overdosed emotions

when the Patron kissed my lips

it tasted like you

and when I sank into satin sheets

i had wished they were yours

it’s just what we do

when the moon whispers goodnight

i tie my thoughts up into bows labeled “secret”

and nudge my way over to sit closer to you

the crunch of crushed doritos pinches the

wooden floor boards

the clock barely reads midnight

the glow of the tv highlights the

ocean in your eyes

and i tangle myself in the waves

tonight, I’ll drown

as your fingertips graze my leg

and your eyes do all the teasing

your bedroom smells like french vanilla

and your lips taste like fresh, cashmere sheets

i’m wrapped up in you

and i don’t want to let it go

the sizzling darkness grasps at my neck

your weight holds me steady and your

hair tickles my cheeks

your fingernails dance down my figure

they know where to go

before i close my eyes i look into yours

i grab the side of the bed tighter as the waves

rock us side to side

tonight, I’ll drown

i want to see you completely naked

emotions dripping off the bedsheets like honey

and you just want to see the clothes peel off of me

onto the floor where I’ll cry later

because love is only physical to you

and when i got naked for you

i opened up more than the buttons on my shirt

and expected something

in return

but “friends” aren’t supposed to feel

like that

When they stand with their backs to me

I comfort them

I take their warm hand in my cold-blooded one

and I sacrifice my happiness

to proliferate theirs

A wrapped up smile in a blue-ribboned box

Why am I always giving

at the mere thought of your touch

your fingers on my body once more

not because I don’t want it

but because I now know

that is all you want from me

my stomach repulses

at the thought of you touching her in the same

crevices

with the same teddy bear arms that always

felt so warm

that no one else felt but me

the soft side of you that no one else has seen

but me

with rough fingertips and

the tendency to pull me closer with every

incoming breath

your need for touch

your need for someone who is half next to you

your need for love but no label

your dire need for someone to hold but not

discover

I could’ve picked you apart like a map

I could’ve delved into your mind and helped

you to heal it

but I knew that’s not what you asked for

you needed this

but you refused this

and now I don’t want this

because the lies warped your face

your smile doesn’t appear as innocent

I know its intentions

your hugs aren’t as comforting

your voice doesn’t resonate like a home

your laugh still awakens the butterflies

but they’re slowly forgetting how to fly

his fingertips tracing my spine

the palm of his hand on the dimple

in my side

i can still feel

the heavy, hot air that drenched our

atmosphere

laying on the floor in a mess of

pillows and pink fuzzy blankets

i’m not quite sure how

to feel

yet i can still feel you

someone i know

someone i’ve felt, touched

but by day

my lips are sealed, our eyes don’t meet

maybe you’re someone i’ve never even known

it feels so good to lay in my bed

and not wish you were here;

it’s as if i cleansed myself of you

even though i still flash back

i know you’ve touched these sheets

and i still see your silhouette in the mirror

and our shirts on the floor

i think the last tear i cried

was the last one that reeked of you

you’re in the past now

i’m forgetting you

every single thing

i did with you

you knew it from the start

you knew exactly what i wanted from this

from us

you swore you meant well

you swore it wouldn’t happen

but look at us now

it’s a few minutes after midnight

i’m wide awake

and i seem closer to the stars

than i do to you

i don’t like him, not like that. i don’t want to watch the sunset over a romantic dinner and talk about the future. i only want to stay the night, until the sky turns from a dark navy to a yellow, rose color. i want to have deep conversations in your car while we listen to quinn xcii. once you drop me off at home, i don’t want you to call me right away. i don’t expect you to. and i don’t want to call you “mine” because loyalty is rare and commitment is scary. to you, at least. i do want something more than a friendship. i want adventure. i want to blast music while we drive to the beach, walk down the boardwalk with drinks in both of our hands, and stumble back home with that nostalgic look in our eyes. i told myself i didn’t want this, but i do. i want that fiery yet wistful light that glazes over your eyes when you get excited. i want to live that joyride type of life and feel that care-free type of love. i don’t want to see you in anyone else’s arms. i want you. and i told myself i wouldn’t get attached.