i swear i was gonna write something happy for hackbent but turns out all i can write is angst
i was admittedly kinda hesitate to post this but since a theory of mine was recently confirmed i am excited and dotn care just take my angst
u know that we dont know how the ancestors died. mhmmmmm
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He fell asleep on your lap again. That's fine, he does that a lot. Lutark likes being close to people, physically and emotionally, it's just one of those things about him that you learn to accept.
He's a lot quieter when he's asleep, too (too quiet right now), but that's also fine. You also notice that his body temperature is a lot colder than yours, that's okay, he's a seadweller. Seadwellers always have colder body temperatures and they're harder to kill, because they're so high on the hemospectrum. That's how it works.
You hear the pings of your friends messaging you, and you would normally answer them right away, but now just seems like a bad time. So instead you just shift slightly so the weight on top of you is more comfortable and try to ignore the pings and the violet that's staining your clothes. It's probably candle wax or something (even though you know there aren't any violet candles on your land and it's too cold to be wax).
You think you should probably meet up with the others soon, but you're willing to wait until Lu wakes up, because he's your best friend and that's what best friends do, right? (Because he has to wake up eventually.)
So you sit there for what's probably a long time, but it doesn't seem like it to you.
You sit there with him until you hear footsteps coming towards where you are (you guess they must have come looking for you two when neither of you answered). You don't try to move. It's fine if they see this, you and Lutark are moirails after all. This isn't unusual.
You hear someone intake sharply when they see you (It's Seleen, you know without looking), and then you hear the paper your land is made of crunch as someone falls to their knees.
"Rodard? Is Lutark� "
That's Vihnie, you'd know her voice anywhere.
"He's fine. He's just resting. He should wake up soon, he's been asleep for awhile." That's slightly strange, Lutark doesn't usually sleep this long, but you suppose he's just tired.
Haeton must have arrived when you were talking to Vihnie, because you hear him snap out of what seems to be shock and curse loudly. He seems angry, more so than usual, and you aren't sure why. Everything's fine.
Vihnie walks towards you, and kneels down in front of you, and for once you feel like you'd rather her not be here.
"Give him to me."
"He's fine. We're fine. Don't worry about it."
"Rodard-"
"He's my moirail, Vihn, it's my job to take care of him. I'll take him back to my hive once he wakes up."
For the first time since the horn incident, Haeton speaks to you directly, he yells that "Lamp is gone, Teslaa! He's not waking up!"
But that sounds wrong. That can't be right. Lutark can't be gone, he's right here.
"Rodard, give me his body."
It's now that you look at the others and notice Actaea crying on her knees behind Vihnie. And seeing her crying seems to make you remember that you are, too. How long have you been doing that? You look down at Lutark again - at your best friend - and only now notice the teal stains on his shirt, and below that a large gash. You can't tell where exactly the wound is though, because there's blood and there's so much blood. But it seems to be mostly dry now, he stopped bleeding awhile ago (his heart stopped beating awhile ago).
But he's fine. He has to be. He's fine and you are too. You're fine even when they finally manage to get him away from you and you watch Haeton carry him off somewhere (you don't know where, where would they take him?)
You're fine even though you know there's probably more of his blood on your shirt than there is in his body.
You're fine even though he's never going to wake up because he never fell asleep.
You're fine even though you can never look at violet the same again, even though you can no longer associate it with always having someone to talk to and flowers and staying up until the ungodly hours because Lutark liked to ask you dumb questions that would always somehow end with the two of you laughing. Even though now you can only see him asleep (dead) in your lap now whenever you see that color. You can only remember him being too cold and too quiet and nothing like he should be, nothing like the bright and cheerful and wonderful person youâd come to care so dearly for.Â
You're fine, and he's fine, and everything is fine.
Everything is fine even if you know that you've lost.
