outspaced

By popular demand, here it is! Sorry that this took so long, school just resumed again so I’ve been very busy.

To begin analyzing this scene, we need to start a little while before, when Aster and Ellie meet in Paul’s bedroom. I like to think that Aster already regarded Ellie with some curiosity before, because they seem to read similar things (hallway scene) and don’t fit in as well at school as most people (bathroom scene). When Ellie comments on Aster’s painting, Aster realizes that Ellie understands it, that she sees the meaning that Aster was going for and this intrigues her because most people would just say something such as “It’s nice” or “I like it” but Ellie understands the stroke on the side and what it stands for. Since Aster is interested, she asks to follow Ellie to the station. 

Afterwards, she decides that she wants to take Ellie to her secret place. Her choice of the words “Want to get out of here?” is likely not randomly chosen by Alice Wu as both Aster and Ellie feel stifled and even suffocated by Squahamish where they don’t quite fit in. I feel that getting out is something they both want to do. At this point, I think that Aster might be starting to develop feelings for Ellie but probably isn’t aware of it, just seeing someone who seems to understand her and wants to get closer to her. 

When they reach the hot springs, Aster strips down, baring herself to Ellie. She is also open to Ellie, exposing the part of herself that she usually keeps hidden. She has also shown Ellie her solace, where she goes to get away from the world, she really isn’t holding back in sharing with Ellie. 

Ellie, on the other hand, is more reserved. She still wears many layers but she does take off the outermost one before entering the water which is a step for her. Aster politely turns away when Ellie does so when she realizes that Ellie is uncomfortable and had also looked away when Aster stripped which is considerate of her. While Aster and Ellie are very similar in some ways, how they interact with each other is also trial and error and they’re figuring each other out. 

Aster points out how she’s never hung out with another girl and not talked about boys before. This again shows how their similar in having interests that differ from their peers. When Ellie reassures Aster that whatever she said about God isn’t silly, the screenplay has this direction “A moment of real connection.” That’s what this scene is all about, Aster and Ellie are connecting.

Afterwards, Aster tries to strip layers off Ellie which on the literal level, is playful and it shows how their bonding but on a deeper level, it also shows how Ellie is opening up to Aster, that she’s almost baring herself to her.

Later, when  they float, Ellie is only wearing one shirt and Aster is wearing one of hers. This is very important symbolically because not only has Ellie made herself vulnerable, she’s entrusted Aster with this. Furthermore, when they float, you can see how they reflect in the water. This references the opening of the movie, about beings with one head made of two faces and two sets of limbs.

One way to see this is that Aster and Ellie complete each other. It’s a sweet, soulmate thing. 

However, the way I prefer is that Aster and Ellie are both complete when they’re open. They don’t need another person, only themselves being honest with themselves. People are too busy looking for someone to complete them that they don’t realize that they are complete as it is.

Ellie openly talks about her mother, someone very close to her heart, with Aster, showing how she’s really opened up. She also drifts towards Aster during this scene which really shows how well they fit together.

Ellie says this line “gravity is matter’s response to loneliness” and my thoughts on this are “Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness. Gravity, the way it tugs and pulls, how it grounds you and keep you from losing yourself in your loneliness to dreams of what could have been. Submerge yourself in water, it feels like a hug. That’s gravity.The world gets lonely sometimes but the moon never leaves, always orbiting around us. Gravity keeps the moon from drifting, it keeps a friend there on our loneliest nights when the only one listening is the bright moon. Gravity pulls things to each other, gravity means weight, gravity means certainty. Gravity doesn’t erase your loneliness but it helps and nobody said a response has to be effective, just that it’s there. Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness.” It’s a very loaded line and it comes from Ellie just saying what comes to mind, something she wouldn’t do around anyone else.

When they float together, with Ellie’s legs and Aster’s arms visible, they really seem to complete each other. They become one person with two faces, again a callback to the opening. 

Even if you’ve never watched Atypical, please, please read this. It started as a fic but I think there’s a message in it that needs to be heard. I don’t know if you’ve heard this recently but you deserve to be loved.

“You know, it really sucks that, since young, people drill into our heads that a boy and girl together is the only way, that it's only natural and all that nonsense. They never presented any other option and that really sucks. It's hard to unlearn all these stupid rules— believe me, I've been there— and it's going to be painful but loving and accepting yourself is more important than whatever the hell the world thinks. Knowing doesn't necessarily help but it's a step. I beat myself up for ages and it was a really shitty time and I thought I was broken and I could never be loved. Look where I am now."

Izzie just hums.

"I think that your happiness matters more than trying to please the world. Fuck the world!" Tanya exclaims, drawing a half laugh from Izzie.

"It's not going to be easy and you're not just going to be able to change overnight but you are wonderful and you are loved, Izzie. You deserve your own happiness and your own happy ending and to be able to accept yourself for who you are. You deserve to be you. You're neither broken nor wrong, you're strong and you're amazing. One day, you're going to get there and you're going to wonder why you were ever so worried about this. You'll get there, it could take a week or a month or a year or any amount of time but, one day, you're going to love yourself and be proud of who you are and how far you've come."

"You're crying," Izzie says as Tanya brushes her tears off.

"It's fine. I just-" she hiccups "I just wish someone told me this when I was twelve and crying myself to sleep at night. I was so disgusted and in denial and I hated myself. It wasn't nice."

She pauses, breathing deeply, before continuing. "But you know what's great? Back then, everything sucked and I wanted to die and I felt so, so alone. It was so dark that I never would've imagined being where I am today. I've come really far and I've learned that I deserve to be proud of myself for that. I've learned that I am deserving of love, that I am loved and that I love and I think that's the best thing I've ever learned."

Izzie just exhales heavily. She doesn't know what she feels but she wants to believe Tanya and she tells herself that she will.

"Look, I'll give you my number. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. It's a long process and you have to learn to do it yourself but the least I can do is be here for you. Doing it alone is the hardest."

Eventually, Tanya gets up to go. She places her hands on Izzie's shoulder and looks her in the eye. "Remember, you are loved and you deserved to be loved and you can love and you deserve a happy ending."

Izzie sits there for a little while more and for once, in a long, long time, she genuinely feels so loved. She knows that she is loved and she feels at peace.

short angst piece because I finished Atypical

Izzie is terrified.

Izzie is terrified, even when she tells Casey that she’s not scared of that asshole, of her mother’s latest ex-boyfriend-turned-current-boyfriend-again whose name she can’t even bring herself to think about because with it comes him getting high out of his mind and yelling, throwing things. That, somehow, isn’t what scares her the most about him. It isn’t how she has to shield her siblings from him, who are now more of her own children at this point, it’s not that. It’s selfish, really.

What she hates the most about him is how he sneaks little comments about her and barges into her room when she’s supposed to be asleep and the worst part is, her mother says nothing. She says nothing, when her boyfriend eyes her teenage daughter with a predatory gaze. She says nothing, when Izzie finally breaks down, handing her siblings over to their grandmother, even when her brother gives her a heartbroken gaze. Her little brother, barely 12, becomes the adult when she’s gone. Their grandmother is old, she can’t keep up with a rowdy 7-year-old and a screaming baby.

His eyes have lost the shine that comes believing everything right’s with this world and he lost his childish innocence the first time Izzie dropped them off with their grandmother and disappeared for the first time. Over that one night, when she had disappeared in tears and returned with scratches, she’d seen how much he’d grown. He assumed the role of the responsible adult and the worst thing was that he understood. He told her to take time off for herself and that he would manage with their grandmother’s help for one night. He told her how grateful he was for her always putting them first and how he loved her and she needed this break and he would make her take it.

Izzie told herself that she wouldn’t be like their mother, she wouldn’t force them to grow up before they had to but she did. She still did and she hated herself for it. She just couldn’t take it anymore and she needed a break. Still, she hates herself even as she sinks into Casey’s arms, thinking how she couldn’t be any better than her mother. She doesn’t stop thinking about how she abandoned her siblings the same way their mother often did. She was just like her mother and she was disgusting for it. Despite this, she lets Casey hold her for a while, sobbing, and lets herself drink in the comfort and the warmth and she lets herself be safe, even if only for a while.

pls... I want to make friends... if we dont, anyone want to make the discord with me...

Hey guys, Outspaced here. I’ve this secondary blog cause we don’t want to expose ourselves to the host’s IRLs. Whenever I post here, I’m usually fronting. I’m just going to make a master post to talk about OSDD and I’ll edit this whenever I have something to add/occasionally reblog it, since I don’t want to spam the people who are following me for The Half Of It content. I won’t give any full names of alters here for privacy reasons. I am aware of some discourse in the DID/OSDD community but I don’t want to discuss it, I just want to share a little/get things out of my system (no, no pun intended) instead of internalizing it, thus I’m not tagging this with those tags. Anyway, since this will be long, more content under the cut if you’re interested. Block the tag [#outspaced talks about the system] if you don’t want to see this :) Also nobody is more confused than tumblr when trying to recommend me posts :P

Before I begin, this isn’t a full analysis, just something that jumped to my mind. 

Aster asking Ellie is she’s wearing she’s wearing has more implications that you think. It’s evidence that the water is see-through on some level, as Aster turned around until Ellie was in the water, so she wouldn’t know about this beforehand. If you read the script of The Half Of It, Aster-- bear with me-- is said to be completely naked. You can gay panic now. 

Wait, you say, where did it say she’s naked? When the girls first arrive at the springs, “Aster strips down and dives in.” That’s not nearly enough proof because you can strip down to a certain level but then, when Aster goes to get the radio, it says “Then suddenly she hauls her body - naked - out of the spring.” She’s definitely naked here. The script also says that “Ellie averts her eyes wildly.” I mean, if I was in a hot spring with a girl I liked and we’ve barely even talked before but she brings me to her secret place where nobody else has been and she happens to not be wearing any clothes, yes I would be full blown gay panicking. Completely valid response from Ellie here.

Throw in the fact that the water is pretty clear. Dear god.

Fun fact, when Aster approaches Ellie after the “You know what is silly?” she has full intention to pants her. The exact direction is “Aster wades slowly toward Ellie... removes her glasses... Then PANTSES her. They tussle. Shrieking. Laughing.” Despite this being pretty heart-attack-inducing, it says that later on “Heads together in the center of the hole, floating, staring into the sky. Ellie more relaxed than we’ve ever seen her.”

Ellie and Aster have a very real connection that goes past Ellie’s romantic feelings and Aster’s curiosity. They click together in a way that’s extremely hard to find and it’s beautiful.

I like to think that Aster wasn’t just curious when it came to Ellie. She was also starting to develop feelings for her, whether she knew it or not. It’s a very subtle thing but that’s what makes Aster unbearably curious and able to open herself up to Ellie so readily. She doesn’t know what she’s feeling either but she acted on an impulse and she and Ellie connected.

That’s it for my partial analysis of the hot springs scene (there’s more to talk about!). If you’d like more analysis, just drop me a message and respond to this or something, I’ll see it. 

When Aster kisses Paul that night, it’s to ground herself. I can elaborate more on this but I feel that it deserves a separate post from this. The thing about The Half Of It is that it is very, very well written with many layers to it and while it can enjoyed on the surface level, peeling it back and understanding what goes through the different characters heads also has its own form of beauty. Thank you, Alice, for gifting us with this.

well what can i say but spoilers for my own fic?

Yes, Ellie’s backstory just became a roller coaster

If you missed it, her dad’s from Suzhou, mom from Malaysia. Adopted from Malaysia, moved to Suzhou, moved to Seattle at 11 because her mother was very sick, moved to Squahamish at 13 and kept her head down. her dialect name here is Ai Leih, chinese name is 楚瑷莉 (chu ai li)

I am chinese, the spanish however, is mostly translated because i never learned formally

Aster’s family never moved from Sacramento

It’s a college AU and THEY WERE ROOMMATES

wow I actually write in something other than present tense

Ellie is autistic-coded. It was a conscious choice. how many of you caught the giveaway line?

Ellie also has a little of my music taste. lo-fi, dream-pop was definitely not girl in red but I figured that would be a big giveaway

I have yet to attend college, no idea what it’s like but based on the research done,  the internet now thinks im about to apply to grinnell (ngl looks like a nice place)

ellie watched nancy drew??? absolutely. thanks ace for his platanchor

both ellie and aster are slightly ooc but im trying

will i manage to slow burn to 60k or will I cave? who knows

paul is an auto caps guy, ellie is not

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Half of It (2020) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ellie Chu/Aster Flores, Ellie Chu & Aster Flores, Ellie Chu & Paul Munsky, Edwin Chu & Ellie Chu Characters: Ellie Chu, Aster Flores, Paul Munsky, Edwin Chu Additional Tags: Rewrite, Outspaced attempts to write, Not Canon Compliant, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Slow Burn Summary:

"All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you."

Ellie Chu grew up in Suzhou, China. Her family came to America to seek treatments for her mother's illness, and when the world came crashing down, Edwin Chu decided he needed a break from the city life, moving to small-town Squahamish. She kept to herself, never letting anyone get close. Aster Flores's family never left Sacramento. Aster, herself, never planned to leave. The fear of God and the fear of what was out that had been implanted into her since she was little and that wasn't going to change. College rolled around and she found herself on an unexpectedly full ride in Iowa.

Aster: the writer of this letter doesn’t sound like other boys, imma give him a shot