’t deserve the respect in her mind, she’s very passive aggressive. on a more material side, she finds dolls uncomfortable in that they’re always in one expression and look kinda fake. and wooden floors. she loves how they look but can’t stand the idea of walking on them and scratching them up with her prosthetics.

Hobbies: as predictable as it is, bird watching! she loves writing down the birds she sees in a lil logbook and feeding them if she can. even when she’s not on a bird watching quest, you can bet she’ll whip out her phone to take a pic of a parakeet in a bird store she just finds adorable. Phuong also likes to dance and collect little things. she just got off her button high and is now collecting rocks

Extra: her general theme is magic and doves, especially their symbolism, so i hope that was apparent in my submission! but other than that, i think that’s it! thank you so so much for reading this in advance!! <3

Verdict:

I find Phuong to be a beautifully fleshed out character! She is exceptionally well designed, especially with the gauntlets and prosthetics. I would recommend you add some gold accents on her suit and hat, because the abrupt change from the golden tech to her dark purple clothing can be a little jarring. Perhaps some gold stripes on her shoulders, pant legs, and hat brim ought to do it. 

“Recommend” is probably more in a personal taste here. The design stands on its feet well enough without further changes! (I just realized that might be a backhanded remark at Phuong’s... Uh.)

Her backstory stands well enough too, but some lack of detail makes it falter. See if you can try rewriting the climax of it, where Phuong finds out the Truth. You’ll find you’ll be able to sufficiently establish details this time around, I’m sure.

Her character is absolutely well done! The consistent inclusion of her general theme is a fine touch. Her quality of appearing perfectly amicable and peaceful on the outside while being perfectly not on the inside is quite well established too. It’s good if you put this detail into the conclusion (as it is) of her backstory. Perhaps it should go on to enumerate how her experience with Dove’s Eye changed her being.

Overall, Phuong is an excellent character. I recommend going over this sheet again and try rewriting some of the backstory. It has been the one I considered more thoroughly than the others. Good luck, and thank you very, very much for waiting. I know I’ve taken so much from your patience, and am very thankful you still hit me up after a long, long while. 

Cheers.

Full name: Lara Borgnino

Name explanation: N/A

Callsign: Lara

Age: 34

Sex: Female

Sexuality, romance: Bisexual/romantic

Nationality: Italian

Ethnicity: White

Language/s: Italian, English

Base of operations: Naples, Italy

Occupation: Student (plant science) (formerly), rogue gardener

Rogue gardener! That gives me a kick. Lara seems to be doing more than just gardening though. The term might imply Lara’s involvement with a gardening group, which does not seem the case. Something like “Environmental supporter” or even “Eco-warrior” might fit the bill better in this case.

ec·o-war·ri·or

ˈēkōˌwôrēər

noun: ecowarrior 

a person actively involved in preventing damage to the environment.

Actually, eco-warrior would closely resemble Lara’s line of work, even though it sounds incredibly cheesy.

Affiliations: N/A

GAME WISE

Health: 200

Armor: 0

Shields: 0

Role: Defense

Weapons: >Plasma Pistol (working title): Small gold handgun gifted to her nearly a decade ago, decorated with a flowery decal on its side. Ammo: 25 Rate of fire: 4 rounds per sec Damage: 45 per round Falloff range: 17 to 35 meters Reload time: 1.2 seconds

>Chronal Blaster: Very large Megaman-type blaster that spans the entire length of her left arm, triggered by a handle mechanism on the interior. Possesses two modes: one to enable the Flytrap, Natural Barrier and Dead Heading abilities, and another to enable the secondary fire, Crown of Thorns. Note: The blaster also possesses a quality titled Overheat. Overuse of any abilities will contribute to this gauge. Crown of Thorns: 0.75% per round Flytrap: 25% Natural Barrier: 40% Dead Heading: 90%

It’s... certainly an interesting mechanic. I’ll presume Overheat at 100% causes malfunctions, which keeps the blaster from being used for a while. Is this factor supposed to encourage the player to use their secondary more? Clever play! It really forces players to be considerate of their abilities and the situation. People can be wasteful of their opportunities if left without a limit.

Now, what constitutes “Overuse”? How do you say an ability is overused? And how would Overheat be remedied? Is there any way to reduce the accumulated amount? And how is 100% fixed?

Secondary fire: >Crown of Thorns: Utilizing her blaster’s second mode, Lara channels a volley of piercing thorns toward her target. Inflicts slight bleeding damage rather than standard damage. Should be used in moderation. Ammo: Infinite Rate of fire: 18 rounds per sec Damage: 3-8 per round; each round deals its damage over 0.6 seconds Falloff range: 9-19 meters Reload time: N/A Overheat: +0.75% per round

If it’s 18 rounds/sec, and 0.75% Overheat per round, that’s around 13.5% in one second. It costs 81% Overheat to secondary fire for 6 seconds!! That’s quite a lot of damage to do, even at a minimum of 300 something, if you land them all straight. It’s a very strict trade-off though.

Melee: Lara swiftly pistol-whips her target.

Abilities: >Flytrap (left shift): Lara drops a medium-sized Venus flytrap on the ground. Enemies that wander near it will be trapped momentarily and injured in short bursts every second for 3 seconds. The flytrap itself shrinks into the ground after use, removing it from the field. Damage: 20 per second for 3 seconds Range: 1.5 meters Duration: 0.75 second stun, 3 second root Cooldown: 8 seconds Overheat: +25%

Dangerous! Like Junkrat’s Steel Trap, but improved considerably with a DoT twist. It should probably have a longer cooldown or a higher Overheat cost if it comes with these improvements.

>Natural Barrier (e): Lara throws a medium handful seeds from her pouches onto the ground and uses her blaster’s primary mode to speed up growth, creating a wall of plant matter between her and her enemies. Health: 1750; at 65%, 45% and 20% health, openings are created within the wall, allowing passage through Range: 25 meters Dimensions: 4x10 meters Duration: 5 seconds Cooldown: 15 seconds Overheat: +40%

This is very cool. Is the blaster primary fire an automatic thing or manually controlled by the player? If it’s the latter it could make for a very interesting trap-like construct. The added function of creating openings at lower amounts of health is unique. It adds a new level of strategy into the play. I can already see the Torbjorn/Bastion/Lara matchups.

Ultimate: >Dead Heading (q) - Lara hurls down a large handful of explosive seeds and accelerates their growth at a remarkable speed. Upon explosion, the seeds create a cloud of spores that hinders sight and hearing for a limited time. Recommended for large groups of enemies. Range: 12 meters radius Duration: 4.5 seconds Effects: Enemy sight and hearing while inside the cloud and for 1.5 seconds after exiting/clearing, teammates clearly see enemy outlines while inside Overheat: +90% Voice line (self and enemy): Ora mi vedi… (“Now you see me…”) Voice line (friendly): Hold your breath, everyone!

So, a smoke grenade. The hearing effect is cool though. It must be very disorienting when things suddenly numb down. It might even hide the sound of a charging Reinhardt or a McCree ult.

Signature quote: Who brought the gardener to a gunfight?

Skins:

Pansy, Honeybee, Il Fiore  👌 👌 👌

LORE WISE

Bio(short): Ever the green thumb, Lara has worked for years to revitalize the Earth for the good of everyone on it. With the dissolvement of Overwatch fresh in her mind, Lara knew she needed to act now more than ever. She enlisted the help of a dear friend, an engineering major, to craft an experimental device adopted from the same technology used by the scientist Winston to stabilize Tracer. With the newly invented Chronal Blaster, made to accelerate the natural growth of plant life, Lara set out to restore the forests of the world. Her travels took her across continents and through over a hundred countries. She spent three years crossing land and sea, spending months at a time camping out in remote cabins, to save the land around her. Such actions gradually drew a generous amount of attention her way. Soon, though, Lara found that not all attention was welcome. Talon, the global terrorist organization, coveted the priceless equipment she possessed and began a year-long chase to take it from her. Desperate and hopeless, Lara fled to Watchpoint: Gibraltar, where she had heard rumors of activity. There she encountered Winston himself, with whom she entrusted the blaster while she went into hiding. Lara slowly made her way to the southwestern US, where she laid low under the alias Eva Salvail until Talon’s gaze moved elsewhere. Three years into American life, Lara received a transmission calling her back to Gibraltar. Upon her arrival, she was presented with an entirely revamped chronal blaster, made more efficient in every way. It was also made clear that the newly reformed Overwatch wished to have her amongst its ranks, and well, Lara could never turn down a chance to do good.

A little long for an Overwatch short bio. Brevity is a powerful quality! Try to find some details that fail to contribute to the general story, then snip them out.

Bio(full): >Childhood: Lara Borgnino was born to her parents Elisa and Marco Borgnino in Naples, Italy. She grew up around many of her parents’ interests from when they were kids, like DC comics and Pokemon, and took a lot of inspiration from DC villain Poison Ivy. As a child, Lara found a certain comfort in gardening with her parents, and would help them wherever possible. When she came of age, she attended a small school in Naples, and encouragement from her parents helped her excel in many places. After graduating, Lara’s outstanding performances landed her a spot in one of the best universities in Italy: Sapienza University of Rome. >Early Adulthood: Having found a place in university life, Lara studied plant science. She hated that the Earth was deteriorating so quickly, withering under the intense pressure humanity had put on the environment. Her research focused on altering the genetic code so that they grow faster and stronger, able to restore whole forests in weeks. A few years later, Lara began to speak to several global organizations about using her research to restore the Earth’s environment. Unfortunately, while some did accept, many were slow to take action; this research needed more work, needed to be refined. It was during this time that Overwatch fell into pieces, crumbling with the explosion of its headquarters. Nerves steeled, Lara became determined to see a better world. She successfully located blueprints for Overwatch Agent Tracer’s chronal accelerator and handed them over to a close friend majoring in robotics and engineering to adapt into a proper tool. The final result was exactly what Lara needed: a large blaster capable of speeding up its target’s personal time, usable only on plant matter. Irrationally, even if for a noble cause, Lara abandoned her studies, left Italy, and set out to restore the Earth herself. >On Her Own: For a long time, Lara moved from country to country, planting and growing whole forests overnight. She was the subject of a lot of conversation, receiving praises from all sides; one person, doing all this! But this soon came to an end, when Talon began efforts to track her down. It was obvious that they were after her chronal technology, wanting to use it as a weapon. Lara panicked and fled across several countries for almost a year, trying to be careful and leave as small of a trail as she could. Foolishly, she kept trying to restore the land as she went, which only brought Talon’s forces closer and closer. Lara only lost them when she abandoned her cause entirely. She travelled to Watchpoint: Gibraltar, drawn by signs of recent activity, and met Winston there. Lara decided then that her chronal equipment would be better left with him, and then left to live in the United States until Talon lost interest, cutting all contact with former friends and family. Taking the alias Eva Salvail, the name of her mother’s grandmother, Lara stayed in the US for a few years. But Lara had always been impatient, and was very seriously considering coming out of hiding when she received a call to action for Overwatch members. >With Overwatch: Winston’s recall brought back many old members, but some new faces as well. Lara’s response was immediate, and she decided to visit Winston at Watchpoint: Gibraltar as soon as possible. It would be good to reconnect with old friends, but (almost) more importantly, her equipment was there. Lara was shocked to find that Winston had taken the liberty of inputting her information into the Overwatch database, allowing her to be contacted were the recall to be activated. Shocked but honored, she also found that her equipment had been greatly improved, making the blaster’s primary mode much more efficient but also having added a secondary mode for attacks. Lara took it back gratefully, and took a permanent stand alongside the growing ranks of Overwatch.

Well written backstory! Actions are accompanied with consequences, and the Overwatch world is ingrained into your character and vice versa. The focus is entirely on her and what she does, and her surroundings react accordingly. Her relationship with Winston is important and still remains a sidenote in her life story. 

Personality: Lara would love to come off as someone who commands deep respect in others, but is really more of a concerned parent… who’s new to parenting. (“Oh dear, do you need healing? Get behind the wall for a second, we can (hopefully) call Mercy over. …I’m sorry, I’m just defense.“) Generally, though, Lara is passionate and dependable, but can be brutally realistic. She just wants the best for her friends and for her team, and sometimes that means telling it to them straight. Unfortunately, she also has a temper and a tendency to hold grudges, which sometimes leads to conflict.

When someone puts themselves forward for something or someone else, it brings out positive and negative qualities. Lara exceptionally demonstrates this.

Relationships: Naturally, Lara holds all of the original Overwatch members in high esteem, especially Winston, since he was the one to initiate the recall and reengineer the blaster. Of the newer members, she particularly enjoys the company of Lucio (what a cheerful man!), Symmetra (lovely to speak with, if a bit prickly), and Hanzo (a little terse, but man he’s kinda cute).

Someone down for one-tit man? ;) How does she fit with the older OW members? What does she think of them, and them of her?

Strengths: Lara has an uncanny ability to devote her full attention to something in a second, which gives her lightning-fast reflexes. She can also read emotion on others’ faces well, and is pretty strong and extremely flexible, which is usually helpful in a fight.

Lara strikes me as an intelligent and insightful individual so her ability to bring out her swift reflexes kind of struck me out. Where did that come from? Reflexes are a product of experience and training. She might have good reflexes, but perhaps not ‘lightning-fast’. 

Seeing as she can devote her full attention to anything for a brief period, she could pick apart her targets and devise strategies to deal with them. Insight and planning require information gathering, and her attention can come in handy in a pinch.

Weaknesses: Lara isn’t the best at communicating to others what she wants or needs, and will therefore go days without things that could even be crucial to her health (including things such as forgoing healing during a fight for the sake of another, which usually ultimately results in her dying more). Additionally, she’s quick to judge and even quicker to accuse. It’s something she needs to work on. She’s also impatient to a fault.

Perhaps that Chronal Blaster is messing with her head. Jk. 

Likes: It’s not at all uncommon to see Lara with her nose buried in some old mythology book or laying on a roof somewhere, relaxing. ("Is she asleep? Should we say something? How did she even get up there??”) She also just really likes listening to people talk about whatever; it’s nice to hear about someone’s day or what they’re into, and even sits enraptured by Rein’s old tales. And surprisingly, Lara really likes board games that go on for a long time, the ones you get really fake-invested in. (“Hey, so this is my wife Teresa, and our son Matthias. We just bought a nice little two-story seaside house, it’s really nice this time of year.” “…Lara, it’s a game of LIFE.” “Man, I’m just trying to have a good time, you don’t see me trying to ruin YOUR fun. :/”)

My kind of gal. Considering her propensity to judge, her hearing about someone’s details could be, uh, a personal problem.

Dislikes: Lara cannot stand hearing people chew or being interrupted. She also hates it when people look over her shoulder at what she’s doing without her persmission. More than anything, though, she just does not get why people have to put up a front ALL the time (“We get it, you have a shtick, but like… are you actually like this all the time??”).

Hobbies: Lara enjoys collecting gemstones, reading any old DC comics she can get her hands on, and, of course, tending to a little garden she’s set up at the watchpoint. If you’re lucky, you might also catch her experimenting with some new coffee flavors she’s cooked up (they don’t usually taste all that good, you’re better off sticking to the original).

Extra: N/A, however thanks much for the review! It’s been a while since I’ve really done anything with this ol girl, so it’ll be nice to have a new perspective on her! Happy reviewing!

Well thank you! These reviews can take up at least an hour, so you know why reviews come in terribly, terribly, late. I also have a habit of doing them in one sitting.

That might be the problem.

Verdict:

Lara Borgnino is an exceptionally well made character. 

Her design is very well thought out. It focuses less on looking good and more on being detailed and informative. Every design choice contributes positively to the overall characterization. I see a very vibrant outfit with pouches all over to store her precious seeds, which is a very big plus. However, for me, it’s lacking some Overwatch. The Chronal Blaster is the only piece of serious tech, not counting the plasma gun. Surely that can’t be the last of her tech? I suggest something like an energy pack on her back to power the blaster and store the Overheat, with supplementary repair kit. 

The skins are also well designed and follow suit to the game’s style of skins.

Gameplay wise, I see very little fault. Again, well thought out, although the abilities take obvious inspiration from the characters in game. Not a bad thing, but there should always be enough physical tweaks so as to set it apart from its similar partner. The Natural Barrier is a good example, the Fly Trap, not so much.

Personality and characterization- flawless. Lara is a genuinely like-able character. Not just because she has positive qualities, but because she’s balanced enough. The best characters feel real, and that means they have negative qualities too, even despite being a good person at heart. Lara demonstrates this well.

Full name: Iluka Martins.

Name explanation: Not really an important explanation but Iluka means “near the sea” and its a place in Australia.

Age: 27

Sex: Trans boy.

Sexuality, romance: Pansexual, leads mostly for girls though.

Nationality: Australian.

Ethnicity: Half-Aboriginal, Half-caucasian.

Language/s: English.

Occupation: Junker. I decided to change a bit here, instead of them having a tattoo shop in junkertown i thought it would be better if they just trabel around Australia doing small jobs like supply runs, tattoos, piercing, etc. Since i see them being able to defend themselves if something happens but cant actually defend a point like a shop. Nomadic junkers it is.

Good thinking there. It makes a lot of sense for them to be nomads. Most Junkers would be, if there’s anything we can learn from post-apocalyptic titles with a focus on nuclear wipeout like Fallout or S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Settling down in a land overrun by lawless, chaotic thugs would be a rather expensive choice without the protection of guns or laws (which would be backed by more guns). As an added bonus, going nomadic means you get a bigger chance of meeting more people, which means a bigger chance to score a profit on the road.

Occupation: Steal, survive, you know, what a junker would normally do.

So I guess that would be ‘junking’? Putting ‘Junker’ down here is no problem.

Affiliations: I still didnt think a name for the junker group but Im open to any suggestion!

Considering that their group consists of a trio, I don’t believe a name is required. But don’t let that stop you!

LORE WISE

Bio: As it is known around the fandom, after the destruction of the country, which turn the place in an irradiated wasteland uninhabitable for most humans. Those who survived were called junkers, and created Junkertown. (Since we know almost nothing about this place, I will dwell on what we know and do my own headcanons)

Iluka and his brother were born practically after the crisisin Australia. Iluka and Noah are step-brothers. They are from the same father but different mother. Iluka is the older brother, his mother was an Aboriginal but she died when he was almost 1 year old. Shortly after his father found a new relationship with a woman, 3 years after that they had Noah, the young brother.

When Iluka was 22 his brother found him trying to leave the place they called “home”, but instead of stopping him they left together thinking they could help the family by getting some money by their own. When they returned to see their parents again they didn’t find them, and so they start wandering on their own.

Intriguing. How did they lose their parents? A lot of things can go down in Junkerland. They could have been swooped by rivals, ganged on by ruffians, etc. It’s nice to give a little clue to mysterious disappearances.

It’s a little odd for them to have just started wandering after their parents go missing. How did the brothers react to their disappearance? This is the more important question to tackle. It’s an excellent opportunity to build on their character by detailing their methods of coping with a sudden loss, especially of people as important to them as their parents. 

Personality: Adventurous, ambitious, animal lover, artistic, charismatic, clumsy, easily impressed, kleptomaniac, risk taker.

Relationships:

Noah: They do have some minor fights. They have quite contrasting personalities so while Iluka is very clumsy and messy, Noah likes to keep everything in its place. But despite all that, they get along quite well and manage to maintain some “harmony”.

Zera: Their relationship is quite simple, although Zera was the last addition to their gang, she is the one who leads the group, Iluka is respectful, patient with her and actually follows the rules she makes. You could also say that he admires her too.

Canon characters: The only canon characters they know about, or at least saw with their own eyes, are Junkrat and Roadhog. They had a short encounter though and didnt really affect their life in a significant amount. They are responsable of ‘Hog and ‘Rat tattoos.

Likes: art, its his main like and what made him what he is today.

He like to put himself in unnecessary risk, knowing he has a “back up”.

Has he ever had a time when a “back up” wasn’t available? If yes, has he learned from it?

Animals, he has a pet of his own that he take care since it was a baby, there is not a lot of animals in the distroyed land so he appreciate each one he can find.

Dislikes: Order, he is a really messy person to the point he feels anxiety over it. Omnics, duh. He doesnt like were he is living though, he wishes he can get out of wasteland one day. He would like to go out and explore the world.

Hobbies: mostly drawing and tattooing, lol.

Verdict: 

I guess it shouldn’t be much different than before. I like that your character is just a bit more fleshed out now. You’ve shown some good progress on developing their characterization. Keep it up.

Curious on this Zera character, though.

Basic Information

Appearance: João has the body of an average football/soccer player, tall and muscular, with his skin being a rather light tan. His hair is a rather dark brown, slicked to the side. Clothing-wise he wears a red visor (?) while sporting a black bandanna around his neck, with a red jacket with a sort of black vest with red highlights on it. He also wears black pants secured by white leg armor that starts at the thigh, going down to his knees until it reaches to the ankle. His shoes consist of laceless cleats that are snug by the leg armor. Height: 6'0"/182.8 cm

From what I can imagine, I can see a very coherent character design. There is a clear color palette defined with the red and black. The white leg armor came as a surprise but I think it does nicely to shake things up. Perhaps the biggest issue is that this is Reaper’s color scheme, and the casual body + visor + leg armor poses a resemblance to Lucio’s get up. 

While the smaller details can’t be defined yet as this is a written description, the silhouette he would pose would be noticeably Lucio.

Consider distributing the armor to more parts of the body, such as the shoulders or hands. Put some white too on the jacket and vest, if you don’t plan on changing the palette. If you do, use whatever color the leg armor is.

Here’s an idea. As he is a soccer player, his leg armor can emphasize the knee and ankle areas, as these are the focuses of action in his kind of sport. In soccer, you are typically manipulating your knees and ankles to deliver precise shots with the force of your kicks. As such, the armor can serve to protect these areas as well as, in some way, enhance his ability to move these particular joints. The resulting design should deviate from Lucio’s and create something more distinct, more João.

(Here’s a photo reference: pre01.deviantart.net/b334/th/p…) Full Name: João Luis Valente Torres Name explanation: In Portugal, people usually have two names and two surnames that come from both the mother and father, however they can have up to four surnames but this is less common. Callsign: João (pronunciation: /sh-oh-ah-oh/) Callsign explanation: In football/soccer, players are usually given names that come from a part of their real name (Neymar, Messi, Ronaldo). In his case, it originated from his first name, and he prefers to be called by that.

The name and callsign explanations are very interesting! I like the implementation of common practices from his country and profession. It really grounds him into the reality of Overwatch Earth.

Age: 27 Sex/Gender: Male Sexuality/Romance: Biromantic heterosexual Nationality: Portuguese Ethnicity: Caucasian (little darker because of the sun) Languages: Portuguese, English, and Spanish Base of Operations: Vila Nova de Gaia, Portugal (birthplace), Oerias, Portugal and Chamartín, Madrid, Spain (switches depending on who he plays for) Occupation: Professional athlete turned street vigilante Affiliations: Portugal national football team

Gamewise: Health: 200 Armor: 0 Shields: 0 Role: Offense

Weapons: (I’m not the best at making weapons so they’re still kind of a work in progress…) Primary attack: Goalscorer Short-to-mid range submachine gun

Type: Semi-automatic projectile Damage: 12-15 HP Falloff range: 11-20 meters Ammo: 20 Headshot: ✓ Ability I: Finesse Shot A ball-shaped bomb that João will kick at an enemy, exploding on impact.

Type: Splash projectile Damage: 100 HP Cooldown: 5 seconds Headshot: ✕

Suppose the bomb doesn’t hit any enemy. Does it still explode on impact(with walls and other surfaces), or does it get to bounce around before exploding? Does it have a set time before detonation?

Ability II: Beautiful Game João will maneuver the ball around the area/map before shooting it at any enemies. Some examples of tricks include step-overs, feints, and the chop kick.

Duration: 6-8 seconds Damage: 100-150 HP Cooldown: 10 seconds Headshot: ✕

Now this ability is a little vague. Is this the ball shaped bomb from before? What does it mean to “maneuver”? Is he moving the ball around like what soccer players do? (I am, sadly, unfamiliar with soccer’s technical terms.) How would he do these tricks? Do they activate automatically as the player moves around or does the player get a chance to play whatever trick?

Whatever it is, it definitely has me thinking. It sounds like a very unique ability that can put anyone on edge, or simply have them running for dear life.

Ultimate Ability: Hand of God Similar to Diego Maradona during the 1986 World Cup, João will kick up a mind-altering bomb and hit it with his hand, releasing a stream of light and sound that stuns enemies. Ultimate quote: “Cuidado, isso vai explodir sua mente.” (Translation: “Careful, this will blow your mind.”)

Type: Stun projectile Maximum range: 10 meters Duration: 2 seconds

Love this. It’s like a more potent Flashbang. 

Passive: Second Wind The more tricks João will do, the more the ball will charge, creating better damage.

So, does this refer to Beautiful Game’s ball? Is that why the damage is set at 100 with a maximum of 150? This ability gets better and better.

Signature quote: “It’s more than just a game.”

Lore Wise: Bio (short): A soccer star now living in the high life from the slums of his homeland, João will surely never forget about his past.

Raised in the slum towns of Vila Nova de Gaia, João dreamed of becoming a star so he could make his and his family’s lives better, even if it meant playing with a makeshift ball in the streets with other boys who had the same dreams. Then one day, after following a ball into an alleyway held by a group of gang members and almost risking his life, he was saved by the works of Strike Commander Jack Morrison after spotted with a gun to his head. And after that moment, João found what he wanted to do: protect the world from bad, using his skills from the beautiful game. After hard work, and with blood, sweat, and tears, João was scouted by a football manager and was finally going to become a professional soccer player, his dreams were finally going to come true. However, while he was playing in different countries all over the world, he saw people who were living in the same conditions that he was going through. Appalled by this, he remembered how Jack Morrison had defended him, a poor child at the time.

With help from a childhood friend who became an engineer, he vowed to protect both his country and the world from the bad of the world, so the things that happened to him as a child would never happen to anyone again.

Now this is a very Overwatch-esque backstory. The concept of “being inspired to be a hero Overwatch needs” lives in this. I like the little added detail of his engineer friend, which just goes on to explain his whole “having guns and bombs” thing. Which really gets overlooked by most bios.

Bio (full): After the Omnic Crisis, Portugal had laid in ruins, similar to most countries in Europe, and relied on their people to come back to what it once was. One factor that had helped Portugal was the sport of football/soccer. The fame of Portuguese soccer stars, old and new who had the power to spread awareness of the conditions of their home countries, had helped socially and economically for the country (alongside factors such as tourism and large Portuguese corporations), however, the process took time, but it worked like magic.

The influence of footballers gave children the thoughts of once becoming someone like them, rich and famous, somebody who could escape from the poverty of their surroundings. And João was no exception. — Born in a rather large family, João was raised in poverty where it was almost impossible to get food onto the table, but still had hope that one day he would escape from these conditions. As a child, João had idolized some of the greatest football players, such as international superstars like Pele and homegrown heroes such as Luis Figo and Cristiano Ronaldo, and wanted to be just like them. So it was certainly no surprise that he wanted to become the best footballer in the world.

Then one day, everything would change. While he was playing football, the ball had gone into an alleyway, and João had made the mistake of following it. What he didn’t know was that there was an extremely dangerous street gang hanging in the same exact area. When he stumbled into the alley, he was immediately confronted by the gang, who were almost about to take his life if it wasn’t for the strike commander of Overwatch, who stepped in and fought the gang while little João was watching. And when the gang was gone and the smoke was cleared, the commander walked up to João and handed him what he was looking for. And that moment had certainly left a mark on him that would follow him forever.

Years after the incident as a teenager, João was scouted by manager at a prestigious football club, and immediately signed him to the club. Reluctant to leave his hometown since he would have to be separated by his family and friends, he was eventually pressured by his family, especially by his mother because she didn’t want her son to grow up and live in the same conditions that she was living in and he chose to go. Life in the club was a completely different landscape for him, as he wasn’t used something like a group training and playing for a team of people that were also scouted. And with his new career, he played in continental club competitions, and became close friends with his teammates, and eventually was placed into the national team. Though with his fame came setbacks.

As a footballer, João would usually go to other parts of the world, usually for exhibition matches. Though most things wouldn’t stand out to him, he was disgusted when he saw the conditions that some people had to live in, sometimes even seeing slums similar to the ones that he had called home. He wanted to put a stop to this, but the problem was, he didn’t know how.

During one of his off seasons, João had decided to go back to Vila Nova de Gaia and catch up with friends and family, and while he was there discovered through rumors that his childhood friend Alejandro had become a engineer and was working on something for an unknown vigilante, who he later found out was João himself. Surprisingly non-reluctant to take on the task, João now uses his spare time to protect his country from bad dudes with his soccer skills, but when you’re full-time job is being a professional, it’s simple.

I love this backstory. It’s well thought out and well written. It connects with the Omnic Crisis, and goes through João’s personal history while being succinct. It is simple, relevant, and comprehensive enough. 

My issue would be with Strike Commander Jack Morrison’s deus ex machina. Now while he is pretty darn good at being unexpected and fighting baddies, this isn’t Soldier 76 yet. He has a job to be attending to, which means there ought to be a reason why he’s in Portugal. You might remedy this by making subtle remarks at Overwatch’s active presence in the country.

Current time: Around the time João made his promise, he was fighting a group of gang members when a man in a Tactical Visor began to join in, supporting him, surprisingly. After the battle was over, however, the man quickly left but stared back at João for a few seconds before scurrying away. João knows that in his heart, that was Jack Morrison, who had wanted to see him again.

Also, fantastic job at relating him with Jack. While he (somewhat) has a relationship with Jack, Jack remains a separate entity. He doesn’t do anything out of character while being there just enough to be worth mentioning.

Personality: João is known for is being calm and collected, keeping himself under control in and out of the pitch. Though whenever he is given the ball, he becomes fun and energetic and shows a creativity not shown by other players. Because of this, he was seen as the future torchbearer of Portuguese football prodigies, and he is well respected in the football community.

Though how João behaves depends on who he interacts with. With people he’s more used to be around, such as teammates and family members, he’s more open with them and can strike conversations. But if some guy he first met on the street comes up to him and starts praising him as some sort of a god, he will become extremely uncomfortable and excuse himself from the situation. Basically, you have to get to know him a lot in order to get personal with him. And occasionally, performance anxiety can get to him, and he begins to act a tad bit arrogant. He’s been working on that.

I would suppose being a famous footballer would mean he’d gain a following, and having someone come up to him and declare him their god wouldn’t be an uncommon occurrence, and that he’d be used to it some way or another. But ‘s’all fine! He could use some more flaws in my opinion.

Relations: Jack Morrison (Soldier 76) - role model After the incident between him and the street gang as a child, João has looked up to him ever since, even through the peak of his football career, so when he found out that Jack Morrison had been killed, he was extremely devastated. He could no longer get the chance to meet the man that changed his world. But he believes that Morrison is still alive, though, as someone as powerful as him couldn’t just go away from the world.

Alejandro Vicente Nunes Garcia (Alejandro) - friend João’s lifelong friend since childhood, who used to always play football with him. Originally, they had both wanted to become professional footballers together but Alejandro left and became an engineer. Ever since he helped created the things João uses, they’ve become as close as ever. They usually tease each other but also have a mutual respect towards each other.

Lúcio Correia dos Santos (Lúcio) - friend João and Lúcio both share a strong passion for football, which has increased their friendship. They also like to crack jokes, especially about people asking if they speak Brazilian, however, they have yet to try to talk to each other in Portuguese themselves since they speak it in different ways.

Jamison Fawkes (Junkrat) - friend Junkrat’s crazy temper balances with Joao’s calm and collected manner, and that helped them become friends very quickly. Junkrat’s obsession with explosives has gotten him to ask João all about the explosives that he uses, and maybe a little bit too much on Alejandro.

Hana Song (D.Va) - friend Both he and D.Va have similar personalities and a love for video games. Occasionally, they’d play a few video games together in their free time, and he’d make an appearance in a stream or two. But he could be a little conscious since he’s afraid she might develop a crush of some sort.

Satya Vaswani (Symmetra) - acquaintance Even hearing from what Lúcio has said about Symmetra, João doesn’t hold any grudge against her since she never did anything to him. He’d actually like to know more about her, but there’s something about her that makes him feel suspicious…

Strengths: As a sort of attacker, he is speedy and agile, similar to other offense heroes such as Tracer and Genji, and with that can run at fast lengths for a period of time and get away from the fire line, and with his strength can push his way through opponents who are smaller than him.

Weaknesses: João usually makes quick decisions, which could turn into assumptions and could land him into a situation that he would rather stay out of. A recent discovery that João doesn’t like to tell people is that sometimes the lines between love and lust will blur, hence why he doesn’t like getting into romantic relationships.

Likes: João enjoys teamwork and working with other people to get them better. Though most usually would assume that João is an avid spender who throws extravagant parties (like most footballers), behind all of those assumptions he’s actually pretty chill and enjoys Fado music and looking at the nightlife.

Dislikes: Even if he dislikes people disrespecting Portuguese football legends and random strangers who over-glorify him, what he hates most is people who refuse to make themselves better. Oh, and for some reason he doesn’t like to enter and exit rooms with his left foot, he claims it’s bad luck.

Tiny little dislikes like these give them more character than any thing about disliking “generic bad dudes”. It makes them more human and tangible.

Hobbies: One thing that João loves to do is throw himself onto the couch and play video games, but other than that his live is like that of a relatively normal soccer player, training sessions, a few games here and there, and spending down time with his friends and family when he has the time to do it.

Is he “in” with the fans? He’s got to have a following somehow. Does he maintain social networking accounts? Does he hold events? What do his fans say about him when he’s outside the field?

These aren’t really critical questions. I’m just curious, lol. Superstars with a real, intimate connection with their fanbases are some of the best people you can run into. Not saying he should be the totally rad footballer star, but, you know, it’d be totally rad.

Extra: n/a

(Thanks for spending time to review my character. All help is appreciated :> )

And thank you for waiting. Once again I am sorry I kept it down for like, a month or something? Apologies too for the rest in line. Still haven’t forgotten ‘em.

Verdict:

Let me just say, this character is undoubtedly a favorite. They’re concise, comprehensive, and detailed while maintaining a sense of brevity. They’re succinct, and overall well fleshed out. They strike me as particularly unique and interesting.

Design, however, is perhaps the heaviest weight to talk about. The design, with all its similarities, fails to induce a feeling of uniqueness. I don’t feel like I’m imagining a unique character. The colors could certainly be diversified and lightened up. Red, white, and black is quite common as a palette. Portuguese footballers tend to be dressed mostly in red, but they also bear livelier colors like green and yellow. Keep this in mind. As for the overall design, he could use sleek body armor, since he plays a more offensive role with his aggressive ball tactics and close range weapon.

Gameplay wise, I spotted quite a number of vague details. They were lacking too much information to be any clear to me, or anyone, really. It’s wise to define at the beginning what you are referring to as the main object of the ability. A little flavor text about Alejandro’s bombs would be appreciated, though not entirely necessary.

Everything else, from backstory to personality, is absolutely striking. This OC really scored a goal on me :P. It was fun and driving to read on his history and demeanor. While there were some cases where it fell short for me, I feel the rest of the story held up. I found the Likes and Dislikes bit a little lacking for me. You could keep going back to his home country for these things, and it would be totally fine. As for Hobbies, you could build up more on his gaming behavior. Does he play soccer games, particularly ones where he can play himself?

In conclusion, your footballer is a real star. Can I have his autograph?